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The Work of Grief
Grieving is ultimately about learning to love and live in a new way, whether or not we want to, whether or not we know how, because it's what we're given to do.
We might begin to love on our own, secretly, but new vistas open up when love is acknowledged, reciprocated, and shared over time. It's like completing a circuit: energy actively flows ( Read more... ) -
About Simone Biles and the backlash against her
One of the most difficult things in life involves knowing when to press onward and when to throw in the towel. It can be very difficult to know when to push through the pain (so you can get to a better place with the ability to recover) and when that last push will cause more harm than good. Our desires to please others, be the best at all times, ( Read more... ) -
Got Close Again
One of the most beauteous dreams I've had is a recurring one, of the Neverending Cemetery. I've only gotten inside a few times, but oh, I'll never forget them. It's a place of deep copses and broad glades, fireflies, gorgeous flowers of every description, fountains, and statuary and structures reminiscent of ancient Greece. There are dark, cool ( Read more... ) -
They Say It's Your Birthday
I spent the weekend buried in code, something I usually do to soothe myself from a strenuous week. At first, I didn't realize that it was because part of me knew your anniversary and birthday were upon us, and you're not here to celebrate them. I'll be honest with you, Blayre - I don't always know how to deal with that, and I haven't always dealt ( Read more... ) -
Words Are What I Have
Folks have often said that I have a gift for finding the right words, and powerful ones, particularly for difficult subjects. I usually say I don't know why or how that happened, but I think I have part of an answer now, after decades of analysis. So if you've ever wondered, strap in, because lots of words are coming.
In Silence of the Lambs, ( Read more... ) -
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I recently saw a meme thread about Real Talk in communities of color vs. the white experience of direct talk, and I've been thinking it over since. The thread says that people of color have more trouble in white spaces because Real Talk is the norm in POC communities so you won't be shunned for directly expressing yourself, but white communities ( Read more... ) -
Ending Lives
I've come to see euthanasia as a mercy when quality of life is in the negative and chances of improvement are likewise. I've seen enough of suffering to convince me that too much pain for too long can make life a hell that's not worth living. I'm also coming to appreciate that we all have different philosophies of life and different thresholds of ( Read more... ) -
Academia is Meant to Humble Us
I tell people that my education was a deeply humbling and respectful experience all the time because all of us need to hear it. My friends, my students, everyone.
During my time in college, I caught a glimpse of how much I'll never know, despite my best efforts (and I learned to work prodigiously) and I realized that that's precisely what it was ( Read more... ) -
The only way to me is through me
I bring people to a hard stop without trying - just by opening up and giving a glimpse of what I'm thinking and feeling. I share my associations and there's that pause. Often, there are seconds of horror as listeners try to compose themselves. I've sat in those moments my whole life, wondering what I could have done otherwise, why my efforts to ( Read more... ) -
Imagine if We Were Responsible for Our Beliefs
Imagine if we taught people that they're responsible for their own beliefs. Not *entitled* to them, but *responsible* for tending them.
Imagine if we taught people to test, support, and update their assumptions and conclusions from early ages, as well as present their views with respect for others.
Imagine if we taught that it's an adult's job to ( Read more... )