Stuff on my mind
ugghhh..I feel horrible. I am coming down with the worst cold, I don't even think I have been this sick in ages, well really I haven't been sick at all in ages. My head hurts, my body aches, my sinuses are so clogged up that I feel completely weighted down. My throat hurts, and it hurts to breathe. I am having trouble with insomnia lately, so I know that is why I got sick in the first place, its really crappy. Anyone have some chicken noodle soup they want to share with me (or send to me) lol. I am a little nervous too, tomorrow Kevin is coming over for the first time in two weeks to actually just interact on a human level. I don't know how it will all play out (which is why I am nervous). He is coming over to pick up his birthday present that I got him before all this came about, and I want us to be able to interact on a more normal level again..I realize that things will never be as they were..but they don't need to be horrible either. Really since most of our friends are mutual..unless one of us decides to let a huge circle of friends just go out of their lives..we are going to have to learn how to interact with one another on a personal level. Not saying that we have to be best friends or chummy or anything but at the very least be able to hold a conversation without one of us breaking down in some way or the other. I am not really prepared to just give everyone and everything that was in our lives up just like that. I can't just walk away again and start over as I have done so many times in the past. I want to be able to have people around me who get me..who understand my quirks, and who still accept me as a person. I have started my life over so many times that I have now lost count, and I am just not willing to do that anymore unless it is absolutely the last choice. So I just think it would be good for us to start learning how to interact with one another on a friendly level rather then be romantically linked. I know that I am mature enough and able to do this..I am 99 percent sure that he is too. The 1 percent of hesitation comes from all this shit that has happened. I do still believe he is a good guy..just one who is extremely confused and very cowardish..lol. Fundamentally though he is a good guy at heart (why else would I have married him cuz god knows I wouldn't intentionally marry an ass). Really I will always love him and there will always be a place for him in my heart as there is for many other people who have touched my life. Maybe I am just being naive or something..I won't know till later. Before I ramble too much though I think I am going to end this here. Take care all of you. :)