Comments | kithlyara: Brigits_Flame July 2011 Week 1 Entry

kithlyara

Brigits_Flame July 2011 Week 1 Entry

Jul 10, 2011 15:55

Any comments will be greatly appreciated.

The theme for this week is: Bad Advice
Genre: Fiction
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1101

( Never give advice unless asked. - German proverb )

Comments 17

osoreranai July 13 2011, 21:25:52 UTC

Last line is strong. I like it.

kithlyara July 14 2011, 03:50:48 UTC

Thank you!

I love your icon, by the way. Oh, the many times I've felt that way!

osoreranai July 14 2011, 03:57:01 UTC

Thanks! Someone was nice enough to let me borrow it. Hopefully, I have made good use of it.

katden July 16 2011, 02:52:48 UTC

Revealing that such a tragedy was caused by numerous plastic surgeries advised by the step mother made my jaw drop! Wonderful, horrific (and very realistic) tale.

whiskeychick July 16 2011, 16:40:59 UTC

The story really pulls you in when we start to know why Darla can't look at the narrator. The beginning is a little choppy for me. The Sahara in summer metaphor made me groan a bit. I concur on the long sentence already noted by other commenters. Although the juxtaposition of the narrator needing water and then Darla giving her water -- as if she always gives her what she needs...or does she? Is a nice touch. We get a true sense of Darla's idiocy when she tells someone with a 105 temp to "be careful." That's brain haze there. Having just nursed someone from a 105 temp, they are incapable of drinking a glass of water on their own without assistance. I'd love to see a nurse chide her and tell her to use a straw or something! A little nudge to send the narrator into her realization that Darla wasn't all she's cracked up to be. Also, need some emotional bonding, not just memory makings for us to believe why the narrator would agree to have the surgeries on Darla's recommendation (did she help her through a bad break up or other heartache ( ... )