What I was born to do.
I am still not okay with who I am.
Yes, I have given up music for a while, but it's very difficult to stop listening to it. Especially since we just went on a car trip. So I listened to music. Sue me.
I did give Jade my iPod until May.
The problem is, it's going to be May in a couple of weeks and I'm not feeling any better about it. The truth is, I want to write and play music so badly that I keep almost giving in. I haven't yet. And I better not.
The real truth is, I don't think this is going to help me at all. I don't feel like I've gotten past the blocks in my mind, my fingers, or my heart. No progress. So I'm just throwing myself into art.
My poetry writing has come, pretty much, to a complete end. I've no idea why. Oh well. It wasn't benefiting anyone, anyway.
Colleges are stupid.
Furthermore, I still remember name asking if I was alright because of those fires. Here goes a shameless welcome to the self-pity I do have. Come back, name, and care about me again. I'd get rid of all but, oh, the fewest friends just to bring back sincerity. That's what's lacking in my life. I don't understand. Friendship is supposed to be important. I just don't understand. I shouldn't be talking because I find the vast majority of my friends obnoxious and disgusting and loathsome.
Ugh.
I don't know what to say.
I am not okay with who I am. I am not okay with how I treat other people. Yet, I will forever block you out and respond sarcastically and come to hate you and take that out on you. It's not your fault. Honestly. It takes me maybe a year to hate you, and maybe another four to start liking you again.
I cannot help it. My god, I cannot help it and it's starting to drive me crazy.
Get me away from the emo kids, get me away from the needy kids, get me away from the slutty kids, get me away from the show-off kids, get me away from the selfish kids, get me away from the stupid kids, get me away from the so opinionated they'll kill kids. I will take the sarcastic kids, I will take the annoyingly intelligent kids, I will take the egotistical kids.
Just stop being annoying.
Now.
Or I'm going to be so cruel to you. Just ask the friends I eat with. They'll say, they don't know me. And I'm getting more and more distant. Ask. I dare you.
No, this isn't emo. Redfine your conception of emo. It got lost somewhere in the hype.
Fucking hell I miss you.
Can I not just leave?
Tell me a secret. It's cathartic. It's anonymous. And it's entertaining. Tell me anything; tell me something as benign as "I like tomatoes more than anyone I've ever met" or something as dark as the fact you killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. Tell me stuff. I won't tell anyone, and I won't know it's you anyway.
DON'T FORGET TO RESPOND ANONYMOUSLY TO THE SECRET PART.
Sheesh. And no, I won't check your IP address to see who you are. I'm far too lazy, plus I respect the privacy this is supposed to have.
Yes, I have given up music for a while, but it's very difficult to stop listening to it. Especially since we just went on a car trip. So I listened to music. Sue me.
I did give Jade my iPod until May.
The problem is, it's going to be May in a couple of weeks and I'm not feeling any better about it. The truth is, I want to write and play music so badly that I keep almost giving in. I haven't yet. And I better not.
The real truth is, I don't think this is going to help me at all. I don't feel like I've gotten past the blocks in my mind, my fingers, or my heart. No progress. So I'm just throwing myself into art.
My poetry writing has come, pretty much, to a complete end. I've no idea why. Oh well. It wasn't benefiting anyone, anyway.
Colleges are stupid.
Furthermore, I still remember name asking if I was alright because of those fires. Here goes a shameless welcome to the self-pity I do have. Come back, name, and care about me again. I'd get rid of all but, oh, the fewest friends just to bring back sincerity. That's what's lacking in my life. I don't understand. Friendship is supposed to be important. I just don't understand. I shouldn't be talking because I find the vast majority of my friends obnoxious and disgusting and loathsome.
Ugh.
I don't know what to say.
I am not okay with who I am. I am not okay with how I treat other people. Yet, I will forever block you out and respond sarcastically and come to hate you and take that out on you. It's not your fault. Honestly. It takes me maybe a year to hate you, and maybe another four to start liking you again.
I cannot help it. My god, I cannot help it and it's starting to drive me crazy.
Get me away from the emo kids, get me away from the needy kids, get me away from the slutty kids, get me away from the show-off kids, get me away from the selfish kids, get me away from the stupid kids, get me away from the so opinionated they'll kill kids. I will take the sarcastic kids, I will take the annoyingly intelligent kids, I will take the egotistical kids.
Just stop being annoying.
Now.
Or I'm going to be so cruel to you. Just ask the friends I eat with. They'll say, they don't know me. And I'm getting more and more distant. Ask. I dare you.
No, this isn't emo. Redfine your conception of emo. It got lost somewhere in the hype.
Fucking hell I miss you.
Can I not just leave?
Tell me a secret. It's cathartic. It's anonymous. And it's entertaining. Tell me anything; tell me something as benign as "I like tomatoes more than anyone I've ever met" or something as dark as the fact you killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. Tell me stuff. I won't tell anyone, and I won't know it's you anyway.
DON'T FORGET TO RESPOND ANONYMOUSLY TO THE SECRET PART.
Sheesh. And no, I won't check your IP address to see who you are. I'm far too lazy, plus I respect the privacy this is supposed to have.