Essence
Title: Essence
Chapter: 1/?
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Implied smut
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Kai x Reita, Reita x Uruha
Synopsis: He feels, tastes, and smells of someone else.
Comments: Comments make me happy, like little bits of candy :3
It hurts to know.
I’m not dumb, blind or deaf. Nor am I handicap in any way. I am fully well aware of what has been going on. Of what has been happening these past few months. Of the main characters starring in the events I refuse to acknowledge until now, which are you and him.
Him, whom I’ve known for more than a decade, who is always constantly around us, whom I’ve already come to think of as a brother. Him, who seemed to have morphed into someone whom you consider much more than a childhood friend, much more than a brother; a lover.
Let’s skip all this cliché and bullshit talk about me putting on a façade for the rest of the world to see. About smiling for the band to keep things normal. About smiling for the fans as that’s how they’ve always perceive me to be. About smiling for you cause’ that’s I’ve always been around you. Up until now, that is.
I can’t remember exactly when your embraces lost their warmth, when your kisses started to taste like alcohol instead of cigarettes, and when your clothes smelled of him instead of me.
Under normal circumstances I would have remembered when the above 3 occurred. I am band leader after all. I do behind the scenes secretarial crap such as planning, scheduling, organising blah blah. Remembering things used to be my archilles heel, but after 10 years, it has become my forte. I am now dumbfounded at my naiveté at how I had merely found it more than coincidental that both of your schedules coincided 80% of the time, whereas on the contrary, mine and yours always seemed to clash.
Everything told by the small voice at the back of my head was validated by that call. The call I made to ask you if you were coming home for dinner because I couldn’t remember the last time we ate together. The one which you answered, no as you were going to pick up your bass from the repair shop. The only call which you pressed the wrong button to hang up, and instead clicked on another which allowed me to hear not a monotone beeping sound, but bed creaking and moans of sordid pleasure at your end.
I wonder what happened to me after that call. I vaguely remember having my back slide down the wall of our bedroom, and landing heavily on my ass on the ground as I now have an angry red mark on my shoulder blades and a bruise at my tailbone. I don’t remember seeing anything ahead of me, when rightfully there should be a large bed and a walk-in wardrobe. The only thing I can recall with absolute clarity is the squeaking of bed springs accompanied by heated moans and heavy breathing. Those sounds which are creepily similar to the ones you elicit out of me whilst doing the same act in our bed.
However, how much I remember and don’t remember doesn’t matter for you probably aren’t aware of what I know now. Even if you do, and you are putting on the same front as I am, it’s alright like this. It means that we can still carry on, you and me living in this house, continuing our so-called relationship. I can’t deny that it hurts so bad inside, but I’m willing to endure it just so I can have you next to me, physically.
Ah I hear a click. It’s you opening the door and walking towards me. I’m locked in your cold embrace again, I taste sake on your lips, and I smell Uruha on your collar.
A/N: Wrote this with Pledge on repeat again. This song makes me think of such... Stuff.