Chokecherry (Chapter 1/?)

[kissmepurple]

Title: Chokecherry
Author: kissmepurple 
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: My best friend died on the T-junction between Saskatoon and Persimmon. The boy I might have loved was driving the car.

Comments

[kissmepurple]

XD
*beams* Thanks. :]

[kissmepurple]

Thanks a lot. :]]
It'd be nice if you could point out the verb tense shifts, if that's not asking too much. It's a bad habit I have, and I tend not to notice when I'm doing it.
Um, if I continue it'll probably still be in public posts on my journal. I'll make sure to post the link though in whichever community linked you here.
Thanks, though again for reading, and for the feedback. :]

Wow.

[garshama]

I'm hooked. You got me. This is a brilliant juxtaposition: in love with the boy she most likely (and I'm only guessing) doesn't want to face. Excellent writing. I like the way you explain the town, and the easy cameraderie shows really well.

The only thing I would do (and this is ME), would be to tighten up the descriptions a bit. Make it a bit more concise. For example: "...squealing of wheels, and smashing crashing scraping of metal." I'd probably pick one or two and leave it at that. Actually, I'd like that particular line to be a little more *urgent* physically. I think the way you presented it was a bit too casual; I want it to hit me the way it hit them, in it's own sentence.

Other than that, sister, you rock. Please, more installments?

xoxo.
Shannon.

Re: Wow.

[kissmepurple]

Thanks for the feedback. :]]
Hahah, and I see what you mean about the bit in the crash. I did make it seem really nonchalant. XD

[midori_lover]

I love it^^wanna find out more. And you're really good at describing the condition of the roads and the setting. Good job^^

[kissmepurple]

Thanks.