Chokecherry (Chapter 2/?)

[kissmepurple]

Not many people have been on the inside of a fatal car crash, and lived to tell about it.

The first thing I felt was the power of that first car hitting. My whole body collided with the inside of the blue Yugo, my head jerking out the window, and pulling back as the seatbelt perseveringly kept me in place.

I was wearing a tank top that day, and

Comments

Comments if you want them

[writer_mia]

This is a very strong piece, writen from the heart

Re: Comments if you want them

[kissmepurple]

Thanks for the feedback, and being really exact. I was having a lot of trouble writing the crash scene. I'll probably try to rewrite it again, since, like you said, it's such an important scene, and needs more intensity. Thanks. :]]

[maphia]

I like the piece! I have been on the inside of a near fatal car crash and I agree that it should be intensified. You have a good start though :)

[kissmepurple]

Seriously? I have been in very few car crashes, and none of them were fatal. It would be an amazing help if I could have someone's perspective. Would you mind if I messaged you about that?
Thanks for the feedback, as well. :]

[maphia]

Feel free to message me about it :) Just to let you know it was a roll over crash, so a bit different than this. although, the impact of the car slamming into the side of your characters' car could flip it on its side. might be more dramatic :)

[maphia]

I got your message and tried to send a response but it won't let me. It says you have some sort of privacy option enabled.

LOVE it...

[garshama]

This is *powerful*. I agree with writer_mia on suggestions and thoughts, and I like the idea that you might explore a rewrite on the crash scene. Sometimes, I need just to *get it out* on paper, typically because it's something difficult or daunting; once done, I can revisit, get a different perspective. NOT that I think what you have is in need of a rewrite; just sharing! You never know what might come out of it!

I'm so glad you posted this! Thanks! I'll be looking for more!

;-)

Shannon.

Re: LOVE it...

[kissmepurple]

You totally get where I'm coming from. I both hate and love those daunting scenes. A great challenge, but I try to skid over them as fast as possible to get back to my comfort zone. Going back is always insightful.
And thank YOU for reading so consistently. You are awesome. :]

[midori_lover]

wow...i was never good at writing really powerful scenes and this piece makes want to read more...^^ i love it..^^

[kissmepurple]

Thanks. :]]

[olfactoryeyes]

This is great and I'm excited for the next chapter. I love the idea of the dream and that line I have never seen Sal naked. I thought about it before, in the embarrassing way that teenagers do. But I’ve never seen him.

Sorry I don't have any suggestions or real concrit, but I really liked this, especially how you ended the chapter.

[kissmepurple]

Thanks for the feedback. :]]