Counselling can be tremendous if the person is ready for it (it certainly has been for me), so I think if you're feeling drawn to it then it's worth pursuing it. The end of August is nearly the same as the NHS six weeks... is there anyone else locally you could try?
I agree about not talking to boss about it too, I'd be just the same unless I previously knew that they had a proper understanding of depression etc. Maybe you could subtly sound them out about it?
(And *hugs* of course. We might be coming down to Bristol in Aug, how far to you from there?)
I know all that "It's just like having a broken leg you just can't see it" stuff. I just don't feel it applies to me.
I suspect that if the counselling/antidepressants do help, you will be able to see how it applies to you.
One of the difficulties is that you can't just mentally go 'this is the bit that's wrong and damaged' because it's all you, right?
The massive improvement in my condition that came when I got on the right medications, and also to an odd extent the hideous relapse that happened when I was on the Depo-Provera injection, enabled me to see that there were major differences between 'depressed-me' and 'healthy-me'.
I'm starting to realise that I have felt very wrong for a long, long time. I nearly cried at the Doctors when I was explaining that normally I feel low and it's unusual circumstances / events that lift me to 'content/happy'.
This is no way to live. She agreed. I want so much to feel.... un-low again.
Counselling sounds like a good immediate plan to me because it sounds like you need a little help negotiating your thought processes right now. I suggest you look for a transpersonal therapist, as they can cope with the spiritual stuff - seeing a 'normal' therapist has always seemed like a huge waste of time to me, because there's so much I couldn't talk to them about. There must be loads of transpersonal therapists near you, you live near Glastonbury. A quick dose of reiki may also help give you enough of a boost to see things more clearly.
Or, for immediate help, call Brian. Really. I'm sure you're rejecting the idea because probably you're feeling guilty that you can't get to lodge more often. Screw that. He won't think any the worse of you, and would be happy to hear from you. Or Maggie. You can call me too, of course, but I'm not so wise, and may be too close to you to see clearly.
I feel very spearated from Lodge now. I just couldn't keep up the commitment and so wrote to Linda about it and haven't been in touch since. Just feel so guilty about it. I shouldn't but I do. It's left a hole in me.
Funnily enough I have managed to get an appointment with a transpersonal therapist tomorrow night. Maybe the universe was steering me to her by making the others unavailable. Or maybe it just went that way for no reason. I hope I like her and I hope she feels she can work with me. I have the feeling I will be a tough client: overly analytical, self-critical to the extreme and with just enough knowledge of psychology and counselling techniques to make it all horribly transparent and... well... unsurprising. I dunno, can't express that well right now.
Glad you've got an appointment. Hope it works out. I think you would be a tough client for the wrong person, but a fabulous client for the right one. Let us know how it goes!
I suffered from depression at university and have had little doses of it now and again since then. I've never suffered nearly as badly as I know some of my flist have and consequently I often feel odd about admitting to depression at all because I only have a comparatively mild dose. However, it's part of me and my personality (by which I mean that some people are prone to it in varying degrees and others are not - bateleur, for example, has never suffered from depression). This long spiel is to explain where I'm coming from
( ... )
This was very helpful. I think I need better strategies and reading yours has made me realise how many major things are in the my life that actively depress me.
Quite how I disentangle myself from them I have no idea.
I did sever a long-term friendship for various reasons a while ago, after a huge realisation of how miserable it made me feel, but unfortunately I didn't do it well and I have been having lots of nightmares about it recently. I really do feel all tangled up and in a mess.
Bring me counsellors, and drugs and chocolate! And take me out on the river in my barge with dancing girls dressed in fishing nets whose bellies have not yet been stretched by childbirth.
(In case you're worried I've really lost it, the last one was a Pharoah's cure for bouts of depression. Don't remember which one now.)
I'm glad - I wish I had a more immediate solution.
Quite how I disentangle myself from them I have no idea.
My approach was to start small. Give up on the book that I'm not enjoying and actively take to something that's (more) fun in the time (a computer game?).
I did sever a long-term friendship for various reasons a while ago, after a huge realisation of how miserable it made me feel,
Now that's one of the big ones.
but unfortunately I didn't do it well and I have been having lots of nightmares about it recently. I really do feel all tangled up and in a mess.My experience has been that there is no good way of doing it. They'll always be things about it that you'll look back on and think you could have handled better. On top of that you'll get disapproval from some mutual mates who feel that, as they're friendly with both of you, there must have been a way for you to patch it up and you weren't really trying. You'll also get comments from others that, regardless of what happened, you shouldn't sever a
( ... )
You know, bateleur spent a lot of time trying to persuade me and verlaine that things weren't that bad and we should still be friends. Bless him, I think he really didn't understand the situation, or how profoundly dysfuynctional and misery-making it was for both of us.
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I agree about not talking to boss about it too, I'd be just the same unless I previously knew that they had a proper understanding of depression etc. Maybe you could subtly sound them out about it?
(And *hugs* of course. We might be coming down to Bristol in Aug, how far to you from there?)
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Thanks for the advice. I will make myself call others. Such inertia!
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Don't apologise. This is your journal. Nobody is forced to read it.
And possibly someone can help.
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I suspect that if the counselling/antidepressants do help, you will be able to see how it applies to you.
One of the difficulties is that you can't just mentally go 'this is the bit that's wrong and damaged' because it's all you, right?
The massive improvement in my condition that came when I got on the right medications, and also to an odd extent the hideous relapse that happened when I was on the Depo-Provera injection, enabled me to see that there were major differences between 'depressed-me' and 'healthy-me'.
It may be the same for you.
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This is no way to live. She agreed. I want so much to feel.... un-low again.
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Counselling sounds like a good immediate plan to me because it sounds like you need a little help negotiating your thought processes right now. I suggest you look for a transpersonal therapist, as they can cope with the spiritual stuff - seeing a 'normal' therapist has always seemed like a huge waste of time to me, because there's so much I couldn't talk to them about. There must be loads of transpersonal therapists near you, you live near Glastonbury. A quick dose of reiki may also help give you enough of a boost to see things more clearly.
Or, for immediate help, call Brian. Really. I'm sure you're rejecting the idea because probably you're feeling guilty that you can't get to lodge more often. Screw that. He won't think any the worse of you, and would be happy to hear from you. Or Maggie. You can call me too, of course, but I'm not so wise, and may be too close to you to see clearly.
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Funnily enough I have managed to get an appointment with a transpersonal therapist tomorrow night. Maybe the universe was steering me to her by making the others unavailable. Or maybe it just went that way for no reason. I hope I like her and I hope she feels she can work with me. I have the feeling I will be a tough client: overly analytical, self-critical to the extreme and with just enough knowledge of psychology and counselling techniques to make it all horribly transparent and... well... unsurprising. I dunno, can't express that well right now.
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Quite how I disentangle myself from them I have no idea.
I did sever a long-term friendship for various reasons a while ago, after a huge realisation of how miserable it made me feel, but unfortunately I didn't do it well and I have been having lots of nightmares about it recently. I really do feel all tangled up and in a mess.
Bring me counsellors, and drugs and chocolate! And take me out on the river in my barge with dancing girls dressed in fishing nets whose bellies have not yet been stretched by childbirth.
(In case you're worried I've really lost it, the last one was a Pharoah's cure for bouts of depression. Don't remember which one now.)
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I'm glad - I wish I had a more immediate solution.
Quite how I disentangle myself from them I have no idea.
My approach was to start small. Give up on the book that I'm not enjoying and actively take to something that's (more) fun in the time (a computer game?).
I did sever a long-term friendship for various reasons a while ago, after a huge realisation of how miserable it made me feel,
Now that's one of the big ones.
but unfortunately I didn't do it well and I have been having lots of nightmares about it recently. I really do feel all tangled up and in a mess.My experience has been that there is no good way of doing it. They'll always be things about it that you'll look back on and think you could have handled better. On top of that you'll get disapproval from some mutual mates who feel that, as they're friendly with both of you, there must have been a way for you to patch it up and you weren't really trying. You'll also get comments from others that, regardless of what happened, you shouldn't sever a ( ... )
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That was a long time ago, of course.
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