I Scream Disaster
Title: I Scream Disaster
Chapter: 1/3
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Fluff, Humour
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own this page of lies.
Rating: G
Pairing: Reita x Kai
Synopsis: 1 crazy boss, 3 guys. 1 small shop, 3 weeks as a gelato vendor and Kai has undiagnosed schizophrenia.
Comments: A café fic.
Café romance? Or, an ice-cream shop romance?
Kai gagged and spat. Such nonsense people watched on television and read in shoujo mangas and actually believe them. The gelato vendor rolled his eyes. Then again, he had been one of those fools before too. He had been one of those naïve brainwashed folks before starting this job. He had been a hopeless romantic idiot just 3 weeks ago.
Again, Kai cringed.
A figure started towards his shop, and instantaneously Kai dropped his front of self-loathing and distaste and summoned a bright cheery smile accompanied by an even cheerier, “Hi welcome! Any flavours you’d like to try?”
Kai’s inside squirmed about disgustingly. His intestines knotted and undid itself repeatedly. He hated this job. It rendered all of them schizophrenic, if not, gave them multiple personality disorders after a while. And how long had he been here for again? Less than 3 weeks. Oh right, Kai mentally rolled his eyes, how legit.
Kai’s first day was an eventful one. The retail manager who hired him, Miyavi, was a complete money-minded anal prick - just like Mr Krabbs’ from Spongebob Squarepants.
“What are you doing just standing there!?” Was that a rhetorical question or not, Kai could not tell for Ishihara-san (later re-christened as Itchy or Mr Itchy if they were feeling a tad more respectful) spoke with the same tone and volume all the time regardless of the content of a question or statement. Kai cringed and bowed 5 degrees in apology while his co-worker, Ruki, remained indifferent and continued smiling and calling out to little kids to sample ice-cream.
“Move about Kai! No glucose would get into your limbs if you don’t move and if there is no movement customers won’t come to the shop can’t you see! Look at Ruki!” Kai slowly swiveled around to see the mentioned person standing stock still with his legs rooted to the ground and only his arms moving. Right, glucose and limbs? So, so logical. He totally got that.
It was barely 5 minutes into the new job and the newly recruited gelato vendor was questioning his decision already.
The moment the tall scrooge of a boss left though, Uruha, clocked in and upon seeing new blood in the shop, gripped Kai’s shoulders with startling force for a skinny lad and screamed, “GET OUTTA HERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN. YOU ARE UNDER PROBABTION PERIOD RIGHT!? THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU MY BOY!”
Kai blinked. What a greeting. Can this shop get any more absurd?
Ruki intervened. “Uruha, Kai. Kai, Uruha.” He proceeded to pry Uruha’s alarmingly strong lithe fingers off and said, “Yes, Uru is right. You should try to escape while you still can. I tried to warn you just now but Mr Itchy was around.” At that, the blonde mess of a hair that was Uruha nodded fervently.
Kai gulped. “Wait, how long have the both of you been working here?”
Uruha ticked off fingers while mouthing mental calculations while Ruki dully replied, “3 months.” It was quickly followed by a loud, “2 WEEKS!” and a shocked gasp, “Oh my lord. Has it only really been 14 days? It felt like 2 years of hell! Am I still 20 years old? What if I really am 22!? Oh my god!” His knees then gave way and he collapsed to the around, poking at Ruki’s studded sneakers as he did so.
Dull eyes glanced at Kai and Ruki reassured him. “Don’t worry. This is as normal things can get around here.”
Giving the currently empty shop and its showcase of glorious gelato a quick glance over, Kai’s eyes rested on his new co-workers and gulped - again.
A/N: Albeit exaggerated, this fic captures my 3 weeks stint as a gelato vendor earlier this year.