You Think You're So Great, Right? [prompt #11]
Title:You Think You’re So Great, Right?
Prompt: #11
Length:10050 words
Rating:PG-13
Warnings:None
Summary:There are a lot of reasons why Yixing doesn’t like Valentine’s Day, and Yifan might be pretty much all of them.
Notes: I really hope whoever prompted this one doesn’t mind the side-pairings I threw in, but I just couldn’t help myself.
Yixing hated Valentine’s Day. He never admitted to it out loud, but whenever Luhan would approach the topic the younger’s expression would draw into a slight frown and he would fall silent. It was an involuntary reaction, but Yixing wasn't really trying to control it either way. Everyone who cared to look might know of his distaste for the day.
Though in all honesty, it wasn't really the day itself that Yixing hated, and he hadn't always been in such a sour mood when it came to February the 14th. Actually he used to love the atmosphere of it, all the love in the air, even when he didn't have someone. He enjoyed watching all his friends who were in a relationship be their happy, lovey-dovey selves.
It used to be a day where there were more blushing girls running around than any other time, and guys would be either counting their haul to boast or furiously sort through the received gifts to see whether there was something from the person they were actually hoping to receive something from.
But then Yifan happened.
All of Yixing's appreciation of Valentine's day vanished when he got into the second year of highschool. They were assigned new classes and classrooms every year, so the first day of school usually meant that Yixing would be searching for where he had to head.
That particular day he was running a bit late, fearing the lecture might already start, because he had forgotten which wing their new class was supposed to be located in. When he finally turned in at the right corridor, he was too distracted by second-checking the room numbers with the ones on the sheet they had been given for orientation to notice the figure blocking the doorway.
He managed to stop himself just in time to avoid crushing face first into the other student’s chest, but only barely.
The only reason why he did stop was the shadow falling over the paper he was clutching in his hands, making him look. Being faced with the pristine white fabric of their school uniform's shirt made him come to a halt immediately.
In surprise his head tilted back, eyes wandering up a seemingly endless way until they found the quirked eyebrows of the person-obviously another student going by the uniform-and later on Yixing blamed the early hour and his distracted, not yet entirely functional brain for the impressed “Handsome.” that escaped him.
The smaller only realized that he really had voiced his thoughts out loudly when the other's eyebrows rose even further in surprise, and Yixing momentarily considered himself safe because surely he had spoken in his mother tongue. And if there was one advantage to moving to Korea, it was that whenever his thoughts escaped him without his consent, it generally resulted in a furrowed eyebrow and perhaps the request to repeat his words again, while incomprehension clouded the other parties face. It was like a safety nets for the words that fell from his lips.
A safety net that was useless against the tall blond, as Yixing had to discover, horrified, when the other's surprised expression quickly drew into something that was a mixture between a grin and a smirk.
“Thanks.” The male answered in what was decidedly not Korean, and somehow Yixing's mortification finally released the hold of his muscles, making way to embarrassment.
Yixing bowed immediately, appalled at his loose tongue. “I'm sorry.” he apologized, uncaring of the fact that complimenting someone hardly warranted an apology. His cheeks burned, but he kept his head down and ducked into the classroom to avoid the taller's piercing eyes.
He quickly rushed to where he spotted Luhan, sitting in the back of the room and playing with his phone, completely oblivious to Yixing's mortifying encounter.
“You're the most unreliable friend ever.” The younger accused his friend as soon as he slumped down at the desk in front of Luhan. As far as he knew the seats were assigned on a first-come-first-serve basis, and since this desk still looked untouched, he decided to claim it.
Innocent brown eyes lifted from the screen, looking at him questioningly, eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion. “Ehh? Why is that?”
“We were supposed to go to school together.” Yixing complained, turning in his seat so he could slouch down on Luhan’s desk, his face drawn into a pout.
“But I told you I wouldn’t be able to make it, it’s not as if I just didn’t show up?” The elder asked, as if he didn’t quite see the point of Yixing’s statement.
“Yeah, you ditched me in favour of Minseok. Because of that I got lost, and was almost late.” The younger whined, not really sure if he wanted Luhan’s pity or just wanted to make his best friend feel guilty.
A hint of confusion stayed on Luhan’s features, but he could also detect guilt creeping into the mixture. “I’m sorry, Xing, okay? But Minseok wanted to go running before school, and we can walk to school together every other day. And see, you made it perfectly on time, the teacher’s not even here yet.”
Technically, Luhan’s arguments were all sound, and Yixing knew about Luhan’s crush on his fellow soccer team member. Whenever the same-aged male would offer to spend time with Luhan, he would have a hard time declining. But Yixing wanted someone to blame for his misfortune that morning, and he decided to split the burden equally between the conceited blond and his doe-eyed friend.
“But because of you I was almost late, and had to hurry, and therefore bumped into that a blond giant.” Yixing huffed, lifting himself from Luhan’s table to give properly showcase his disgruntled expression. The other should know how upset he was.
“Blond giant?” Luhan questioned, finally seeming to perk up at the younger’s words. “You wouldn’t be talking about him?”
With that he pointed to somewhere behind Yixing’s back. The younger didn’t want to turn around, because he would have preferred to stay in his illusion for a bit longer that the mortifying encounter had been an one time thing. It had been likely from the beginning that the blond would be a classmate of his, because if he looked at the matter realistically it was uncommon to meet students from other classes in the classroom so close to the beginning of a lecture, especially on the first day. But Yixing had wanted to hold onto the hope, no matter how futile it was.
“Well?” The elder prompted when Yixing hesitated, raising a challenging eyebrow.
His teeth clenched together, Yixing chanced a glance over his shoulder. And indeed, there he sat. The tall blond, surrounded by a few fellow students. It looked as if he was caught in a lively discussion, which should have kept him occupied.
Yet he still managed to notice Yixing’s gaze on him, and shifted until he could look right back at the smaller. As soon as their eyes met, the blond’s mouth stretched into a grin, and he winked. Yixing narrowed his eyes in an attempt to look annoyed, but either it didn’t translate well, or the other was just being ignorant, because his grin only spread further.
“Yes, him.” Yixing said as he turned back towards Luhan. Unnecessarily so, actually, because their little exchange had been more than enough to let the elder draw his own conclusions.
A smug grin adorned Luhan’s face as he leaned forward to hit Yixing playfully on the shoulder. “Really? Wu Yifan? You’re starting off this school year ambitiously I see. Not that unsuccessfully though, it seems.”
Confused by his friends reaction, Yixing tilted his head slightly to the side. “’Starting off this school year ambitiously’? What exactly are you talking about?”
“Well, you’ve got your eyes on one of the most sought after guy of this school.” Luhan explained, but as Yixing’s eyebrows just drew together in incomprehension, the elder’s grin morphed into a disbelieving expression. “Wu Yifan? Captain of the basketball team? Doesn’t ring anything with you?”
“Not particularly.” Yixing admitted, though if he was being honest something in the back of his brain perked up at the name, now that he properly thought about it.
“Gosh, you really live behind the moon at times, Xingie.” Luhan playfully scolded, hitting Yixing on the shoulder before casting his gaze back to Yifan.
Judging from the self-satisfied grin that spread on Luhan’s face, the blond was still watching. “And yet you seem to have been quite successful at catching the eye of the one and only Wu Yifan.”
Finally it dawned on Yixing what Luhan had been trying to imply the whole time. “What are you talking about?” Full of indignation he hit Luhan’s arm, and leaned in close so that his hissing would be heard over the noise of the other conversations being led in the classroom. “I was not trying to catch his attention.”
Yixing wanted to argue his point further, but their teacher chose that moment to enter the room, so he chose to rather turn back to the front, but not without one last glare at Luhan. Just for good measure.
---
In all honesty, Yixing had heard of Yifan beforehand. He wasn’t as absentminded as Luhan liked to accuse him of being, but he also never paid particular attention to the other student of Luhan’s age. Of course he knew of the captain of the basketball team, who had lived abroad for a while, who still kept his blond hair and spoke better English then some of their teachers.
It was just that he had never been interested enough to remember the taller’s face or name properly. That was, until they were placed in the same class.
Their first meeting was some sort of premonition as for what was to follow.
When in PE they both were elected as opposing team leaders, Yifan just smirked at him, basketball held securely in one of his gigantic hands as he raised a challenging eyebrow at Yixing.
There was a reason why Yixing had been chosen to lead the second team. He prided himself with being reasonably good at basketball, and their teacher apparently agreed. If he had ever been interested in joining their schools basketball team, he probably could have done so without much effort. What he lacked in height he made up with agility and an analytical mind amidst the heat of the battle.
And yet Yifan was the one who scored the last points necessary for his team to triumph over Yixing’s. It had been an even fight, but when Yifan flashed him a victorious grin, it had Yixing’s blood boil in frustration either way. The fact that he had proved himself a worthy enemy to Yifan on the court didn’t matter. It irked Yixing that he had contributed to the other’s haughtiness by not showing Yifan that he could be defeated.
And Yixing saw that haughtiness in every wink Yifan threw at Yixing when he caught the younger’s eyes on him, in every smug grin or mock compliment about how good Yixing looked.
Every single school day Yifan found another way to drive Yixing up the wall. The smaller had hoped he would quickly get used to Yifan continuously showing off his skills or looks, but whenever the blond turned around to throw a smug smile at Yixing, as if to make sure the other was looking, it had his blood boiling.
Sometimes, mostly when Yifan wasn’t anywhere in sight, Yixing had pensive moments where he wondered what had prompted Yifan to focus all of his mocking on Yixing. On the rare occasions when Yixing could actually study the taller without the other immediately noticing, he saw Yifan joking and laughing with his friends. His wide grins towards them, the comfortable way he spoke with them, held so little of the arrogance he seemed to perpetually carry around himself when he interacted with Yixing.
It only reinforced Yixing’s belief that the elder had decided that Yixing was an easy goal for his mocking right from the beginning.
---
“You’re aware of the fact that he’s flirting with you, right?” Luhan asked, words muffled by the bite of the steamed bun he was having for lunch.
Yixing whipped around from where he had been trying to counter Yifan’s winks with icy glares to face his best friends.
“He’s not.” He huffed out in indignation. “He’s mocking me!”
Luhan didn’t answer immediately, instead using Yixing’s distraction to snitch a piece of pickled radish from his lunchbox, before leaning back in his seat to throw a judging glare at the younger. “You’re kidding me, right? He is so flirting with you. It’s so obvious!”
It wasn’t the first time for Luhan to insist that Yifan was actually trying to impress Yixing with all his showing off, and that all the compliments he threw at Yixing were in honest, but frankly Yixing didn’t believe any of it.
“You’re just star-struck by him and don’t want to admit that his personality is not good enough to match his perfect image.” Yixing accused, cradling the purple lunchbox closer to his body in the hope of warding off any further attempts of Luhan’s to steal his food.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Xing.” Luhan retorted, and after several failed attacks on Yixing’s food he resigned himself to finishing his bun. “I admire him because he’s tall-“ “There are really more important things than height.” “-because he’s tall, but that’s about it. I’ve got Minseok after all.”
Wiping the stupidly mushy smile from Luhan’s face was actually worth losing a few more vegetables when he threw them at the elder.
Luhan managed to mostly dodge the food flying at him, but it succeeded in shifting his expression from his dorky Minseok-admiration-smile to an affronted frown, so Yixing was satisfied with the result.
Yixing knew that if Luhan would have had any object in or on his desk that he was willing to sacrifice, or an own lunchbox, the younger would most likely on the run now to save himself from Luhan’s revenge. But since the other didn’t want to give up any of his belongings, he settled on huffing, and accusing the younger of how childish he was being. “With such an attitude you won’t have any chance with Yifan.”
It resulted, as Luhan surely had expected, in Yixing picking up his argument again about how he didn’t care what Yifan thought of him, and Luhan retorting how unlike Yixing, he wasn’t blind.
Their bickering was like a well-practiced play by now, with how often they’d already gone over the same topics. It usually was Luhan who started it with insinuating that Yifan was interested in Yixing, and how the younger was too oblivious to notice when he was being flirted with. Yixing then retorted by telling Luhan how he was fancying Minseok so much, and that he should probably try to be a little bit more subtle about it.
A big part of their lunch break passed with them arguing, but they digressed at one point, so toward the end their conversation trailed off.
Slumping forward, Yixing folded his arms on Luhan’s desk to let his head come to rest on top of them. He exhaled, and relaxed his whole body. In retrospect he probably should have gone to sleep a little earlier the day prior.
“You know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.” Luhan noted silently from where he was watching his best friend lounging in front of him.
Whether he wanted to watch Yixing’s reaction or simply make sure the other knew he was being talked to, Yixing didn’t know.
Instead of lifting his head to return Luhan’s gaze, Yixing found his eyes shifting towards where Yifan was sitting. The blond was, as per usual, surrounded by his friends. Someone must have cracked a joke, because Yifan was bursting into loud laughter that resounded from the walls, grin so wide his gums were showing.
Without really meaning to Yixing darted his eyes across the room, taking note of the bigger part of their female’s classmates’ eyes on the tall male. It made his stomach churn and he narrowed his eyes involuntarily.
“I know. And that means all these stupid girls will crowd him with letters again.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice that Yixing told himself was pity for those girls who were deceived by Yifan’s looks and his charming smiles.
When Luhan stayed silent, he finally shifted his attention to his best friend, just to discover him watching with a contemplative expression.
“You know, that attitude you’re wearing? It pretty much looks like jealousy.”
Yixing didn’t consider himself a violent person, but for that statement the only appropriate retort he could think of was swatting at Luhan’s arm in indignation.
---
February the 10th was a Saturday. Usually Saturdays were quiet days for Yixing. He tended to use them to get his homework done all relaxed and unhurried, perhaps to spend a few hours plucking at the new guitar he had gotten for his last birthday. Sometimes he hummed tunes along, recording some of them on his phone.
This Saturday wasn’t much different. Dressed in loose sweatpants and a simple t-shirt, Yixing was sitting at his desk. A cup of still steaming green tea and a plate with snacks his mother had prepared stood in one corner, while the space in front of him was occupied by his chemistry book.
Deep in concentration, he didn’t hear their doorbell ring, but he reasoned it must have sounded, since shortly after a knock resounded from his door.
“Come in.” He shouted, expecting his mother to be on the other side, perhaps being concerned on whether he needed anything.
The squeaking sound of the door opening wasn’t followed by his mother’s voice though.
“Now now, you little overachiever, can’t even take a moment off from your homework to let your best friend in yourself?” Luhan teased, pulling the door close again behind him before sinking down on Yixing’s bed, putting his brown backpack down.
The younger spun in his chair to face Luhan lounging on his bed as if it were his own. Scrunching his eyebrows up Yixing tilted his head slightly to the side, he racked his brain. Had he been meant to meet up with Luhan that day? It wouldn't be the first time a meet-up slipped his mind, but he came up blank.
“What are you doing here?” he eventually resorted to asking. “Did I forget we were supposed to meet?”
Luhan chuckled in response and waved Yixing's concerns off. “Don't worry, you didn't forget anything for a change. I came here because I have an early Valentine's present for you.”
With a wide grin Luhan turned to rummage through his backpack, obviously in search of whatever he wanted to gift Yixing.
“But we never get each other presents.” Yixing asked doubtful as he watched Luhan.
Luhan only hummed, sounding very much as if he hadn't even been really listening to Yixing. Resigning himself to his fate, Yixing waited until Luhan emitted a triumphant sound and emerged from his backpack.
“There you go!”
Yixing accepted the card Luhan offered him with a raised eyebrow. It was a medium sized one, the front printed with an almost overwhelming number or hearts in every shade of red, pink and purple. It was very obviously a Valentine's Day themed card, and a very corny one at that.
His eyebrow arching higher, Yixing inspected the card, and after throwing a last cautious glance to Luhan, who continued looking eager, the younger opened it. He was greeted by white, clean white, a white that had never been in contact with ink.
Caution quickly made way to disbelief and amusement at finding the card empty. Yixing looked up at his best friend, who surprisingly enough was still watching him with seemingly honest anticipation, a lopsided grin on his face.
Yixing snorted. “Oh great, thank you, an empty card. You are the best friend I can imagine, Luhan, your love is truly undying.”
“No, silly there’s a meaning behind the card.” Luhan chided him, diving into his bag once more to pull out another, matching card. Yixing guessed it was just as empty as the one he was holding in his hands.
“You know, I bought these cards from Baekhyun today. Do you know about the project he and his friends are doing for Valentine’s Day?” Luhan started, his voice trailing slightly off towards the end, as if he was already expecting the answer and preparing the next words inside his head.
And indeed, when Yixing briefly shook his head, the other immediately leaped into his explanation. “Well, it’s really simple, actually. Since last Monday they’ve been selling these cards for 50 cents, next Tuesday they’ll collect them all again. If you buy one, you can write a message to whoever you want, put the recipients class and name on the envelope, and they’ll deliver all the cards on Valentine’s day.”
Luhan’s eyes were sparkling with excitement, as if he was utterly excited. Yixing wasn’t exactly sure if he shared that feeling.
“Okay, and where does this specific card come into the picture?” He questioned, rising his hand slightly in indication.
“Well, you’re my best friend, you’ve got to do this together with me.” Luhan pouted, giving his friend the best puppy look he could manage. Which was a very good puppy look indeed.
“How exactly do you expect me to do this together with you? Should I help you with what you want to write?”
“Are you really that thick or are just trying to act like it, Zhang Yixing?” The words where accompanied by an exasperated sigh as Luhan shook his head slightly. Then he fixed his gaze on Yixing, his eyes intent. “You will write your own card to Yifan.”
“Wha- No.” Yixing immediately refused, his eyes slightly widened in a scandalized expression. He hoped it was enough to cover up for the blush that dusted his cheeks at the mere thought. “Why would I be writing Yifan a card on Valentine’s Day? That’s absurd Luhan.”
He automatically launched into his usual string of protests, listing off arguments about how he wouldn’t want to fuel Yifan’s arrogance further, but instead of arguing back just as passionately the way he usually did, Luhan just sat there, watching Yixing seriously. Eventually Yixing’s voice trailed off when he didn’t get a reaction from the other.
“Yixing, I usually let you pretend, but please, just this once, be honest to me as your best friend. And be honest to yourself. You do want to write Yifan, am I right?”
Yixing’s first impulse was to refute, vehemently, but Luhan’s attitude was different from usually. He was looking at Yixing with questioning eyes, prompting him to be honest. And the younger found himself crumbling beneath that beseeching gaze.
With a sigh he hung his head slightly, and silently admitted that he might be nursing a little crush on Yifan after all.
Instead of bristling with exclaims of “I knew it!” Luhan just grinned widely at him. “Then this is your chance! You don’t have to deliver this card yourself, so you can remain anonymous if you want. Come on, we’re making a deal. We’ll both send a card. I to Minseok and you to Yifan.”
“Kind of like a suicide pact?” Yixing asked, because that was the first comparison that came to his mind at the suggestion.
“A macabre comparison, but essentially yes. Just that we are killing our reputation instead of ourselves.” Luhan agreed cautiously, but looking slightly optimistic because Yixing hadn’t immediately refused. “Please, as my best friend you have to do this with me.”
Instead of answering, the younger hummed silently and studied the card in his hands, letting his fingers slide over its colourful front. Disbelieving that he allowed himself to be roped into this, Yixing eventually nodded. “Okay, I’m in.”
“Promise? None of us will chicken out?” Luhan raised his hand, offering Yixing his pinky, the way he had always done back when they were children.
The gesture had Yixing chuckle fondly at the memories. However he also caught the slight hint of insecurity in Luhan’s eyes. Perhaps the other was suggesting this pact to work up the courage himself to write Minseok.
It was the last push Yixing needed to link his own pinky with the proffered one, lopsided grin on his face. “Promise.”
---
It was late in the night, and Yixing sat brooding over what he was going to write to Yifan.
You think you're so great, right?
He looked at the sentence for a felt eternity, then scratched it. He squinted at the crossed out letters, heaving a sigh before starting again on the next line.
You think
He stopped himself before he could write down the same sentence again, because that sentence seemed to be the only one on his mind. It was as if he had forgotten all other possible combination of words, and just these few in just that order or slight variations were left.
So he gave in.
You think you're so great, right?
This was supposed to be an honest letter, one about him confessing his feelings. Yifan would never know it was Yixing. His card would be one of many. It was even possible Yifan would never even read his card. The other might just discard it together with the other dozens he was sure to garner that day. So this was Yixing's chance to no longer pretend, to lay his heart out behind the protective wall of anonymity.
Nonetheless he considered for the shortest of moments to bail out, to simply write a card full of spiteful comments and mockery. Just for the satisfaction of having written a card that Yifan wouldn't expect in the bunch of cards, one that would stand out and make the other frown at the un-Valentine's-Day-like contents.
A tempting scenario, but he and Luhan had a pact. If they went down, they went down together. And going down together included Yixing being honest, included Yixing confessing. They had promised each other-okay to be exact Luhan had forced Yixing into promising, but that didn't negate the promise itself whatsoever. Yixing was a person to keep his promises.
So he discarded all thoughts of putting Yifan down the way he usually would, forced himself to empty his mind completely for a fresh start.
With another sigh he slumped forward, resting his forehead on his folded arms. Lying on his desk like this he took a few deep breaths, inhaling the scent of his wooden desk and the metallic tang of his pencil. His exhales created small gusts of warm air against his fingers, while his unfocussed eyes studied all the crossed out lines and messy scribblings, courtesy of his procrastination.
When he had given in to Luhan's pact Yixing hadn't even dared imagining how difficult it would be to write this card.
The minutes passed in his silent room, noticeable only because of his watch ticking loudly in his ear. After he had counted to 30 for the umpteenth time, Yixing sat up with a huff. Full of determination he took a deep breath, making sure to exhale slowly.
This can't be that difficult, Zhang Yixing. He told himself. Countless of other people manage to do this every year.
When he started again, he wanted to groan in frustration. It was the same sentence coming out again.
You think you're so great, right?
Instead of backtracking, of erasing the letters once more however Yixing decided to simply carry on this time. All sorts of corrections could still be done in the end. What mattered was that he got something written down at least.
You think you're so great, right? With your multiple languages, and your height, and your proficiency in basketball. You with your blond hair that's slowly starting to grow out. Will you dye it again? It would kinda go against your claims it's only like that because you used to wear it like that in Canada, and it simply needed time to grow out. You, with your eyebrows and sharp features that make every head turn, and that charismatic aura that ensnares anyone who comes close to you. Perhaps you have a lot of reasons to think you're so great.
And perhaps there are more still that you don't consider. Are you aware of the way you always make your friends and everyone you're a bit closer with laugh? Do you realize that your smile shows off your gums? That it makes my heart beat just the slightest bit faster as well, that I always have to fight hard against the corner's of my mouth lifting up to mirror your smiles?
I try to not let it affect me, to not be like one of the countless admirers you have amassed, but I’m afraid somewhere along the way I lost the fight. So this Valentine’s Day marks the point of me giving in, of me admitting to you that you catch my attention whenever I’m around you.
I admit to the countless times I sneaked glances of you, the countless times I hoped you would keep on talking just the slightest bit longer so I’d get to hear more of your voice even if I acted annoyed. I admit to how my skin tingled when you’d pass me in a crowded hallway, or how I would admire you when you were speaking English, playing basketball.
I admit that I’ve been thinking about you, a lot, more than I was aware of myself.
Wu Yifan, I think I might like you. Don’t think too much of it. This is a Valentine’s Day confession, and I expect it to be inconsequential in the end. But I promised to tell you the truth, and I keep my promises, so there you have it.
I like you.
Rereading the finished text, Yixing wanted to tear the paper into pieces and set them on fire in embarrassment. He shoved the letter aside, beneath a few of his schoolbooks, out of his sight so that he could focus on taking a few calming breaths. With his eyes closed he covered his cheeks with his hands, the press cold against his burning skin.
“This is insane, I can’t send that.” He muttered to himself, almost like a mantra. A voice inside his head replied that Yifan would never find out it was Yixing who had sent the card. It also reasoned that Yixing’s destructive intentions were the indication the letter was the way it was supposed to be. It was what Yixing honestly felt, even though he hated to admit to it.
After a few minutes of calming himself down, Yixing set to copying the words from his scribbling paper to the card Luhan had given him earlier that day. He still cringed with every word he wrote, but forced himself to pull through.
Taking care to make his handwriting as clean as possible, trying to leave as few hints to his identity as possible, it took him quite long to finish the card.
He studied the end result, and beneath the embarrassment, he felt a sense of pride. After giving the ink a bit of time to dry, Yixing shoved the card into the white envelope, and wrote their class and Yifan’s name on it.
Sealing the envelope shut felt a lot like closure. It was a done deal now, Yixing realized with an exhale.
He had confessed to Yifan. Well, technically not yet, but still.
---
Picking up the card on Tuesday to throw it into the letterbox Baekhyun and the other’s had set up felt weird. The envelope had been sitting on Yixing’s desk the last few days, a constant reminder of his crush on Yifan and his silly confession, inked with black on white.
Luhan didn’t say anything when Yixing pulled the envelope out of his backpack, but it wasn’t as if the elder would have needed to. The wide grin he wore said enough.
Luhan’s presence was strangely comforting nonetheless as he tagged along to the first floor, where a big, bright pink letterbox had been put up, surrounded by heart-shaped garlands and fake roses. It looked as if someone had went to search for the most cliché Valentine’s Day deco they could find, just to cram it all into one place.
Across the letterbox “Armor’s letter delivery service” was written in ornate black letters, decorated with more hearts.
Before Yixing could turn right back around and flee, Luhan caught his arm and tugged him forward. There were a couple of students approaching the metal box and dropping their cards in, so Luhan and Yixing really were only two out of many.
As soon as he got the chance Yixing discarded of the letter, making sure nobody would be able to spy the name written on it. Luhan wasn’t half as cautious. Then again half of their school already knew of the elder’s crush on Minseok, so it would have been superfluous to hide the name.
“It’s done now.” Yixing noted when they were making their way back to their classroom.
Luhan eyed him, and grinned slightly. “Yes, no going back now.”
---
That night Yixing didn’t sleep well, excitement to which he didn’t want to admit to keeping him from really falling asleep, and waking him quickly up again when sleep did claim him, just to check the clock and find that it was still the middle of the night.
In short, his mood really could have been better when he sunk into his seat at school that morning, but at least he was early for a change. Earlier even than Luhan, who only entered the classroom after Yixing had already almost dozed off on his desk.
“Happy Valentine’s Day you sleepyhead. Didn’t have a good night?” his friend asked as he slumped down in his own seat.
Yixing responded with a low grumble, but when Luhan poked his back, he reluctantly lifted himself up and turned around to face the other. “Not really. Hardly fell asleep at all, and didn’t sleep long if I did.”
“Nervous?” Luhan asked, but his gaze was knowing and it wasn’t really much of a question anyway.
“A bit.” The younger admitted. He kept on telling himself it was stupid, whether he was nervous or not, Yifan wouldn’t know the card was from him either way, so it wouldn’t matter. Not really.
Luhan hummed understandingly nonetheless, before chuckling embarrassedly himself, lips pulling into a lopsided smile. “Me too.” He confessed and weirdly enough it reassured Yixing that his best friend seemed to be just as nervous as he himself was.
Misery loved company, after all, so Yixing found himself smiling back at Luhan.
Both weren’t really sure how the whole Valentine’s Card delivery was supposed to happen, but they certainly hadn’t expected Jongdae, Chanyeol and Baekhyun to show up in their classroom at the short break in between their third and fourth lesson.
All three of them were dressed in something that looked like some white bedsheet draped around their bodies, held together by red, heart-shaped brooches. Around their head they wore a garland made of roses and every one of them sported a pair of wings on their back. Chanyeol and Jongdae held a bow in their hands, while Baekhyun carried what was most likely supposed to be a small harp in one hand and a pink sac in the other.
Yixing had expected them to go all out with their Armor Delivery project, but he admittedly hadn’t expected this get up. Or how shamelessly proud they would flaunt around in their outfits. He couldn’t help but grin at them, even though his stomach lurched uncomfortably at the knowledge that his letter was in the sac Baekhyun held, along with countless others.
The Armor trio quickly set to work, pulling out letters and calling names, hurrying over to the person who reacted and delivering the Valentine’s Day card with a wide grin. Often it were single cards, but occasionally they would pull out a whole pile, tied together with a pretty lavender cord.
When they called Yifan’s name, Chanyeol was holding one of these packages. Yixing’s heart skipped a beat at hearing the blond’s name. He was caught between wanting to study the texture of his desk and to watch Yifan’s reaction when the taller received the pile that contained Yixing’s card. In the end the latter notion won out.
Carefully, trying to act forcedly nonchalant, he eyed as Yifan pulled the cord apart, and sifted through the pile of envelopes he had received. Yixing didn’t count them, but his heart skipped a beat when he recognized his own. It stood out because it was the only starkly white one, all the other’s having been plastered with heart stickers or decorated with small drawings.
Yixing wasn’t sure if he was just imagining the slight lifting of Yifan’s eyebrow in surprise at the plain envelope, but then Yifan pulled it out from the pile, and turned it around, as if expecting there to be some decoration on the other side. The smallest of grins pulled at his lips. Strangely enough the taller looked slightly intrigued, and it made Yixing wish he had gone for some cheesy decoration as well. Perhaps that would have made his card blend in enough to go unnoticed.
Caught in his fascination of watching Yifan, it almost didn’t register with Yixing when he heard his own name. Yifan however must have picked up the sound of the smaller’s name, because his head shot up immediately. He directly met Yixing’s gaze.
Yixing almost choked on his saliva in shock, and jerked his head around quickly to face forward. His heart was pounding in his chest as if he had run a marathon. Never before had he wished for the ground to swallow him as much as he did now.
It hardly registered with him that Luhan called Baekhyun over since Yixing was still too startled to react. Only when the junior stood directly in front of him, white envelope in his hand, did it really click with Yixing what it meant that his name had been called.
He looked up at the younger, eyes wide in confusion, but Baekhyun just smiled back brightly. “You’ve got an admirer somewhere out there.” He declared, and Yixing took the proffered card on instinct.
“Thanks.” He mouthed more than said, because his voice was still caught in his throat.
The envelope in his hands was almost as devoid of decorations as his own had been, pristine white except for his name scribbled to the front and the heart shaped sticker stuck on the tip of the top flap.
Behind him Luhan was excitedly nudging him to get his attention, but Yixing was focused on staring at his inked name in disbelief. His friend should rather tend to the pile of cards he received himself.
Yixing was caught between wanting to tear the letter open to read the card immediately and needing to gather enough courage to do so. The choice was taken from him when their teacher entered the room, ready to start their next lesson. The middle aged man eyes the Armor trio funnily when he almost collided with them in the door way.
Stuffing the card into his back, unopened, Yixing did his best to try and forget about it while focusing on the lesson. It wasn’t a very successful endeavour though, since he found his mind straying every other minute.
When their bell finally rang for lunch break, Yixing found himself heaving a breath of relief, surprising himself. He hadn’t noticed how much he had tensed during the lecture. Luhan was up from his desk and by Yixing’s side within seconds.
“We’re supposed to meet up with Sehun for lunch today, so hurry! And don’t forget your letter.”
Yixing just shook his head in exasperation, but complied with Luhan’s command, letting himself be dragged out of the room with his bag slung over his shoulder, the card securely inside.
They met Sehun by the benches in the yard of their school, hunched over suspiciously. When they came closer, they saw him reading one of the Amor Delivery Valentine’s Card, cheeks bright red. It might have been the cold, but somehow Yixing doubted it was.
“Oh, our little Hunnie has turned someone’s head.” Luhan sang teasingly, as he sank down beside the son of his parent’s friends. They had more or less grown up together, so Luhan wasn’t put off the slightest bit by the glare Sehun leveled at him.
“You’re one to talk, baby face.”
Luhan clenched his heart as if he had been wounded. “I’m hurt, such disrespectful words to your senior.”
Sehun seemed to contemplate whether to retort or not, but in the end he decided for hanging his head with a long suffering sigh. “Tao’s such an idiot.” He mumbled, and the words made both friends perk up.
“Why?” Luhan asked, and as Sehun shoved the card at him, understanding flashed through his eyes.
“May we?” Yixing nodded to the card as if asking for the permission to read it, just to make sure he had interpreted Sehun’s gesture correctly. Sehun grumbled something that sounded remotely affirmative, so Luhan shrugged and proceeded to open up the card.
Sehun-ah.
There aren’t many things I can do for you, but I hope you know my heart. You know even without me telling you~ㅋㅋ
Happy Valentine’s Day! Hun-ah, I’m really happy because you’re here. Your existence makes me stronger~ Let’s be together forever.
Let’s live happily and enjoyably forever~ I can say this because it’s Valentine’s Day right? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Remember not to worry because I’m here. I’ll be next to you forever. Once again, Happy Valentine’s Day~ *
Love, Tao
“This is supposed to be anonymous; he’s not supposed to write his name down.” Sehun complained, his face still hidden in his hands in clear embarrassment.
“Well, technically there’s no rule saying whether this message has to be anonymous or not.” Luhan noted.
“But then why not pass the card in person?”
“Perhaps because Tao wanted you to be graced with the presence of our fake armors?” Luhan guessed, his expression suggesting that he wanted to be compassionate, but his voice barely containing his amusement.
Yixing had to admit that Sehun looked adorable like this, all flustered, and as Sehun kept complaining how Tao was so cheesy, just giving Luhan more opportunities for teasing, Yixing found himself chuckling.
The noise drew Luhan’s attention to his best friend however, and subsequently to the letter still buried in the depth of Yixing’s backpack.
“Don’t think I forgot that you haven’t read your own mushy Valentine’s message yet, Xing.” Luhan declared, and fixed him with a stern gaze.
“Okay, okay. But I’ll read it myself. And no peeking, got it? Or I’ll read it at home, all by myself.” Yixing replied, waiting until Luhan had finished rolling his eyes and nodded before he pulled the envelope out. (“Oh, a heart, how cute.” “Be silent Sehun, or he’ll chicken out!”)
Yixing took as long as possible to detach the sticker, opening the envelope and pulling the card out, but eventually he held the colourful design of hearts in his hands.
Aware of Luhan’s and Sehun’s curious stares on him, Yixing turned so that neither would be able to spy the cards content.
Dear Yixing,
Selfishly I wish that this will be the only card you’ll receive today, because that would set me apart. It would lessen my competition, and perhaps improve my chances. Though you deserve to get dozens of cards, and I am not really sure whether I have any chance with you at all.
Ever since I first saw you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I can’t even say what it is. Your gentle smile, that pronounces that adorable dimple? Or your musical laugh? The sparkle in your eyes when you’re excited, or the look of determination you wear when your competitiveness is awoken?
I have never seen anyone work as hard as you. By now I have lost count of how often I’ve seen you in the library, long after class ended, slaving away over your homework, solving math problems or learning vocabulary.
And I’ve seen you dance. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, because it must surely sound as if I am stalking you, but I swear, it was by accident. I had left my phone behind in the gym’s changing room, and when I returned to fetch it, you were there, lost in the music.
I almost missed my tutoring session because I couldn’t stop watching you. And as creepy as that sounds, I hope you understand that the bottom line of this is that you are admirable.
Whenever anyone comes to you seeking help you’ll be willing to offer it, even if it should inconvenience you. I don’t know how you do that.
There is only one thing that irks me: The fact that I can’t seem to be able to get close to you. I have tried approaching you so often already, but you always seem to ignore or not notice me. All my smiles are in vain, all my compliments going unheard.
It makes me wonder if I have done something to offend you. I dearly hope I haven’t, and that the cold shoulder you’re showing me is unintentional.
Actually I have a request to make. I hope that I somehow actually have caught your interest. Do you want to know who I am?
Then please come and meet me at the roof at 4pm this afternoon. I’ll be waiting there for you, hoping to get a second chance if I should have messed up my first one without noticing.
Because nothing would make me happier than if you were to be my Valentine.
If the whole content hadn’t already been bad enough, the last sentence drove the message home. Yixing wondered why he wasn’t already feeling lightheaded from all the blood rushing to his head, making his cheeks burn despite the cold weather.
He kept the card up even after having finished reading it, because he wanted to compose his expression before facing his friends. His heart was pounding as if it was ready to jump out of his chest and an uncomfortable fluttering feeling had settled in his stomach.
Easily overwhelmed by compliments, this card was almost too much for Yixing to take. Perhaps not only almost, perhaps it was already too much to take.
“Come on, not even you can be that slow with reading.” Luhan complained, obviously dissatisfied with Yixing taking so long. “What is your secret admirer writing?”
“The card asks me to go to the roof at 4pm.” Yixing said, as he finally lowered the card to find two sets of curious eyes intently watching him.
“Are you serious?” Luhan asked in disbelief, and when Yixing just swallowed and nodded, he grinned widely. “How exciting!”
The younger wasn’t exactly sure if he agreed or not.
---
Yixing was still debating with himself whether he really should go to the meeting point or not, even when he was already pushing the door to the roof open. The only reason he was pushing himself to actually go was that he felt as if his anonymous admirer deserved an answer. He had asked for it after all.
Luhan had ushered him to go as well, cooing at the thought that Yixing might actually find a boyfriend (“It could also have been a girl who has written this card.” “I know a male handwriting when I see one, Xing. No girl has such an ugly handwriting.” “That’s pretty mean, Luhan. And assuming. If it’s a girl she’ll be quite offended.” “Just trust me on this one, I’m sure it’s a guy.”).
Yixing himself was rather cautious. He wasn’t even sure if the card had really been meant for him. All of the strangers words were so full of admiration, of praise. Frankly, Yixing felt as if they were painting a larger-than-life image, one he couldn’t find himself fitting into. Perhaps his supposed admirer simply hadn’t remembered the name of his crush correctly, addressing the card to Yixing by accident? In his head it was a likely scenario.
He opened the door carefully, so that it made close to no sound. Outside, the wind was blowing strongly, as was to be expected this high up. Noting how there was no one standing right in his line of sight, Yixing slowly walked along the outer walls of the little building containing the staircase.
As he reached the corner of it, he took one last breath to steel himself, before rounding it.
His eyes immediately zoomed in on the other figure standing on the roof, half facing away from him to study the far distance to Yixing’s right. The first thing he noticed was the telltale dash of blond hair, and that was all it took for Yixing to step back quickly, into the secure shadows of the staircase.
Stupid. He chided himself. The roof is such a cliché place for a meet-up, of course someone else would have been called up here. He’s probably waiting for some girl that wants to confess to him.
Unwilling to stay and witness the scene, Yixing moved to head back inside, back down, uncaring of his own appointment. It wasn’t as if he really expected anything to come out of his letter, didn’t expect Yifan to recognize his handwriting and to approach him. But if he allowed himself to be honest, Yifan being confessed to might be on the top of the list of things he didn’t want to witness. A voice inside his head insisted that was because there was the possibility of Yifan accepting the confession.
He didn’t get very far though, no matter how fast his steps, barely covering half the distance towards the door.
“Yixing?” A familiar voice called him, followed by the sound of quick feet moving towards him.
The smaller debated whether to simply keep walking, or to turn around and face Yifan. Really, his pride only allowed him one option.
Yifan looked slightly out of breath, as if he had rushed despite it only being a short distance to the staircase, his blond hair disheveled from the wind. His expression was a weird mixture of completely open and unreadable. Confusion, surprise and apprehension shifted into relief and concealed joy, and back again. He eventually settled on a cautious smile, but Yixing didn’t look up at him long enough to really appreciate it.
“I’m sorry, I bet you’re waiting for someone.” Yixing said, surprising himself with how meek he sounded, refusing to face Yifan directly. Shocked into shyness, he reasoned.
“Yes, yes I am.” Yifan replied, and the same hint of something Yixing couldn’t quite pinpoint that he had already seen in his expression coloured his voice as well.
“I-I see.” Yixing stuttered, and wished he would sound firmer. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
“No!” the taller hurriedly exclaimed, making Yixing halt when he had only half turned around.
Wondering if his hearing was playing tricks on him, the smaller’s face scrunched up in a disbelieving frown. “What?”
“Don’t go.” Yifan said, and when the younger continued looking at him with a confused expression, he elaborated, “I am not waiting anymore.”
“Oh no, you don’t have to leave just because I’m here, it’s okay, keep on waiting, I’ll leave!” Yixing honestly wondered what exactly made him act so docile in Yifan’s company, not a hint of his usual snide left. Perhaps because Yifan looked honestly nervous, and not like the haughty and aloof person he usually was around Yixing.
It was a change the smaller almost could have appreciated, if it weren’t for the reason behind Yifan’s nervousness.
But instead of accepting Yixing’s offer, the blond took two steps towards Yixing, shortening the distance between them before coming to an abrupt halt.
“No, you don’t understand.” He complained, before taking a deep breath, as if steeling himself for his next words. “I was waiting for you.”
Simply put, Yixing’s brain short-circuited. There was a slight blush colouring Yifan’s cheeks, and his whole posture had turned fidgety. It pretty much exactly resembled the one Yixing had imagined his secret admirer to have, going by the words that had been written in the card. The picture was just such a stark difference to everything Yixing had always believed Yifan to be, that it caught him completely off-guard.
“Wha-“ he started, but cut himself off before he could repeat the meaningless question again. Instead he narrowed his eyes, suspiciousness taking over his formerly baffled state.
Yixing looked around the rooftop with darting eyes. “Are there camera’s around here? Or are your friends hiding somewhere?”
It was Yifan’s turn to sound confused now. “What? No, of course they aren’t. There’s no one here beside us. Why should there be?”
“Isn’t this some sort of game? Some way to make fun of me?” the smaller accused, fixing his gaze on Yifan again. It was the only reasonable explanation he could come up with.
“Why would you think that? Did you even read the card?” It didn’t even properly register with Yixing that Yifan had just confessed to having written the Valentine’s Day card that was still nestled securely in Yixing’s backpack.
“Of course I did, or why would I be here otherwise.” Yixing retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“But then you know that I’ve been unable to get you out of my head for a while.” The elder’s forehead furrowed in frustration, and the colour of his cheeks turned just the slightest bit darker.
Yixing, unwilling to believe the other so easily, retorted defiantly, “That’s all just part of your ploy, to lure me up here, to coax me into confessing to you as well so you can go boast with it, and-“
Among any possible kind of reaction Yixing had expected from Yifan, the elder stepping into his personal space and cutting him off with the soft press of his mouth hadn’t been included.
Within a split-second all his senses were flooded with the blond, his surprisingly sweet smell, the feeling of his lips against Yixing’s, the taste of his mouth.
The kiss didn’t last long, only barely long enough for Yifan to be sure that Yixing had been silenced. When the blond pulled back, he looked dazed, and Yixing was pretty sure his own expression was an exact copy. His mouth hang slightly open, as if it was waiting to pick up the words Yifan had kissed from his lips, but for the dear life of him his brain couldn’t come up with a coherent retort.
“You- just now-“ was all he stammered, gesturing between their faces with his hand helplessly.
Only then it seemed to dawn Yifan what he had just done, because his eyes widened in shock and the elder immediately stumbled two steps away from Yixing, who hated to notice that he felt a bit colder.
“I-I’m sorry, that was presumptuous.” The blond apologized, waving his hands around in front of him frantically, his complexion redder than ever.
“So you’re sincere?” The question was tentative, a hint of dazedness from the kiss remaining.
“I am!” Yifan immediately replied, sounding confident for the first time that afternoon. “Why would you think otherwise?”
“Because…” Yixing trailed off momentarily to collect his thoughts. “Because you always mocked me, and made fun of me. You always show-off and then check whether I saw it to rub it in my face?”
The way Yifan’s mouth dropped open in semblance of shock actually made Yixing feel a bit bad about his words. “That’s not true, I never meant to mock you. Ahh, now I get why you always seemed to hate me so much.”
With a self-deprecating laugh the taller dragged a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “I swear, none of my actions had the goal to make fun of you. And I only checked… because I wanted to impress you.” He confessed, and flashed the younger a tentative, lopsided smile.
Yixing allowed himself to acknowledge the way it made his heart skip a beat. “…So that really was your attempt at flirting?”
Another shy laugh from Yifan, this time accompanied with a rubbing of his neck. “I guess I did a pretty horrible job at it, if I couldn’t even manage to befriend you.”
The first thought in Yixing’s mind was that he was never going to hear the end of it from Luhan. The elder had actually been correct about Yifan’s flirting that Yixing had argued against with passion all the time. Most likely it was a self-defense mechanism of some sort to immediately think of Luhan, because the real weight of Yifan’s words only hit him moments later.
He flirted with me.
Yifan flirted with me.
The thought had Yixing’s cheeks burning, and he brought his hands up to try and cover them self-consciously. His throat suddenly felt dry, and his stomach lurched uncomfortably, as if all the nervousness he had forgotten due to the surprise of finding Yifan returned full force.
Every line of the card seemed to float in front of his inner eye again, and suddenly they all made sense, formed a picture that perfectly fit Yifan.
“Can I believe you?” The question didn’t hold any of his former vehemence, and if the way Yifan’s expression relaxed slightly, even turning cautiously hopeful with a hint of confidence was any indication, the other had heard the softening of Yixing’s voice as well.
“Yes you can.” He declared with such fervor, that Yixing couldn’t help but think he had to be telling the truth, because otherwise he would have to be quite the actor. “Let me prove it to you. Give me one afternoon,-” a small step towards Yixing, ”-a week,-“ another step, ”-a month,-“ closer, “-a year,-“closer still, ”-however long you need me to prove you I’m sincere.”
The elder came to a halt less than an arm’s length away from Yixing. The smaller had to crane his neck to properly face Yifan. A gentle smile had formed on the blond’s lips, almost looking encouraging, as if he was trying to beseech Yixing to give him a chance.
An unnecessary encouragement, because Yixing had already made his decision. He found himself smiling back, stretch of his mouth widening with every tentative millimeter Yifan’s grin grew.
“Okay.” He simply said, lowering his hands to reveal his dimpled smile.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” Yixing repeated with a small chuckle. “You’ll have your chance.”
Yifan’s eyes sparkled with relief and joy, happiness evidently present in his wide grin.
“If you should turn out to be a douche though, I’ll ditch you without second thoughts.” Yixing declared, jabbing an accusing finger at the taller.
Yifan looked momentarily worried, and opened his mouth as if to spill further reassurances, but then he caught the playful glint in the other’s eyes, and his posture visibly relaxed. “Same back to you. Perhaps I’ll overthink my opinion of you, now that you no longer hate me.”
In response Yixing poked his tongue out. “How do you know I don’t hate you anymore?”
“Just an inkling.” Yifan’s grin was brilliant, and Yixing couldn’t help smiling back.
“So, you wanna head for coffee sometime?” The blond eventually asked, fidgeting slightly with his fingers, as if the question made him nervous all over again.
“’Sometime’? Well, someone’s being specific.” Yixing teased, hoping to relief some of Yifan’s awkwardness.
It worked, because the other rolled his eyes before grinning. “You want specific? Then tomorrow, right after school.”
Yixing met Yifan’s challenging gaze head-on. “Sounds good.”
“It’s a date then.”
“It’s a date.” Yixing agreed, and surprisingly enough, locking eyes with Yifan felt comfortable. Excitement and disbelief were still singing in his veins, but they were all overpowered by a sense that finally things are the way there are supposed to be between them.
This simply felt right.
---
(*): I couldn't resist taking the letter Tao wrote Sehun for his birthday. All I did was replace every instance of "birthday" with "Valentine's Day".
Prompt: #11
Length:10050 words
Rating:PG-13
Warnings:None
Summary:There are a lot of reasons why Yixing doesn’t like Valentine’s Day, and Yifan might be pretty much all of them.
Notes: I really hope whoever prompted this one doesn’t mind the side-pairings I threw in, but I just couldn’t help myself.
Yixing hated Valentine’s Day. He never admitted to it out loud, but whenever Luhan would approach the topic the younger’s expression would draw into a slight frown and he would fall silent. It was an involuntary reaction, but Yixing wasn't really trying to control it either way. Everyone who cared to look might know of his distaste for the day.
Though in all honesty, it wasn't really the day itself that Yixing hated, and he hadn't always been in such a sour mood when it came to February the 14th. Actually he used to love the atmosphere of it, all the love in the air, even when he didn't have someone. He enjoyed watching all his friends who were in a relationship be their happy, lovey-dovey selves.
It used to be a day where there were more blushing girls running around than any other time, and guys would be either counting their haul to boast or furiously sort through the received gifts to see whether there was something from the person they were actually hoping to receive something from.
But then Yifan happened.
All of Yixing's appreciation of Valentine's day vanished when he got into the second year of highschool. They were assigned new classes and classrooms every year, so the first day of school usually meant that Yixing would be searching for where he had to head.
That particular day he was running a bit late, fearing the lecture might already start, because he had forgotten which wing their new class was supposed to be located in. When he finally turned in at the right corridor, he was too distracted by second-checking the room numbers with the ones on the sheet they had been given for orientation to notice the figure blocking the doorway.
He managed to stop himself just in time to avoid crushing face first into the other student’s chest, but only barely.
The only reason why he did stop was the shadow falling over the paper he was clutching in his hands, making him look. Being faced with the pristine white fabric of their school uniform's shirt made him come to a halt immediately.
In surprise his head tilted back, eyes wandering up a seemingly endless way until they found the quirked eyebrows of the person-obviously another student going by the uniform-and later on Yixing blamed the early hour and his distracted, not yet entirely functional brain for the impressed “Handsome.” that escaped him.
The smaller only realized that he really had voiced his thoughts out loudly when the other's eyebrows rose even further in surprise, and Yixing momentarily considered himself safe because surely he had spoken in his mother tongue. And if there was one advantage to moving to Korea, it was that whenever his thoughts escaped him without his consent, it generally resulted in a furrowed eyebrow and perhaps the request to repeat his words again, while incomprehension clouded the other parties face. It was like a safety nets for the words that fell from his lips.
A safety net that was useless against the tall blond, as Yixing had to discover, horrified, when the other's surprised expression quickly drew into something that was a mixture between a grin and a smirk.
“Thanks.” The male answered in what was decidedly not Korean, and somehow Yixing's mortification finally released the hold of his muscles, making way to embarrassment.
Yixing bowed immediately, appalled at his loose tongue. “I'm sorry.” he apologized, uncaring of the fact that complimenting someone hardly warranted an apology. His cheeks burned, but he kept his head down and ducked into the classroom to avoid the taller's piercing eyes.
He quickly rushed to where he spotted Luhan, sitting in the back of the room and playing with his phone, completely oblivious to Yixing's mortifying encounter.
“You're the most unreliable friend ever.” The younger accused his friend as soon as he slumped down at the desk in front of Luhan. As far as he knew the seats were assigned on a first-come-first-serve basis, and since this desk still looked untouched, he decided to claim it.
Innocent brown eyes lifted from the screen, looking at him questioningly, eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion. “Ehh? Why is that?”
“We were supposed to go to school together.” Yixing complained, turning in his seat so he could slouch down on Luhan’s desk, his face drawn into a pout.
“But I told you I wouldn’t be able to make it, it’s not as if I just didn’t show up?” The elder asked, as if he didn’t quite see the point of Yixing’s statement.
“Yeah, you ditched me in favour of Minseok. Because of that I got lost, and was almost late.” The younger whined, not really sure if he wanted Luhan’s pity or just wanted to make his best friend feel guilty.
A hint of confusion stayed on Luhan’s features, but he could also detect guilt creeping into the mixture. “I’m sorry, Xing, okay? But Minseok wanted to go running before school, and we can walk to school together every other day. And see, you made it perfectly on time, the teacher’s not even here yet.”
Technically, Luhan’s arguments were all sound, and Yixing knew about Luhan’s crush on his fellow soccer team member. Whenever the same-aged male would offer to spend time with Luhan, he would have a hard time declining. But Yixing wanted someone to blame for his misfortune that morning, and he decided to split the burden equally between the conceited blond and his doe-eyed friend.
“But because of you I was almost late, and had to hurry, and therefore bumped into that a blond giant.” Yixing huffed, lifting himself from Luhan’s table to give properly showcase his disgruntled expression. The other should know how upset he was.
“Blond giant?” Luhan questioned, finally seeming to perk up at the younger’s words. “You wouldn’t be talking about him?”
With that he pointed to somewhere behind Yixing’s back. The younger didn’t want to turn around, because he would have preferred to stay in his illusion for a bit longer that the mortifying encounter had been an one time thing. It had been likely from the beginning that the blond would be a classmate of his, because if he looked at the matter realistically it was uncommon to meet students from other classes in the classroom so close to the beginning of a lecture, especially on the first day. But Yixing had wanted to hold onto the hope, no matter how futile it was.
“Well?” The elder prompted when Yixing hesitated, raising a challenging eyebrow.
His teeth clenched together, Yixing chanced a glance over his shoulder. And indeed, there he sat. The tall blond, surrounded by a few fellow students. It looked as if he was caught in a lively discussion, which should have kept him occupied.
Yet he still managed to notice Yixing’s gaze on him, and shifted until he could look right back at the smaller. As soon as their eyes met, the blond’s mouth stretched into a grin, and he winked. Yixing narrowed his eyes in an attempt to look annoyed, but either it didn’t translate well, or the other was just being ignorant, because his grin only spread further.
“Yes, him.” Yixing said as he turned back towards Luhan. Unnecessarily so, actually, because their little exchange had been more than enough to let the elder draw his own conclusions.
A smug grin adorned Luhan’s face as he leaned forward to hit Yixing playfully on the shoulder. “Really? Wu Yifan? You’re starting off this school year ambitiously I see. Not that unsuccessfully though, it seems.”
Confused by his friends reaction, Yixing tilted his head slightly to the side. “’Starting off this school year ambitiously’? What exactly are you talking about?”
“Well, you’ve got your eyes on one of the most sought after guy of this school.” Luhan explained, but as Yixing’s eyebrows just drew together in incomprehension, the elder’s grin morphed into a disbelieving expression. “Wu Yifan? Captain of the basketball team? Doesn’t ring anything with you?”
“Not particularly.” Yixing admitted, though if he was being honest something in the back of his brain perked up at the name, now that he properly thought about it.
“Gosh, you really live behind the moon at times, Xingie.” Luhan playfully scolded, hitting Yixing on the shoulder before casting his gaze back to Yifan.
Judging from the self-satisfied grin that spread on Luhan’s face, the blond was still watching. “And yet you seem to have been quite successful at catching the eye of the one and only Wu Yifan.”
Finally it dawned on Yixing what Luhan had been trying to imply the whole time. “What are you talking about?” Full of indignation he hit Luhan’s arm, and leaned in close so that his hissing would be heard over the noise of the other conversations being led in the classroom. “I was not trying to catch his attention.”
Yixing wanted to argue his point further, but their teacher chose that moment to enter the room, so he chose to rather turn back to the front, but not without one last glare at Luhan. Just for good measure.
---
In all honesty, Yixing had heard of Yifan beforehand. He wasn’t as absentminded as Luhan liked to accuse him of being, but he also never paid particular attention to the other student of Luhan’s age. Of course he knew of the captain of the basketball team, who had lived abroad for a while, who still kept his blond hair and spoke better English then some of their teachers.
It was just that he had never been interested enough to remember the taller’s face or name properly. That was, until they were placed in the same class.
Their first meeting was some sort of premonition as for what was to follow.
When in PE they both were elected as opposing team leaders, Yifan just smirked at him, basketball held securely in one of his gigantic hands as he raised a challenging eyebrow at Yixing.
There was a reason why Yixing had been chosen to lead the second team. He prided himself with being reasonably good at basketball, and their teacher apparently agreed. If he had ever been interested in joining their schools basketball team, he probably could have done so without much effort. What he lacked in height he made up with agility and an analytical mind amidst the heat of the battle.
And yet Yifan was the one who scored the last points necessary for his team to triumph over Yixing’s. It had been an even fight, but when Yifan flashed him a victorious grin, it had Yixing’s blood boil in frustration either way. The fact that he had proved himself a worthy enemy to Yifan on the court didn’t matter. It irked Yixing that he had contributed to the other’s haughtiness by not showing Yifan that he could be defeated.
And Yixing saw that haughtiness in every wink Yifan threw at Yixing when he caught the younger’s eyes on him, in every smug grin or mock compliment about how good Yixing looked.
Every single school day Yifan found another way to drive Yixing up the wall. The smaller had hoped he would quickly get used to Yifan continuously showing off his skills or looks, but whenever the blond turned around to throw a smug smile at Yixing, as if to make sure the other was looking, it had his blood boiling.
Sometimes, mostly when Yifan wasn’t anywhere in sight, Yixing had pensive moments where he wondered what had prompted Yifan to focus all of his mocking on Yixing. On the rare occasions when Yixing could actually study the taller without the other immediately noticing, he saw Yifan joking and laughing with his friends. His wide grins towards them, the comfortable way he spoke with them, held so little of the arrogance he seemed to perpetually carry around himself when he interacted with Yixing.
It only reinforced Yixing’s belief that the elder had decided that Yixing was an easy goal for his mocking right from the beginning.
---
“You’re aware of the fact that he’s flirting with you, right?” Luhan asked, words muffled by the bite of the steamed bun he was having for lunch.
Yixing whipped around from where he had been trying to counter Yifan’s winks with icy glares to face his best friends.
“He’s not.” He huffed out in indignation. “He’s mocking me!”
Luhan didn’t answer immediately, instead using Yixing’s distraction to snitch a piece of pickled radish from his lunchbox, before leaning back in his seat to throw a judging glare at the younger. “You’re kidding me, right? He is so flirting with you. It’s so obvious!”
It wasn’t the first time for Luhan to insist that Yifan was actually trying to impress Yixing with all his showing off, and that all the compliments he threw at Yixing were in honest, but frankly Yixing didn’t believe any of it.
“You’re just star-struck by him and don’t want to admit that his personality is not good enough to match his perfect image.” Yixing accused, cradling the purple lunchbox closer to his body in the hope of warding off any further attempts of Luhan’s to steal his food.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Xing.” Luhan retorted, and after several failed attacks on Yixing’s food he resigned himself to finishing his bun. “I admire him because he’s tall-“ “There are really more important things than height.” “-because he’s tall, but that’s about it. I’ve got Minseok after all.”
Wiping the stupidly mushy smile from Luhan’s face was actually worth losing a few more vegetables when he threw them at the elder.
Luhan managed to mostly dodge the food flying at him, but it succeeded in shifting his expression from his dorky Minseok-admiration-smile to an affronted frown, so Yixing was satisfied with the result.
Yixing knew that if Luhan would have had any object in or on his desk that he was willing to sacrifice, or an own lunchbox, the younger would most likely on the run now to save himself from Luhan’s revenge. But since the other didn’t want to give up any of his belongings, he settled on huffing, and accusing the younger of how childish he was being. “With such an attitude you won’t have any chance with Yifan.”
It resulted, as Luhan surely had expected, in Yixing picking up his argument again about how he didn’t care what Yifan thought of him, and Luhan retorting how unlike Yixing, he wasn’t blind.
Their bickering was like a well-practiced play by now, with how often they’d already gone over the same topics. It usually was Luhan who started it with insinuating that Yifan was interested in Yixing, and how the younger was too oblivious to notice when he was being flirted with. Yixing then retorted by telling Luhan how he was fancying Minseok so much, and that he should probably try to be a little bit more subtle about it.
A big part of their lunch break passed with them arguing, but they digressed at one point, so toward the end their conversation trailed off.
Slumping forward, Yixing folded his arms on Luhan’s desk to let his head come to rest on top of them. He exhaled, and relaxed his whole body. In retrospect he probably should have gone to sleep a little earlier the day prior.
“You know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.” Luhan noted silently from where he was watching his best friend lounging in front of him.
Whether he wanted to watch Yixing’s reaction or simply make sure the other knew he was being talked to, Yixing didn’t know.
Instead of lifting his head to return Luhan’s gaze, Yixing found his eyes shifting towards where Yifan was sitting. The blond was, as per usual, surrounded by his friends. Someone must have cracked a joke, because Yifan was bursting into loud laughter that resounded from the walls, grin so wide his gums were showing.
Without really meaning to Yixing darted his eyes across the room, taking note of the bigger part of their female’s classmates’ eyes on the tall male. It made his stomach churn and he narrowed his eyes involuntarily.
“I know. And that means all these stupid girls will crowd him with letters again.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice that Yixing told himself was pity for those girls who were deceived by Yifan’s looks and his charming smiles.
When Luhan stayed silent, he finally shifted his attention to his best friend, just to discover him watching with a contemplative expression.
“You know, that attitude you’re wearing? It pretty much looks like jealousy.”
Yixing didn’t consider himself a violent person, but for that statement the only appropriate retort he could think of was swatting at Luhan’s arm in indignation.
---
February the 10th was a Saturday. Usually Saturdays were quiet days for Yixing. He tended to use them to get his homework done all relaxed and unhurried, perhaps to spend a few hours plucking at the new guitar he had gotten for his last birthday. Sometimes he hummed tunes along, recording some of them on his phone.
This Saturday wasn’t much different. Dressed in loose sweatpants and a simple t-shirt, Yixing was sitting at his desk. A cup of still steaming green tea and a plate with snacks his mother had prepared stood in one corner, while the space in front of him was occupied by his chemistry book.
Deep in concentration, he didn’t hear their doorbell ring, but he reasoned it must have sounded, since shortly after a knock resounded from his door.
“Come in.” He shouted, expecting his mother to be on the other side, perhaps being concerned on whether he needed anything.
The squeaking sound of the door opening wasn’t followed by his mother’s voice though.
“Now now, you little overachiever, can’t even take a moment off from your homework to let your best friend in yourself?” Luhan teased, pulling the door close again behind him before sinking down on Yixing’s bed, putting his brown backpack down.
The younger spun in his chair to face Luhan lounging on his bed as if it were his own. Scrunching his eyebrows up Yixing tilted his head slightly to the side, he racked his brain. Had he been meant to meet up with Luhan that day? It wouldn't be the first time a meet-up slipped his mind, but he came up blank.
“What are you doing here?” he eventually resorted to asking. “Did I forget we were supposed to meet?”
Luhan chuckled in response and waved Yixing's concerns off. “Don't worry, you didn't forget anything for a change. I came here because I have an early Valentine's present for you.”
With a wide grin Luhan turned to rummage through his backpack, obviously in search of whatever he wanted to gift Yixing.
“But we never get each other presents.” Yixing asked doubtful as he watched Luhan.
Luhan only hummed, sounding very much as if he hadn't even been really listening to Yixing. Resigning himself to his fate, Yixing waited until Luhan emitted a triumphant sound and emerged from his backpack.
“There you go!”
Yixing accepted the card Luhan offered him with a raised eyebrow. It was a medium sized one, the front printed with an almost overwhelming number or hearts in every shade of red, pink and purple. It was very obviously a Valentine's Day themed card, and a very corny one at that.
His eyebrow arching higher, Yixing inspected the card, and after throwing a last cautious glance to Luhan, who continued looking eager, the younger opened it. He was greeted by white, clean white, a white that had never been in contact with ink.
Caution quickly made way to disbelief and amusement at finding the card empty. Yixing looked up at his best friend, who surprisingly enough was still watching him with seemingly honest anticipation, a lopsided grin on his face.
Yixing snorted. “Oh great, thank you, an empty card. You are the best friend I can imagine, Luhan, your love is truly undying.”
“No, silly there’s a meaning behind the card.” Luhan chided him, diving into his bag once more to pull out another, matching card. Yixing guessed it was just as empty as the one he was holding in his hands.
“You know, I bought these cards from Baekhyun today. Do you know about the project he and his friends are doing for Valentine’s Day?” Luhan started, his voice trailing slightly off towards the end, as if he was already expecting the answer and preparing the next words inside his head.
And indeed, when Yixing briefly shook his head, the other immediately leaped into his explanation. “Well, it’s really simple, actually. Since last Monday they’ve been selling these cards for 50 cents, next Tuesday they’ll collect them all again. If you buy one, you can write a message to whoever you want, put the recipients class and name on the envelope, and they’ll deliver all the cards on Valentine’s day.”
Luhan’s eyes were sparkling with excitement, as if he was utterly excited. Yixing wasn’t exactly sure if he shared that feeling.
“Okay, and where does this specific card come into the picture?” He questioned, rising his hand slightly in indication.
“Well, you’re my best friend, you’ve got to do this together with me.” Luhan pouted, giving his friend the best puppy look he could manage. Which was a very good puppy look indeed.
“How exactly do you expect me to do this together with you? Should I help you with what you want to write?”
“Are you really that thick or are just trying to act like it, Zhang Yixing?” The words where accompanied by an exasperated sigh as Luhan shook his head slightly. Then he fixed his gaze on Yixing, his eyes intent. “You will write your own card to Yifan.”
“Wha- No.” Yixing immediately refused, his eyes slightly widened in a scandalized expression. He hoped it was enough to cover up for the blush that dusted his cheeks at the mere thought. “Why would I be writing Yifan a card on Valentine’s Day? That’s absurd Luhan.”
He automatically launched into his usual string of protests, listing off arguments about how he wouldn’t want to fuel Yifan’s arrogance further, but instead of arguing back just as passionately the way he usually did, Luhan just sat there, watching Yixing seriously. Eventually Yixing’s voice trailed off when he didn’t get a reaction from the other.
“Yixing, I usually let you pretend, but please, just this once, be honest to me as your best friend. And be honest to yourself. You do want to write Yifan, am I right?”
Yixing’s first impulse was to refute, vehemently, but Luhan’s attitude was different from usually. He was looking at Yixing with questioning eyes, prompting him to be honest. And the younger found himself crumbling beneath that beseeching gaze.
With a sigh he hung his head slightly, and silently admitted that he might be nursing a little crush on Yifan after all.
Instead of bristling with exclaims of “I knew it!” Luhan just grinned widely at him. “Then this is your chance! You don’t have to deliver this card yourself, so you can remain anonymous if you want. Come on, we’re making a deal. We’ll both send a card. I to Minseok and you to Yifan.”
“Kind of like a suicide pact?” Yixing asked, because that was the first comparison that came to his mind at the suggestion.
“A macabre comparison, but essentially yes. Just that we are killing our reputation instead of ourselves.” Luhan agreed cautiously, but looking slightly optimistic because Yixing hadn’t immediately refused. “Please, as my best friend you have to do this with me.”
Instead of answering, the younger hummed silently and studied the card in his hands, letting his fingers slide over its colourful front. Disbelieving that he allowed himself to be roped into this, Yixing eventually nodded. “Okay, I’m in.”
“Promise? None of us will chicken out?” Luhan raised his hand, offering Yixing his pinky, the way he had always done back when they were children.
The gesture had Yixing chuckle fondly at the memories. However he also caught the slight hint of insecurity in Luhan’s eyes. Perhaps the other was suggesting this pact to work up the courage himself to write Minseok.
It was the last push Yixing needed to link his own pinky with the proffered one, lopsided grin on his face. “Promise.”
---
It was late in the night, and Yixing sat brooding over what he was going to write to Yifan.
You think you're so great, right?
He looked at the sentence for a felt eternity, then scratched it. He squinted at the crossed out letters, heaving a sigh before starting again on the next line.
You think
He stopped himself before he could write down the same sentence again, because that sentence seemed to be the only one on his mind. It was as if he had forgotten all other possible combination of words, and just these few in just that order or slight variations were left.
So he gave in.
You think you're so great, right?
This was supposed to be an honest letter, one about him confessing his feelings. Yifan would never know it was Yixing. His card would be one of many. It was even possible Yifan would never even read his card. The other might just discard it together with the other dozens he was sure to garner that day. So this was Yixing's chance to no longer pretend, to lay his heart out behind the protective wall of anonymity.
Nonetheless he considered for the shortest of moments to bail out, to simply write a card full of spiteful comments and mockery. Just for the satisfaction of having written a card that Yifan wouldn't expect in the bunch of cards, one that would stand out and make the other frown at the un-Valentine's-Day-like contents.
A tempting scenario, but he and Luhan had a pact. If they went down, they went down together. And going down together included Yixing being honest, included Yixing confessing. They had promised each other-okay to be exact Luhan had forced Yixing into promising, but that didn't negate the promise itself whatsoever. Yixing was a person to keep his promises.
So he discarded all thoughts of putting Yifan down the way he usually would, forced himself to empty his mind completely for a fresh start.
With another sigh he slumped forward, resting his forehead on his folded arms. Lying on his desk like this he took a few deep breaths, inhaling the scent of his wooden desk and the metallic tang of his pencil. His exhales created small gusts of warm air against his fingers, while his unfocussed eyes studied all the crossed out lines and messy scribblings, courtesy of his procrastination.
When he had given in to Luhan's pact Yixing hadn't even dared imagining how difficult it would be to write this card.
The minutes passed in his silent room, noticeable only because of his watch ticking loudly in his ear. After he had counted to 30 for the umpteenth time, Yixing sat up with a huff. Full of determination he took a deep breath, making sure to exhale slowly.
This can't be that difficult, Zhang Yixing. He told himself. Countless of other people manage to do this every year.
When he started again, he wanted to groan in frustration. It was the same sentence coming out again.
You think you're so great, right?
Instead of backtracking, of erasing the letters once more however Yixing decided to simply carry on this time. All sorts of corrections could still be done in the end. What mattered was that he got something written down at least.
You think you're so great, right? With your multiple languages, and your height, and your proficiency in basketball. You with your blond hair that's slowly starting to grow out. Will you dye it again? It would kinda go against your claims it's only like that because you used to wear it like that in Canada, and it simply needed time to grow out. You, with your eyebrows and sharp features that make every head turn, and that charismatic aura that ensnares anyone who comes close to you. Perhaps you have a lot of reasons to think you're so great.
And perhaps there are more still that you don't consider. Are you aware of the way you always make your friends and everyone you're a bit closer with laugh? Do you realize that your smile shows off your gums? That it makes my heart beat just the slightest bit faster as well, that I always have to fight hard against the corner's of my mouth lifting up to mirror your smiles?
I try to not let it affect me, to not be like one of the countless admirers you have amassed, but I’m afraid somewhere along the way I lost the fight. So this Valentine’s Day marks the point of me giving in, of me admitting to you that you catch my attention whenever I’m around you.
I admit to the countless times I sneaked glances of you, the countless times I hoped you would keep on talking just the slightest bit longer so I’d get to hear more of your voice even if I acted annoyed. I admit to how my skin tingled when you’d pass me in a crowded hallway, or how I would admire you when you were speaking English, playing basketball.
I admit that I’ve been thinking about you, a lot, more than I was aware of myself.
Wu Yifan, I think I might like you. Don’t think too much of it. This is a Valentine’s Day confession, and I expect it to be inconsequential in the end. But I promised to tell you the truth, and I keep my promises, so there you have it.
I like you.
Rereading the finished text, Yixing wanted to tear the paper into pieces and set them on fire in embarrassment. He shoved the letter aside, beneath a few of his schoolbooks, out of his sight so that he could focus on taking a few calming breaths. With his eyes closed he covered his cheeks with his hands, the press cold against his burning skin.
“This is insane, I can’t send that.” He muttered to himself, almost like a mantra. A voice inside his head replied that Yifan would never find out it was Yixing who had sent the card. It also reasoned that Yixing’s destructive intentions were the indication the letter was the way it was supposed to be. It was what Yixing honestly felt, even though he hated to admit to it.
After a few minutes of calming himself down, Yixing set to copying the words from his scribbling paper to the card Luhan had given him earlier that day. He still cringed with every word he wrote, but forced himself to pull through.
Taking care to make his handwriting as clean as possible, trying to leave as few hints to his identity as possible, it took him quite long to finish the card.
He studied the end result, and beneath the embarrassment, he felt a sense of pride. After giving the ink a bit of time to dry, Yixing shoved the card into the white envelope, and wrote their class and Yifan’s name on it.
Sealing the envelope shut felt a lot like closure. It was a done deal now, Yixing realized with an exhale.
He had confessed to Yifan. Well, technically not yet, but still.
---
Picking up the card on Tuesday to throw it into the letterbox Baekhyun and the other’s had set up felt weird. The envelope had been sitting on Yixing’s desk the last few days, a constant reminder of his crush on Yifan and his silly confession, inked with black on white.
Luhan didn’t say anything when Yixing pulled the envelope out of his backpack, but it wasn’t as if the elder would have needed to. The wide grin he wore said enough.
Luhan’s presence was strangely comforting nonetheless as he tagged along to the first floor, where a big, bright pink letterbox had been put up, surrounded by heart-shaped garlands and fake roses. It looked as if someone had went to search for the most cliché Valentine’s Day deco they could find, just to cram it all into one place.
Across the letterbox “Armor’s letter delivery service” was written in ornate black letters, decorated with more hearts.
Before Yixing could turn right back around and flee, Luhan caught his arm and tugged him forward. There were a couple of students approaching the metal box and dropping their cards in, so Luhan and Yixing really were only two out of many.
As soon as he got the chance Yixing discarded of the letter, making sure nobody would be able to spy the name written on it. Luhan wasn’t half as cautious. Then again half of their school already knew of the elder’s crush on Minseok, so it would have been superfluous to hide the name.
“It’s done now.” Yixing noted when they were making their way back to their classroom.
Luhan eyed him, and grinned slightly. “Yes, no going back now.”
---
That night Yixing didn’t sleep well, excitement to which he didn’t want to admit to keeping him from really falling asleep, and waking him quickly up again when sleep did claim him, just to check the clock and find that it was still the middle of the night.
In short, his mood really could have been better when he sunk into his seat at school that morning, but at least he was early for a change. Earlier even than Luhan, who only entered the classroom after Yixing had already almost dozed off on his desk.
“Happy Valentine’s Day you sleepyhead. Didn’t have a good night?” his friend asked as he slumped down in his own seat.
Yixing responded with a low grumble, but when Luhan poked his back, he reluctantly lifted himself up and turned around to face the other. “Not really. Hardly fell asleep at all, and didn’t sleep long if I did.”
“Nervous?” Luhan asked, but his gaze was knowing and it wasn’t really much of a question anyway.
“A bit.” The younger admitted. He kept on telling himself it was stupid, whether he was nervous or not, Yifan wouldn’t know the card was from him either way, so it wouldn’t matter. Not really.
Luhan hummed understandingly nonetheless, before chuckling embarrassedly himself, lips pulling into a lopsided smile. “Me too.” He confessed and weirdly enough it reassured Yixing that his best friend seemed to be just as nervous as he himself was.
Misery loved company, after all, so Yixing found himself smiling back at Luhan.
Both weren’t really sure how the whole Valentine’s Card delivery was supposed to happen, but they certainly hadn’t expected Jongdae, Chanyeol and Baekhyun to show up in their classroom at the short break in between their third and fourth lesson.
All three of them were dressed in something that looked like some white bedsheet draped around their bodies, held together by red, heart-shaped brooches. Around their head they wore a garland made of roses and every one of them sported a pair of wings on their back. Chanyeol and Jongdae held a bow in their hands, while Baekhyun carried what was most likely supposed to be a small harp in one hand and a pink sac in the other.
Yixing had expected them to go all out with their Armor Delivery project, but he admittedly hadn’t expected this get up. Or how shamelessly proud they would flaunt around in their outfits. He couldn’t help but grin at them, even though his stomach lurched uncomfortably at the knowledge that his letter was in the sac Baekhyun held, along with countless others.
The Armor trio quickly set to work, pulling out letters and calling names, hurrying over to the person who reacted and delivering the Valentine’s Day card with a wide grin. Often it were single cards, but occasionally they would pull out a whole pile, tied together with a pretty lavender cord.
When they called Yifan’s name, Chanyeol was holding one of these packages. Yixing’s heart skipped a beat at hearing the blond’s name. He was caught between wanting to study the texture of his desk and to watch Yifan’s reaction when the taller received the pile that contained Yixing’s card. In the end the latter notion won out.
Carefully, trying to act forcedly nonchalant, he eyed as Yifan pulled the cord apart, and sifted through the pile of envelopes he had received. Yixing didn’t count them, but his heart skipped a beat when he recognized his own. It stood out because it was the only starkly white one, all the other’s having been plastered with heart stickers or decorated with small drawings.
Yixing wasn’t sure if he was just imagining the slight lifting of Yifan’s eyebrow in surprise at the plain envelope, but then Yifan pulled it out from the pile, and turned it around, as if expecting there to be some decoration on the other side. The smallest of grins pulled at his lips. Strangely enough the taller looked slightly intrigued, and it made Yixing wish he had gone for some cheesy decoration as well. Perhaps that would have made his card blend in enough to go unnoticed.
Caught in his fascination of watching Yifan, it almost didn’t register with Yixing when he heard his own name. Yifan however must have picked up the sound of the smaller’s name, because his head shot up immediately. He directly met Yixing’s gaze.
Yixing almost choked on his saliva in shock, and jerked his head around quickly to face forward. His heart was pounding in his chest as if he had run a marathon. Never before had he wished for the ground to swallow him as much as he did now.
It hardly registered with him that Luhan called Baekhyun over since Yixing was still too startled to react. Only when the junior stood directly in front of him, white envelope in his hand, did it really click with Yixing what it meant that his name had been called.
He looked up at the younger, eyes wide in confusion, but Baekhyun just smiled back brightly. “You’ve got an admirer somewhere out there.” He declared, and Yixing took the proffered card on instinct.
“Thanks.” He mouthed more than said, because his voice was still caught in his throat.
The envelope in his hands was almost as devoid of decorations as his own had been, pristine white except for his name scribbled to the front and the heart shaped sticker stuck on the tip of the top flap.
Behind him Luhan was excitedly nudging him to get his attention, but Yixing was focused on staring at his inked name in disbelief. His friend should rather tend to the pile of cards he received himself.
Yixing was caught between wanting to tear the letter open to read the card immediately and needing to gather enough courage to do so. The choice was taken from him when their teacher entered the room, ready to start their next lesson. The middle aged man eyes the Armor trio funnily when he almost collided with them in the door way.
Stuffing the card into his back, unopened, Yixing did his best to try and forget about it while focusing on the lesson. It wasn’t a very successful endeavour though, since he found his mind straying every other minute.
When their bell finally rang for lunch break, Yixing found himself heaving a breath of relief, surprising himself. He hadn’t noticed how much he had tensed during the lecture. Luhan was up from his desk and by Yixing’s side within seconds.
“We’re supposed to meet up with Sehun for lunch today, so hurry! And don’t forget your letter.”
Yixing just shook his head in exasperation, but complied with Luhan’s command, letting himself be dragged out of the room with his bag slung over his shoulder, the card securely inside.
They met Sehun by the benches in the yard of their school, hunched over suspiciously. When they came closer, they saw him reading one of the Amor Delivery Valentine’s Card, cheeks bright red. It might have been the cold, but somehow Yixing doubted it was.
“Oh, our little Hunnie has turned someone’s head.” Luhan sang teasingly, as he sank down beside the son of his parent’s friends. They had more or less grown up together, so Luhan wasn’t put off the slightest bit by the glare Sehun leveled at him.
“You’re one to talk, baby face.”
Luhan clenched his heart as if he had been wounded. “I’m hurt, such disrespectful words to your senior.”
Sehun seemed to contemplate whether to retort or not, but in the end he decided for hanging his head with a long suffering sigh. “Tao’s such an idiot.” He mumbled, and the words made both friends perk up.
“Why?” Luhan asked, and as Sehun shoved the card at him, understanding flashed through his eyes.
“May we?” Yixing nodded to the card as if asking for the permission to read it, just to make sure he had interpreted Sehun’s gesture correctly. Sehun grumbled something that sounded remotely affirmative, so Luhan shrugged and proceeded to open up the card.
Sehun-ah.
There aren’t many things I can do for you, but I hope you know my heart. You know even without me telling you~ㅋㅋ
Happy Valentine’s Day! Hun-ah, I’m really happy because you’re here. Your existence makes me stronger~ Let’s be together forever.
Let’s live happily and enjoyably forever~ I can say this because it’s Valentine’s Day right? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Remember not to worry because I’m here. I’ll be next to you forever. Once again, Happy Valentine’s Day~ *
Love, Tao
“This is supposed to be anonymous; he’s not supposed to write his name down.” Sehun complained, his face still hidden in his hands in clear embarrassment.
“Well, technically there’s no rule saying whether this message has to be anonymous or not.” Luhan noted.
“But then why not pass the card in person?”
“Perhaps because Tao wanted you to be graced with the presence of our fake armors?” Luhan guessed, his expression suggesting that he wanted to be compassionate, but his voice barely containing his amusement.
Yixing had to admit that Sehun looked adorable like this, all flustered, and as Sehun kept complaining how Tao was so cheesy, just giving Luhan more opportunities for teasing, Yixing found himself chuckling.
The noise drew Luhan’s attention to his best friend however, and subsequently to the letter still buried in the depth of Yixing’s backpack.
“Don’t think I forgot that you haven’t read your own mushy Valentine’s message yet, Xing.” Luhan declared, and fixed him with a stern gaze.
“Okay, okay. But I’ll read it myself. And no peeking, got it? Or I’ll read it at home, all by myself.” Yixing replied, waiting until Luhan had finished rolling his eyes and nodded before he pulled the envelope out. (“Oh, a heart, how cute.” “Be silent Sehun, or he’ll chicken out!”)
Yixing took as long as possible to detach the sticker, opening the envelope and pulling the card out, but eventually he held the colourful design of hearts in his hands.
Aware of Luhan’s and Sehun’s curious stares on him, Yixing turned so that neither would be able to spy the cards content.
Dear Yixing,
Selfishly I wish that this will be the only card you’ll receive today, because that would set me apart. It would lessen my competition, and perhaps improve my chances. Though you deserve to get dozens of cards, and I am not really sure whether I have any chance with you at all.
Ever since I first saw you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I can’t even say what it is. Your gentle smile, that pronounces that adorable dimple? Or your musical laugh? The sparkle in your eyes when you’re excited, or the look of determination you wear when your competitiveness is awoken?
I have never seen anyone work as hard as you. By now I have lost count of how often I’ve seen you in the library, long after class ended, slaving away over your homework, solving math problems or learning vocabulary.
And I’ve seen you dance. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, because it must surely sound as if I am stalking you, but I swear, it was by accident. I had left my phone behind in the gym’s changing room, and when I returned to fetch it, you were there, lost in the music.
I almost missed my tutoring session because I couldn’t stop watching you. And as creepy as that sounds, I hope you understand that the bottom line of this is that you are admirable.
Whenever anyone comes to you seeking help you’ll be willing to offer it, even if it should inconvenience you. I don’t know how you do that.
There is only one thing that irks me: The fact that I can’t seem to be able to get close to you. I have tried approaching you so often already, but you always seem to ignore or not notice me. All my smiles are in vain, all my compliments going unheard.
It makes me wonder if I have done something to offend you. I dearly hope I haven’t, and that the cold shoulder you’re showing me is unintentional.
Actually I have a request to make. I hope that I somehow actually have caught your interest. Do you want to know who I am?
Then please come and meet me at the roof at 4pm this afternoon. I’ll be waiting there for you, hoping to get a second chance if I should have messed up my first one without noticing.
Because nothing would make me happier than if you were to be my Valentine.
If the whole content hadn’t already been bad enough, the last sentence drove the message home. Yixing wondered why he wasn’t already feeling lightheaded from all the blood rushing to his head, making his cheeks burn despite the cold weather.
He kept the card up even after having finished reading it, because he wanted to compose his expression before facing his friends. His heart was pounding as if it was ready to jump out of his chest and an uncomfortable fluttering feeling had settled in his stomach.
Easily overwhelmed by compliments, this card was almost too much for Yixing to take. Perhaps not only almost, perhaps it was already too much to take.
“Come on, not even you can be that slow with reading.” Luhan complained, obviously dissatisfied with Yixing taking so long. “What is your secret admirer writing?”
“The card asks me to go to the roof at 4pm.” Yixing said, as he finally lowered the card to find two sets of curious eyes intently watching him.
“Are you serious?” Luhan asked in disbelief, and when Yixing just swallowed and nodded, he grinned widely. “How exciting!”
The younger wasn’t exactly sure if he agreed or not.
---
Yixing was still debating with himself whether he really should go to the meeting point or not, even when he was already pushing the door to the roof open. The only reason he was pushing himself to actually go was that he felt as if his anonymous admirer deserved an answer. He had asked for it after all.
Luhan had ushered him to go as well, cooing at the thought that Yixing might actually find a boyfriend (“It could also have been a girl who has written this card.” “I know a male handwriting when I see one, Xing. No girl has such an ugly handwriting.” “That’s pretty mean, Luhan. And assuming. If it’s a girl she’ll be quite offended.” “Just trust me on this one, I’m sure it’s a guy.”).
Yixing himself was rather cautious. He wasn’t even sure if the card had really been meant for him. All of the strangers words were so full of admiration, of praise. Frankly, Yixing felt as if they were painting a larger-than-life image, one he couldn’t find himself fitting into. Perhaps his supposed admirer simply hadn’t remembered the name of his crush correctly, addressing the card to Yixing by accident? In his head it was a likely scenario.
He opened the door carefully, so that it made close to no sound. Outside, the wind was blowing strongly, as was to be expected this high up. Noting how there was no one standing right in his line of sight, Yixing slowly walked along the outer walls of the little building containing the staircase.
As he reached the corner of it, he took one last breath to steel himself, before rounding it.
His eyes immediately zoomed in on the other figure standing on the roof, half facing away from him to study the far distance to Yixing’s right. The first thing he noticed was the telltale dash of blond hair, and that was all it took for Yixing to step back quickly, into the secure shadows of the staircase.
Stupid. He chided himself. The roof is such a cliché place for a meet-up, of course someone else would have been called up here. He’s probably waiting for some girl that wants to confess to him.
Unwilling to stay and witness the scene, Yixing moved to head back inside, back down, uncaring of his own appointment. It wasn’t as if he really expected anything to come out of his letter, didn’t expect Yifan to recognize his handwriting and to approach him. But if he allowed himself to be honest, Yifan being confessed to might be on the top of the list of things he didn’t want to witness. A voice inside his head insisted that was because there was the possibility of Yifan accepting the confession.
He didn’t get very far though, no matter how fast his steps, barely covering half the distance towards the door.
“Yixing?” A familiar voice called him, followed by the sound of quick feet moving towards him.
The smaller debated whether to simply keep walking, or to turn around and face Yifan. Really, his pride only allowed him one option.
Yifan looked slightly out of breath, as if he had rushed despite it only being a short distance to the staircase, his blond hair disheveled from the wind. His expression was a weird mixture of completely open and unreadable. Confusion, surprise and apprehension shifted into relief and concealed joy, and back again. He eventually settled on a cautious smile, but Yixing didn’t look up at him long enough to really appreciate it.
“I’m sorry, I bet you’re waiting for someone.” Yixing said, surprising himself with how meek he sounded, refusing to face Yifan directly. Shocked into shyness, he reasoned.
“Yes, yes I am.” Yifan replied, and the same hint of something Yixing couldn’t quite pinpoint that he had already seen in his expression coloured his voice as well.
“I-I see.” Yixing stuttered, and wished he would sound firmer. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
“No!” the taller hurriedly exclaimed, making Yixing halt when he had only half turned around.
Wondering if his hearing was playing tricks on him, the smaller’s face scrunched up in a disbelieving frown. “What?”
“Don’t go.” Yifan said, and when the younger continued looking at him with a confused expression, he elaborated, “I am not waiting anymore.”
“Oh no, you don’t have to leave just because I’m here, it’s okay, keep on waiting, I’ll leave!” Yixing honestly wondered what exactly made him act so docile in Yifan’s company, not a hint of his usual snide left. Perhaps because Yifan looked honestly nervous, and not like the haughty and aloof person he usually was around Yixing.
It was a change the smaller almost could have appreciated, if it weren’t for the reason behind Yifan’s nervousness.
But instead of accepting Yixing’s offer, the blond took two steps towards Yixing, shortening the distance between them before coming to an abrupt halt.
“No, you don’t understand.” He complained, before taking a deep breath, as if steeling himself for his next words. “I was waiting for you.”
Simply put, Yixing’s brain short-circuited. There was a slight blush colouring Yifan’s cheeks, and his whole posture had turned fidgety. It pretty much exactly resembled the one Yixing had imagined his secret admirer to have, going by the words that had been written in the card. The picture was just such a stark difference to everything Yixing had always believed Yifan to be, that it caught him completely off-guard.
“Wha-“ he started, but cut himself off before he could repeat the meaningless question again. Instead he narrowed his eyes, suspiciousness taking over his formerly baffled state.
Yixing looked around the rooftop with darting eyes. “Are there camera’s around here? Or are your friends hiding somewhere?”
It was Yifan’s turn to sound confused now. “What? No, of course they aren’t. There’s no one here beside us. Why should there be?”
“Isn’t this some sort of game? Some way to make fun of me?” the smaller accused, fixing his gaze on Yifan again. It was the only reasonable explanation he could come up with.
“Why would you think that? Did you even read the card?” It didn’t even properly register with Yixing that Yifan had just confessed to having written the Valentine’s Day card that was still nestled securely in Yixing’s backpack.
“Of course I did, or why would I be here otherwise.” Yixing retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“But then you know that I’ve been unable to get you out of my head for a while.” The elder’s forehead furrowed in frustration, and the colour of his cheeks turned just the slightest bit darker.
Yixing, unwilling to believe the other so easily, retorted defiantly, “That’s all just part of your ploy, to lure me up here, to coax me into confessing to you as well so you can go boast with it, and-“
Among any possible kind of reaction Yixing had expected from Yifan, the elder stepping into his personal space and cutting him off with the soft press of his mouth hadn’t been included.
Within a split-second all his senses were flooded with the blond, his surprisingly sweet smell, the feeling of his lips against Yixing’s, the taste of his mouth.
The kiss didn’t last long, only barely long enough for Yifan to be sure that Yixing had been silenced. When the blond pulled back, he looked dazed, and Yixing was pretty sure his own expression was an exact copy. His mouth hang slightly open, as if it was waiting to pick up the words Yifan had kissed from his lips, but for the dear life of him his brain couldn’t come up with a coherent retort.
“You- just now-“ was all he stammered, gesturing between their faces with his hand helplessly.
Only then it seemed to dawn Yifan what he had just done, because his eyes widened in shock and the elder immediately stumbled two steps away from Yixing, who hated to notice that he felt a bit colder.
“I-I’m sorry, that was presumptuous.” The blond apologized, waving his hands around in front of him frantically, his complexion redder than ever.
“So you’re sincere?” The question was tentative, a hint of dazedness from the kiss remaining.
“I am!” Yifan immediately replied, sounding confident for the first time that afternoon. “Why would you think otherwise?”
“Because…” Yixing trailed off momentarily to collect his thoughts. “Because you always mocked me, and made fun of me. You always show-off and then check whether I saw it to rub it in my face?”
The way Yifan’s mouth dropped open in semblance of shock actually made Yixing feel a bit bad about his words. “That’s not true, I never meant to mock you. Ahh, now I get why you always seemed to hate me so much.”
With a self-deprecating laugh the taller dragged a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “I swear, none of my actions had the goal to make fun of you. And I only checked… because I wanted to impress you.” He confessed, and flashed the younger a tentative, lopsided smile.
Yixing allowed himself to acknowledge the way it made his heart skip a beat. “…So that really was your attempt at flirting?”
Another shy laugh from Yifan, this time accompanied with a rubbing of his neck. “I guess I did a pretty horrible job at it, if I couldn’t even manage to befriend you.”
The first thought in Yixing’s mind was that he was never going to hear the end of it from Luhan. The elder had actually been correct about Yifan’s flirting that Yixing had argued against with passion all the time. Most likely it was a self-defense mechanism of some sort to immediately think of Luhan, because the real weight of Yifan’s words only hit him moments later.
He flirted with me.
Yifan flirted with me.
The thought had Yixing’s cheeks burning, and he brought his hands up to try and cover them self-consciously. His throat suddenly felt dry, and his stomach lurched uncomfortably, as if all the nervousness he had forgotten due to the surprise of finding Yifan returned full force.
Every line of the card seemed to float in front of his inner eye again, and suddenly they all made sense, formed a picture that perfectly fit Yifan.
“Can I believe you?” The question didn’t hold any of his former vehemence, and if the way Yifan’s expression relaxed slightly, even turning cautiously hopeful with a hint of confidence was any indication, the other had heard the softening of Yixing’s voice as well.
“Yes you can.” He declared with such fervor, that Yixing couldn’t help but think he had to be telling the truth, because otherwise he would have to be quite the actor. “Let me prove it to you. Give me one afternoon,-” a small step towards Yixing, ”-a week,-“ another step, ”-a month,-“ closer, “-a year,-“closer still, ”-however long you need me to prove you I’m sincere.”
The elder came to a halt less than an arm’s length away from Yixing. The smaller had to crane his neck to properly face Yifan. A gentle smile had formed on the blond’s lips, almost looking encouraging, as if he was trying to beseech Yixing to give him a chance.
An unnecessary encouragement, because Yixing had already made his decision. He found himself smiling back, stretch of his mouth widening with every tentative millimeter Yifan’s grin grew.
“Okay.” He simply said, lowering his hands to reveal his dimpled smile.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” Yixing repeated with a small chuckle. “You’ll have your chance.”
Yifan’s eyes sparkled with relief and joy, happiness evidently present in his wide grin.
“If you should turn out to be a douche though, I’ll ditch you without second thoughts.” Yixing declared, jabbing an accusing finger at the taller.
Yifan looked momentarily worried, and opened his mouth as if to spill further reassurances, but then he caught the playful glint in the other’s eyes, and his posture visibly relaxed. “Same back to you. Perhaps I’ll overthink my opinion of you, now that you no longer hate me.”
In response Yixing poked his tongue out. “How do you know I don’t hate you anymore?”
“Just an inkling.” Yifan’s grin was brilliant, and Yixing couldn’t help smiling back.
“So, you wanna head for coffee sometime?” The blond eventually asked, fidgeting slightly with his fingers, as if the question made him nervous all over again.
“’Sometime’? Well, someone’s being specific.” Yixing teased, hoping to relief some of Yifan’s awkwardness.
It worked, because the other rolled his eyes before grinning. “You want specific? Then tomorrow, right after school.”
Yixing met Yifan’s challenging gaze head-on. “Sounds good.”
“It’s a date then.”
“It’s a date.” Yixing agreed, and surprisingly enough, locking eyes with Yifan felt comfortable. Excitement and disbelief were still singing in his veins, but they were all overpowered by a sense that finally things are the way there are supposed to be between them.
This simply felt right.
---
(*): I couldn't resist taking the letter Tao wrote Sehun for his birthday. All I did was replace every instance of "birthday" with "Valentine's Day".