Denial - FFVII - ZackCloud, unrequited Cloud/Seph implied
Denial
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Zack/Cloud, unrequited Cloud/Seph(implied)
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I only own the games not the characters
Summary: Denial. n. the refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of unpleasant external realities or internal thoughts and feelings.
Oneshot/Ficlet
Notes: I wrote this a while ago, but it had gone missing. Luckily, I found it again, so I shall post. Oh and Zack’s whole conversation is internal, not spoken out loud (until the end when it’s stated). So hope it’s not too confusing. I wasn’t sure how to go about portraying that. The italics are his conscience.
xxxx
… if there's one thing that I should let you know
It's go away
But I keep fighting and I'm finding your injustice
It's just killing me (killing you)
I cannot breathe
Just let me go (killing me)
Or this will break me
My inner voices
Are part of my disease
'Cause it's pushing me to hurt you
But killing you is just killing me
- Letting Go (Ill Nino)
xxxx
Denial
Denial is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person faced with a fact that is uncomfortable or painful to accept rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimization) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference).
Bright rays of sunshine filtered through the room’s bare windows, infiltrating the Soldier’s sleep. He blinked his eyes open reluctantly, quickly deciding to ignore the obnoxious element of Mother Nature. He turned away from the window fully planning to bury his head beneath the bed’s cool pillows. He stopped abruptly upon remembering the naked boy sleeping soundly beside him.
He studied the youthful face relaxed in sleep. In that moment he realized just how young the blonde still was. He groaned at his niggling conscience.
‘He’s only a few years younger than I am. And he needs someone to keep him grounded. He trusts no one else to come near. Only me. How could I turn him away? He asks for nothing, not even my friendship. How could I refuse him such a small comfort when asked?’
Still, his conscience wouldn’t let him write the last night off as meaningless. His fist clenched the thin rough Shinra issued sheets of his bed. It was far from meaningless. In fact, it meant everything.
‘He needs me. He has no one else.’
The small struggling logical part of his mind currently arguing with the rest of his soul was quiet for a time after that.
He reached out and lightly stroked the smooth skin of a pale cheek. When his companion snuggled closer at the contact he smiled. His hand moved further to stroke the head of soft blonde spikes glowing gently in the dawning sunlight.
Cloud purred sleepily at the gentle petting. Zack let the boy cling to him, not wishing to push him away or break the illusion. He gazed at the blonde longingly, indecisive, before leaning over and pressing a brief kiss to the soft lips.
When Cloud moved to deepen the impulsive action, Zack pulled away reluctantly. His companion whined a bit, but soon settled back into slumber. But not before tightening his grip on Zack and sighing out a familiar name. A name that wasn’t his. And then his conscience was back, rattling off all the reasons he should not be doing this.
You’re taking advantage of his weakness.
That particular argument stung. Zack couldn’t even deny it. He flinched away from the cold logical part of his reasoning that Shinra had instilled in him long ago.
‘I’m not using him! I’d never hurt him!’ he countered, but the voice wouldn’t stop.
Aren’t you though?
‘No, I’m not!’ Zack looked away from his clinging friend, staring angrily out the window, knowing the inevitable conclusion, yet still wanting to deny it.
He’ll never be yours completely. He doesn’t love you.
And the voice was suddenly quiet as the war hardened Soldier deflated at the statement. He wrapped his arms tightly about the needy teen in his bed, clutching the not yet muscle hardened body close.
“I know.” He spoke aloud, his voice breaking slightly. “How could I forget?”
xxxx
FIN
xxxx
author’s rambles:
I wrote this for the antiotpficathon on lj. Somehow though, it still ended up being somewhat Seph/Cloud. I guess I couldn’t help myself. --; I chose Zack/Cloud not because I dislike the pairing, but sometimes I don’t always understand it. (I much prefer seeing Zack as a big brother type figure, personally). Hope I did Zack justice.
I'm really interested in seeing how you guys read the situation in the fic. I know what happened but I wonder if others read something different? I purposely left it a little vague so everyone could gather their own conclusions, but I'd like to know what everyone thought. =D
I’m kind of thinking it might be interesting to do a companion peace in Cloud’s POV. Maybe someday.
Thank Wiki and Google for the definitions on denial.
Feedback=food for the soul
9/27/06
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Zack/Cloud, unrequited Cloud/Seph(implied)
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I only own the games not the characters
Summary: Denial. n. the refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of unpleasant external realities or internal thoughts and feelings.
Oneshot/Ficlet
Notes: I wrote this a while ago, but it had gone missing. Luckily, I found it again, so I shall post. Oh and Zack’s whole conversation is internal, not spoken out loud (until the end when it’s stated). So hope it’s not too confusing. I wasn’t sure how to go about portraying that. The italics are his conscience.
xxxx
… if there's one thing that I should let you know
It's go away
But I keep fighting and I'm finding your injustice
It's just killing me (killing you)
I cannot breathe
Just let me go (killing me)
Or this will break me
My inner voices
Are part of my disease
'Cause it's pushing me to hurt you
But killing you is just killing me
- Letting Go (Ill Nino)
xxxx
Denial
Denial is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person faced with a fact that is uncomfortable or painful to accept rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimization) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference).
Bright rays of sunshine filtered through the room’s bare windows, infiltrating the Soldier’s sleep. He blinked his eyes open reluctantly, quickly deciding to ignore the obnoxious element of Mother Nature. He turned away from the window fully planning to bury his head beneath the bed’s cool pillows. He stopped abruptly upon remembering the naked boy sleeping soundly beside him.
He studied the youthful face relaxed in sleep. In that moment he realized just how young the blonde still was. He groaned at his niggling conscience.
‘He’s only a few years younger than I am. And he needs someone to keep him grounded. He trusts no one else to come near. Only me. How could I turn him away? He asks for nothing, not even my friendship. How could I refuse him such a small comfort when asked?’
Still, his conscience wouldn’t let him write the last night off as meaningless. His fist clenched the thin rough Shinra issued sheets of his bed. It was far from meaningless. In fact, it meant everything.
‘He needs me. He has no one else.’
The small struggling logical part of his mind currently arguing with the rest of his soul was quiet for a time after that.
He reached out and lightly stroked the smooth skin of a pale cheek. When his companion snuggled closer at the contact he smiled. His hand moved further to stroke the head of soft blonde spikes glowing gently in the dawning sunlight.
Cloud purred sleepily at the gentle petting. Zack let the boy cling to him, not wishing to push him away or break the illusion. He gazed at the blonde longingly, indecisive, before leaning over and pressing a brief kiss to the soft lips.
When Cloud moved to deepen the impulsive action, Zack pulled away reluctantly. His companion whined a bit, but soon settled back into slumber. But not before tightening his grip on Zack and sighing out a familiar name. A name that wasn’t his. And then his conscience was back, rattling off all the reasons he should not be doing this.
You’re taking advantage of his weakness.
That particular argument stung. Zack couldn’t even deny it. He flinched away from the cold logical part of his reasoning that Shinra had instilled in him long ago.
‘I’m not using him! I’d never hurt him!’ he countered, but the voice wouldn’t stop.
Aren’t you though?
‘No, I’m not!’ Zack looked away from his clinging friend, staring angrily out the window, knowing the inevitable conclusion, yet still wanting to deny it.
He’ll never be yours completely. He doesn’t love you.
And the voice was suddenly quiet as the war hardened Soldier deflated at the statement. He wrapped his arms tightly about the needy teen in his bed, clutching the not yet muscle hardened body close.
“I know.” He spoke aloud, his voice breaking slightly. “How could I forget?”
xxxx
FIN
xxxx
author’s rambles:
I wrote this for the antiotpficathon on lj. Somehow though, it still ended up being somewhat Seph/Cloud. I guess I couldn’t help myself. --; I chose Zack/Cloud not because I dislike the pairing, but sometimes I don’t always understand it. (I much prefer seeing Zack as a big brother type figure, personally). Hope I did Zack justice.
I'm really interested in seeing how you guys read the situation in the fic. I know what happened but I wonder if others read something different? I purposely left it a little vague so everyone could gather their own conclusions, but I'd like to know what everyone thought. =D
I’m kind of thinking it might be interesting to do a companion peace in Cloud’s POV. Maybe someday.
Thank Wiki and Google for the definitions on denial.
Feedback=food for the soul
9/27/06