#547 - A Mycroftian Manifesto (BBC Sherlock)
☂UNDER MY UMBRELLA☂
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Mycroft
☂ IN DEFENSE OF BAD TASTE
As a writer and general all-purpose fangirl, I often find myself falling in love with characters while the source material looks on disapprovingly. Criminals and cads, serial killers and sociopaths---they’re hardly the kind of men I can see bringing home to my mother. When I’m not romancing complete scoundrels, I have a terrible weakness for minor characters. And when I say minor, trust me. I mean it. No backstory? No problem. Five minutes of screen-time? Even better. Listed “Man #4” in the credits? Bring it on. It’s embarrassing, really, but I can't help myself.
I'll let you in on a little secret, though: if a decade in fandom has taught me anything, it's that good taste doesn't necessarily mean a good time, so forget about saving face and just relax. Don't write your only pleasures off as guilty pleasures. Join me in celebrating bad taste, if only for today, because I've gone and done it again with my latest love affair.
Mom, fandom, I'd like you to meet Mycroft.
☂ THE MYSTERIOUS MR. MYCROFT
There is no doubt that, of the two brothers Holmes, Mycroft is less loved by both canon and fanon. Arthur Conan Doyle denigrates him as only a fond father can, denouncing him as fat and lazy one minute and exalting his intelligence the next:Heavily built and massive, there was a suggestion of uncouth physical inertia in the figure, but above this unwieldy frame there was perched a head so masterful in its brow, so alert in its steel-gray, deep-set eyes, so firm in its lips, and so subtle in its play of expression, that after the first glance one forgot the gross body and remembered only the dominant mind.
Arthur Conan Doyle, The Bruce-Partington Plans
ACD!Mycroft may be able to run mental laps around his brother, but he won’t be doing his own legwork any time soon. Don’t get me wrong---as a fat girl, I love fat characters. What I don’t love is when a character as fascinating and faceted as Mycroft is dismissed as having “no ambition and no energy” (The Greek Interpreter). Guy Ritchie’s Mycroft runs up against many of the same problems and also a few new ones, not least of which is the fact that he’s completely unaware of what a sight he makes wandering around naked in front of company. Fry's portrayal is amusing to be sure, but it's difficult to take his intelligence seriously. Inside of two minutes, he manages to prove himself even more lacking in social graces than his brother. That takes talent, sure, but it’s not the sort I admire.
Thanks to a few snide comments from Sherlock, BBC fandom’s version fares little better. Where Sherlock is married to his work, Mycroft is married to his pantry. He’s shy and virginal, gluttonous and restrictive by turns, body-conscious and utterly helpless in the face of a good biscuit. In short, he’s not a whole lot like the character I was under the impression I was falling in love with, which makes me wonder if it’s time for a sanity check. Let’s see what BBC!Sherlock has to say about his big brother: He’s the most dangerous man you’ll ever meet […] He is the British government. When he's not too busy being the British Secret Service or the CIA on a freelance basis.
Sherlock, A Study in Pink
That's the quote (well, quotes) that sticks with me---not the jab about Mycroft’s weight, which, if you'll allow me to quote John completely out of context, “is fine, by the way.” When I look at Mycroft, I think confident, poised, commanding. I see a man in possession of sang-froid that stands up to even the most calculated assaults. There’s a je ne sais quoi about him that I can’t put my finger on. All I know is that I want more and that I need my incredibly rusty French to talk about it. Last night, my roommate dropped in to check on me and saw me working on this post. Not that surprisingly, she was slightly baffled. “Mycroft’s such a stiff, though,” she told me. “He’s so...awkward.”
I had only one thing to say to her: what the hell have you been watching?
If you’ve seen the season two previews, you don’t need me to tell you that Mycroft has a cheeky streak. Pun totally intended. Moving on. But really, how can you look at that and think we’re dealing with a stiff? In the interest of fairness, my roommate hasn’t seen the preview in question, but it’s not as if there’s no indication of that same playfulness in season one:Mycroft: I’m the closest thing to a friend Sherlock Holmes is capable of having.
John: What’s that?
Mycroft: An enemy. If you were to ask him, he’d probably say his arch-enemy. He does love to be dramatic.
John: Well, thank god you’re above all that.
A Study in Pink
Like Moriarty as Jim from IT, Mycroft’s entire introductory sequence is first and foremost a parody; in this case, a parody of cookie-cutter villains who are so over-the-top as to be underwhelming. It’s intentionally cliché, which is what makes it so disturbing when Mycroft produces his burn book notes regarding John’s therapy sessions. I'm not trying to suggest that Mycroft is unhinged in the way that Moriarty is---he isn’t---but it's interesting to note that they both introduce themselves with caricatures. Their two-dimensionality in these sequences should suggest the presence of self-awareness, not a lack of it.
Contrary to my roommate's allegations, Mycroft does indeed have a sense of humor, and that's the bottom line.
☂ COME FOR THE SUBTERFUGE, STAY FOR THE SUITPORN
If there's one thing I love, it's a well-tailored suit. I'm on that like fanon!Mycroft on cake. I may not know a damn thing about designers, but I know fine menswear when I see it. Lucky for me, there’s no shortage of fashionable options in Sherlock. We have Moriarty sporting Westwood, Sherlock in Dolce and Gabbana, John wearing knits only a hipster could love, and Mycroft cutting a very fine figure in his customary three-piece.
Even if Sherlock’s svelte silhouette is more your style, you can’t deny that BBC!Mycroft is one GQMF. His tie might be swarming with Canadian Geese, but with his waistcoat, delicately folded pocket-square, and classic gold watch chain, he still manages to give the impression that he’s one fedora away from being a 1940’s gangster.
Forget what you’ve heard and tell me: does this look like the picture of a man who neglects himself? I don’t think so. If anything, I detect a touch of narcissism in Mycroft. His suits are obviously bespoke. There's gel in his hair. And let’s just be frank---that manicure is a lot better than mine. As for his tie, I'm with James Bond on this one:Bond mistrusted anyone who tied his tie with a Windsor knot. It showed too much vanity.
Ian Fleming, From Russia with Love
Even under extreme stress, Mycroft looks put-together. A bit on frazzled side, to be sure, but as close to impeccable as circumstances allow. Not that I really need any reason to include this other than the fact that Mycroft in shirtsleeves is hhhnnnggggghhhh. But more to the point, I'd like to point out that that his cuff links, like his ring (more on that later) and his watch, are gold. Mycroft knows better than to mix his metals---something a man who put no stock in his appearance would be unlikely to bother with. Red tie notwithstanding, he also tends to favor blues and greys that bring out his eyes, clear proof that Mycroft is not ignorant of the lessons of the late, great Connie Prince.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.
☂ EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE BLACK DRESS
Being that we're currently on the topic of fashion, I feel it would be rather remiss of me not to mention a staple which no woman’s wardrobe and no fan’s arsenal should be without: a Little Black Dress (LBD). With the right accessories, a true LBD is suitable for any occasion, formal or informal. It's the dress you can't live without, a dress for all seasons. Most importantly, a Little Black Dress looks good on everyone.
Fandom LBDs also look good on everyone. In a manner of speaking.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m biased. I'm already convinced that Mycroft has charmed his way into the pants of everyone who has ever met him. I find him unspeakably sexy, even when he makes this face. Maybe especially when he makes that face. I love Mycroft's crazyface, but even if you don't, there's no denying that Mycroft has all the makings of an LBD. He's handsome (shhhh, give in), brilliant, powerful, presumably wealthy, and, despite his condescending tendencies, manages to be quite charming much of the time. These are all qualities that, if not necessary, are extremely desirable in an LBD.
Let’s try him on for size, shall we?
MYCROFT/SHERLOCKTwo Holmeses means twice the fun, even if incest isn’t your cup of tea. Though Mycroft blames their difficult relationship on resentment, Sherlock says himself that “Bitterness is a paralytic. Love is a much more vicious motivator.” The bad blood between them shouldn’t be taken as an indication that there is no lost love. Mycroft is Sherlock’s only intellectual equal (if not his superior) and one of the few people he has yet to puzzle out completely. With decades of rivalry between them and U(S)T galore---not to mention the Christmas dinners---it practically ships itself.
MYCROFT/LESTRADEThe prince and the pauper, the cop and the criminal---Mycroft and Lestrade are readily available for all your trope-related needs and Good Cop, Bad Cop cravings. Though they’re on relatively even ground in terms of age and experience, the power differential between them couldn’t be more obvious. If Lestrade is the long arm of the law, Mycroft is the man who always manages to dodge it for his own ends. As such, they make excellent foils. Handcuffs, anyone?
MYCROFT/JOHNMycroft, if Sherlock is to be believed, is the most dangerous man John will ever meet. And we all know how John feels about danger. Bless Gatiss and Moffat for making John broke---it’s a perfect excuse for a rentboy!AU in which Mycroft is the rather unconventional answer to John’s financial problems. Canonically speaking, they get along surprisingly well. Though John is seemingly at a disadvantage, he never fails to hold his own in a conversation with Mycroft and is (mostly) unaffected by his intimidation tactics. After kidnapping John, dinner is the least Mycroft could do.
MYCROFT/ANTHEAThough we know almost nothing about Anthea, the fact that she works for Mycroft speaks to her intelligence. Don't let her constant texting fool you---it's all misdirection. Whether you think she's his wife or his beard or something else entirely, there's something delightfully appealing about the sight of Mycroft and Anthea together. They're well on their way to a Secretary!AU and all manner of canon office shenanigans. Mycroft can’t deny that she’s lovely, even if she does sometimes try to sneak her Blackberry into bed, the saucy minx.
As far as LBDs go, I agree that Mycroft doesn’t immediately seem like the best choice. Next to Sherlock, he looks a bit dowdy, like wearing your Great Aunt Mildred’s hand-me-downs to a nightclub. But as our resident sociopath quips, “You see, but you don’t observe.” Though brilliant and beautiful, Sherlock isn’t really an LBD at all. He’s that dress you love in the dressing room that nearly bowls you over with buyer’s remorse once you realize that the hemline will ride up over your ass every time you shift so much as two inches.
Mycroft may not be flashy, but he is a classic---and classics never go out of style.
☂ MYCROFT IS GAY (OR EUROPEAN)
In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I’m like the least observant person on the planet, so I actually didn’t notice that Mycroft wears a ring until I was reviewing the caps for this post, which mostly involved spending an inordinate amount of time admiring Mycroft’s adorable toothache face and writing post-dentist-style-hurt/comfort that I intend to take to the grave. Since Mark Gatiss wears his wedding band on the same hand, I didn’t immediately think anything of it, but as I was flipping through caps, I noticed (and Googled, rather serendipitously) a few other things.
What’s interesting about Mycroft’s ring isn’t so much that it’s there, but rather the fact that he’s wearing it on his right hand. There are a number of European countries where it’s customary to wear the wedding ring on the right hand, but England isn’t one of them. Now, it’s possible that Mycroft simply has Eastern European sensibilities, but I don’t think it’s very likely, given that he reads So Very English the rest of the time. Similarly, I don’t think it’s the case that the positioning of Mycroft’s ring is an accident or a simple idiosyncrasy, for the very good reason that, beyond being a cultural indicator, a wedding band (and it is a wedding band) worn on the right hand can also indicate that someone is gay.
THE PLOT THICKENS.
Without any Word of God on the subject, I obviously can’t say for sure that Mycroft is gay, let alone that he has a husband, but I don’t think it’s all that farfetched an idea, even when you consider the fact that Anthea seems to be wearing the same ring, also on her right hand. At this point, it would be easy to conclude that Mycroft is married to Anthea. They could be, but I still have my doubts. Aside from the odd positioning of their rings, there’s the issue of Anthea’s pseudonym, which, interestingly enough, is an epithet for the Greek goddess Hera. I know you hate epithets, fandom, but hear me out.
Traditionally, Hera is the protector of marriage, which is why she’s typically depicted as enduringly faithful, despite her husband’s philandering. We might regard Mycroft, then, as a sort of Zeus figure, which gives us very good reason to believe that Mycroft’s marriage to Anthea, if indeed it exists in any way, is probably a sham. After all, that’s basically what Zeus’ marriage to Hera is. But in all seriousness, take another look at the facts before you write me off as totally batshit.
The best way to run a government singlehandedly is to keep a low profile. As such, we wouldn’t expect Mycroft to have much of a presence publicly, but even as a “minor” player, he isn’t immune to gossip. If he wants to keep his position, he needs to keep up appearances, which at the very least means avoiding any potential scandal pertaining to hiring a lovely young woman like Anthea as your assistant. As far as marriages of convenience go, theirs would be very convenient indeed; excellent insurance against any rumors that might crop up as a result of their working relationship. It all makes sense---except for as an explanation for the right-handed rings and Hera’s role in all of this.
I’m just going to come right out and say it: Anthea is a professional beard. She’s protecting Mycroft from scandal by pretending to be married to him, possibly to cover up the fact that he’s married to someone else, who, if they exist, is almost definitely a man. The positioning of their wedding bands on the right hand is subtle enough to pass as mere idiosyncrasy, thus reducing the risk of public backlash, while still signaling important information to the initiated as regards Mycroft’s sexual preferences.
Coincidence? Sherlock thinks not:When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of the Four
It is, of course, a trifle, but there is nothing so important as trifles.
Arthur Conan Doyle, The Man with the Twisted Lip
☂ END CREDITS
So there we have it. Mycroft in a nutshell, from the perspective of a self-professed nutcase. I sincerely hope that you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it, because it's been a blast to finally write a long, utterly self-indulgent piece of meta. In case anyone's curious, the majority of the pictures in this post were cropped and edited by me, using caps from here. All linked images and the trolololololol .gif were found on Tumblr. Unfortunately, I haven't the slightest idea who they belonged to originally. Possibly because I'm an idiot. Most likely because I have no idea how Tumblr works except PICTURES. Many thanks to forgerness for helping me sort out some of the more difficult inline styling.
Thanks for reading and feel free to contribute your own Mycroftian meta in the comments! :)