Where's Ruki?
Title: Where's Ruki?
Chapter: 1/1
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Crack
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own this page of lies.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Ruki x Koron
Synopsis: Ruki's on maternity leave.
Comments: Comments make me happy, like little bits of candy :3
The eldest in the band with the most unbefitting hair colour entered the studio, "Where's Ruki?"
The bassist, drummer and lead guitarist simultaneously paused wailing zombies in mid air and shifted their gaze up to the one who just arrived. The former two turned to each other and shrugged, and returned their attention to the gaming console in their hands while the last member squealed and perked up.
"Ruki's on maternity leave!"
Mutilated semi-bald zombies ripped Reita's and Kai's figurative heads off and the set of keys spinning around Aoi's index shot out of the glass window and into a random vehicle downstairs, triggering off a deafening siren and a string of unintelligible curses.
Kai was the first to recover. "Say what?"
The ever jubilant Uruha bounced on his seat, and repeated himself again. "Ruki's on maternity leave! He won't be back till 6 months later!"
Aoi spluttered and gasped. "What!? Doesn't that mean we're on an unofficial hiatus? What are we gonna do for 6 months! Our single is due next month and we've done nuts! Ruki and I even tweeted that the pv is already in the making though we have yet to produce an ounce of music!"
Kai frowned at Aoi's strange choice of vocabulary and was about to correct him when Reita stood up from the leather sofa, briskly walked over to his bass case and pulled out the famous white strip of fabric. After strapping on his thinking band, he calmly said, "That's simple. All we gotta do is get Uruha drunk and hand him a guitar. Our next single would be completely metal then."
Everyone in the room seemed to ponder on that suggestion until Kai broke everyone's train of thought.
"Hold on. We're missing a point here. Ruki can't be on maternity leave. He's a man."
The other three members blinked collectively.
Sighing at the immense density of his band mates, Kai carried on. "Ruki's a male thus it's impossible for him to get pregnant. Is his bitch pregnant?"
This time it was Uruha's turn to gasp. "Holy mothers! Ruki's fucking his dog!? I never knew... I mean Ruki's a little strange and all and I embrace all his queerness as a friend but this is a little too-"
"Shut up Uru! He's not screwing his dog for goodness sake. She's probably pregnant so Ruki took time off to care for her that's all. Though it is true that Ruki's weird, but he's not all THAT weird.... Right...?" Aoi interjected and gave everyone present a cursory glance for an affirmation of his final statement. He waited 2 seconds for a hint of an agreement. He waited another 2 seconds for a shadow of a hint of a consensus.
He got none.
Laughing awkwardly, Kai continued, "Well that makes sense Aoi. And since this is what seems to be the most likely scenario, Ruki's probably on what is called a paternity leave." He clapped his hands together and faced Uruha. "There's a difference between 'maternity' and 'paternity'. You can't use them interchangeably."
Uruha pouted. "Why not? It's just a difference of a letter that's all."
Kai took in a sharp intake of air. "No! Alright take for instance, 'bra', 'bras' and 'brass'. The first two words mean the same thing except for the last, get it?"
The commonly-mistaken transvestite shook his head. "Ah ha! You're wrong! Bra means one bra. Bras mean many bras. Brass means a HELL lot of bras!" he quipped and clapped his hands in delight.
Reita and Aoi stared at the dimwit in disbelief and tore their eyes away only when a crash in the middle of the studio snapped their senses back to reality. Their leader had entered a coma.
Several minutes, paramedics and an ambulance later, only 3 members of the GazettE were left physically able and present.
"Our janitor and midget are gone..." groaned Reita, dumping his DS next to him. Uruha tilted his head at his best friend. Aoi was quick to follow up, "Kai's our janitor 'cause he clears up our shit. Ruki's the midget which stands for short people." Uruha nodded and mouthed a silent 'o' in response, giving his relief teacher two thumbs up for his simplistic layman explanation.
"There's not enough time we gotta-" Reita stopped short. He bent down to pick up the white strip of cloth and fastened it back onto his face. "As I was saying, there's not enough time, we gotta finish up the 3 songs soon. We have no idea when those two will be back."
With that he nodded at Aoi, whose lips were set in a firm grim line. Aoi nodded back, turned on his heels and rotated the round knob of the 5-foot tall safe behind him. The large square door swung open, revealing rows upon rows of Moet & Chandon and assorted sake.
Uruha's eyes sparkled and gleamed. Imaginary wings sprouted from his ankles and hovered him over to it.
Reita on the other hand, kneeled down before the lead guitarist's beloved guitar case, unclasped the bolt and secured his fingers around its narrow neck. He whipped around at the sound of bottles clunking against the wooden floor. Uruha had already cleared half of the first layer and Aoi was scrambling around picking up stray bottles and caps.
It was gonna be a long night.
A/N: LIVEJOURNAL HATES ME. All I did was edit a little and almost the entire post disappeared -.- Anyway, many thanks to hawkhead95 for pointing out that Koron's male not female irl! (: And to those who saw my mistake under the genre as "smut"... I don't approve of beastality at all *cringes*
Chapter: 1/1
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Crack
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own this page of lies.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Ruki x Koron
Synopsis: Ruki's on maternity leave.
Comments: Comments make me happy, like little bits of candy :3
The eldest in the band with the most unbefitting hair colour entered the studio, "Where's Ruki?"
The bassist, drummer and lead guitarist simultaneously paused wailing zombies in mid air and shifted their gaze up to the one who just arrived. The former two turned to each other and shrugged, and returned their attention to the gaming console in their hands while the last member squealed and perked up.
"Ruki's on maternity leave!"
Mutilated semi-bald zombies ripped Reita's and Kai's figurative heads off and the set of keys spinning around Aoi's index shot out of the glass window and into a random vehicle downstairs, triggering off a deafening siren and a string of unintelligible curses.
Kai was the first to recover. "Say what?"
The ever jubilant Uruha bounced on his seat, and repeated himself again. "Ruki's on maternity leave! He won't be back till 6 months later!"
Aoi spluttered and gasped. "What!? Doesn't that mean we're on an unofficial hiatus? What are we gonna do for 6 months! Our single is due next month and we've done nuts! Ruki and I even tweeted that the pv is already in the making though we have yet to produce an ounce of music!"
Kai frowned at Aoi's strange choice of vocabulary and was about to correct him when Reita stood up from the leather sofa, briskly walked over to his bass case and pulled out the famous white strip of fabric. After strapping on his thinking band, he calmly said, "That's simple. All we gotta do is get Uruha drunk and hand him a guitar. Our next single would be completely metal then."
Everyone in the room seemed to ponder on that suggestion until Kai broke everyone's train of thought.
"Hold on. We're missing a point here. Ruki can't be on maternity leave. He's a man."
The other three members blinked collectively.
Sighing at the immense density of his band mates, Kai carried on. "Ruki's a male thus it's impossible for him to get pregnant. Is his bitch pregnant?"
This time it was Uruha's turn to gasp. "Holy mothers! Ruki's fucking his dog!? I never knew... I mean Ruki's a little strange and all and I embrace all his queerness as a friend but this is a little too-"
"Shut up Uru! He's not screwing his dog for goodness sake. She's probably pregnant so Ruki took time off to care for her that's all. Though it is true that Ruki's weird, but he's not all THAT weird.... Right...?" Aoi interjected and gave everyone present a cursory glance for an affirmation of his final statement. He waited 2 seconds for a hint of an agreement. He waited another 2 seconds for a shadow of a hint of a consensus.
He got none.
Laughing awkwardly, Kai continued, "Well that makes sense Aoi. And since this is what seems to be the most likely scenario, Ruki's probably on what is called a paternity leave." He clapped his hands together and faced Uruha. "There's a difference between 'maternity' and 'paternity'. You can't use them interchangeably."
Uruha pouted. "Why not? It's just a difference of a letter that's all."
Kai took in a sharp intake of air. "No! Alright take for instance, 'bra', 'bras' and 'brass'. The first two words mean the same thing except for the last, get it?"
The commonly-mistaken transvestite shook his head. "Ah ha! You're wrong! Bra means one bra. Bras mean many bras. Brass means a HELL lot of bras!" he quipped and clapped his hands in delight.
Reita and Aoi stared at the dimwit in disbelief and tore their eyes away only when a crash in the middle of the studio snapped their senses back to reality. Their leader had entered a coma.
Several minutes, paramedics and an ambulance later, only 3 members of the GazettE were left physically able and present.
"Our janitor and midget are gone..." groaned Reita, dumping his DS next to him. Uruha tilted his head at his best friend. Aoi was quick to follow up, "Kai's our janitor 'cause he clears up our shit. Ruki's the midget which stands for short people." Uruha nodded and mouthed a silent 'o' in response, giving his relief teacher two thumbs up for his simplistic layman explanation.
"There's not enough time we gotta-" Reita stopped short. He bent down to pick up the white strip of cloth and fastened it back onto his face. "As I was saying, there's not enough time, we gotta finish up the 3 songs soon. We have no idea when those two will be back."
With that he nodded at Aoi, whose lips were set in a firm grim line. Aoi nodded back, turned on his heels and rotated the round knob of the 5-foot tall safe behind him. The large square door swung open, revealing rows upon rows of Moet & Chandon and assorted sake.
Uruha's eyes sparkled and gleamed. Imaginary wings sprouted from his ankles and hovered him over to it.
Reita on the other hand, kneeled down before the lead guitarist's beloved guitar case, unclasped the bolt and secured his fingers around its narrow neck. He whipped around at the sound of bottles clunking against the wooden floor. Uruha had already cleared half of the first layer and Aoi was scrambling around picking up stray bottles and caps.
It was gonna be a long night.
A/N: LIVEJOURNAL HATES ME. All I did was edit a little and almost the entire post disappeared -.- Anyway, many thanks to hawkhead95 for pointing out that Koron's male not female irl! (: And to those who saw my mistake under the genre as "smut"... I don't approve of beastality at all *cringes*