Venus de Milo
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Vaguely Uhura/Gaila, pre-Kirk/Spock
Series: Belief in Angels
Summary: In which Gaila doesn't know what it feels like to mean the words "I love you"; how she learned, escaped her past, and discovered great art.
Nyota drags her to some art museum their first month at the Academy. Gaila loves art, loves music, but she's learned not to share these things. Sometimes it's hard to remember that she's on Earth now, that she doesn't need to hide anything anymore. So, when Nyota asks her to go see some new exhibit, Gaila complains to hide her excitement.
She puts a postcard of the Venus de Milo on her dresser. Nyota pretends not to notice, but she starts taking Gaila out to museums and concerts and Gaila might be able to fall in love with those pretty brown eyes. Nyota looks at art the way Gaila does, with her whole body. In awe.
Gaila reads everything she can get her hands on. She loves words, loves knowing things. Nyota leaves her datapads out sometimes, as if she'd forgotten them. Gaila can't help herself from reading them, even when she doesn't know the language.
She tells Jim she loves him because she's never told anyone that before. She likes the way the words feel, even if she doesn't necessarily mean them.
She never says this to Nyota, though she does kiss her once, when they're drunk.
It's Nyota who set her up with Jim Kirk, the first time. She meant well, and Jim is better than most of the guys she's dated since she's been here. She's happy; she has friends-even Jim (who's more friends-with-benefits than a real boyfriend anyway).
Nyota takes her out the night before Jim takes the Kobayashi Maru. Again. Nyota'll be there, cause she's Jim's friend, and Gaila will go, cause Jim's up to something, she knows, and she respects him for pushing. Gaila spent most of her life holding up a bullshit status quo. She likes Jim because he can pretend there isn't one, that people will do the right thing just because it's right. For such a cynical, messed-up guy, he sure is an idealist.
Anyway, Nyota takes her out, and they drink and they dance and Nyota wraps her arms around Gaila's neck when she puts in the code for their room.
Jim beats the test.
Nyota reaches for her hand during the hearing, squeezing it so, so tight. She's a good friend, and Gaila knows she's aching to get up there and save Jim from his idiot self. Gaila is happy, though, because she can feel the power in the words Jim and Spock are saying, and it feels like she thought it would be like to say "I love you."
"Hey, Ny?" she whispers.
Nyota puts her other hand over Gaila's, and maybe it's enough. Nyota is a Communications person; this might be theirs, a secret language in touch.
Gaila's fingers say, "I love you." She isn't sure what Nyota's saying back.
And then, suddenly, it's all over, and Nyota's letting go of her hand, slipping away (probably to find Jim. Gaila doesn't envy him. Nyota's scary when she's mad). Gaila wades through the crowd of red-clad cadets, looking for her, making her way to the shuttle docking bay.
Nyota stands behind her when assignments go out, and Gaila smiles at her. The smile says, "See you soon." Because there is no "goodbye." She doesn't even think of "goodbye."
Maybe when they get back Gaila will finally tell Nyota "I love you." Maybe it will finally have that energy, and maybe Nyota will look at her the way Spock looked at Jim.