LOG - Round One, FIGHT!
Who: Lucci and Kaku
What: An extremely nasty argument between a married couple.
Where: The Library on the Sunny
When: Today, Mid Afternoon
Warnings: Cursing, stupid fight is stupid, jealousy, mentions of sexual practices, etc. THIS WAS PAINFUL.
To say he was in a bad mood was putting it lightly. Really, Kaku could only recall one time in recent history where he had been this truly upset. At least last time, he'd known why and who to direct it towards, but this time, all he had to go on was mere suspicion. He hated not having the facts, and yet, he was not certain that he wanted the facts. Thus, to distract himself from such things, he'd taken to reading a book in the library, where it was quiet and calm, and away from computers and the internet. Perhaps some reading would help clear his mind of all this in time.
Lucci could practically feel Kaku's bad mood from across the ship. He'd caught a bit of it in the morning during breakfast, but they had managed not to run into each other much during the day...still, it was palpable, and Lucci had the sneaking suspicion he were somehow involved in the cause of it. Tracking Kaku down in the library, Lucci made his approach a careful one, in case he didn't want to be disturbed. "Hello," he said, leaning against a bookshelf, hands in his pockets.
Kaku's eyes paused on the word he was reading when Lucci entered the room, and took a few seconds to think very quickly. He'd be able to keep this smooth without making a fuss; he could be pleasant and friendly to the man he loved, even if he was irritated at him for unknown reasons. Lowering his book, he looked up at Lucci and offered him a light smile. "Hello," he replied. "Did you come all this way just to see me and say hello or did you have something on your mind?" His tone was pleasant, if quiet, and might have fooled anyone else if they were not Lucci.
Lucci raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by the display. "You're in a mood," he said, more a statement of observation than an accusation. "Have I done something wrong?"
Ah, just as Kaku would have expected. Sometimes, it was irritating that he could not slip anything past him. "It's nothing; I've just come here to get my mind off things." It was dismissive, but also something that, Kaku suspected, Lucci would not buy.
"What things?" Lucci asked. He stayed where he was, not wanting to pressure Kaku by advancing on him. Conversations that started out this way rarely got anywhere. He almost wanted to sigh in vague annoyance, but he knew it certainly wouldn't help.
Kaku closed his book, coming to the realization that Lucci was going to stand here until he got a satisfactory answer. Really, had he expected anything else? "Just a few things that have been weighing on my mind lately; I'll be fine." He did not want to launch into a tirade about his suspicions concerning Lucci without any evidence, because they would be deeply unfair, especially if they were unfounded accusations.
Lucci's raised eyebrow went a little higher. Then he shrugged minutely, looking away. "Suit yourself." He should have known better than to bring it up. When Kaku didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. "Being a vampire was interesting," he said, by way of changing the subject, "though I feel I ought to apologize to a few people. You, for instance. And certainly George..."
Kaku's expression changed quickly as Lucci brought up being a vampire, and sat up, leaning forward a little. "You needn't worry about me, but...why Miss George?" he inquired carefully. He had a very nasty feeling about where this was going to go; he could feel it, like the anticipation thick in the air before an explosion.
Lucci had the presence of mind to feel guilty, though he wasn't sure it showed on his face, and he was looking away anyway. "...I bit her. She said it was all right," he added quickly, "but I think I may have influenced her hypnotically. By accident, of course."
"...I see." Kaku's voice was quiet, almost dangerous. It was a tone of voice he rarely had, even when he had been an agent, because he'd always preferred speaking clearly and openly. His suspicions were confirmed then, and his expression now was a combination of anger and a bit of betrayal, "So you wanted her as well. So I suppose I'm not enough any longer." His sentence was short and without the warmth he'd been speaking with previously. He'd not want to lay blame with Miss George, of course, but she'd said it was all right?
That was...Lucci was taken aback. Considerably. He turned back to look at Kaku again rather swiftly, blinking in surprise. "What? ...Kaku, I was hungry. How does that follow?"
Kaku still sat there in his chair, catching Lucci's gaze without faltering. Had he been thinking more rationally, he would have accepted this as fact, and recalled that he had been unable at the time to slake Lucci's thirst, given that he'd been his first victim and was still recovering. But this was not a rational moment, not in the least, and he stood up. "Though I suppose she does have a few traits that I don't have as far as bloodletting goes. The inability to die, for one, and fantastic healing abilities. I'm not surprised. No need to spend time in the infirmary, vampire or not." He knew he was jealous, he knew he sounded jealous, but the floodgates had just been broken.
Now Lucci was confused. "Well, yes, she does. Would you rather I had killed you?" His tone had an unpleasant edge to it; somewhere between yesterday and today, something had taken a turn for the worse. Unless it had been coming for awhile...
"I'd have hoped you would have exercised enough restraint not to," Kaku said tersely. His words had many meanings. "It must get tiresome, having to send me off to the infirmary every time it goes a little too far or something unexpected happens." It was far from pity in his voice; it was almost accusatory, but not quite, as if he was suspecting such to be the case. "I once felt privileged to know that I was the only one able to handle anything you could give. But I suppose that can go now for a few others, should the whim strike you." He wasn't accusing Lucci of having an affair by any means, but he recalled, quite bitterly, the times when Lucci had grown suspiciously close to others.
That was going too far. Lucci's eyes narrowed, and although he remained perfectly relaxed against the bookshelf, he took his hands from his pockets and folded his arms across his chest. "If this is about you being jealous that you're no longer my sole link to humanity, perhaps this discussion is better left untouched, hmm?"
"Humanity? Oh no, I encourage you to have friends and people to value. I'm not jealous of your friends, our friends. I'm jealous of those that you might grow a little too close to. A few names seem to come to mind." Kaku saw Lucci's eyes narrow, but he soldiered on, even if it was into unfair territory. "It's because I've left this subject untouched for so long that it's gotten to this point."
"So that's why you're in a foul mood?" Lucci snapped. "Because you can never speak your mind at the appropriate moment? Because you've been misreading my intentions toward our friends? Is that it?"
"What is there to misread, I wonder? You told me once that you loved Luffy! There's no misreading that! I'd thought that perhaps it was simply a great admiration that you held for him, but lately, with him not recalling you and you being in such a foul mood, I wonder if that was truly the case! Certainly nothing I've said or done has helped to improve your mood! Or perhaps Princess Azula, or Mr. Rayleigh could do better?" His voice was rising; rarely did he ever yell, but for the first time in a very long time, he was allowing his anger to get the better of him.
...Lucci normally prided himself on his ability to keep calm in a fight, and on his quick replies...but this was... "We've been through this," he snarled through gritted teeth, standing up from the bookcase with his arms at his sides, almost as though ready to attack. "I thought you understood. Though if I was wrong...I suppose I am wrong...I should hardly think it's my fault. You don't listen; you pick what you want to hear to make yourself feel better."
"So I don't listen, do I? I certainly thought I understood, considering how long I've been patiently letting things slide. Do you even consider the ramifications of some of things you do before you do them anymore? Did you not think I wouldn't get jealous? I do not wish to share you, not in that respect." Kaku was glaring at him now. "We're married, in case you've forgotten." It was a nasty thing to say, but he was not thinking, he was simply going on instinct. "How many times have you gone off and done things without telling me first? How often do you expect me to sit idly by while you do something, and then not be angered or upset or frustrated at the outcome? I've tried being patient for so long, tried to be understanding, but after a while, it gets very difficult, even for me. How much do you want me to sacrifice?"
Lucci actually had to cover his face with his hand at that. "I cannot believe we are having this discussion," he hissed. "Suddenly this bothers you? Things I've been doing for years without comment are crimes now? Haven't you actually told me that you don't mind as long as I don't - am I too stubborn and bothersome to communicate with, now?" He realized that his voice was rising slightly in volume, and attempted to control himself, but he was beginning to feel sick thinking that Kaku hadn't told him any of this before.
"Suddenly? Suddenly?" Kaku actually laughed a bit at this, sarcastic and short. "I wasn't aware that getting high behind my back was something you'd been doing for years; was I mistaken? Also, I distinctly recall you once saying that were I to ever show interest in another that there would be bloodshed. In a dark alleyway some six years ago; do you remember? Does this rule only apply to me now?" Kaku took a bold step forward; he'd never been afraid of Lucci, and he wasn't about to begin now. "Communication is very difficult when you won't talk to me. You'd rather brood in silence and let me guess. I'm so tired of that! Doesn't anything bring you joy any more? Must you always focus on the gloom and misery?"
Lucci couldn't remember the last time he'd been caught with his mouth hanging open. He did, however, remember the incident Kaku had been talking about. "...That was in reference to letting other people fuck you, which I pointedly have not done, and furthermore it was more a joke than anything - are you still on that? Getting high - that was once. I know it was a bad idea. We talked about this. I do talk to you! We talk all the time! Except for when you're angry at me for things that happened six years ago! Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound!?" Lucci was talking far too loudly for a library by now. "I'm happier now than I have been in years! I'm free now. I thought you were happy, too. I thought you were happy for me. I suppose not."
"I never accused you of fucking anyone else, for the record! Nor am I angry about you saying that those years ago; if I recall correctly, it was a distinct turn on!" Kaku's hands were clenched at his sides, but he quickly jammed them into his pockets so that they at least were otherwise occupied. "Overall, yes, I'm happy! I'm enjoying this life we've been given! But right now, at THIS moment, I am not! You've been unhappy ever since Luffy came back; what am I supposed to do when none of my efforts to improve this work? Do you realize how miserable it feels to think that you can do nothing for the person you married? I've never felt powerless before now. It's ridiculous, Lucci, to expect me to be content when you are not!"
"I think it's incredibly ridiculous of you to be angry at me when I'm discontent in the first place!" Lucci snapped. "I'm so sorry that it makes me unhappy that a person I consider a good friend barely remembers who I am! Or maybe you wouldn't understand that, evidently wanting nothing to do with him? And don't pretend that you haven't flirted with other people, too. I remember that week when I was fourteen."
"Wanting nothing to do with him? I was one of thoe only ones amused by his-" Kaku shook his head; this argument was not about Luffy at all, who had done nothing wrong. But at the mention of him flirting with Fujiko, he actually looked incredulous. "Are you...you're serious! Lucci, you know for a fact that the only woman I've ever been attracted to was you, and that was for a week! She and I planned it that way so you wouldn't stray; I was certain you were going to!"
"Because trying to make me jealous when I was already in a confused and deeply unpleasant state of mind was good for me, was it? If you weren't going to give me any credit, perhaps you shouldn't have lied to my face and told me that you trusted me and liked me the way you do now." That hurt Lucci more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. "I'd like to know how many times you've lied to me just to shut me up. Every time you don't want to talk about something...why does it always take months and months of incidents piling up for you to finally say something? You just...you don't make any sense to me sometimes. But then, I've always been the socially inept one, haven't I? Is that burdensome to you as well?"
"I...What?" Kaku now looked utterly confused, a strange break in the anger that had settled there before. "I didn't lie to you about that! I was completely honest!" For a split second, he actually appeared as though he'd been struck, but he rallied quickly. "Just to shut you up...do you really think I value your opinion so little? Did you ever consider that perhaps I don't say anything because at the time, it doesn't bother me? Would you rather I lord over you, tell you ever little nitpicky thing that I see? I don't want to be like that!" The implication that Lucci was a burden at all was deeply painful. "Of course it's not a burden! I've always been there to assist and explain, and I've never minded! Ever." He was having trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that Lucci thought he was nearly wholly dishonest with him.
Lucci pressed the heels of his hands into his temples and huffed in sheer annoyance. "If it isn't bothersome to you at the time, what makes it so terrible now? I don't want you to nitpick over everything either, but - are there really so many things to be upset about? You're not exactly perfect yourself, but I keep my mouth shut about it! Don't act as though I'm meant to be perfect. You wanted me to be human, and I am, and there's only so much I can do. I'm not..." He snarled. "Kaku, I'm not your boss anymore!"
"I don't want you to be perfect!" The confusion had faded quickly away. "And if you're not my boss any longer, perhaps you should stop being so condescending! I'm not the sixteen year old boy you beat into the training room wall anymore! I'm not a recruit you can look down on, I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself!" He was almost square with Lucci now; he was looking him directly in the eyes.
"When have I ever--" ...But Lucci did remember talking for Kaku, or even defending him when he didn't need it. He paled slightly, embarrassed at having been caught. "If you want me to stop being so condescending, perhaps you could try to grow up. You're not sixteen anymore, Kaku, and grown men do not eat potentially dangerous magic vegetables because it might be fun or throw themselves off of cliffs above water when they can't swim."
"Don't you even begin to start about that," Kaku said, warning in his voice. "You're always right there along with me, so you have no room to talk. "OR are you doubting the fact that I'm unable to keep myself above the water? I should be better trained than that; YOU trained me!" He pointed emphatically at Lucci. "AND I told you back then that I ate the carrot to see what the effects were, not because I wanted some sort of thrill!" Kaku would have also pointed out that there were a great many men in this world who still skydived and cliff dived who were far older than him, but it was pointless.
"Oh, you're making excuses and we both know it," Lucci snapped, taking another step in. He was being actively menacing, whether he realized it or not. "You did it for fun, and no amount of training protects a person from being an idiot. And on top of that, you still dress like you did when you were twelve, so I don't see much in the way of progress!"
"Oh, so you've descended to complaining about my attire, have you?" At the moment, Kaku was not wearing anything special, but it certainly wasn't sweatpants and a jacket. "I wasn't aware that my lowly clothing choices have offended your tastes in fashion!" Lucci had oft teased him about it, and had been caught wearing his sweatpants in the middle of the night, but it had never been a bone of contention before. "I suppose I have dress in a suit and tie every day if I want to catch your eye from now on!"
"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't kill you to try. I try! Is there something wrong with wanting look presentable? Or is that unacceptable now too? Maybe it isn't that I have high standards so much as that you don't have any!"
"I have tried! Multiple times? Or have you forgotten? I didn't realize that jeans and a t-shirt were not presentable now!" He gestured to what he was wearing, which wasn't couture by any means, but it was perfectly presentable and clean. "Silk shirts and fine suits and ties suit you all well and good, but I do not need an entire wardrobe of it! Are you saying that I'm only as appealing as the clothing I've got on?"
"No, I'm saying that--" Lucci sighed harshly, cutting himself off. He didn't know what he was saying. "I'm saying that all of this - you're too polite about everything, you never come out and say what you want to when you should, you forget my birthday, you wake me up in the middle of the night getting up because you never sleep - it just...it adds up. And you helped Sanji keep my leopard from me during the power switch episode to trick me into singing, which you know was terrible. He didn't know, but you did, and you did it anyway!"
"I did NOT forget your birthday! I woke up early and went into town and-" Kaku paused and stared at him. "You don't remember that?" He paused for a long second to realize this. "It was both an effort to dress fashionably, remember your birthday, AND get you a nice gift after a few trying weeks, and you don't remember that??" Kaku took a step back, not out of fear, but because he suddenly had no reason to stand quite so close to him. "And it's not like I try to wake you up on purpose! And that prank was not to keep your leopard away, because Sanji had it! I assumed you'd attack him once you found that out! Besides, I ended up with that horrible body destroying disease again as payback; I'd rather have had it than you!"
"I was talking about all the other times you've forgotten something important, not that one! You don't remember those?" Lucci reacted to the step back by sneering in disgust and moving to the other side of the room, pacing. "And yet you took the disease back in order to humiliate me! Oh, yes, that makes me feel so much better. Is it any wonder I flirt with other people, really? At least they don't know me well enough to realize full well when they're doing something that will upset me!"
"Fine! If I'm to be so reviled, why don't you and Miss George go spend a little more quality time together? I'm sure Usopp would love it if he discovered you making out with his girlfriend!" Kaku was shouting again, and gestured in the general direction of the rest of the ship.
"Well at least she doesn't have a giant freakish nose to stab me in the face with!" Lucci shouted, practically at the top of his lungs. ...And then he froze, realizing what he had just said, color draining from his face. "...I didn't mean that," he added, very quietly.
Kaku stood there in silence for a long moment, a ringing contrast to the shouting that had precluded it. Where the rage had once been, now he just felt numb. Had Lucci just...he could handle such insults from anyone else, really, there were nothing and he was quite used to him. But Lucci had spent a great deal of this argument insulting his clothing, and now his appearance? He was the one person Kaku actually cared about looking at him in such a way...
"Don't." He finally said quietly, shaking his head. "...I'm done." He spared Lucci one final look before turned quickly and striding towards the exit. He didn't even look back before he walked outside into the waning sunlight and slammed it hard behind him.
Lucci stood there numbly as the door slammed and several seconds thereafter. Finally, slowly, he found a chair to sit in and covered his eyes with his hand. "...I didn't mean it," he said quietly, to the empty room.
What: An extremely nasty argument between a married couple.
Where: The Library on the Sunny
When: Today, Mid Afternoon
Warnings: Cursing, stupid fight is stupid, jealousy, mentions of sexual practices, etc. THIS WAS PAINFUL.
To say he was in a bad mood was putting it lightly. Really, Kaku could only recall one time in recent history where he had been this truly upset. At least last time, he'd known why and who to direct it towards, but this time, all he had to go on was mere suspicion. He hated not having the facts, and yet, he was not certain that he wanted the facts. Thus, to distract himself from such things, he'd taken to reading a book in the library, where it was quiet and calm, and away from computers and the internet. Perhaps some reading would help clear his mind of all this in time.
Lucci could practically feel Kaku's bad mood from across the ship. He'd caught a bit of it in the morning during breakfast, but they had managed not to run into each other much during the day...still, it was palpable, and Lucci had the sneaking suspicion he were somehow involved in the cause of it. Tracking Kaku down in the library, Lucci made his approach a careful one, in case he didn't want to be disturbed. "Hello," he said, leaning against a bookshelf, hands in his pockets.
Kaku's eyes paused on the word he was reading when Lucci entered the room, and took a few seconds to think very quickly. He'd be able to keep this smooth without making a fuss; he could be pleasant and friendly to the man he loved, even if he was irritated at him for unknown reasons. Lowering his book, he looked up at Lucci and offered him a light smile. "Hello," he replied. "Did you come all this way just to see me and say hello or did you have something on your mind?" His tone was pleasant, if quiet, and might have fooled anyone else if they were not Lucci.
Lucci raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by the display. "You're in a mood," he said, more a statement of observation than an accusation. "Have I done something wrong?"
Ah, just as Kaku would have expected. Sometimes, it was irritating that he could not slip anything past him. "It's nothing; I've just come here to get my mind off things." It was dismissive, but also something that, Kaku suspected, Lucci would not buy.
"What things?" Lucci asked. He stayed where he was, not wanting to pressure Kaku by advancing on him. Conversations that started out this way rarely got anywhere. He almost wanted to sigh in vague annoyance, but he knew it certainly wouldn't help.
Kaku closed his book, coming to the realization that Lucci was going to stand here until he got a satisfactory answer. Really, had he expected anything else? "Just a few things that have been weighing on my mind lately; I'll be fine." He did not want to launch into a tirade about his suspicions concerning Lucci without any evidence, because they would be deeply unfair, especially if they were unfounded accusations.
Lucci's raised eyebrow went a little higher. Then he shrugged minutely, looking away. "Suit yourself." He should have known better than to bring it up. When Kaku didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. "Being a vampire was interesting," he said, by way of changing the subject, "though I feel I ought to apologize to a few people. You, for instance. And certainly George..."
Kaku's expression changed quickly as Lucci brought up being a vampire, and sat up, leaning forward a little. "You needn't worry about me, but...why Miss George?" he inquired carefully. He had a very nasty feeling about where this was going to go; he could feel it, like the anticipation thick in the air before an explosion.
Lucci had the presence of mind to feel guilty, though he wasn't sure it showed on his face, and he was looking away anyway. "...I bit her. She said it was all right," he added quickly, "but I think I may have influenced her hypnotically. By accident, of course."
"...I see." Kaku's voice was quiet, almost dangerous. It was a tone of voice he rarely had, even when he had been an agent, because he'd always preferred speaking clearly and openly. His suspicions were confirmed then, and his expression now was a combination of anger and a bit of betrayal, "So you wanted her as well. So I suppose I'm not enough any longer." His sentence was short and without the warmth he'd been speaking with previously. He'd not want to lay blame with Miss George, of course, but she'd said it was all right?
That was...Lucci was taken aback. Considerably. He turned back to look at Kaku again rather swiftly, blinking in surprise. "What? ...Kaku, I was hungry. How does that follow?"
Kaku still sat there in his chair, catching Lucci's gaze without faltering. Had he been thinking more rationally, he would have accepted this as fact, and recalled that he had been unable at the time to slake Lucci's thirst, given that he'd been his first victim and was still recovering. But this was not a rational moment, not in the least, and he stood up. "Though I suppose she does have a few traits that I don't have as far as bloodletting goes. The inability to die, for one, and fantastic healing abilities. I'm not surprised. No need to spend time in the infirmary, vampire or not." He knew he was jealous, he knew he sounded jealous, but the floodgates had just been broken.
Now Lucci was confused. "Well, yes, she does. Would you rather I had killed you?" His tone had an unpleasant edge to it; somewhere between yesterday and today, something had taken a turn for the worse. Unless it had been coming for awhile...
"I'd have hoped you would have exercised enough restraint not to," Kaku said tersely. His words had many meanings. "It must get tiresome, having to send me off to the infirmary every time it goes a little too far or something unexpected happens." It was far from pity in his voice; it was almost accusatory, but not quite, as if he was suspecting such to be the case. "I once felt privileged to know that I was the only one able to handle anything you could give. But I suppose that can go now for a few others, should the whim strike you." He wasn't accusing Lucci of having an affair by any means, but he recalled, quite bitterly, the times when Lucci had grown suspiciously close to others.
That was going too far. Lucci's eyes narrowed, and although he remained perfectly relaxed against the bookshelf, he took his hands from his pockets and folded his arms across his chest. "If this is about you being jealous that you're no longer my sole link to humanity, perhaps this discussion is better left untouched, hmm?"
"Humanity? Oh no, I encourage you to have friends and people to value. I'm not jealous of your friends, our friends. I'm jealous of those that you might grow a little too close to. A few names seem to come to mind." Kaku saw Lucci's eyes narrow, but he soldiered on, even if it was into unfair territory. "It's because I've left this subject untouched for so long that it's gotten to this point."
"So that's why you're in a foul mood?" Lucci snapped. "Because you can never speak your mind at the appropriate moment? Because you've been misreading my intentions toward our friends? Is that it?"
"What is there to misread, I wonder? You told me once that you loved Luffy! There's no misreading that! I'd thought that perhaps it was simply a great admiration that you held for him, but lately, with him not recalling you and you being in such a foul mood, I wonder if that was truly the case! Certainly nothing I've said or done has helped to improve your mood! Or perhaps Princess Azula, or Mr. Rayleigh could do better?" His voice was rising; rarely did he ever yell, but for the first time in a very long time, he was allowing his anger to get the better of him.
...Lucci normally prided himself on his ability to keep calm in a fight, and on his quick replies...but this was... "We've been through this," he snarled through gritted teeth, standing up from the bookcase with his arms at his sides, almost as though ready to attack. "I thought you understood. Though if I was wrong...I suppose I am wrong...I should hardly think it's my fault. You don't listen; you pick what you want to hear to make yourself feel better."
"So I don't listen, do I? I certainly thought I understood, considering how long I've been patiently letting things slide. Do you even consider the ramifications of some of things you do before you do them anymore? Did you not think I wouldn't get jealous? I do not wish to share you, not in that respect." Kaku was glaring at him now. "We're married, in case you've forgotten." It was a nasty thing to say, but he was not thinking, he was simply going on instinct. "How many times have you gone off and done things without telling me first? How often do you expect me to sit idly by while you do something, and then not be angered or upset or frustrated at the outcome? I've tried being patient for so long, tried to be understanding, but after a while, it gets very difficult, even for me. How much do you want me to sacrifice?"
Lucci actually had to cover his face with his hand at that. "I cannot believe we are having this discussion," he hissed. "Suddenly this bothers you? Things I've been doing for years without comment are crimes now? Haven't you actually told me that you don't mind as long as I don't - am I too stubborn and bothersome to communicate with, now?" He realized that his voice was rising slightly in volume, and attempted to control himself, but he was beginning to feel sick thinking that Kaku hadn't told him any of this before.
"Suddenly? Suddenly?" Kaku actually laughed a bit at this, sarcastic and short. "I wasn't aware that getting high behind my back was something you'd been doing for years; was I mistaken? Also, I distinctly recall you once saying that were I to ever show interest in another that there would be bloodshed. In a dark alleyway some six years ago; do you remember? Does this rule only apply to me now?" Kaku took a bold step forward; he'd never been afraid of Lucci, and he wasn't about to begin now. "Communication is very difficult when you won't talk to me. You'd rather brood in silence and let me guess. I'm so tired of that! Doesn't anything bring you joy any more? Must you always focus on the gloom and misery?"
Lucci couldn't remember the last time he'd been caught with his mouth hanging open. He did, however, remember the incident Kaku had been talking about. "...That was in reference to letting other people fuck you, which I pointedly have not done, and furthermore it was more a joke than anything - are you still on that? Getting high - that was once. I know it was a bad idea. We talked about this. I do talk to you! We talk all the time! Except for when you're angry at me for things that happened six years ago! Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound!?" Lucci was talking far too loudly for a library by now. "I'm happier now than I have been in years! I'm free now. I thought you were happy, too. I thought you were happy for me. I suppose not."
"I never accused you of fucking anyone else, for the record! Nor am I angry about you saying that those years ago; if I recall correctly, it was a distinct turn on!" Kaku's hands were clenched at his sides, but he quickly jammed them into his pockets so that they at least were otherwise occupied. "Overall, yes, I'm happy! I'm enjoying this life we've been given! But right now, at THIS moment, I am not! You've been unhappy ever since Luffy came back; what am I supposed to do when none of my efforts to improve this work? Do you realize how miserable it feels to think that you can do nothing for the person you married? I've never felt powerless before now. It's ridiculous, Lucci, to expect me to be content when you are not!"
"I think it's incredibly ridiculous of you to be angry at me when I'm discontent in the first place!" Lucci snapped. "I'm so sorry that it makes me unhappy that a person I consider a good friend barely remembers who I am! Or maybe you wouldn't understand that, evidently wanting nothing to do with him? And don't pretend that you haven't flirted with other people, too. I remember that week when I was fourteen."
"Wanting nothing to do with him? I was one of thoe only ones amused by his-" Kaku shook his head; this argument was not about Luffy at all, who had done nothing wrong. But at the mention of him flirting with Fujiko, he actually looked incredulous. "Are you...you're serious! Lucci, you know for a fact that the only woman I've ever been attracted to was you, and that was for a week! She and I planned it that way so you wouldn't stray; I was certain you were going to!"
"Because trying to make me jealous when I was already in a confused and deeply unpleasant state of mind was good for me, was it? If you weren't going to give me any credit, perhaps you shouldn't have lied to my face and told me that you trusted me and liked me the way you do now." That hurt Lucci more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. "I'd like to know how many times you've lied to me just to shut me up. Every time you don't want to talk about something...why does it always take months and months of incidents piling up for you to finally say something? You just...you don't make any sense to me sometimes. But then, I've always been the socially inept one, haven't I? Is that burdensome to you as well?"
"I...What?" Kaku now looked utterly confused, a strange break in the anger that had settled there before. "I didn't lie to you about that! I was completely honest!" For a split second, he actually appeared as though he'd been struck, but he rallied quickly. "Just to shut you up...do you really think I value your opinion so little? Did you ever consider that perhaps I don't say anything because at the time, it doesn't bother me? Would you rather I lord over you, tell you ever little nitpicky thing that I see? I don't want to be like that!" The implication that Lucci was a burden at all was deeply painful. "Of course it's not a burden! I've always been there to assist and explain, and I've never minded! Ever." He was having trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that Lucci thought he was nearly wholly dishonest with him.
Lucci pressed the heels of his hands into his temples and huffed in sheer annoyance. "If it isn't bothersome to you at the time, what makes it so terrible now? I don't want you to nitpick over everything either, but - are there really so many things to be upset about? You're not exactly perfect yourself, but I keep my mouth shut about it! Don't act as though I'm meant to be perfect. You wanted me to be human, and I am, and there's only so much I can do. I'm not..." He snarled. "Kaku, I'm not your boss anymore!"
"I don't want you to be perfect!" The confusion had faded quickly away. "And if you're not my boss any longer, perhaps you should stop being so condescending! I'm not the sixteen year old boy you beat into the training room wall anymore! I'm not a recruit you can look down on, I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself!" He was almost square with Lucci now; he was looking him directly in the eyes.
"When have I ever--" ...But Lucci did remember talking for Kaku, or even defending him when he didn't need it. He paled slightly, embarrassed at having been caught. "If you want me to stop being so condescending, perhaps you could try to grow up. You're not sixteen anymore, Kaku, and grown men do not eat potentially dangerous magic vegetables because it might be fun or throw themselves off of cliffs above water when they can't swim."
"Don't you even begin to start about that," Kaku said, warning in his voice. "You're always right there along with me, so you have no room to talk. "OR are you doubting the fact that I'm unable to keep myself above the water? I should be better trained than that; YOU trained me!" He pointed emphatically at Lucci. "AND I told you back then that I ate the carrot to see what the effects were, not because I wanted some sort of thrill!" Kaku would have also pointed out that there were a great many men in this world who still skydived and cliff dived who were far older than him, but it was pointless.
"Oh, you're making excuses and we both know it," Lucci snapped, taking another step in. He was being actively menacing, whether he realized it or not. "You did it for fun, and no amount of training protects a person from being an idiot. And on top of that, you still dress like you did when you were twelve, so I don't see much in the way of progress!"
"Oh, so you've descended to complaining about my attire, have you?" At the moment, Kaku was not wearing anything special, but it certainly wasn't sweatpants and a jacket. "I wasn't aware that my lowly clothing choices have offended your tastes in fashion!" Lucci had oft teased him about it, and had been caught wearing his sweatpants in the middle of the night, but it had never been a bone of contention before. "I suppose I have dress in a suit and tie every day if I want to catch your eye from now on!"
"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't kill you to try. I try! Is there something wrong with wanting look presentable? Or is that unacceptable now too? Maybe it isn't that I have high standards so much as that you don't have any!"
"I have tried! Multiple times? Or have you forgotten? I didn't realize that jeans and a t-shirt were not presentable now!" He gestured to what he was wearing, which wasn't couture by any means, but it was perfectly presentable and clean. "Silk shirts and fine suits and ties suit you all well and good, but I do not need an entire wardrobe of it! Are you saying that I'm only as appealing as the clothing I've got on?"
"No, I'm saying that--" Lucci sighed harshly, cutting himself off. He didn't know what he was saying. "I'm saying that all of this - you're too polite about everything, you never come out and say what you want to when you should, you forget my birthday, you wake me up in the middle of the night getting up because you never sleep - it just...it adds up. And you helped Sanji keep my leopard from me during the power switch episode to trick me into singing, which you know was terrible. He didn't know, but you did, and you did it anyway!"
"I did NOT forget your birthday! I woke up early and went into town and-" Kaku paused and stared at him. "You don't remember that?" He paused for a long second to realize this. "It was both an effort to dress fashionably, remember your birthday, AND get you a nice gift after a few trying weeks, and you don't remember that??" Kaku took a step back, not out of fear, but because he suddenly had no reason to stand quite so close to him. "And it's not like I try to wake you up on purpose! And that prank was not to keep your leopard away, because Sanji had it! I assumed you'd attack him once you found that out! Besides, I ended up with that horrible body destroying disease again as payback; I'd rather have had it than you!"
"I was talking about all the other times you've forgotten something important, not that one! You don't remember those?" Lucci reacted to the step back by sneering in disgust and moving to the other side of the room, pacing. "And yet you took the disease back in order to humiliate me! Oh, yes, that makes me feel so much better. Is it any wonder I flirt with other people, really? At least they don't know me well enough to realize full well when they're doing something that will upset me!"
"Fine! If I'm to be so reviled, why don't you and Miss George go spend a little more quality time together? I'm sure Usopp would love it if he discovered you making out with his girlfriend!" Kaku was shouting again, and gestured in the general direction of the rest of the ship.
"Well at least she doesn't have a giant freakish nose to stab me in the face with!" Lucci shouted, practically at the top of his lungs. ...And then he froze, realizing what he had just said, color draining from his face. "...I didn't mean that," he added, very quietly.
Kaku stood there in silence for a long moment, a ringing contrast to the shouting that had precluded it. Where the rage had once been, now he just felt numb. Had Lucci just...he could handle such insults from anyone else, really, there were nothing and he was quite used to him. But Lucci had spent a great deal of this argument insulting his clothing, and now his appearance? He was the one person Kaku actually cared about looking at him in such a way...
"Don't." He finally said quietly, shaking his head. "...I'm done." He spared Lucci one final look before turned quickly and striding towards the exit. He didn't even look back before he walked outside into the waning sunlight and slammed it hard behind him.
Lucci stood there numbly as the door slammed and several seconds thereafter. Finally, slowly, he found a chair to sit in and covered his eyes with his hand. "...I didn't mean it," he said quietly, to the empty room.