Comments | kirktastic: [Rifts in the Boredom of Forced Sick Leave] -- [Open]

kirktastic

[Rifts in the Boredom of Forced Sick Leave] -- [Open]

Nov 04, 2009 12:24

Things had gone... interestingly the night of the party. The small memory put a smile to Kirk's face, despite his complete boredom and annoyance at still being trapped in his room. He could leave, he could walk around, but there was nothing he could do. Damn CMO's orders ( Read more... )

everything can fuck off and die, hell must be endless paperwork, far from perfect, this could get interesting, pointy eared bastards, kirk and kirk, goddammit i am the fucking captain

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

letspunchit November 6 2009, 17:39:59 UTC

Chris had decided to take it upon himself to talk to Jim about what had happened at the party - since George had been MIA ever since and the prospect of Jim and Winnie voluntarily getting together to chat was about as likely as...well, as Jim and Winnie voluntarily getting together to chat.

So he'd been wandering the corridors around the Captain's quarters for a while, watching people come and go - though Captain Kirk was on sick leave, his duties never seemed to cease. Now, he was tolerably sure Jim was alone.

He took a deep breath and pressed the door chime.

letspunchit November 9 2009, 21:39:51 UTC

"Winnie's not happy about a lot of the decisions she made, you know. She never was." Chris raised an eyebrow. "I know you boys think it's too little, too late, but she knows that she fucked things up, and she wants to fix it - she really does. And the fact that every conversation you guys try to have devolves into an argument is killing her."

kirktastic November 9 2009, 22:19:22 UTC

Hell, hell, hell. He really didn't want to get into this conversation. He didn't want to. His fingers tightened on the glass, "Sir... Can I be frank with you?"

"Of course." Pike responded.

"...You and I both know I'd prefer Winona not to be here. It's... to say the least, weird. But... she makes you happy, makes Dad happy... when she's not being a complete idiot and telling him no." Maybe it was just in how he grew up, but he couldn't imagine basing his entire life off of someone else's happiness with him. If someone hated him, then they hated him. ...There were a lot of those people ( ... )

letspunchit November 9 2009, 23:30:17 UTC

"No," said Chris instantly. "You're not wrong. You've got every right to feel like that. You've had a rough time of it and a lot of that is a consequence of things she did. Or didn't do. And there's not a hell of a lot that can make up for those years."

He sighed silently. "I just hope you understand that grief and shock can really mess a person up - and that she regrets it and she wants to try, when you and Sam are ready to, if you ever are. And she doesn't really hate you. She gets defensive and says what she thinks you expect to hear."

kirktastic November 9 2009, 23:33:27 UTC

Kirk spread his free hand, "I don't know what you want me to say. I feel like the only..." Something clicked, and he leaned forward. He met Pike's eyes, and said quietly, "I think the only reason she wants to 'make up' and suddenly doesn't hate me is because Dad came back. She had years to 'make up' and not hate me, but suddenly he's back and she's trying. Doesn't that seem fishy to you?"

He looked away, then back, "...Did you care about Sam and me, when we were kids? At all?"

letspunchit November 10 2009, 00:01:32 UTC

"Not fishy, no," said Chris, voice calm. "Logical. She needed the impetus. You know what I think? I think she's wanted to make up for a long time, but could never find the strength to make the first move, because she was ashamed and afraid of how you'd react. George comes back into her life, I come back, and she's got someone to push her, to be strong for her. That's how we work."

Chris sat up a little straighter at Kirk's second question, and rested his elbows on the arms of his chair. He'd been expecting this at some point, and thinking about it never failed to send a wave of guilt crashing over him. "Yes. Of course I did. You were gonna be mine, too."

kirktastic November 10 2009, 00:06:41 UTC

"I'll call bullshit on that. Maybe she did need the impetus, but that's still telling me that realizing she..." Kirk let out a breath and just shook his head. "I can be fine around her, not arguing unless she wants to bring up the past. I can even give the three of you my blessing, if you need it. But... I don't know about anything else. I don't see a reason."

The other stuff... "Course you did. That's why you came and saw Sam and I. Or rescued us from the hell that was living with Frank. Or found Sam when he vanished from the face of the planet. Or came and got me when Frank left me in prison and I got shipped off to T--"

He stopped, completely. "When I ended off planet too. Yep. Totally father material."

letspunchit November 10 2009, 00:55:46 UTC

"I'm not blameless in all of this. Far from it," Chris snapped. "After George died, everything went to hell, Winnie and I were assigned to separate postings, and we had a discussion. Remember what I told you earlier, three of us or nothing? I loved Winnie enough to let her go. And I was stupid enough to believe that the three of you would get along just fine ( ... )

kirktastic November 10 2009, 01:08:30 UTC

...I know he would have. Kirk thought to himself, staring down at the drink in his hand. He finally put it down, shaking his head. "I don't see you as my father, and I won't. I respect you sir, and you were the one that got me to go into Starfleet. You had no reason to give a shit what happened to me or Sam, so I can only blame you so much." He shrugged a little. He thought the two of them were full of it ( ... )

letspunchit November 10 2009, 01:32:23 UTC

Funny, the way Jim's words hit him. Chris hadn't been expecting that, and steeled himself against it as best he could.

"It's enough, Jim," he said, keeping his eyes steadily on Jim's tired, marked face through the unwanted memories his brain was insisting on calling up. "If that's what you can do, then that's enough. More than enough."

He didn't want to think about holding bright giggling Sam as a baby, or pressing palm and lips to the swelling bulge of Winona's belly that would one day be James Tiberius, a child he would never know, through his own faults. Those times were gone and they were never coming back - there was too much water under the bridge, too many mistakes made.

Chris nodded and didn't bother forcing a smile. "Thanks for - hearing me out, I guess."

kirktastic November 10 2009, 04:30:58 UTC

"What if it isn't enough for George, or Winona?" Kirk asked quietly. "I can't control Sam, he might not feel the same. Her putting her happiness on us is stupid. Just... go be together. The three of you."

letspunchit November 11 2009, 16:04:04 UTC

Chris chewed his lower lip in thought, an old habit from when he was young. When he realized he was doing it, he stopped immediately. "I would like that," he agreed, words coming out slow. "We need to figure things out. We'll deal with it somehow."

"Do you think you could talk to your brother about this, next time you see him?"

kirktastic November 11 2009, 16:27:45 UTC

"I'll... try." Kirk said in an extremely cautious way. "We're still learning each other out. I didn't see him for over a decade."

letspunchit November 11 2009, 16:44:39 UTC

"Of course," said Chris with a nod. "But you're probably still the closest person to him around. I would, but I don't know him at all - God knows he doesn't have reason to be as patient with me as you've been today." He gave Jim a rueful little smile.

kirktastic November 11 2009, 16:48:36 UTC

Kirk suddenly missed the days he could be relaxed around Pike, almost like a father figure. Someone he could look up to and respect, feel easy around, someone he wanted to listen to. Now.. all of that had gone to hell. Maybe it could find its way back there.

"Not talking to him isn't gonna help though." Kirk pointed out, "He's going to want answers to questions I don't have, probably about why you left, too."

Back to all threads