Bushido-- What this world isn't.
LOYALTY
It is typically not honorable to take joy in revenge, but I feel this is particularly worthwhile. I feel as if this entire summer has been the set up for one remarkable, deadly accurate, and entirely satisfying punchline. Here is the justice, crafted by the hands of the theatrical. Keep in mind that the screen names have been altered, and the real names have been replaced by merry little characters, thus: ***.
krat: yeah, I'm just putzing around at the moment, trying to get sleepy
Totus: *yawn*
krat: i agree! so how's life?
Totus: Not too bad. Dealing with the usual drama.
krat: aw *hands you the drama beating stick* I shouldn't need it for a few weeks yet
Totus: Heh. Great.*slaps the shit out of some people*
krat: haha. so anything ya want/need to talk about?
Totus: Guy problems, if you want to hear.
krat: sure, I'm more than willing to listen. if you remember, you heard me whine quite a bit about ****.
Totus: That seems fair. Okay. I get to the Ohio job, and there's one guy in particular I'm interested in getting know already. We met online through facebook and had several interesting AIM conversations. He's Buddhist, he's a smart-ass, he seems to love his work, believes in making statements, he's about as liberal as I am without being stupid about it, and he's as qualified as I am in stage combat (which means he can move, which is a requirement in Linza's Book of Sexy).
Totus: Turns out he's got self-esteem problems, is a bit more of an asshole than I expected, and is not at all good-looking. All of this, I could easily work around-- I'm a bitch, and pretty men are usually brainless. For the first month, he inserts his head directly into the ass of a costume tech who asserts clearly that she's not interested because she is loyally attached to a boyfriend back home. )Before the end of the season, she ends up taking up alcohol, marijuana, and another man her fiance doesn't know about.) Eventually, the man in question (****) gets sick of her. I'm thinking, 'sweet. He's probably too smart to continue in this track of dating.'
Totus: Wrong. He goes after another girl, who is 19 years old and completely out of her mind, not to mention borderline mentally retarded. It's difficult to be in the same room with her. I wait that out. That doesn't take long. So then he goes after this third girl who proclaims loudly to anyone who will hear that she wants nothing to do with him-- except to **** himself, whom she strings along and gets to drive her around and buy her stuff.
Totus: Everyone informs him that this is so.
Totus: At the beginning of the season, I went to everyone he expressed any interest in and asked them if they had any interest back. Everyone said they did not. Everyone. Not a single person expressed any interest in him. So it's getting towards the end of the season, and he's obsessing over this girl who is playing him. He expresses his resentment over a lack of a 'clear answer' from her; I tell him what she told me about him. He gets pissy for a few days. She ends up making out with another guy, and **** punches a wall because he can't express himself properly. He ends up breaking his hand.
Totus: This probably should have told me that he isn't the brightest crayon in the box, or the most mature.
krat: yeah no kidding
Totus: But he's still after her. I spend six weeks helping him do his job because his hand is broken. She expresses no interest in helping him with anything. Two weeks ago, everyone in the cast goes out bowling, then to dinner. He had a bit to drink while bowling, and was feeling rather down (because when he's not being very social, he's very quiet. warning sign #2??)
Totus: He sits in the waiting area of the restaurant while the table is being prepared. She ignores him completely, then announces loudly that she's going outside to call a male friend of hers that works for Ralph Lauren. She leaves for a little while, then comes back in while still on the phone, insisting that this man come visit her.
Totus: Talk about bad fucking manners. What. The. Fuck.
krat: yeah, no kidding!
Totus: So we all go and sit, and conversation gets started, and I try to cheer him up by directing the conversation to more positive (or at least more amusing) subjects. She sits next to him, and complains about how she doesn't want to spend this much money on food, and how she wishes she could have something more. Whole fucking meal.
Totus: Luckily, he's smart enough to just let her go.
krat: good
Totus: At the end of the meal, while he's outside with the smokers, she goes outside and corners him, and tells him that maybe she was wrong, and she really does have feelings for him.
Totus: I'm sorry, what.
krat: wtf? what a bitch
Totus: No one does that to my friends, let alone to someone I'm interested in. Luckily, he handles it like a freakin' pro; doesn't get her worked up, but manages to tell her that she needs to sort herself out before he can be with her.
Totus: A little later that week, I hear about what he said, and I go out of my way to approach him, express my approval, and offer my company.
krat: good
Totus: He laughed. He fucking laughed at me.
krat: ? what a prick. *hugs*
Totus: He giggled to himself, and told me that he was trying to sort out who he was, and his path in life, but that he was flattered for the offer. Then he walked away laughing to himself.
Totus: *hug*
Totus: I've got revenge though. She's still playing him. And it's funny as hell.
krat: haha
Totus: And I've gone out of my way to not give her any escapes when she's trying to get out of speaking with him, and tries to strike up a conversation with me as I wander by. I just ignore her.
Totus: As for him, he's asking for it. She showed up at site today (yesturday, the shows ended), before she drove off to go back to school. They had a nice discussion and private time while we should have been working.
Totus: Which has been duely noticed by his coworkers. And everyone knows what she is and what her intentions are.
Totus: OH! Best part! So, this show has a lot of stuntwork using fire and horses and guns. The girl in question takes a good bit of pride in her horsemanship (which is okay, I guess). Usually, at the end of this show, there's a spoof awards ceremony called the Muddies (when it rains, our stage turns to mud). There wasn't one this year, but the stage manager and the head costumer have been privy to this entire thing, and to my side of it.
Totus: At the last company meeting, they announced that they had held their own private Muddies, and that someone was missing who earned an award.
krat: haha, ok, this sounds good
Totus: The award was for Best Mount. And it was awarded to her for "her mount of ****. No wait, Nick. No wait, Andrew. No, Jared."
Totus: And the only two people in the cast who did not laugh were her and ****.
Totus: It was fucking sweet.
krat: bwahahahaha! awesome. they both got what was commin' to them.
Totus: Theatrical justice is SWEET.
krat: yup! cause the ppl know how to present it just so
Situations like that are why I remain in this business, instead of skipping off back to school for a doctorate in particle physics or to an office to pursue a career in political science.
I believe that loyalty is the most important of all traits in any relationship, whether between family, friends, business partners, or lovers. Loyalty is honestly and faithfulness to the other. Loyalty leads one to put the other above oneself. Without loyalty, there can be no trust. And without trust, respect is impossible and love is empty. Loyalty is what lacked here-- and that is why they can only fail.
All the same, I wish them well. Happiness is hard to find, and should be pursued always.
I'm just feeling awfully smug in my own happiness, just now.
HONESTY
I was hired on as 1/2 a lighting designer (promised a fee of $275 for it), sound designer (fee of $775), and sound technician ($200 weekly). I did the work of 3/4 a lighting designer, the sound designer, the sound technician, and the master electrician. I am being paid to do the work of the sound designer and sound technician. All their electrician work, they are getting for free.
Forgive me if I'm feeling a little bit fucked over, but this company blows. If they don't pay me by Thursday, I'm not fixing stuff that breaks, and I'm going to start taking the gels out of lights.
HONOR
Next in the ongoing series of 'Bushido: What This World Isn't,' is a moral dilemma. I wonder if the audience could perhaps offer a less biased view of the situation.
First, in regards to yesturday's post, the office has sorted out paying me for lighting design, but there's still nothing in the way of an electrician or any terms of that sort in my contract. I guess I'll continue letting things break.
To the topic at hand-- Most of the recent (and I use that term loosely) posts on my Xanga have been in reference to a man and a girl (and I use these terms loosely, as well) who have caused me some grief. I respect that the man in question is a retarded masochist, and as such want nothing more to do with him. However, in a previous discussion with this man, he expressed exasperation at the girl's inability to provide him with a clear answer regarding their relationship. Were they together, or were they not? Was she interested, or was she not? Having already asked the girl over Facebook if she was with him, if she was interested, and if I could pursue him without stepping on her toes, she replied to me that she was not with him, told me I had her blessing to pursue him, and wished me luck. Therefore, when he confided to me that he was upset, I told him that I was unsure of what was appropriate to relay, as it was said in implied confidence, but that she told me she was not interested. This conversation took place in early July. The Facebook conversation with the girl took place in late June.
Many things have happened. In the end of July, after going through most of the other available men in the company, and making sure everyone around her knew she was not interested in this man, she decides she actually does have feelings for him, and tells him as much.
In that moment, she made a liar of myself and all of the others in this company who made similar statements regarding her lack of interest. She made a liar of friends, confidants, roommates, and coworkers alike. This is wrong.
Because of my people-intuition, upon sending the last message of the Facebook conversation between the girl and I, I took screenshots of all the messages and saved them as image files. These have the ability to exhonerate myself and the others. I honestly think my instincts told me how this summer would end, I just should have listened closer. I am glad I listened to them as much as I did, at least.
However, it could also cause suffering to this man, whom despite having earned my disgust, has not earned my hate. He honestly doesn't need any more reasons to go bite his pillow and listen to Linkin Park, which is what he seems to want to do with his life anyway. If these two have settled their affairs in an adult manner and discussed what they ought to have discussed, being in the situation they are in, then these messages will do nothing to hurt either of them. If they haven't (and I get the distinct feeling neither of them are mature enough to have done so), then it will create quarrelling between them, he will angst for awhile, and she will play the sheepish little girl until he takes her back.
Either way, it clears my name and the name of many others.
So, do I give him the screenshots, or do I not?
If I do give them to him, do I include a disclaimer? 'If you believe that any of us have lied to you regarding this girl, then you may open this envelope. If you believe that we have been honest, destroy it without reading it.'
If I give him these instructions, then it may relieve me of making the decision; but does that make me a coward?
I suppose the question is, which is worth more-- the honor of my word, or preventing suffering? Also, will such a truth revealed prevent lasting suffering by causing momentary pain?
It is typically not honorable to take joy in revenge, but I feel this is particularly worthwhile. I feel as if this entire summer has been the set up for one remarkable, deadly accurate, and entirely satisfying punchline. Here is the justice, crafted by the hands of the theatrical. Keep in mind that the screen names have been altered, and the real names have been replaced by merry little characters, thus: ***.
krat: yeah, I'm just putzing around at the moment, trying to get sleepy
Totus: *yawn*
krat: i agree! so how's life?
Totus: Not too bad. Dealing with the usual drama.
krat: aw *hands you the drama beating stick* I shouldn't need it for a few weeks yet
Totus: Heh. Great.*slaps the shit out of some people*
krat: haha. so anything ya want/need to talk about?
Totus: Guy problems, if you want to hear.
krat: sure, I'm more than willing to listen. if you remember, you heard me whine quite a bit about ****.
Totus: That seems fair. Okay. I get to the Ohio job, and there's one guy in particular I'm interested in getting know already. We met online through facebook and had several interesting AIM conversations. He's Buddhist, he's a smart-ass, he seems to love his work, believes in making statements, he's about as liberal as I am without being stupid about it, and he's as qualified as I am in stage combat (which means he can move, which is a requirement in Linza's Book of Sexy).
Totus: Turns out he's got self-esteem problems, is a bit more of an asshole than I expected, and is not at all good-looking. All of this, I could easily work around-- I'm a bitch, and pretty men are usually brainless. For the first month, he inserts his head directly into the ass of a costume tech who asserts clearly that she's not interested because she is loyally attached to a boyfriend back home. )Before the end of the season, she ends up taking up alcohol, marijuana, and another man her fiance doesn't know about.) Eventually, the man in question (****) gets sick of her. I'm thinking, 'sweet. He's probably too smart to continue in this track of dating.'
Totus: Wrong. He goes after another girl, who is 19 years old and completely out of her mind, not to mention borderline mentally retarded. It's difficult to be in the same room with her. I wait that out. That doesn't take long. So then he goes after this third girl who proclaims loudly to anyone who will hear that she wants nothing to do with him-- except to **** himself, whom she strings along and gets to drive her around and buy her stuff.
Totus: Everyone informs him that this is so.
Totus: At the beginning of the season, I went to everyone he expressed any interest in and asked them if they had any interest back. Everyone said they did not. Everyone. Not a single person expressed any interest in him. So it's getting towards the end of the season, and he's obsessing over this girl who is playing him. He expresses his resentment over a lack of a 'clear answer' from her; I tell him what she told me about him. He gets pissy for a few days. She ends up making out with another guy, and **** punches a wall because he can't express himself properly. He ends up breaking his hand.
Totus: This probably should have told me that he isn't the brightest crayon in the box, or the most mature.
krat: yeah no kidding
Totus: But he's still after her. I spend six weeks helping him do his job because his hand is broken. She expresses no interest in helping him with anything. Two weeks ago, everyone in the cast goes out bowling, then to dinner. He had a bit to drink while bowling, and was feeling rather down (because when he's not being very social, he's very quiet. warning sign #2??)
Totus: He sits in the waiting area of the restaurant while the table is being prepared. She ignores him completely, then announces loudly that she's going outside to call a male friend of hers that works for Ralph Lauren. She leaves for a little while, then comes back in while still on the phone, insisting that this man come visit her.
Totus: Talk about bad fucking manners. What. The. Fuck.
krat: yeah, no kidding!
Totus: So we all go and sit, and conversation gets started, and I try to cheer him up by directing the conversation to more positive (or at least more amusing) subjects. She sits next to him, and complains about how she doesn't want to spend this much money on food, and how she wishes she could have something more. Whole fucking meal.
Totus: Luckily, he's smart enough to just let her go.
krat: good
Totus: At the end of the meal, while he's outside with the smokers, she goes outside and corners him, and tells him that maybe she was wrong, and she really does have feelings for him.
Totus: I'm sorry, what.
krat: wtf? what a bitch
Totus: No one does that to my friends, let alone to someone I'm interested in. Luckily, he handles it like a freakin' pro; doesn't get her worked up, but manages to tell her that she needs to sort herself out before he can be with her.
Totus: A little later that week, I hear about what he said, and I go out of my way to approach him, express my approval, and offer my company.
krat: good
Totus: He laughed. He fucking laughed at me.
krat: ? what a prick. *hugs*
Totus: He giggled to himself, and told me that he was trying to sort out who he was, and his path in life, but that he was flattered for the offer. Then he walked away laughing to himself.
Totus: *hug*
Totus: I've got revenge though. She's still playing him. And it's funny as hell.
krat: haha
Totus: And I've gone out of my way to not give her any escapes when she's trying to get out of speaking with him, and tries to strike up a conversation with me as I wander by. I just ignore her.
Totus: As for him, he's asking for it. She showed up at site today (yesturday, the shows ended), before she drove off to go back to school. They had a nice discussion and private time while we should have been working.
Totus: Which has been duely noticed by his coworkers. And everyone knows what she is and what her intentions are.
Totus: OH! Best part! So, this show has a lot of stuntwork using fire and horses and guns. The girl in question takes a good bit of pride in her horsemanship (which is okay, I guess). Usually, at the end of this show, there's a spoof awards ceremony called the Muddies (when it rains, our stage turns to mud). There wasn't one this year, but the stage manager and the head costumer have been privy to this entire thing, and to my side of it.
Totus: At the last company meeting, they announced that they had held their own private Muddies, and that someone was missing who earned an award.
krat: haha, ok, this sounds good
Totus: The award was for Best Mount. And it was awarded to her for "her mount of ****. No wait, Nick. No wait, Andrew. No, Jared."
Totus: And the only two people in the cast who did not laugh were her and ****.
Totus: It was fucking sweet.
krat: bwahahahaha! awesome. they both got what was commin' to them.
Totus: Theatrical justice is SWEET.
krat: yup! cause the ppl know how to present it just so
Situations like that are why I remain in this business, instead of skipping off back to school for a doctorate in particle physics or to an office to pursue a career in political science.
I believe that loyalty is the most important of all traits in any relationship, whether between family, friends, business partners, or lovers. Loyalty is honestly and faithfulness to the other. Loyalty leads one to put the other above oneself. Without loyalty, there can be no trust. And without trust, respect is impossible and love is empty. Loyalty is what lacked here-- and that is why they can only fail.
All the same, I wish them well. Happiness is hard to find, and should be pursued always.
I'm just feeling awfully smug in my own happiness, just now.
HONESTY
I was hired on as 1/2 a lighting designer (promised a fee of $275 for it), sound designer (fee of $775), and sound technician ($200 weekly). I did the work of 3/4 a lighting designer, the sound designer, the sound technician, and the master electrician. I am being paid to do the work of the sound designer and sound technician. All their electrician work, they are getting for free.
Forgive me if I'm feeling a little bit fucked over, but this company blows. If they don't pay me by Thursday, I'm not fixing stuff that breaks, and I'm going to start taking the gels out of lights.
HONOR
Next in the ongoing series of 'Bushido: What This World Isn't,' is a moral dilemma. I wonder if the audience could perhaps offer a less biased view of the situation.
First, in regards to yesturday's post, the office has sorted out paying me for lighting design, but there's still nothing in the way of an electrician or any terms of that sort in my contract. I guess I'll continue letting things break.
To the topic at hand-- Most of the recent (and I use that term loosely) posts on my Xanga have been in reference to a man and a girl (and I use these terms loosely, as well) who have caused me some grief. I respect that the man in question is a retarded masochist, and as such want nothing more to do with him. However, in a previous discussion with this man, he expressed exasperation at the girl's inability to provide him with a clear answer regarding their relationship. Were they together, or were they not? Was she interested, or was she not? Having already asked the girl over Facebook if she was with him, if she was interested, and if I could pursue him without stepping on her toes, she replied to me that she was not with him, told me I had her blessing to pursue him, and wished me luck. Therefore, when he confided to me that he was upset, I told him that I was unsure of what was appropriate to relay, as it was said in implied confidence, but that she told me she was not interested. This conversation took place in early July. The Facebook conversation with the girl took place in late June.
Many things have happened. In the end of July, after going through most of the other available men in the company, and making sure everyone around her knew she was not interested in this man, she decides she actually does have feelings for him, and tells him as much.
In that moment, she made a liar of myself and all of the others in this company who made similar statements regarding her lack of interest. She made a liar of friends, confidants, roommates, and coworkers alike. This is wrong.
Because of my people-intuition, upon sending the last message of the Facebook conversation between the girl and I, I took screenshots of all the messages and saved them as image files. These have the ability to exhonerate myself and the others. I honestly think my instincts told me how this summer would end, I just should have listened closer. I am glad I listened to them as much as I did, at least.
However, it could also cause suffering to this man, whom despite having earned my disgust, has not earned my hate. He honestly doesn't need any more reasons to go bite his pillow and listen to Linkin Park, which is what he seems to want to do with his life anyway. If these two have settled their affairs in an adult manner and discussed what they ought to have discussed, being in the situation they are in, then these messages will do nothing to hurt either of them. If they haven't (and I get the distinct feeling neither of them are mature enough to have done so), then it will create quarrelling between them, he will angst for awhile, and she will play the sheepish little girl until he takes her back.
Either way, it clears my name and the name of many others.
So, do I give him the screenshots, or do I not?
If I do give them to him, do I include a disclaimer? 'If you believe that any of us have lied to you regarding this girl, then you may open this envelope. If you believe that we have been honest, destroy it without reading it.'
If I give him these instructions, then it may relieve me of making the decision; but does that make me a coward?
I suppose the question is, which is worth more-- the honor of my word, or preventing suffering? Also, will such a truth revealed prevent lasting suffering by causing momentary pain?