Essence - Hell
Title: Essence - Hell
Chapter: 8/?
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Death
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Kai x Reita, Uruha x Reita
Synopsis: He feels, tastes, and smells of someone else.
Comments: Comments make me happy, like little bits of candy :3
Reita’s pov
Kai has always been the caring one. When he confessed, I thought hey why not right? If we got together, I’d be “cared for” and everything. I knew he felt differently though, he loved me while to me, he was just my very good friend. However as time went by, I must admit, I really did learn to love back... A little.
Love was foreign to me you see. Friendship, brotherhood, I get these very well. For I know now that I could never do without any of my band mates. As to why I don’t understand love... Simply put, I came from a stereotypical lousy family. Abusive drunkard father, mum ran off with another man… Yup. Psychiatrists would fill you in on all those psychological bull about me turning out this way because of lack of parental love and nurturing. It all sounds like nonsense to me, but then again, it’s probably true of course.
So it kicked off like this: Kai made known his feelings to me, I accepted, he told the band, everyone’s happy. Except Uruha.
Uruha has always been by my side since we were kids. He was there with me through my family issues, and to escape from it all I had moved into his place. His mother regarded me as her second son and thanks to them, I was able to grow up a little more normally than I would have if I had continued to remain in my own home.
Throughout our teenage years, it was natural for me to have a few girls at the same time. It was easy for me, for they were easy people themselves. The only near vexing part for me is when I had to choose which girl to screw on which days so that I could have time to have the rest before dumping them. I was an asshole, but since when do girls not adore bad boys?
On the other hand, Uruha was different. He never got anyone though he was pretty as hell. Heck, I bet he had gotten more letters and verbal declarations than me up till now, but no he had never accepted anyone. Girls, guys, they all flocked towards his gorgeous exterior but he never ever gave them a mere fleeting glance.
I was oblivious at first. Having being too caught up in my own self, scheduling my time not around school work, but around bedding people, I never did realize the rationale behind Uruha’s determination to stay single, until a couple of months ago.. I did.
We were at a photoshoot. Uruha was last, and god did he look amazing. Don’t get me wrong, all this time I hadn’t give anyone a second glance ever since I got involved with Kai. But Uruha, he’s different. If I may say so myself, his face itself was leagues better than Kai. Kai merely has amazing inner qualities that would benefit me. His legs, oh his legs, how many times I had imagined his thighs wrapped around me instead of Kai’s.
I’m an asshole. I’ve already said so myself. What’s the point of living life like a saint when you can make the most of it by being the opposite?
So it came as a surprise to me when Uruha came up to me in the toilet. He started rambling, incoherent sentences fell from his pretty lips as he told me how much he had yearned for me since the beginning of our time. How envious he was of those sluts that hung around me and how much it hurt it every time I had gotten someone new. How many sleepless night he endured since Kai publicized our relationship. Then suddenly he fell silent, and pressed his lips against mine.
And that was how it all started.
Needless to say, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed him. I enjoyed balancing 2 people in my warped love-life. Honestly, what could be better? Meals and chores done at one place, and amazing sex at the next. I was at the peak of my life.
However, Kai soon found out. He didn’t turn out to be as dumb as I thought he would be. He pretended nothing happened, and willingly played along. So I continued as well, I mean, he didn’t explicitly say he minded or wanted us to stop right?
But how was I to know or even predict that he would actually kill himself? Hey, didn’t he love me more than his life? Wouldn’t he even consider caring for me before taking his own life? God that’s pathetic. Seeking death instead of facing me head on, that’s cowardly. Yeah probably he’s afraid of doing that, afraid that I would leave him, but seriously if he had come to talk to me about it, I would have convinced him to accept Uruha. Well, if he really did love me, that would be the politically right thing to do. After all, aren’t people supposed to do anything just for their beloved? And as far as I’m concerned, I’m pretty damn much sure that I’m Kai’s only one. What’s more, Kai was Mr. Super Nice Guy. He would have accepted my proposal for sure. But then he had to ruin my plans by getting rid of himself first.
No biggie though, I can do without homemade meals and fresh laundry. No Kai equates to more amazing bedtime activities with Uruha. That, I cannot not do without.
I thought Uruha would be as joyous as me when I told him the news. About Kai’s failed attempt and him landing up in a nuthouse. He has always wanted me, so hasn’t he attained his goal? So I didn’t get it when he started to distance himself away from me. He also begun to get on my nerves when he kept bugging me to visit Kai together. What, he’s feeling guilty now? Isn’t that kinda late already? Furthermore, Kai’s in a loony state now, he must be living within spongy white walls with no awareness of whatever’s happening outside his four walls. Kai wouldn’t even be sane enough to remember what happened, much less begrudge Uruha.
That’s what I kept telling him, but Uruha just went silent and refused to let me touch him for days. Abstinence was driving me nuts. Having Uruha every night and suddenly getting none just like that? God I was so sure I was gonna join Kai in his mental enclosure sooner or later at this rate. Hence I gave in. We would go and see him once and that’s that. That should write off Uruha’s guilt burden and Aoi and Ruki can find another drummer and we can all move on with our lives.
But my decision was hell wrong.
When we entered the room, Kai looked at us but his eyes were glazed. I couldn’t tell if he even knew who we were. So I grabbed Uruha’s arm to leave, since it was pointless visiting an ex-lover who turned into a nutbag. Uruha wouldn’t stop crying and it was seriously annoying to hear him repeat over and over again about how it was all his fault that Kai was now like this.
Yadayadayada.
Until the wind got knocked out of my lungs and my head crashed onto the floor. Fuck. Kai had lounged himself at me and he was fucking attacking my throat. I freaked and shouted for Uruha to get someone but I couldn’t turn my head and from the corner of my eye, I could only see him squatting at the corner of the room next to the door. He was freaking out even much more than I am and sobbing hysterically. Now this is just great. My deranged ex-boyfriend was ripping my neck apart and my current lover was going berserk on his own as well.
I tried to shove Kai off. But I couldn’t. Though our eyes met when he was tearing my neck, his pupils were dilated and unfocused. Heck, they weren’t just that. It was as though he was looking at me but not really at me.
The region below my face was in hell. Fuck my blood was getting everywhere. At this rate I would be dead for sure before any help came. Kai was too damn strong.
I called out for Uruha again, and again. But with each time I yelled, my voice got softer and softer. The last time I whispered for his name, the pain on my neck eased and I thought someone had finally come for me. I closed my eyes and a feeling of bliss washed over me, feeling relieved that I was rescued.
However, when I opened my eyes again, the hurt on my neck had gone, but pain, pain which came in the size of a million warehouses stabbed me over and over again at random places on my body. I was engulfed in flames. I was now in hell.
Chapter: 8/?
Author: kiroyo
Genre: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Death
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Rating: PG15
Pairing: Kai x Reita, Uruha x Reita
Synopsis: He feels, tastes, and smells of someone else.
Comments: Comments make me happy, like little bits of candy :3
Reita’s pov
Kai has always been the caring one. When he confessed, I thought hey why not right? If we got together, I’d be “cared for” and everything. I knew he felt differently though, he loved me while to me, he was just my very good friend. However as time went by, I must admit, I really did learn to love back... A little.
Love was foreign to me you see. Friendship, brotherhood, I get these very well. For I know now that I could never do without any of my band mates. As to why I don’t understand love... Simply put, I came from a stereotypical lousy family. Abusive drunkard father, mum ran off with another man… Yup. Psychiatrists would fill you in on all those psychological bull about me turning out this way because of lack of parental love and nurturing. It all sounds like nonsense to me, but then again, it’s probably true of course.
So it kicked off like this: Kai made known his feelings to me, I accepted, he told the band, everyone’s happy. Except Uruha.
Uruha has always been by my side since we were kids. He was there with me through my family issues, and to escape from it all I had moved into his place. His mother regarded me as her second son and thanks to them, I was able to grow up a little more normally than I would have if I had continued to remain in my own home.
Throughout our teenage years, it was natural for me to have a few girls at the same time. It was easy for me, for they were easy people themselves. The only near vexing part for me is when I had to choose which girl to screw on which days so that I could have time to have the rest before dumping them. I was an asshole, but since when do girls not adore bad boys?
On the other hand, Uruha was different. He never got anyone though he was pretty as hell. Heck, I bet he had gotten more letters and verbal declarations than me up till now, but no he had never accepted anyone. Girls, guys, they all flocked towards his gorgeous exterior but he never ever gave them a mere fleeting glance.
I was oblivious at first. Having being too caught up in my own self, scheduling my time not around school work, but around bedding people, I never did realize the rationale behind Uruha’s determination to stay single, until a couple of months ago.. I did.
We were at a photoshoot. Uruha was last, and god did he look amazing. Don’t get me wrong, all this time I hadn’t give anyone a second glance ever since I got involved with Kai. But Uruha, he’s different. If I may say so myself, his face itself was leagues better than Kai. Kai merely has amazing inner qualities that would benefit me. His legs, oh his legs, how many times I had imagined his thighs wrapped around me instead of Kai’s.
I’m an asshole. I’ve already said so myself. What’s the point of living life like a saint when you can make the most of it by being the opposite?
So it came as a surprise to me when Uruha came up to me in the toilet. He started rambling, incoherent sentences fell from his pretty lips as he told me how much he had yearned for me since the beginning of our time. How envious he was of those sluts that hung around me and how much it hurt it every time I had gotten someone new. How many sleepless night he endured since Kai publicized our relationship. Then suddenly he fell silent, and pressed his lips against mine.
And that was how it all started.
Needless to say, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed him. I enjoyed balancing 2 people in my warped love-life. Honestly, what could be better? Meals and chores done at one place, and amazing sex at the next. I was at the peak of my life.
However, Kai soon found out. He didn’t turn out to be as dumb as I thought he would be. He pretended nothing happened, and willingly played along. So I continued as well, I mean, he didn’t explicitly say he minded or wanted us to stop right?
But how was I to know or even predict that he would actually kill himself? Hey, didn’t he love me more than his life? Wouldn’t he even consider caring for me before taking his own life? God that’s pathetic. Seeking death instead of facing me head on, that’s cowardly. Yeah probably he’s afraid of doing that, afraid that I would leave him, but seriously if he had come to talk to me about it, I would have convinced him to accept Uruha. Well, if he really did love me, that would be the politically right thing to do. After all, aren’t people supposed to do anything just for their beloved? And as far as I’m concerned, I’m pretty damn much sure that I’m Kai’s only one. What’s more, Kai was Mr. Super Nice Guy. He would have accepted my proposal for sure. But then he had to ruin my plans by getting rid of himself first.
No biggie though, I can do without homemade meals and fresh laundry. No Kai equates to more amazing bedtime activities with Uruha. That, I cannot not do without.
I thought Uruha would be as joyous as me when I told him the news. About Kai’s failed attempt and him landing up in a nuthouse. He has always wanted me, so hasn’t he attained his goal? So I didn’t get it when he started to distance himself away from me. He also begun to get on my nerves when he kept bugging me to visit Kai together. What, he’s feeling guilty now? Isn’t that kinda late already? Furthermore, Kai’s in a loony state now, he must be living within spongy white walls with no awareness of whatever’s happening outside his four walls. Kai wouldn’t even be sane enough to remember what happened, much less begrudge Uruha.
That’s what I kept telling him, but Uruha just went silent and refused to let me touch him for days. Abstinence was driving me nuts. Having Uruha every night and suddenly getting none just like that? God I was so sure I was gonna join Kai in his mental enclosure sooner or later at this rate. Hence I gave in. We would go and see him once and that’s that. That should write off Uruha’s guilt burden and Aoi and Ruki can find another drummer and we can all move on with our lives.
But my decision was hell wrong.
When we entered the room, Kai looked at us but his eyes were glazed. I couldn’t tell if he even knew who we were. So I grabbed Uruha’s arm to leave, since it was pointless visiting an ex-lover who turned into a nutbag. Uruha wouldn’t stop crying and it was seriously annoying to hear him repeat over and over again about how it was all his fault that Kai was now like this.
Yadayadayada.
Until the wind got knocked out of my lungs and my head crashed onto the floor. Fuck. Kai had lounged himself at me and he was fucking attacking my throat. I freaked and shouted for Uruha to get someone but I couldn’t turn my head and from the corner of my eye, I could only see him squatting at the corner of the room next to the door. He was freaking out even much more than I am and sobbing hysterically. Now this is just great. My deranged ex-boyfriend was ripping my neck apart and my current lover was going berserk on his own as well.
I tried to shove Kai off. But I couldn’t. Though our eyes met when he was tearing my neck, his pupils were dilated and unfocused. Heck, they weren’t just that. It was as though he was looking at me but not really at me.
The region below my face was in hell. Fuck my blood was getting everywhere. At this rate I would be dead for sure before any help came. Kai was too damn strong.
I called out for Uruha again, and again. But with each time I yelled, my voice got softer and softer. The last time I whispered for his name, the pain on my neck eased and I thought someone had finally come for me. I closed my eyes and a feeling of bliss washed over me, feeling relieved that I was rescued.
However, when I opened my eyes again, the hurt on my neck had gone, but pain, pain which came in the size of a million warehouses stabbed me over and over again at random places on my body. I was engulfed in flames. I was now in hell.