Attempting to not fall behind again . . .
I suppose it would be a good thing for me to stay on top of updating . . . I mean, you don't have to read all this. This is mostly just a record for myself, but for everyone curious . . . well, obviously, I wouldn't post it publicly if I didn't mind you reading this.
Anyhow, school is better than it was before. I've managed to get a grasp on things (I think), and my last Literature essay was a full letter grade higher than the previous. In addition, my Biology teacher pulled me aside the other day to tell me that I had scored so high on our last test that she graded mine twice, simpy because she couldn't believe anyone could do so well. She fully expects me to get a 5 on the AP exam in the spring - I hope I can keep it up! |D On the other hand, of course, I have an 88 in Calculus when I swear I know the information like the back of my hand; perhaps it seems immature to blame it on the teacher, but we're just reviewing Precalculus at the moment, and if I had an A when I was learning it for the first time and at the honors level, how come I now only have a B+ when relearning it and at the "normal" level, for lack of a better term? I lose points for the stupidest things all the time, and she is so rude. She tells us we should be ashamed of our mistakes, and that we shouldn't be in the class, blahblahblah.
Anyways.
Carly, the girl who attempted sucide three weeks ago, is doing better. I visited her two weeks ago, on my birthday, and she was an absolute doll. I can't believe she was almost gone from us; she is so sweet and kind, and so many people care deeply about her. I also invited her to my birthday party last week. It was a sleepover, and although this will sound extremely creeperish, I must admit - it was amazing to listen to her sleep. I don't know why I was so struck by it, but although I put everyone to bed at 11:00, I got almost no sleep because I was just listening. (...Well, also because I was sleeping on the hardwood floor with a thin sheet, since Carly and Val obviously got the comfy bedding.) She and I are stil staying in contact, and my best friend, Val, thought she was adorable, as well, and is trying to find out how to stay in contact with her without Facebook or texting (poor Val is a technophobe). It seems that Carly is doing much better; the community's reaction to her post seems to have shocked her and made her realize that she has a place. I realize things are still difficult for her, but I believe that she is finding the strength to make it through. By the way, Carly's story is on givesmehope.com.
In contrast, my mother is not better at all. Recently, she has taken to calling my sister 'domestic abusive' for swearing and slamming doors. But correct me if I'm wrong - isn't that normal behavior for a young teenager? She is also trying to convince my sister to drop out of the specialized arts school she got into last year, because she doesn't believe it's a 'real school'. I'm particularly upset about this because I saw how much my sister worked to get into that school, and how much she still works to keep up with all that work; she had to write a ten-page essay last week, which is more than any class in the public school would give her for another two years, at least. Thankfully, however, my father supports my sister's efforts, and if my mother ever does make her threats a reality and throw her out of the house, my sister has somewhere to go which is only about twenty minutes away. My mother has also stopped responding to her brother's letters, emails, and calls; my uncle now gets his information from me and my grandmother.
As for Savathus - she is still in her depressive phase, and I wish she would take better care of herself. Today, she admitted that last night she got a total of twenty minutes of sleep and hadn't eaten since breakfast. She also doesn't take her medications, and in my opinion, it's a miracle she's holding up against bipolar disorder as well as she is when she acts like that. But I tried to convince her to take her medications, and she didn't seem impressed in the slightest. I realize I can't make her take her medications, but I did ask her to promise that she would make a commitment to keep a minimally-stressful lifestyle - although, if what she said about getting twenty minutes of sleep last night is true, she already broke that promise.
Still, Savathus is a darling, and I love her to death. She was offline for the past two days due to work, but she logged on today for a few minutes before bed, and although I'd had more or less a horrible day, her presence was enough to make all my frustration melt away. This summer, I would like to visit her, to give her a real hug and cling to her for a week nonstop. I've expressed this to my mother, who seemed to be okay with it, but considering my mother's stablitity, I won't take that for granted. I will ask my father on Christmas, since he's in a good mood around those times. But I really hope I can go . . .