[Rifts in the Boredom of Forced Sick Leave] -- [Open]

[kirktastic]

Things had gone... interestingly the night of the party. The small memory put a smile to Kirk's face, despite his complete boredom and annoyance at still being trapped in his room. He could leave, he could walk around, but there was nothing he could do. Damn CMO's orders

Comments

[original_fine]

It would have been prudent, Jim though, to comm first.

But comming allowed for the possibility that Jim would ignore him, or refuse him, and Jim was tired of sitting around. After Kirk's message back to him--not to mention the party--Jim was fairly confidence Kirk wasn't about to lock the door to him.

It chimed as he stood outside.

[original_fine]

Jim's head whipped around, cold dread replacing the rising anger inside him. He'd spoken without thinking, from his gut. He hadn't assumed... hadn't expected...

"Jim, no," he said quietly, as if Kirk would now tell him he was wrong, that he hadn't been there too, that they didn't share that.

[kirktastic]

The eyes that stared at Jim were younger, a horror in his expression. Jim had been there. He could never have known the truth, enough truth to whisper those words in that context, that name, if he didn't know.

The universes were closer together then Kirk ever, ever wanted them to be. He looked down, unable to take that look that Jim was giving him. He rarely even ever had nightmares about then, none the less try to actively think about it.

It hadn't stopped him from having a small hoard of food in the dorms during his time at the academy.

[original_fine]

Without noting the steps in between, Jim was beside Kirk, his arm around him. He was still angry--this was not resolved, and he figured there'd be more confrontation before it was--but he could but it on hold. Forget it in the context of this, of the way Kirk wasn't looking at him, the tension in those shoulders.

"Jim, I'm sorry," he said nonsensically. He hadn't sent Kirk there. He couldn't have stopped it. But somehow it seemed unfair that they'd both had to share that. Of all things.

[kirktastic]

"Don't." Kirk choked on the word, body tensing even as he leaned into Kirk, "Don't.. pity. Don't be sorry." He brought his legs up, mind not even sure what to think about this. "I don't want to think about that."

But he had lived through this well, another mass suicide, another man he had been powerless to stop.

He stared downwards before whispering, "I don't want to lose a friend, but just like you... I can't back down from what I believe in."

[original_fine]

Jim didn't let go, but he stiffened slightly. "It's not pity," he snapped. "Don't you think I know what you're feeling? That I wish this world had spared you that?" He swallowed. It wasn't a subject he liked discussing either. Would it help, that Kirk knew? Would it help to tell him of meeting Kodos again?

"I'm not asking you to back down from what you believe in. I'm asking you to think it over. To make sure you have perspective. No one would blame you for having to find it again. The Jim Kirk I know believes in due process and altering one's options to fit the situation. The situation's changed. That's all I came here to say. I... met him again. Kodos. Years later. I'm not ignorant of your situation."

His arm dropped, and he took a step back.

"I've overstayed my welcome," he said. "You know where to find me." Doing nothing.

[kirktastic]

To that, Kirk said nothing at all. He didn't look up, eyes narrowed as he stared at the bed. He didn't reach out, didn't speak another word. Allowing Jim to leave. His eyes closed slowly, tired and unknowing. He could feel a slow roll in his stomach, churning and hot, thinking about the pain he could remember from that long ago mixed with the deep green and orange and black of what happened on the Narada.

Due process. Starfleet would have Nero executed or thrown into jail. The latter.. what good would it do? He could escape again. There was so much that could happen.

Maybe I should talk with Pike about this.

[original_fine]

Jim leaned against the bulkhead outside Kirk's door, taking deep breaths and gathering himself. He hadn't thought it would be so difficult. He'd faced so much worse, as a matter of course.

This was different. This was him, only now he doubted how true that was. What that connection meant. Jim had seen himself mirrored so many times. And as much as he believed in himself, none of those views had been flattering.

Had he lost that?