Tiger Lilies
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: mentions of Kirk/Gaila, Kirk/Spock
Summary: In which it's Memorial Day, Jim is still trying to deal with the fallout, and he gets a little help from a friend.
Lilacs and tiger-lilies won't be enough for me when you're gone
Hollyhocks, gladiolas, will never replace this face
-"Little Pink House", The Czars
So here's the thing. I never got to apologize, for what happened back at the Academy. With the Kobayashi Maru and all. And Spock's spending the day, like, meditating or something, which basically means he's on a major guilt trip-which he doesn't fucking deserve, by the way. And Chekov's off in a bar somewhere drunk off his head, and Uhura doesn't come back here anymore. She says it's too hard.
I guess I kind of get that, but… I just never got to say I'm sorry, and I sort of need to feel like I've done something right, you know?
God, I miss your drinks, baby. I mean it. Like, Bones is a great drinking buddy, but he mixes for shit. You know him, drinks everything straight up. And it isn't like there's anything wrong with that, but… Okay, he would never let me live this down if he heard, so don't say anything, okay? I seriously miss your margaritas. I know, I know, girl drink. You've told me that shit a million times, you bitch. It's just… They still remind me of you.
Isn't that just fucking shallow? Jesus Christ. Get it together, Jim. God.
I don't even know why you liked me, honest to god. I was such a dick.
Anyway.
I just wanted to say, I fucked up. And I'm sorry. And, okay, so I said it was weird. But. I love you too, baby. Don't let Spock know I said that, or I'll be sleeping alone for a month. But seriously. Not… Not like that, but…
I miss you.
So does Uhura. Just so you know. I mean… I know you two were a lot closer than… Than the two of us were. It's harder for her, you know. I think she loves you too.
And fuck, I just… I wanna fix everything, Gaila. I want you to be here and Uhura to be okay and Chekov to stop feeling guilty and Spock to talk to me. Or at least, like, show some emotion.
You would have liked him. I have no idea why. He's like… He's quiet, unless there's a good reason to be loud. And he's got all this crazy emotion under the surface, and half of it he only lets out around me, and… He's probably the sweetest guy in the universe, Gaila, only he doesn't fucking know it. It's kind of ridiculous. You would find him hilarious, seriously.
But… He shuts me out, sometimes. When he thinks I don't want to know things. You know? He thinks one day I'm just going to give up and leave him. Which, I'll have you know, is bullshit.
And okay, it's partially your fault, I'm not gonna lie. I mean… I don't want something happening to him before I can really… Really make sure he knows how I feel…
Okay, now look what you've done. I bet you're real pleased, wherever you are, turning me into such a sensitive little girl.
But seriously, thanks.
Uhura tells me they're having some kind of ceremony down here tomorrow. I can't stay, babe. I've gotta… Yeah, I've got like five minutes before I have to beam up.
So. I'm sorry. Really.
And um… She told me to bring tiger lilies. Uhura did. I uh… I asked Sulu-you know how he is with his plants. Didn't have any, so I… I took some of his Japanese ones instead. I figure that's probably okay. I'm not good with this shit.
Anyway, wish me luck with Spock.
If we're back on Earth next Memorial Day, I'll stop by. Real tiger lilies next time, baby. I promise. I've still got a lot of making up to do.