(no subject)
Just got emailed this by my lovely friend Vickie.
An alternative set of lyrics for that well known song...
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. . .
But there you are, Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known that it was bullsh*t, Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda, lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count.
I will survive, I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex, I will survive,
I will survive. . hey . hey
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,
Go on now go, Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small i saw a toddler take a slash!
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.
Go on now go, just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick and Dip it in tomato sauce.
Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tackle at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go! etc
Right, I'm going to catch up on all the sleep I've been missing for a bit before I decide to go and try my hand at savoury pancakes! Happy Pancake Day! w00t!
An alternative set of lyrics for that well known song...
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. . .
But there you are, Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known that it was bullsh*t, Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda, lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count.
I will survive, I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex, I will survive,
I will survive. . hey . hey
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,
Go on now go, Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small i saw a toddler take a slash!
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.
Go on now go, just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick and Dip it in tomato sauce.
Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tackle at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go! etc
Right, I'm going to catch up on all the sleep I've been missing for a bit before I decide to go and try my hand at savoury pancakes! Happy Pancake Day! w00t!