BECOMING A MAN -- PG
"Five minutes, babe. Five minutes."
"I don't understand you."
"Look, seconds matter in a court of law."
"I'm seventeen already! I can do... things. If I want."
"Stop touching me! You can't touch me for four minutes twenty-one seconds more."
"David."
"Shush."
"I can't believe you called my mom."
"I just asked her your exact time of birth. To the second."
"To the second, David? Really? How can she even know that?"
"They record that!"
"No, they don't."
"Three minutes, forty-eight seconds."
"Stop it, and just let me kiss you."
"NO. It's not your birthday yet."
"It is my birthday."
"I'm not ending up on Access Hollywood or whatever just because you can't follow the law. What happened to my little rule-following Boy Scout anyway?"
"Maybe he's becoming a Man Scout."
"Bwa ha ha!"
"What? What'd I say?"
"Nothing. You're just saying things that you don't know what you're saying again. STOP TOUCHING ME."
"Damn it, Cook!"
"WHOA. Language, young man!"
"I'm a man now, I can say whatever I want."
"Oh, you're not a man yet."
"Well, I will be in... two minutes and eleven seconds."
"That's not what I meant."
"What?"
"Oh geez, Archie, just... you're gonna find out what I mean. Let go of my arm!"
"But they're so strong and sexy."
"Oh my God, Archie, are you saying these things on purpose just to torture me for the last minute and a half?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"For the first time I think you do."
"Okay, fine. Is it illegal for me to look at you longingly?"
"I guess not, just for me to look at you longingly. I'm closing my eyes."
"But that's the part I was enjoying the most!"
"Nope. Closed. DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"Forty-five seconds."
"Oh, you're keeping track now, are you? I thought this was ridiculous."
"Well, when you were doing it, yeah."
"And what the hell is the difference?"
"I'm a child. I'm supposed to do ridiculous things."
"Thanks for reminding me, jackass."
"Ten seconds."
"Say goodbye to your childhood, Archie!"
The alarm on Cook's cell phone blasts its notice loudly and without warning or even the time to catch his breath, David finds himself slammed against the wall and Cook's hands all over him, scruffy face against his neck, wet lips on his collarbone. David giggles against his boyfriend and Cook breathes, "David, I'm going to fuck the giggle right out of you, do you know that?"
And David laughs, like a man.
=====
"I don't understand you."
"Look, seconds matter in a court of law."
"I'm seventeen already! I can do... things. If I want."
"Stop touching me! You can't touch me for four minutes twenty-one seconds more."
"David."
"Shush."
"I can't believe you called my mom."
"I just asked her your exact time of birth. To the second."
"To the second, David? Really? How can she even know that?"
"They record that!"
"No, they don't."
"Three minutes, forty-eight seconds."
"Stop it, and just let me kiss you."
"NO. It's not your birthday yet."
"It is my birthday."
"I'm not ending up on Access Hollywood or whatever just because you can't follow the law. What happened to my little rule-following Boy Scout anyway?"
"Maybe he's becoming a Man Scout."
"Bwa ha ha!"
"What? What'd I say?"
"Nothing. You're just saying things that you don't know what you're saying again. STOP TOUCHING ME."
"Damn it, Cook!"
"WHOA. Language, young man!"
"I'm a man now, I can say whatever I want."
"Oh, you're not a man yet."
"Well, I will be in... two minutes and eleven seconds."
"That's not what I meant."
"What?"
"Oh geez, Archie, just... you're gonna find out what I mean. Let go of my arm!"
"But they're so strong and sexy."
"Oh my God, Archie, are you saying these things on purpose just to torture me for the last minute and a half?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"For the first time I think you do."
"Okay, fine. Is it illegal for me to look at you longingly?"
"I guess not, just for me to look at you longingly. I'm closing my eyes."
"But that's the part I was enjoying the most!"
"Nope. Closed. DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"Forty-five seconds."
"Oh, you're keeping track now, are you? I thought this was ridiculous."
"Well, when you were doing it, yeah."
"And what the hell is the difference?"
"I'm a child. I'm supposed to do ridiculous things."
"Thanks for reminding me, jackass."
"Ten seconds."
"Say goodbye to your childhood, Archie!"
The alarm on Cook's cell phone blasts its notice loudly and without warning or even the time to catch his breath, David finds himself slammed against the wall and Cook's hands all over him, scruffy face against his neck, wet lips on his collarbone. David giggles against his boyfriend and Cook breathes, "David, I'm going to fuck the giggle right out of you, do you know that?"
And David laughs, like a man.
=====