(no subject)
By request, I've decided to write an entry about sex. Maybe that's some sort of cautionary beginning. But I figure we're all adults here.
It's come to my attention lately that it's possible I have some intimacy issues. I never would have thought this before as I always believed the act to be some kind of forte of mine. But when approaced with the statement of, "Let's make love", i've been forced to evaluate why that whole idea throws me into the most uncomfortable state I've ever been in sexually.
Making love. We see it on the movies and tv. Passionate kissing that turns into passionate petting that turns into passionate penetrating. It's what all women want...right? Not me. No way. You put me in a candle lit room with Incubus playing in the background and you'll have me on the floor laughing. Why? I don't know. I've been such a perfectionist when it comes to self evaluating. I know why I cheat, I know why I love sex, I know why I can't love just one person. (Thanks Mom) But why do I close my eyes during sex? Why is eye conact the last thing I want accomplished in that 20 minutes? I think that I've spent a majority of my sexual life dealing with guys who have an inability to connect passion with sex. Therefore, the idea has become abstract for me. But don't misunderstand me. I've had some great sex. Breathless sex. "I love you sex". But it's never been that slow, candle lit music playing making love. Is that something I want? I don't know. Maybe. I just know I've never had it. And maybe it's time.
It's come to my attention lately that it's possible I have some intimacy issues. I never would have thought this before as I always believed the act to be some kind of forte of mine. But when approaced with the statement of, "Let's make love", i've been forced to evaluate why that whole idea throws me into the most uncomfortable state I've ever been in sexually.
Making love. We see it on the movies and tv. Passionate kissing that turns into passionate petting that turns into passionate penetrating. It's what all women want...right? Not me. No way. You put me in a candle lit room with Incubus playing in the background and you'll have me on the floor laughing. Why? I don't know. I've been such a perfectionist when it comes to self evaluating. I know why I cheat, I know why I love sex, I know why I can't love just one person. (Thanks Mom) But why do I close my eyes during sex? Why is eye conact the last thing I want accomplished in that 20 minutes? I think that I've spent a majority of my sexual life dealing with guys who have an inability to connect passion with sex. Therefore, the idea has become abstract for me. But don't misunderstand me. I've had some great sex. Breathless sex. "I love you sex". But it's never been that slow, candle lit music playing making love. Is that something I want? I don't know. Maybe. I just know I've never had it. And maybe it's time.