Random stuff...
These are some of the idiotic conversations of the sort Mandy and I have over the phone on a regular basis... (Note: all these conversations were had within the past two days)
- "Cheetos"
Mandy: I'm eating Cheetos...
me: Mm, I want some Cheetos too. *goes to the kitchen to get Cheetos, retreats to lair/bedroom/Sarah-Cave*
Mandy: ...sometimes you eat the Cheetos, sometimes the Cheetos eat you.
me: Cheetos are savage predators, man. If you don't eat 'em they'll eat you!
Mandy: Really?
me: Hell, yeah!
Mandy: Maaan, that's scary.
me: They hide in the bags until you're not looking, and then they jump out and EAT you!!!
Mandy: I met a Cheeto once on the way to school.
me: ...did you eat him?
Mandy: No, he ate me. His teeth were blunt. It hurt.
me: Dude, that sucks.
Mandy: Yeah.
me: ...a Cheeto's main prey is cheese. They eat so much it oozes out of their pores.
Mandy: Really? You mean my Cheetos are oozing on me? EWWW.
me: Oh well. At least the ooze tastes good.
- "Alien Fish Goddess"
Mandy: Man, the bathrooms on the Natchez Trace are SICK.
me: Really? *drinking Kool-Aid* Do tell?
Mandy: Well, there are flies on the toilets...and like, sometimes there are like, hobos in the corners.
me: Ewww. Grody.
Mandy: I know... but we should give them sandwiches.
me: Yeah.
Mandy: No, really, we should! We can, like, go to the store and buy them sandwiches...
me: When we get there, they'll probably be sitting there trying to contact the mother ship...
Mandy: We could poke 'em...
me: You actually wanna touch 'em?
Mandy: We could always use a stick...
me: They'd probably worship us. We'd be their alien goddesses... *random thought* Nah, their alien FISH goddesses.
Mandy: They'd worship us?
me: Of course, you twit. Alien fish goddesses are to be worshipped.
- "Shoot the baby"
me: *making ramen noodles for Connor (5-year-old bro), who is whining my ear off* Connor has no idea how close he is to being shot. If I had a gun I would so shoot him.
Mandy: You wouldn't have the heart to.
me: I would if he pissed me off enough.
Mandy: Yeah, it's like *Chipmunk-ish voice* "Die you motherfucker, die!!!!" ...I'm eating Cheetos again.
me: Again? You're an addict. You need to go on the patch.
Mandy: Cheeto patch? Do they really sell those?
me: I can invent it with my genius brain and my secret laboratory.
Mandy: You have a secret lab?
me: It's under my bed.
Mandy: Is that physically possible?
me: Yeah. I just let my feet stick out the end.
Mandy: *giggle* *amused*
me: We need help. Badly.