vi. Violets (final)
i. Abstract | ii. Too Abstract | iii. Abstraction | iv. Abstractness | v. Morning Dew
Violets
Weeks had passed with Junsu walking Yoochun home from the therapist's office twice a week. They walked hand in hand again. Apparently Yoochun had only been upset that day. He didn't seem upset at all about the fact that they only saw each other twice a week for half an hour now, though.
“Don't you want to see me more?”Junsu asked when they reached Yoochun's front door one day. “Don't you want to go to the park with me? Or get ice cream?”
“Mother says I can't go to places with you any more because you bring me to places where people don't accept me for who I am.”
“Did you memorize that?”
“Yes.”
“Yoochun, I promise I won't bring you anywhere where people can hurt you. It'll be just you and me, I swear.”
“Your mother doesn't like you being with me.”
“What are you talking about, Yoochun? I don't care what she thinks okay? She doesn't even know you.”
“You should care.”
“Why? So that I can't see you at all anymore? I know you don't want that.”
“I don't want that, but I don't like it when people say that I'm not normal and when you take me places people say that. I know I'm not normal, I'm autistic.”
“I'm sorry...I promise I won't let it happen again.”
“It can't happen again because I'm not allowed to go with you anymore.”
Junsu sighed and took a step back. This was going nowhere. If he wanted more time with Yoochun he needed to talk to Yoochun's mother.
“You know, when Yoochun was little we thought he was never going to talk. He didn't say his first words until he was three years old. The doctors and therapists said we had a severely autistic child. They said he'd never be normal and he'd never have any real friends. Maybe he'd never learn a complete language. They said to look out for him when he grows up because the suicide rate under teenagers with autism is high. You see this Yoochun we have today? My son? He's everything I could ever wish for after hearing those things and I'm not going to let anyone get him down. I know you care for him, Junsu. And I know he cares for you too. However, I'm not allowing this. He's not leaving anywhere with you for a while and he agreed with this measure.”
Yoochun's mother was a lawyer. She spoke well and she stood her ground. Junsu was at a loss for words. He had gone to her office, set on changing her mind and here he was wondering if maybe she had been right all along.
“I just can't stand having to say goodbye to him after just half an hour,” He said softly.
“You can spend time with him at our house if he wants that.”
“At your house there are math problems and a Rubik's cube and his dog and a million other things he gets distracted by. He barely sees me when I'm there.”
“A Rubik's cube?”
“Mother says you can come in if you want and that I should pay attention to you because you think I don't pay enough attention to you.”
“You make me sound so needy.”
“You can only make yourself sound needy.”
Yoochun stepped back and walked towards the backyard. Junsu followed him and they sat in the grass. Yoochun's hand went to take something out of the flowerpot and seemed to change his mind.
“Mother found the present you gave me,” He said. “She didn't take it away because I said I liked it.”
“O...oh. Well I'm happy she didn't take it away.”
“I won't play with it until you leave so that I can pay attention to you right now.”
“That's nice...”
“I have a question.”
“Ask away.”
“I was reading mother's magazine and it said that two men are together and they have sex they should use a condom because otherwise they can get diseases. Did you know about this?'
“Yeah, but the things we do don't really require a condom. It's only needed with real penetration and if you've had sex with other people before.”
“We don't do penetration and we have not had sex with other people before.”
“...Yeah.”
“Do you like penetration?”
“Does your mom know you read her magazines?”
“I don't know. Do you like penetration?”
“Yes, Yoochun. It feels great.”
“How do you know if you've never had sex with anyone else?”
“I...I've heard about it from friends and everyone likes it. Everyone likes sex.”
“It requires a lot of touching. I don't like touching.”
“It's okay. I like what we do now.”
“People say that hugging feels really nice but when someone comes close to me I feel like I can't breathe.”
“It's okay, Yoochun.”
“My therapist says that I'm doing well and that I need to talk to more people and make more friends. I don't want to do that.”
“It's okay. You have me. I'm your friend. And your boyfriend. And if ever you think you want to hug me, please don't hesitate. You don't even need to ask.”
“Okay.”
He was back to feeling guilty about his occasional flings. There was never a moment that he didn't feel guilty, but he could at least repress the thought and just do what he needed to do with a few drinks in him.
Yoochun talking about sex and about hugging had brought his nerves up. He didn't know where this was going but Yoochun seemed happy. The fact that he'd refrain from doing his math so that he could focus more on Junsu was amazing progress in terms of Yoochun's therapist.
And then something happened and no one saw it coming.
Junsu stood in Yoochun's backyard holding a small toy the dog was supposed to play with. Yoochun hated the noise so Junsu had taken it away from the dog and given him a tennis ball to play with instead.
Yoochun went inside to put on a coat because it had gotten late and chilly. Junsu didn't hear him come back.
He only noticed when he felt hands on his stomach and a warm body against his back. It was only two seconds long.
“I smelled morning dew and violets,” Yoochun said. “It made me want to hug you. Only once.”
Fin.