Leverageland - Heist 11 - Challenge #9 - Secret Agent
Title: "Come and Play"
Fandom/Character: Leverage/Sesame Street (Giancarlo Esposito/Frank Oz/Richard Kind)
Word Count: 1766
Warnings (if any): Complete and utter crack
Submission:
They all felt it in different ways. There was a moment as they turned the corner toward their meeting point that something shifted in each of them. Something relaxed deep within Eliot, as if--for a while-he didn't have to worry about… anything. Parker got bouncy, peering out the window as if waiting to see something magical. Hardison? Well, the first thing he noticed was that his smart phone went out.
"What is this?" Hardison asked his phone. "What do you mean no service? Come on, now, baby. Don't do this to me…."
It was a few minutes more before Eliot spoke. "Whoa." He wasn't an inarticulate man, but he didn't have words for what he was suddenly facing. The giant yellow bird standing in the middle of the street must have been eight feet tall. He stopped the car, staring. "Uh. Guys?"
"Big Bird!" Parker exclaimed with a happy little hop and clap of her hands. Not for a moment did she hesitate to exit the car.
The car that was now stalled out, and somehow perfectly parked at the curb. He got out to call Parker back, but she was chirping animatedly with … Big Bird?
"Hey! You! You can't park your car on Sesame Street." The metallic clang that came before the rough, gravelly voice had Eliot turning and cocking his head at the fuzzy green … monster?
"It's… What am I doin'?" Eliot stopped his movement toward the trash can and muttered to himself in confusion. He shook his head and looked around. "Hardison?"
"I see it, man. I see it but I don't believe it."
"I said you can't park your car here," Oscar repeated, drumming his (three!?) fingers on the edge of the can.
"The car just stalled. We'll move it," Eliot said with another look around. He was talking to Oscar the Grouch monster. It only seemed a little strange.
"Cookie!" Another gravelly voice said in unison with Parker, who giggled and smooched Cookie Monster. "I have cookies!" she exclaimed before she ran back to the car for the animal crackers she'd brought along.
Hardison did a double-take at the monster, and then watched Parker's progress with a slightly furrowed brow. "This can't be right."
"Hi everybody!" The giant yellow bird finally said to Eliot and Hardison with a friendly wave. "Welcome to Sesame Street!"
Parker wiggled her butt a little as she reached further in through the window of the car, coming out in triumph with her tongue between her teeth. "Cookie! I have some!" Her grin to Hardison was full of childlike glee as she trotted back to Cookie Monster and settled down on the ground next to him.
"Hey, hey you, with the gloves. Where'd the fingers go? I think I may have a pair with fingers." Oscar disappeared into his trash can, the lid clattering noisily into a crooked sort of order.
"Uh. Eliot? You, uh… We're on Sesame Street, man."
"Damn it, Hardison! You think I don't know that?"
Heads swiveled all over the block and Big Bird covered his mouth in shock. "Umm…that's a bad word!"
Eliot felt the flush climb his neck and his cheeks and he scowled. "I …." He was a quiet guy at the best of times, but now? He… "Nate?" He said, tapping his ear. "Sophie?"
"Who's Sophie?" A squeaky voice said to his left. "Elmo likes the name Sophie!"
The giggle that followed brought a horrified expression to Hardison's face.
Unfortunately, it was also the only response to Eliot's quietly desperate call to his teammates. He tapped his comm but it was eerily silent.
"Mister? Elmo thinks you are scared."
Clearing his throat, Eliot turned to look fully at the little red monster, a foot or so smaller than the blue cookie fiend and the green trash can dude. He'd handled guerillas in Granada, surely he could handle this. "Well, Elmo, I just didn't expect to meet you and your friends. My friends and I aren't sure how we got here."
"Oh, is that all! Elmo show you around. Sesame Street is the greatest!"
"Here we go!" Oscar reappeared over the lid of his can and waved a pair of knit gloves at Eliot. "Whole gloves! Knew I had 'em in there somewhere."
"Well, thanks," Eliot said politely. "I actually like them without the fingers because then I can do things better with my hands."
"Oh. Okay, fine. Don't take 'em. More stuff for me!" Oscar said, dropping them back into the abyss behind him.
"So, uh… where are all the people who live on Sesame Street?" Hardison asked Oscar.
"Hard to say. Probably off counting somewhere."
"Just us monster's here!" A high-pitched, growly voice interjected as Grover trotted, arms swinging, from the door of the brownstone behind Oscar.
"I'm not a monster," Big Bird pitched in, his happy attitude never wavering. "Anyone want to jump rope?"
"Maybe Parker," Eliot said with an upward twitch of his brows and a shrug. He scowled a moment later, his eyes closing as he tried to tap into the still, small voice in the back of his head trying to get his attention.
"Mr. Hardison?" Elmo said, tugging on Hardison's sleeve. "You got lots of electric stuff?"
"Just my phone," Hardison answered, the little red beast a little hazy now.
"That's all?" Grover asked. "Electric things not good in Sesame Street. We keep them safe for you." He trotted closer, eyeing the pocket that held the microchip they'd been delivering before finding their way here.
"S'okay. I got it," Hardison said, glancing at Eliot. "El?"
"Yeah, something ain't right," Eliot murmured, apparently not quietly enough.
"Uh uh!" Parker piped up from where she was playing patty-cake with the frickin' Cookie Monster. "Come and play! Everything's a-okay!"
"You don't have to go," Big Bird piped up. "Stay and play with us."
Eliot was still relaxed. Confused, but relaxed. Probably too unconcerned, and he tried harder to make himself care. He glanced at Hardison and shrugged. "They're kinda cute."
"Yeah, no." Hardison shot Eliot a wide-eyed look. "You just said kinda cute, man."
It was getting harder for Eliot to ignore the voice, at the same time it was getting easier. That was what finally clued him in. For the first time, he went defensive, stepping between Grover and Hardison.
"You got little stuff, too," Big Bird said sweetly. "Little computer things. We can keep them safe."
"Parker!" Eliot demanded this time. "Come on!" He started backing away from the semi-circle of fuzzy creatures in every hue that had started gathering around them. "Around the corner, Hardison," he growled under his breath. "Parker!"
"Okay!" Parker huffed, leaning close to Cookie Monster. "I have to go. That's his 'come now or I'll come get you' voice," she said with a roll of her eyes.
"You can't go, yet! You haven't been to Mr. Hooper's store!" Big Bird tried again. "You can't come to Sesame Street without going to Mr. Hooper's."
"But no computer stuff in Mr. Hooper's," Oscar said. "Just leave it with me. I got just the place for it."
Getting Parker behind him, corralled with Hardison, Eliot continued their backward trek. "Do you see the corner, Hardison?"
"Uh…Eliot…"
"The corner, Hardison!"
"Eliot!"
It was the big, hairy elephant that finally took Eliot out. The last thing he remembered before waking up at the brewpub was its huge eyelashes and its enormous pink mouth.
*****
"I think Eliot's waking up," Sophie said quietly.
"Parker's still out with a smile on her face," Nate answered.
"Well y'all can just keep whispering all you want because I refuse to talk about what just happened," Hardison said emphatically.
Sitting up fast enough to make his head spin-again-Eliot looked around wildly, hands held at the ready.
"Relax, Eliot," Sophie soothed. "You're back at the office."
It took him another few moments to confirm for himself that he and everyone else was safe. Swinging his feet over the edge of the sofa, he buried his head in his hands, rubbing at his face and trying to make sense of what happened earlier that day. At least he thinks it was that day.
"What happened?" he finally asked, voice gruff and low.
"Well," Nate sat back, picking up his drink and crossing one leg over the other, "we're not entirely sure, except that we found you halfway to your destination, knocked out in the car. The decoy chip was taken."
"There's residue of some kind of powder in the vents and on the dash," Sophie added.
"So what did happen?" Nate asked. "Because, apparently you couldn't hear us, but we could certainly hear you."
"Big Bird?" Sophie asked, trying to hide a smile.
"Cookie was there, too," Parker murmured sleepily, rubbing at her eyes, too. "My head hurts."
Sophie refreshed the cloth on Parker's forehead, pressing gently. "Just lie still for a bit."
"Hardison? What did you see?" Nate asked.
"I didn't see nothin', Nate. Not a damned thing. I definitely did not see a giant yellow bird and a monster in a trash can offering Eliot a pair of gloves."
Nate cleared his throat, nodding sagely. "We, uh… " He stopped to clear his throat again and school his features into something other than amusement. "We think that Tulens hired someone to drug you in the car and get the chip. Apparently we did a good job making your trip obvious. Too good a job."
"But why would they…?" Eliot can't figure it out.
"Why would they go to all the trouble to make you think…" Nate paused, clearing his throat and swallowed his smile again, "you were on… Sesame Street?"
Eliot shot him a glare.
"Sorry… sorry. Well, that we may never know. But once you're all done sweepin' the clouds away, maybe we can figure it out."
Fandom/Character: Leverage/Sesame Street (Giancarlo Esposito/Frank Oz/Richard Kind)
Word Count: 1766
Warnings (if any): Complete and utter crack
Submission:
They all felt it in different ways. There was a moment as they turned the corner toward their meeting point that something shifted in each of them. Something relaxed deep within Eliot, as if--for a while-he didn't have to worry about… anything. Parker got bouncy, peering out the window as if waiting to see something magical. Hardison? Well, the first thing he noticed was that his smart phone went out.
"What is this?" Hardison asked his phone. "What do you mean no service? Come on, now, baby. Don't do this to me…."
It was a few minutes more before Eliot spoke. "Whoa." He wasn't an inarticulate man, but he didn't have words for what he was suddenly facing. The giant yellow bird standing in the middle of the street must have been eight feet tall. He stopped the car, staring. "Uh. Guys?"
"Big Bird!" Parker exclaimed with a happy little hop and clap of her hands. Not for a moment did she hesitate to exit the car.
The car that was now stalled out, and somehow perfectly parked at the curb. He got out to call Parker back, but she was chirping animatedly with … Big Bird?
"Hey! You! You can't park your car on Sesame Street." The metallic clang that came before the rough, gravelly voice had Eliot turning and cocking his head at the fuzzy green … monster?
"It's… What am I doin'?" Eliot stopped his movement toward the trash can and muttered to himself in confusion. He shook his head and looked around. "Hardison?"
"I see it, man. I see it but I don't believe it."
"I said you can't park your car here," Oscar repeated, drumming his (three!?) fingers on the edge of the can.
"The car just stalled. We'll move it," Eliot said with another look around. He was talking to Oscar the Grouch monster. It only seemed a little strange.
"Cookie!" Another gravelly voice said in unison with Parker, who giggled and smooched Cookie Monster. "I have cookies!" she exclaimed before she ran back to the car for the animal crackers she'd brought along.
Hardison did a double-take at the monster, and then watched Parker's progress with a slightly furrowed brow. "This can't be right."
"Hi everybody!" The giant yellow bird finally said to Eliot and Hardison with a friendly wave. "Welcome to Sesame Street!"
Parker wiggled her butt a little as she reached further in through the window of the car, coming out in triumph with her tongue between her teeth. "Cookie! I have some!" Her grin to Hardison was full of childlike glee as she trotted back to Cookie Monster and settled down on the ground next to him.
"Hey, hey you, with the gloves. Where'd the fingers go? I think I may have a pair with fingers." Oscar disappeared into his trash can, the lid clattering noisily into a crooked sort of order.
"Uh. Eliot? You, uh… We're on Sesame Street, man."
"Damn it, Hardison! You think I don't know that?"
Heads swiveled all over the block and Big Bird covered his mouth in shock. "Umm…that's a bad word!"
Eliot felt the flush climb his neck and his cheeks and he scowled. "I …." He was a quiet guy at the best of times, but now? He… "Nate?" He said, tapping his ear. "Sophie?"
"Who's Sophie?" A squeaky voice said to his left. "Elmo likes the name Sophie!"
The giggle that followed brought a horrified expression to Hardison's face.
Unfortunately, it was also the only response to Eliot's quietly desperate call to his teammates. He tapped his comm but it was eerily silent.
"Mister? Elmo thinks you are scared."
Clearing his throat, Eliot turned to look fully at the little red monster, a foot or so smaller than the blue cookie fiend and the green trash can dude. He'd handled guerillas in Granada, surely he could handle this. "Well, Elmo, I just didn't expect to meet you and your friends. My friends and I aren't sure how we got here."
"Oh, is that all! Elmo show you around. Sesame Street is the greatest!"
"Here we go!" Oscar reappeared over the lid of his can and waved a pair of knit gloves at Eliot. "Whole gloves! Knew I had 'em in there somewhere."
"Well, thanks," Eliot said politely. "I actually like them without the fingers because then I can do things better with my hands."
"Oh. Okay, fine. Don't take 'em. More stuff for me!" Oscar said, dropping them back into the abyss behind him.
"So, uh… where are all the people who live on Sesame Street?" Hardison asked Oscar.
"Hard to say. Probably off counting somewhere."
"Just us monster's here!" A high-pitched, growly voice interjected as Grover trotted, arms swinging, from the door of the brownstone behind Oscar.
"I'm not a monster," Big Bird pitched in, his happy attitude never wavering. "Anyone want to jump rope?"
"Maybe Parker," Eliot said with an upward twitch of his brows and a shrug. He scowled a moment later, his eyes closing as he tried to tap into the still, small voice in the back of his head trying to get his attention.
"Mr. Hardison?" Elmo said, tugging on Hardison's sleeve. "You got lots of electric stuff?"
"Just my phone," Hardison answered, the little red beast a little hazy now.
"That's all?" Grover asked. "Electric things not good in Sesame Street. We keep them safe for you." He trotted closer, eyeing the pocket that held the microchip they'd been delivering before finding their way here.
"S'okay. I got it," Hardison said, glancing at Eliot. "El?"
"Yeah, something ain't right," Eliot murmured, apparently not quietly enough.
"Uh uh!" Parker piped up from where she was playing patty-cake with the frickin' Cookie Monster. "Come and play! Everything's a-okay!"
"You don't have to go," Big Bird piped up. "Stay and play with us."
Eliot was still relaxed. Confused, but relaxed. Probably too unconcerned, and he tried harder to make himself care. He glanced at Hardison and shrugged. "They're kinda cute."
"Yeah, no." Hardison shot Eliot a wide-eyed look. "You just said kinda cute, man."
It was getting harder for Eliot to ignore the voice, at the same time it was getting easier. That was what finally clued him in. For the first time, he went defensive, stepping between Grover and Hardison.
"You got little stuff, too," Big Bird said sweetly. "Little computer things. We can keep them safe."
"Parker!" Eliot demanded this time. "Come on!" He started backing away from the semi-circle of fuzzy creatures in every hue that had started gathering around them. "Around the corner, Hardison," he growled under his breath. "Parker!"
"Okay!" Parker huffed, leaning close to Cookie Monster. "I have to go. That's his 'come now or I'll come get you' voice," she said with a roll of her eyes.
"You can't go, yet! You haven't been to Mr. Hooper's store!" Big Bird tried again. "You can't come to Sesame Street without going to Mr. Hooper's."
"But no computer stuff in Mr. Hooper's," Oscar said. "Just leave it with me. I got just the place for it."
Getting Parker behind him, corralled with Hardison, Eliot continued their backward trek. "Do you see the corner, Hardison?"
"Uh…Eliot…"
"The corner, Hardison!"
"Eliot!"
It was the big, hairy elephant that finally took Eliot out. The last thing he remembered before waking up at the brewpub was its huge eyelashes and its enormous pink mouth.
*****
"I think Eliot's waking up," Sophie said quietly.
"Parker's still out with a smile on her face," Nate answered.
"Well y'all can just keep whispering all you want because I refuse to talk about what just happened," Hardison said emphatically.
Sitting up fast enough to make his head spin-again-Eliot looked around wildly, hands held at the ready.
"Relax, Eliot," Sophie soothed. "You're back at the office."
It took him another few moments to confirm for himself that he and everyone else was safe. Swinging his feet over the edge of the sofa, he buried his head in his hands, rubbing at his face and trying to make sense of what happened earlier that day. At least he thinks it was that day.
"What happened?" he finally asked, voice gruff and low.
"Well," Nate sat back, picking up his drink and crossing one leg over the other, "we're not entirely sure, except that we found you halfway to your destination, knocked out in the car. The decoy chip was taken."
"There's residue of some kind of powder in the vents and on the dash," Sophie added.
"So what did happen?" Nate asked. "Because, apparently you couldn't hear us, but we could certainly hear you."
"Big Bird?" Sophie asked, trying to hide a smile.
"Cookie was there, too," Parker murmured sleepily, rubbing at her eyes, too. "My head hurts."
Sophie refreshed the cloth on Parker's forehead, pressing gently. "Just lie still for a bit."
"Hardison? What did you see?" Nate asked.
"I didn't see nothin', Nate. Not a damned thing. I definitely did not see a giant yellow bird and a monster in a trash can offering Eliot a pair of gloves."
Nate cleared his throat, nodding sagely. "We, uh… " He stopped to clear his throat again and school his features into something other than amusement. "We think that Tulens hired someone to drug you in the car and get the chip. Apparently we did a good job making your trip obvious. Too good a job."
"But why would they…?" Eliot can't figure it out.
"Why would they go to all the trouble to make you think…" Nate paused, clearing his throat and swallowed his smile again, "you were on… Sesame Street?"
Eliot shot him a glare.
"Sorry… sorry. Well, that we may never know. But once you're all done sweepin' the clouds away, maybe we can figure it out."