How long does it take?!?
So I recently asked a question of a friend about me dating again and she said that she didn't think that I was ready for that sorta thing. Why? Just how long does it take after getting dumped to mend a broken heart? My heart is no longer broken...I am becoming tougher and tougher with each break up that pretty soon nothing will ever phase me. Barby was the biggest heart ache...because she broke up with me before I saw her monster side..ok maybe not maybe not, because she put me through hell but made up for it every single time. I don't know I don't want to rehash the past...cos thats not what this post is about. The point is..I guess what she was saying is I have to love myself, but what she fails to see is I will never love myself...I will never put myself before others that I love, and I really don't give a crap about myself. I will always feel worthless, and when girls like Angela come along giving me the wrong digits, after OFFERING thier number to me, it makes me feel 10 times worse. No one in this world could even immagine what it is like being me, and if people had to walk around as me for one day, they still wouldn't know. This isn't me throwing a pity party no, but everytime I anylize myself I come up with this...not only is my face deformed, but I'm blind in one eye, I see myself in a wheel chair in a few years cos my knees are giving out on me and it hurts so bad to walk sometimes, I can't get a top paying job which is my fault but I don't see myself getting out of it, and I so shy to approach people, I could go on and on, and the only thing that I see is right with me is I have "perfect hair" when I let it grow out. So alot may say...if a person cant get past your physical problems then they aren't worth your time, but let me ask everyone who would say that answer me this would you see some one for who they are?
Ok so this was not supposed to be a pity on me party just more like a question of why does some one have to love themselves before they can love some one else? Why can't they just give all their love to others? I miss having some one in my arms, and kisses, millions of kisses when the lights go out....I miss being in that "stupid in love" type of thing. If I wait until I love myself then, I will be single for the rest of my life...and that's not gonna happen cos if a good thing comes along I am not letting it slip away just cos I don't love myself.
As for other things the only thing thats really exciting right now, it I am slowly beating San Andres, my new reason for getting up in the morning so I can get home and play it. Working til 7 tonight however...