I'm realizing I have nothing to live for. I have nothing I am passionate about. I have no more longing, only the worry of making rent payments each month & feeling lonely. I have to find a goal to work towards, or else I am just a waste.

Justin & I went to Dragon Con yesterday!! We had a LOT of fun! We took all of our coins to a coinstar machine & got $160 dollars to spend on what felt like a free event! We pretty much bought everything we wanted from the vendors & got our tickets with the 160 dollars. We even got to attend the art show at the end of it all - & while I was there, I ( Read more... )

I got really upset tonight - I don't want to go into the details because I just got over the whole issue & I'm tired of going through this roller coaster emotional bullshit anyway - but Justin was a douche and hung up on me. Over it. I want to be with someone who cares for me & who is mature & who makes me feel special. I don't like being with ( Read more... )

I want to go to bed, but I think I am stalling because I don't want to dream about getting all beat up. My body has a lot of tension in it and I can feel my fingers twitching and my joints aching.. What is wrong with me? There is a slight sadness lingering in my head.. I keep trying to pinpoint the cause, but then I find myself making up reasons to ( Read more... )

I am determined to get this serving position at Long Horn before the end of the year. I want to make that holiday money.. & maybe after serving for a while I will try to go even higher. Whatever though - I'm not trying to work in a restaurant forever. People seem to really like me there & they say I'm a hard worker. I just have to keep that up. ( Read more... )

I really want to make some friends. I can't even remember what it was like to get asked to get out of the house by people other than my boyfriend. I'm going to make some friends.. This will happen.

I don't know what I want.. I never have. I really care for Justin, but he can really suck the fun out of a relationship. He's so hard headed. I can't decide if I should put up with it & hope it gets better, or just get the possibly inevitable heartbreak over with already ( Read more... )

I have started the newest chapter in my life just this week. Justin & I broke up, but we talked things out & decided to try again with a more mature approach to everything. So far, it has worked out wonderfully. If it can last, then I'm sure we will last as well. I think that is what I want. But I change my mind about everything in life so often ( Read more... )

I am not lost.. I just haven't made it There yet

Now I know why I keep seeing the front yard of thousand oaks in my head over and over.. It's the last time I had a clear head.. from then until january 17th
2012