(no subject)
kirameku chan: D=
kirameku chan: it's over.
LockAndLollBaby: ??
LockAndLollBaby: What??
kirameku chan: it's over...
LockAndLollBaby: o_o
kirameku chan: I'm single again...
LockAndLollBaby: .....
LockAndLollBaby: Woah.
LockAndLollBaby: Woah.
LockAndLollBaby: Woah.
LockAndLollBaby: Woah.
LockAndLollBaby: What the fuck is going on
kirameku chan: heh
kirameku chan: well
kirameku chan: remember when things were getting really crazy here and I couldnt take it anymore?
kirameku chan: I wanted to move to my dads etc...
LockAndLollBaby: You mean...with your mother or with Richard?
kirameku chan: no with richard.
LockAndLollBaby: Richard, obviously...I'm slow
LockAndLollBaby: Okay..
kirameku chan: *pets*
kirameku chan: um yeh
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: well yeh....
kirameku chan: I broke up with him
kirameku chan: cause I was going crazy....and...
LockAndLollBaby: .....Why?
LockAndLollBaby: Is this permanent?
kirameku chan: I wanted to just take a break from everything....but he wouldnt cooperate...and I dont know what happened but when I think about him now...
kirameku chan: I only love and care for him as a friend
kirameku chan: there is nothing more...
kirameku chan: ....
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: I feel horrible about it
LockAndLollBaby: Jesus...I mean...I don't want to pressure you, but there were two years and a marriage proposal involved.
kirameku chan: I know! D=
kirameku chan: belive me I know.
kirameku chan: I have no clue what happened....
LockAndLollBaby: God....godgodgod.
kirameku chan: maybe its just stress??
LockAndLollBaby: Did you try telling him that?
kirameku chan: I told him that yes
LockAndLollBaby: brb taking a pee
kirameku chan: I told him everything
kirameku chan: k
LockAndLollBaby: back
kirameku chan: *sighs*
LockAndLollBaby: sorry i have the WORST indigestion right now, so from time to time i have to go lie down the pain's so bad
LockAndLollBaby: Tell me more...
kirameku chan: I feel so lost...and strange....its strange to be alone again...
kirameku chan: I'm sorry
LockAndLollBaby: God I would too.
kirameku chan: I was crying...
kirameku chan: I hurt so badly...
LockAndLollBaby: JESUS I mean...I don't know you IRL but this is still really shocking for me
kirameku chan: but not because I'm single
kirameku chan: its because I dont want to hurt him
kirameku chan: its so weird...
kirameku chan: I cant comprehend why i feel this way...
kirameku chan: ....
kirameku chan: what happened to me...
kirameku chan: you know me about as well as any friend of mine
LockAndLollBaby: Have things gradually declined into this?
kirameku chan: I guess so...
LockAndLollBaby: If so, then it's understandable
kirameku chan: yeh...
LockAndLollBaby: It's not like it just happened like BAM
kirameku chan: no it didnt happen overnight
kirameku chan: *nods*
LockAndLollBaby: Then I would say that's a bit of a moodswing and you do just need a break
kirameku chan: I KNOW D=
kirameku chan: I told him I though we just needed a break
kirameku chan: but
LockAndLollBaby: But maybe you've truthfully come to a final decision about him if it's this way.
LockAndLollBaby: ?
kirameku chan: he was being all difficult cause he can be very hard to compromise with...and he was like "Well a Break sounds like "breaking up" and if youre going to do that then I'll go find someone else and get over you."
kirameku chan: see that I mean?
kirameku chan: =/
LockAndLollBaby: Oh god...WELL.
kirameku chan: ....
LockAndLollBaby: He's certainly being a BITCH.
kirameku chan: he can be...yes
LockAndLollBaby: That's not the talk of a true fiance...
kirameku chan: he says lots of jerky things...but its only because hes scared
LockAndLollBaby: At least, I don't think so..
LockAndLollBaby: Ohh well then...
kirameku chan: yeh
kirameku chan: he tries to manipulate me...but it never works cause I see right through it
kirameku chan: ...
kirameku chan: we really were perfect for each other too...
kirameku chan: I dont fucking understand
LockAndLollBaby: Ugh...
LockAndLollBaby: Maybe this will be a break, even if it's a long one.
kirameku chan: maybe...
LockAndLollBaby: Maybe in a month or so, you'll be able to talk things over.
kirameku chan: ...myabe...
LockAndLollBaby: Because somehow it sounds like this'll take more than a few days or weeks.
kirameku chan: hell yeh
kirameku chan: he's so mad at me right now
kirameku chan: he's gone out with his dad or something
kirameku chan: we didnt even sleep together last night
kirameku chan: =(
LockAndLollBaby: What happened last night?
kirameku chan: i was crying in the car on the way home from work...
kirameku chan: and I said to my friend..
kirameku chan: "I wish I could love him the same way I used to..."
kirameku chan: and he was like...
kirameku chan: "what you said right there...that is the kiss of death..."
kirameku chan: andwent on to say that if I felt that way it was definetly over
LockAndLollBaby: OH he was in the freaking car!!
kirameku chan: ?
LockAndLollBaby: Eek eek
kirameku chan: uh?
kirameku chan: lol
LockAndLollBaby: Nono it's just...why would you say that in front of him?
LockAndLollBaby: Or are you two just that open?
kirameku chan: =O
kirameku chan: who richard?
kirameku chan: richiard was not in the car
kirameku chan: it was a friend I said that to
LockAndLollBaby: OH OH
kirameku chan: lol read
kirameku chan: lol
kirameku chan: XD
LockAndLollBaby: Oh oh kay then
LockAndLollBaby: Lol sorry I'm confused
LockAndLollBaby: I get it now
kirameku chan: no its allright so am i
LockAndLollBaby: Guhhh...
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: this is gonna sound so cliche but I thought we would be together forever...
kirameku chan: ...
LockAndLollBaby: Ugh no it's not cliche
LockAndLollBaby: I felt that way about Joe but that was something entirely different
kirameku chan: yeh..
LockAndLollBaby: You had perfect reason to feel that way
kirameku chan: =(
LockAndLollBaby: Gawd.
LockAndLollBaby: No offense but from the sounds of it, Richard probably went out with his Dad to go get drunk or something macho like that.
kirameku chan: *nods* thats probably exactly what he went to do
kirameku chan: his dad is a wine salesman heh
LockAndLollBaby: HA
kirameku chan: he's gonna be plastered...
kirameku chan: sdman him...
kirameku chan: T_T
LockAndLollBaby: Oh yeah..
kirameku chan: damn*
kirameku chan: I wanna be plastered too D=
LockAndLollBaby: AWW
kirameku chan: o well
LockAndLollBaby: Well then, where are you right now?
kirameku chan: I have a wine cooler and some cheap vodka that gives me headaches
kirameku chan: sdo its cool
kirameku chan: so*
LockAndLollBaby: Well there you go
kirameku chan: hehehh
LockAndLollBaby: Me, I have to steal itty bits of my Mom's beer or make up some lie to go downtown with friends
kirameku chan: hehehee
LockAndLollBaby: Oh man. Between this, Germany sucking, and my stomachache, this is not a good day.
kirameku chan: germany sucking?
LockAndLollBaby: yeah, i just got back from a weekender trip to the rhine.
LockAndLollBaby: it was really boring.
kirameku chan: *hugs*...I think we both need one....
kirameku chan: aw
kirameku chan: =(
LockAndLollBaby: a weekender trip to germany? we both need?
kirameku chan: no a hug
kirameku chan: lol
LockAndLollBaby: OH
kirameku chan: hee
LockAndLollBaby: Yes we do *hug*
kirameku chan: ;_;
LockAndLollBaby: Aww honey.
LockAndLollBaby: ;_;
LockAndLollBaby: Wish I could be there.
kirameku chan: =/
LockAndLollBaby: =|
kirameku chan: s'okay....
kirameku chan: I JUST got a job down here though
kirameku chan: so ironic...I might have to move to richmond with my dad anyway..
kirameku chan: =/
kirameku chan: but
LockAndLollBaby: Oh really? What's the job?
kirameku chan: richies mom loves me very much...and shes still my mom sorta...and shes helping me look for a place to stay with roommates around here
kirameku chan: bleh...just some cute lil gourmet coffee cafe thing
kirameku chan: but its a job
kirameku chan: and I'm happy
kirameku chan: and I make good tips
LockAndLollBaby: Yay!
LockAndLollBaby: Coffee shoop.
kirameku chan: yes ^^
LockAndLollBaby: fun
kirameku chan: *nods*
kirameku chan: more than just coffee
kirameku chan: its all gourmet food and wraps and stuff
LockAndLollBaby: Ooh?
LockAndLollBaby: Ooh ooh.
kirameku chan: and I have to memorize everything D=
kirameku chan: but oh well at least I'll know how to make gourmet snadwiches and stuff
kirameku chan: lol
LockAndLollBaby: HAHAHA coolies.
kirameku chan: =3
kirameku chan: my tummy hurts too T_T
kirameku chan: I worried myself sick all day at work...
kirameku chan: wondering what was going on here....
LockAndLollBaby: At Richard's house?
kirameku chan: yeh
LockAndLollBaby: And what has been going on?
kirameku chan: richie left with his dad...
kirameku chan: and panodra is worried about everything
LockAndLollBaby: Oohh oh.
kirameku chan: and one of richies friends is over playing the ps2 -_-
kirameku chan: pandora and ryan went to leave for a psychology appointment
kirameku chan: charles (a roommate here) said I have one hour of peace
kirameku chan: lol so this is my hour and I'm chatting with you cause I need to talk to somebody T_T
LockAndLollBaby: ^_^
kirameku chan: and besides you need to know whats going on
LockAndLollBaby: Yes...thanks
kirameku chan: hee~ np
LockAndLollBaby: God, it seems like most of my online friends are having problems. Like, this other girl I've been talking to for about 5 years, like you, is seriously seriously pining for her boyfriend, who's been on holiday for weeks and weeks
kirameku chan: oh wow
LockAndLollBaby: And I'm really worried about her because it reminds me of how I used to think of Joe all day and cry all night whenever I was vacationing away from him
kirameku chan: aw...
LockAndLollBaby: Yeah and it's -not healthy-.
LockAndLollBaby: I just don't know what to tell her.
LockAndLollBaby: In my case, it was just plain stupid because Joe turned out to be such a dick. However her Will is a solid guy, and they've been going out for about 3 times as long as Joe and I did.
kirameku chan: thats good...
LockAndLollBaby: yeah.
kirameku chan: woohoo for long term relationships....
LockAndLollBaby: Hahahaha.
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: *sighs*
kirameku chan: o well
kirameku chan: at least I'm still young
kirameku chan: at least I didnt wind up falling out of love at like....age thrity when I had 3 kids by him and a nice house etc...
LockAndLollBaby: OH GOD that'd be horrible...
kirameku chan: heh
LockAndLollBaby: Yes I suppose that's the bright side to look at...
LockAndLollBaby: That you figured it out quick enough...
kirameku chan: I think by that time I'd just be like "aw man fuck this..." and just continue to live that way...
kirameku chan: heh
kirameku chan: either that or I'd focus on my children more
kirameku chan: which actually I think youre supposed todo...hmm
kirameku chan: heh
kirameku chan: whatever....
kirameku chan: *sighs*
kirameku chan: ...
LockAndLollBaby: Yeah...
LockAndLollBaby: I hate the whole thing about getting bored of your spouse
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: met too
LockAndLollBaby: You hear about it all the time but I'd hate for that to happen to me
kirameku chan: why cant love nver end
kirameku chan: love is so cruel
kirameku chan: why did it give me richard if I was only to break him in the end
kirameku chan: why??
LockAndLollBaby: ;_____________________;
LockAndLollBaby: Christ, I don't know what to say ;_;
kirameku chan: ...okay staring at that face for too long is making me laugh
LockAndLollBaby: I suppose things like this teach us to leave for the moment
LockAndLollBaby: *live
LockAndLollBaby: HAHAHA
LockAndLollBaby: It's doing it to me too actually
kirameku chan: live for the moment...yeh I guess so..
LockAndLollBaby: However, love goes about teaching you that in a bitchy way
LockAndLollBaby: I suppose it's also a warning towards its fickle-ness...and how people are only human
kirameku chan: I know!
kirameku chan: I HATE being human
kirameku chan: .....
LockAndLollBaby: Maybe LOVE ITSELF is only human, and not a sensation we're given that we're supposed to make a choice about...a choice whether we want to keep it or not
kirameku chan: hmm
kirameku chan: yeh...
kirameku chan: well...
LockAndLollBaby: I don't know what I'm even saying anymore..
kirameku chan: love is what makes human beings so special
kirameku chan: so I guess youre right..
kirameku chan: love is the most human thing about being human..
kirameku chan: goddmait
kirameku chan: dammit*
LockAndLollBaby: ._.
kirameku chan: I alaways wanted to be that cute old man and wife couple....who'd been together since high school...
kirameku chan: I always wanted that
LockAndLollBaby: Ah god I think I do too...
kirameku chan: thought it was so...
kirameku chan: beautiful and noble...
kirameku chan: ....
LockAndLollBaby: Yeah..
kirameku chan: such dreams
LockAndLollBaby: That's what it always sounds like...
LockAndLollBaby: v_v;
kirameku chan: ;_;
LockAndLollBaby: I hate it when visions are broken, it happens to me too often
LockAndLollBaby: ;_;
LockAndLollBaby: *huggalugga*
kirameku chan: =(
kirameku chan: *hug* ._.
kirameku chan: can I post this in my lj?
kirameku chan: I'm going to start using it now
LockAndLollBaby: Does Richard read it?
kirameku chan: no
LockAndLollBaby: Sure you can
kirameku chan: k