I need opinions.
Ok, so...
I went to writing club today. And i really really liked it. And next Wednesday they are having an Open Mic night which I really want to write something for. But I'm not sure if I should use the poem I wrote last year for english class, or if i should write a whole new poem. Opinions?
I sit in my office, old, yet well-known
this palace of chocolate, of which I call home
Remembering things I have done in my life
Tasting the candy, results of my strife.
Now, In old age, I am no longer able
To run my factory; I will tell you my fable
I used to be young, having a genius mind
Creating inventions ahead of my time
A gigantic factory, which rooms underground
That's where my inventions were regularly found
I spent all my hours, I toiled for months
Brewing the delicacies that children dreamed of
I invented some ice cream, chocolate of course
It never would melt, even when left on the porch.
There were flavored marshmallows, and feathery sweets
Which melted away before passing your teeth.
I created candy balloons, that you blow like gum
They grew big as elephants, oodles of fun
Then there was my Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight
So good, I could eat it, night after night
And we can't forget the Nutty Crunch Surprise
So good, there's passion ablaze in your eyes
But then i decided (because of the spies)
To close down my factory and live in disguise
But years later, i cannot detest
I started my own, chocolate contest'
A free tour inside, my newly opened factory
To five winners who displayed mastery
Of finding a golden wrapper inside
A chocolate bar, so many people tried
In the end, five winners were found
I took them inside, to show them around
Four of the children, how snobby they were
They messed up there chances, were gone in a blur
Until there was only Charlie Bucket left standing
(a child who needed no reprimanding)
I gave him my factory, and all the goods inside
To have for himself; The goodness, the pride
And so became of the magical area
That was a cause to so much hysteria
Now it is Charlie's, I must say I miss
Having the factory, for it was my bliss
But what i will do, since the deed is done
I will teach him my secrets, every one
He will learn how to mix, and cluster and brew
Different types of chocolate, he'll make them for you
Charlie will become my young assistant
I'm sure he will succeed in an instant
And i will be gone, but then, after all
Young Charlie Bucket will answer the call
He'll create new things, like i did before
What sort of surprises will he have in store?
I went to writing club today. And i really really liked it. And next Wednesday they are having an Open Mic night which I really want to write something for. But I'm not sure if I should use the poem I wrote last year for english class, or if i should write a whole new poem. Opinions?
I sit in my office, old, yet well-known
this palace of chocolate, of which I call home
Remembering things I have done in my life
Tasting the candy, results of my strife.
Now, In old age, I am no longer able
To run my factory; I will tell you my fable
I used to be young, having a genius mind
Creating inventions ahead of my time
A gigantic factory, which rooms underground
That's where my inventions were regularly found
I spent all my hours, I toiled for months
Brewing the delicacies that children dreamed of
I invented some ice cream, chocolate of course
It never would melt, even when left on the porch.
There were flavored marshmallows, and feathery sweets
Which melted away before passing your teeth.
I created candy balloons, that you blow like gum
They grew big as elephants, oodles of fun
Then there was my Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight
So good, I could eat it, night after night
And we can't forget the Nutty Crunch Surprise
So good, there's passion ablaze in your eyes
But then i decided (because of the spies)
To close down my factory and live in disguise
But years later, i cannot detest
I started my own, chocolate contest'
A free tour inside, my newly opened factory
To five winners who displayed mastery
Of finding a golden wrapper inside
A chocolate bar, so many people tried
In the end, five winners were found
I took them inside, to show them around
Four of the children, how snobby they were
They messed up there chances, were gone in a blur
Until there was only Charlie Bucket left standing
(a child who needed no reprimanding)
I gave him my factory, and all the goods inside
To have for himself; The goodness, the pride
And so became of the magical area
That was a cause to so much hysteria
Now it is Charlie's, I must say I miss
Having the factory, for it was my bliss
But what i will do, since the deed is done
I will teach him my secrets, every one
He will learn how to mix, and cluster and brew
Different types of chocolate, he'll make them for you
Charlie will become my young assistant
I'm sure he will succeed in an instant
And i will be gone, but then, after all
Young Charlie Bucket will answer the call
He'll create new things, like i did before
What sort of surprises will he have in store?