To Walk A Mile in Your Shoes pt. 2
Title: To Walk A Mile in Your Shoes (part 2)
Author/artist: TamLin and Ves
Setting: OG
Rating: T
Summary: a tandem story written with Ves writing for Cloud. Tifa realizes that there just might be such a thing as a little too much understanding.
Awkwardly aware of the flush across her cheeks after giving her advice, Tifa went back to her meal, concentrating on it to give him the privacy to deal with the new information. She only let herself cringe after he left and then she hurriedly finished her dinner, setting his pointedly on the nighttable next to the bed before rinsing off her own dishes in the sink.
Then she dug out her pajamas and toothbrush. She debated leaving the top for him but decided not to push the issue. She turned down the covers on their beds... and finally shook her head at herself with a frown for stalling and headed to the bathroom for her shower. It was time to deal with the situation.
It was good advice. Concise. Practical.
And completely horrifying.
Cloud's only saving grace was that his back was already turned when she'd said it (keep your knees together), as he most certainly did not wait until he was on the other side of the door to grimace. He could feel the heat rising just under his skin and was probably miserably beet red the whole, shameful walk down and out through the inn's lobby. If the man at the front desk called anything out to him in passing, he didn't hear it, fortunate, for once, to have a one-track mind. Checking in with the others was the only thing he wanted to think about - finishing the evening's last errand, and then trying to sleep this whole mess off.
Outside, the streets were mercifully deserted, and he could almost breathe easy where he slumped back against the inn's outer wall, hidden in the shadows just around the corner. Even if there was no one around, he couldn't help being just a little paranoid. (It was totally justified.)
Just one phone call, and then both of their consciences would be clear. ...Except it ended up being two awkward calls, to check in with two separate factions - both of which asked entirely too many questions of the simple, straightforward cover story Tifa had concocted for them.
(It hadn't helped that Yuffie and Cait Sith had both been chattering away eagerly on the other end of each call, both as nosy as ever. Not to mention Aerith's polite worrying and Barret's personal offense at the two of them taking off together.)
With a sigh that was far wearier than it had any right to be, coming from a man his age, Cloud went to stuff the PHS back into his pocket... Before belatedly realizing that he didn't have any pockets, there, anymore. For the second time that night, he hoped Tifa was handling the situation at least a little better than he was - though this time, maybe, it wasn't entirely without a touch of (dry, self-deprecating) amusement. Yeah, he'd definitely started to lose it.
Shaking his head dismissively at some hopeful-sounding invitation from the clerk (again, not listening, the poor man), he cut back through the lobby and made his way back up to the room. He was quiet, coming back in, not looking to startle Tifa, if she was still busy in the other room.
Maybe heading to bed without saying much more would be for the best...
Tifa had braced herself for this but catching sight of herself in the mirror over the sink as she closed the bathroom door had her stomach dropping unpleasantly. Hesitant, as if Cloud's boots weighed more than they did, she moved over to the mirror and stared at the face in it. The hugely horrified eyes were the same - and nothing else was. Careful, almost afraid, she touched her nose. Her chin. Pushed almost forcefully at her cheek. They were hers. The sense of feeling told her so. But the cheek and the fingers refused to look the way they should. Her throat went tight and her eyes stung but she swallowed and pushed away from the sink, dropping down without her usual grace to sit on the lid of the toilet. Concentrating as if it would save her life, she began unzipping Cloud's boots.
She could do this. She could do this. It was only for a little while longer and falling apart wasn't going to help any. Blinking hard and sniffing to clear her nose, she gently set Cloud's boots down near the sink, socks neatly folded on top and tried to distract herself.
If she'd had a brother, is this what he would look like? She'd always wanted a brother or a sister. Especially after mama had died. It had been lonely in that big, usually empty house.
If she'd - if she'd been born male was this what she would have looked like? She stripped off her gloves and set them neatly on the lip of the sink. The armlet with its materia stayed on. Even showering she never took it off. Would she have left town like the rest of the boys if she'd been a guy?
Would she have gone with Cloud to join SOLDIER?
The leather arm sleeves came off next as well as the elbow guard. Absent her hand traced over the fabric of her shirt, following a scar it hid that she'd always thought she was the only one that knew about.
Would she have been strong enough to stop Sephiroth - if she'd been a guy...?
she'd been so useless that night...
The shirt came off and the scar was still there even if she didn't recognize the chest it was marking. Male or female, she'd only been fifteen.
But fifteen year olds had fought in the Wutai war. Cloud had been SOLDIER at sixteen. Or so he said. Her teeth worked at her lower lip and she let the old worry distract her while she stood up and tried not to think about it as she unfastened the pants and slipped them off. Except Cloud hadn't been in Nibelheim. He hadn't been one of the SOLDIER to come. She knew. She knew. Because she remembered how heartbroken she'd been.
So how did he know about it? The details that no one alive but her should know? Even Zangan hadn't been there for some of the things Cloud remembered. Only someone that had been there would know.
The speculation got her all the way to the part where she was naked and standing in the shower with the water running. Then it failed her entirely and left her with nothing but herself. Against her better judgment, she looked down.
Huge, her eyes snapped back up and red washed all the way down to her chest. This was the closest she'd ever been to an education about a man's body and she was pretty sure tonight's lesson was over. Grabbing the soap, she went with the 'make enough suds to trickle down and handle places I don't want to reach' theory. Washing her chest felt strange enough and leaning down to get her feet she wondered how Cloud -
NO! No she was not going to let her mind wander to thoughts of Cloud in his normal body and washing habits. The tips of her ears were already burning and, brows down, she focused hard on washing out her hair. Hoping she'd rinsed off well enough, she was out of the shower in record time, dealing with the logistics of drying what she didn't want to touch and in the pajamas that fit awkwardly in no time flat. Teeth brushed and a towel over her shoulder as she stepped out of the room with their collected gear, she hoped she wasn't too red in the face. Concentrating on what was in her arms, she held out his pants, aware of Cloud without having to look. Her voice was still a sincere murmur:
"Thank you."
The shower must've been worse for her than it'd been for him.
And why shouldn't it have been? his rational mind asked. As weird as it was dealing with his own unwanted additions, personal experience dictated that hers was undoubtedly the far more difficult to adjust to. She couldn't just... And whenever she had to...
No, no no no, he didn't want to think about that. Not anymore than Tifa did, herself, he was certain. So he took his pants back, nodding to that impossibly meek little thanks as he did, and decided (probably not for the last time, even yet) just not to ask. The last leg of the night was liable to be the worst, still, but once the lights were out and he was alone with his miserable thoughts, there'd be no more unexpected unpleasantness.
He hoped.
"The others are all right." An abrupt, clumsy conversation starter, as he went to sit on the edge of the bed nearest to him. He could pull on his pants under her borrowed skirt, and then return it to her, no fuss, he thought. (Though he still sat facing away, for propriety's sake, anyway.) "...Energetic as usual. But I don't think they'll give us any grief."
Clumsy it might have been but it was a lifeline to her and Tifa caught his topic of conversation desperately. She hadn't expected anyone else to have gotten into trouble but the reassurance that things were fine still had her pulling in an easier breath than she realized she had before.
There was also no way, if they'd run into the same effect she and Cloud had, that the rest of the team wouldn't have known what was going on with them. Cloud's lack of mention of that meant they were in the clear.
Just as long as no one else ran into one of those creatures and got turned.
Deciding to worry about that when and if it happened and not before she scooted over to the bed next to Cloud's and set her gear down next to her pack. Cloud's boots got gently set next to his bed and she keep her eyes on what she was doing while he changed despite the mattress in between them and probably only his back and hair being visible. Digging out her hairbrush to being the soothing routine of brushing out her hair as she sat on the edge of her own bed, she hummed a soft sound. Pausing a beat, she offered:
"Vincent is usually pretty excitable at this time of the night."
The unexpected snort of laughter her casual comment startled out of him caught even Cloud by surprise, and the skirt caught up around his ankles. Once he'd freed himself, his head shaking still in that same muted amusement, he tossed the offending article onto the bed behind him, feeling almost comfortable, back in his own, familiar uniform.
"Sure. I bet he's just bouncing off the walls."
Maybe a few minutes of just not dwelling on it wouldn't hurt, before they both settled in to what would surely be a fitful sleep. While Tifa brushed her hair carefully out, Cloud just combed his fingers through his own a few times, letting it fall back into its usual disarray as he hoisted himself up only to flop over onto his back on his bed.
A casual enough move, but one he regretted almost immediately - it felt strange, in this body, especially with his hands behind his head. But he wouldn't start moving around and draw further attention to himself, with that last, infinitesimal sliver of leftover pride he was still clinging to at stake.
In the little mental tally Tifa kept in her head, she chalked up another one of those golden, delighted points at the sound Cloud made and her own lips curved in pleasure, quietly pleased with herself. Maybe it was just a silly little conversation but she hoarded it away in her memories.
Things weren't all bad.
Finishing brushing her hair out, she left it loose around her, feeling better both from the brushing and the humor. Shaking her head as she made a 'tsk'ing sound, she shifted over on her own bed, crawling under the covers and curling on her side to face him, pillow as much something she was hugging as resting her head on.
"It's the sugar," her voice was a soft murmur. "They really shouldn't let him have sugar this close to bedtime."
"Right, right. "
Despite his best efforts to the contrary, it was impossible to quell the slightest sliver of a smile, there and gone, where he lie patiently facing the ceiling, still. A disastrous day was finally ending, and in the morning, all of this would be one unpleasant, inconsequential memory. He closed his eyes, almost willing himself to drift off right then and there. Not that it would ever be that easy...
When she spoke like that, he could almost hear her real voice in it, could relax just a fraction and imagine her as she was supposed to be, lying in her own bed, just across from him. Not a bad thought.
"I almost feel sorry for Barret. Without you around to keep everyone in line, it's probably chaos."
Even lumpy in the wrong places, it was still reassuring to be able to watch him on the bed nearby. Cloud was Cloud - and she just found it easier to deal with things when he was nearby. So she caught the barely there smile just before it vanished and it made her own lips soften and curve in response. With a soft sound, she burrowed her chin a little more into the pillow, wine colored eyes watching him over the top of it.
Would it be easier if she turned off the lamp though? Maybe not being able to see themselves in the dark would make it easier to pretend they weren't changed, make it easier to fall asleep. Except - she wasn't sure the dark wouldn't just magnify things instead, the way laying there in the dark so often seemed to. At least this way, all she had to do was open her eyes to know that she wasn't alone. She decided that if Cloud wanted the light off, he'd take care of it himself and until than she got to start to relax like this. Emotionally, she was ready for sleep.
"I'm sure he's fine. And tomorrow when we get back, I'll sit on Yuffie so that you can get all our materia back from her."
He made no qualm about the light; but being able to see as well as he could in the dark, it wouldn't have made much difference to him, one way or the other. Not to mention he'd the innate ability to sleep just about anywhere, under just about any condition - but a little bit of military service went a long way, in that regard. You either learned to get rest where and when you could, or you went without.
Besides - any unnecessary motion would only serve to remind him of the sorry state they were both in, and as it was, Cloud fully intended to stay perfectly still until morning. He'd managed the feat once or twice in the past, at any rate.
"You don't think she'll take off with all of it again, do you? I thought we were past that..."
Her lips curved again and she shut her eyes for a moment. Even if the situation was terrible it was kind of nice to be able to be like this, just the two of them. He was her childhood friend but so much more than that, on this journey, he'd simply become her friend. All the other emotions she had tangled up around him...? That he was her friend was the singular unconfusing part. And it was nice to be able to be here with him and not having to pretend. The sound she made was voiceless.
"No. She'll stay. But she wouldn't be Yuffie if she didn't take advantage of materia when it was available. She knows she'll get caught but that's not the point."
Slow, her eyes opened and she looked at him again over the top of her pillow. She'd watched him often enough to know even he didn't usually lay that still. Quiet, she offered:
"I can hit you with Sleepel if you want. There's no reason you should have to stay awake all night long."
"That's okay." Automatically, he shook his head, reaching up a second later to brush his bangs out of his face. As tempting as the offer of instant unconsciousness might have been, he didn't want to take the risk of being caught totally unaware by any precipitant weirdness to their current situation. Especially not when it was just the two of them, no instant backup with the others camping out for the night.
The risk wouldn't have been worth it, just to be knocked out for a while. He was tired enough that he thought he could catch at least a few decent hours, on his own, anyway.
"What about you? Are you gonna be able to fall asleep..." He shifted where he lay, as if trying to relax a little further, cracking open his eyes but not looking around. "...Like that?"
She made a noise as she buried her face in the pillow that might have been a snort. Or a choke. Either way, her voice came back muffled.
"The sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I can wake up looking like me again."
There was a sigh as she readjusted her head, and her hold, on the pillow. As substitutes went, the pillow was trying its hardest. She suddenly missed being able to snuggle her back against one of the other girls or Red though. After a minute, one eye peering over the white mound, she admitted as if she was worried it would sound offensive:
"I don't think I like me being a guy."
"It's just... Weird, because we're not used to it."
Though even an earnest attempt to dismiss her concern came out sounding faulty, when what he really wanted to do was just to agree. Cloud couldn't say he cared much for himself as a girl, either - certain misadventures in the not-quite-past-enough past had made him sure of that well before her cautious profession, now.
But he wasn't going to start reminiscing about that, now, as hard as he'd avoided making any comparisons, yet, today. Casting a sidelong glance at the wrong-shaped Tifa in the periphery of his vision, Cloud frowned in a way that felt more awkward than stoic, even just to him.
"I dunno. You'd probably make an okay guy..."
Under the blankets her shoulders hunched and she buried her face a bit more in the pillow again, eyes closing. Having half a sneaking suspicion that Cloud saw her as 'one of the guys' anyway, she really didn't like this only serving to drive the point home. And she really didn't like not being able to shift her legs without being reminded of just how much of a guy's body she was stuck with at the moment. Sleep - and tomorrow - couldn't come fast enough and if she was still male then...
no. No, she didn't think she could think about that right now and not end up miserable.
And maybe a little panicky.
So instead she shifted her focus to Cloud and him being a girl. A much prettier girl than he'd been the last time he'd tried. At least this time his chest didn't make crinkling noises when he moved wrong... the thought had her lips twitching in the pillow and she made a soft sound before lifting her head enough to look at him, only her eyes visible over the pillow.
"Well, you make a terrible girl," she muttered. "You trudge everywhere.
"H-Hey-!"
Cloud sat up abruptly, shooting her an offended look - one that wilted as soon as he realized what he was doing. Maybe his pride had been even more deeply wounded than he'd thought, if he'd seriously considered that point one worth arguing.
It was true, anyway. Thinking back, he'd been pretty rough on her borrowed boots, probably stomping the whole way to the inn without noticing. Trying to look casual walking in a totally unfamiliar body had been chore enough, alone, though. He couldn't be expected to moderate the force with which he did so, as well, now could he?
"Well, whatever." Dropping back to the mattress with a frown that was only slightly exaggerated, he sighed and shut his eyes (perhaps a tad defensively) again. "I won't be one for much longer, with any luck."
It was stifled, both by the pillow and by the fact that Tifa usually tried to stifle it anyway - and it was a little broken - but there was no mistaking the very rare sound of Tifa. Giggling.
It didn't last long but even when it was done the bubbles of it were still in her eyes. Feeling more comfortable than she had since this had all started, she gathered up her pillow, slipped out of her bed and padded on bare feet over to his. She wouldn't have tried it if things had been normal - but they weren't normal and right now she just wanted to be close to the comfort of his familiarity.
"Scoot over?"
"Huh?"
Still pretty sore from the sound of her snickering at him (much as he thought he wouldn't mind hearing that laugh more often, he didn't want to be the one being laughed at), if took him a moment to realize what she was asking. Of course, sitting up and opening his eyes once more to see that she was standing at the edge of his bed helped run the point home, in that respect, considerably.
Before he could stop to give her request any real thought, he found himself simply agreeing, instead-
"Oh. Yeah. "
-and making a graceless sideways shuffle across the rumpled comforter to the other side of the bed.
"Thank you." She whispered it as she crawled onto the bed next to him and lay down on her back, pillow wrapped in her arms over her chest. Even if her body didn't fit right, old habit still had her head at about where his shoulder height had been when he'd been laying down. Closing her eyes and exhaling she found that - finally - things felt right. Not entirely but it was easier to ignore what was wrong at least. After a moment, as if in apology for either giggling or perhaps for invading his space, she softly confessed:
"I always liked being a girl when I was growing up. I liked wearing dresses and pretty hats. I liked being the only girl. Until you left. That was when I realized that boys got to go have adventures and girls got left behind."
Wrapping her arms a little more around the pillow she pressed down into the mattress a bit more.
"That's why I trained with Master Zangan. So I'd never have to be left behind again."
For a long while (the sort that always felt far longer than it actually was), Cloud was silent, turning those words over in his mind. He'd never once thought- No, he'd had a head too full of his own childish ambitions to have considered for one second what it might've meant to anyone else that he had just up and left town - just like the rest of them, he'd already been imagining himself in an ideal future, leaving the present and all those still hopelessly trapped in it in the dust.
He'd just wanted to be someone, to make something of himself so desperately...
Like every other time he'd tried to think too hard on the past, lately, the effort only left him feeling empty and headachey all over again, and he had to throw in the towel before he started to upset her further. He really would be up all night, if he pushed it - and then where would they be?
Sliding a hand under the back of his neck, he glanced down at her from where he lay, propped up just slightly by his own pillow. From this angle it was awkward, talking down to the top of her head, but still he managed to sound as sincere as he felt when he said:
"...Sorry."
(For everything that's happened since then...)
"But... We're all in this together, now. Nobody gets left behind, anymore."
She didn't mind the silence with Cloud, comfortable in it, and she was already starting to breathe deeper when he spoke again. Her eyes flickered open and she tried to tip her head to look at him. The angle was awkward though so she rolled over onto her side facing him instead, still careful not to crowd him or take up any of his space as she cuddled back into the pillow, knees tucking up slightly. She only grimaced a little when she did that. And she shook her head.
"Don't be sorry. I wouldn't have started to dream for myself if you hadn't dreamed first and shared it with me."
Careful of the new curves on his body, her own hand went searching for his free one, curling carefully when she found it. He'd had to leave. She'd known that. And she'd been proud. And sad. And a hundred other things. But if he hadn't gone... if he hadn't gone he might have been one of those sliced open or burning corpses she still saw in her dreams at night sometimes. So she was glad he'd been away.
Except he said he hadn't. And she still didn't understand how he knew what he did about that night...
Eyes lifted to his under her bangs and the smile she gave him was soft but it filled her eyes too. Soothing, her thumb rubbed over the back of his hand.
"That's right. We're a team." For just a moment, the edge of her lips quirked upward and her eyes crinkled at their edges. "And we always come back to each other, even if sometimes some of us have to sneak away for a bit because of cosmetic problems."
She was always much better with words than he'd ever been - so maybe it was a good thing she didn't mind his silence, so often as he was left struck to differing degrees of speechlessness by something she'd said. Whether it was guilty or embarrassed or just plain dumbfounded, she only rarely ever seemed irritated with him for being so quiet. Just entirely too patient.
With everything about him, actually. His faulty memory, his bad attitude, the whole mess he'd managed somehow to sweep the lot of them into... With a little more self-awareness, he could have been properly embarrassed. But as he was, it was simply baffling.
As she wrapped her hand around his, Cloud returned the gesture just as carefully, thinking only of the well-meaning behind it - and not the weird way it felt to have a hand smaller, narrower than hers. (Well, okay, he just didn't think about that too much.)
"Right. ...Completely legitimate cosmetic problems."
"Mm." She gave a small nod against her pillow, lips still smiling at their edges and closed her eyes again. It had been a long day before they'd run into their sex changing nemesis and for the first time Tifa felt safe and relaxed enough to feel it catching up to her. Once again, out of everyone this could have happened to her with, she was glad it was Cloud. He made her feel safe. Hand still safely twined with his, she nestled down deeper into the pillow with a quiet sound, more than willing to let the sleep come now. She was ready to be a girl again.
And yet... she was glad this had happened. Selfish and feeling guilty for it, she was still glad for this time alone with Cloud, glad to have him all to herself for just a little while...
"Tomorrow," she murmured it. "I'm going to buy the girliest dress I can find." A long, drowsy exhale later, common sense had her amending. "Or a new hair ribbon."
"Hmph..."
Nothing but a distantly amused huff of breath came in response. Even had he not been feeling the soft pressure of real drowsiness behind his own eyes as he leaned back, resting silently once again, he might've been wise enough to keep his mouth shut on that point, though. Whether or not they turned up in their proper forms in the morning, they had already made plans to visit the shops first thing - he wouldn't protest.
And it was with this thought in mind that he drifted off, falling into a sleep he'd expected to find it nigh impossible to catch, with the way things were. Not to mention the added edge of anxiety in Tifa sharing half the bed, in knowing she was there, even though it was completely innocent. Maybe it wasn't the first time they'd ended up sleeping in close confines, but every other time, he'd slept tense, too, cautious even in unconsciousness.
By some miracle, however, that light, fitful rest lasted on into daylight, when Cloud woke reluctantly, shaking his head to dispel that groggy feeling... And then taking a nasty start when those precious few seconds of worry-free thoughtlessness left him behind, and he remembered just where he was and what was up.
His eyes flew open and his hands went straight to his chest - and an instant, impossible wave of relief crashed over him as he found it mercifully flat, perfectly ordinary. He wanted to jump up out of bed and run to wake-
(Oh. Right.)
There was something weighing him down, yet. He winced as he lifted his head to look, seeing himself in his own body, and...
"...Tifa?"
"Mnh." The sound was mumbled. During the night Tifa's body had shifted just the way Cloud's had, returning to its natural softer curves and slimmer limbs. Even asleep she'd lost the tension she'd been holding once it had happened. Now, soft and relaxed, she hid her face and snuggled down, slender fingers tangling in the fabric covering her pillow. A pillow she'd apparently upgraded to during the night because the down one she'd been hugging earlier was on the floor and she now had her face pressed into the fabric of Cloud's shirt just about at rib level, hand curled in the fabric over the flat planes of his stomach. And from the way her breathing immediately deepened again after her single muffled noise, she was very content to sleep the rest of the morning away that way too. Lacking a blanket, she'd found her warmth a different way and, sound asleep, apparently considered it satisfactory.
(Oh, man.)
She wasn't waking up. In fact, she didn't appear to have been disturbed by his movement at all, which brought about a new dilemma. Did he make another attempt to wake her deliberately? Or try to make it look unintentional? Or would it have been better just to wait this out?
There definitely wasn't any precedent for handling this type of situation in his (admittedly limited) recollection; much as he didn't want to upset her by going about this in the most awkward fashion imaginable, though, he didn't want to embarrass her that badly, either. And letting it go on too long definitely had the potential to get embarrassing.
There, that decided it, then. It was obviously just an unconscious mistake - anybody could've made it (a thought he immediately regretted having, as it prompted a nice little imaginary slideshow in his mind of alternate possibilities and that kind of thing wasn't helping).
Reaching out to take hold of her shoulder, he gave her one very gentle shake.
"Hey, uh- Tifa?"
Usually Tifa was a quick riser. Whether it was up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast or in the dead of night for a watch, if she didn't wake up on her own all it took was the whisper of her name to have her shaking herself awake.
Usually.
Usually she wasn't curled up in the perfect spot, right where she let herself sometime pretend she was to help her fall asleep on particularly bad nights. Usually she wasn't the perfect degree of warm and surrounded so completely by a smell she associated with safety and belonging and need. Usually she was subconsciously aware of other people, and one girl in particular, being nearby.
This morning was not usually.
But it was Cloud calling her and even asleep she couldn't not answer when he called for her. So her 'pillow' got a nuzzle and her body tucked in closer against it but Cloud's voice got the hazy response of:
"Mm?"
This was just gonna keep getting worse for him, wasn't it? Cloud dropped back to the bed in an only mildly frustrated huff; she was... kind of cute like that, too, even if it was a little inconvenient. There were worse ways to end up stuck-
But that wasn't any kind of excuse to drag this out. Steeling himself once again, he lifted the same hand, reached for her shoulder - hesitated, and then found the resolve somewhere to give her another cautious shake.
"...Tifa, hey. Wake up. We're, y'know... Normal, again."
(And you're kinda on top of me.)
She inhaled, the first sign that she was going to relinquish the very pleasant sleep she'd been tucked into and turned her face into the pillow completely, fingers kneading against fabric in unconscious preparation for the day.
Normal.
They were... normal. Again.
Mind not fond of giving her bad news first thing in the morning, it took a while for why that meant anything to penetrate the gray haze over her thought process. When it did though, it jerked her awake, a literal twitch through her body as it registered.
They were normal again.
Her head came up, sleep tousled hair over one of her eyes and that single wine colored point focused on the face in front of her.
Cloud...
It pulled out the slightly hazy, soft smile even before she registered that he was, indeed, wearing the male version of his face again, complete with stubborn chin and pale, stubborn eyebrows. Eyebrows that were doing something funny over his eyes at the moment...
Her own eyes narrowed in response to try to figure out what was going -
And that was when she realized she was looking at him up the length of his flat chest. Which meant that wasn't a pillow she was half on.
Almost experimentally, her fingers pulled at the fabric under them the littlest bit.
Yes. Yes, that was definitely Cloud's shirt.
And that was definitely his very solid, nicely warm and comfortable body she was snuggled in against.
... he felt really good to wake up snuggled into...
Her breath dragged into her with a sudden stutter as everything finally came together at the same time in her mind and her eyes went huge. The sound she made wasn't a squeak because Tifa didn't squeak - but it sounded suspiciously like one. Flooded with both the thought of what being so physically familiar with him must make him think of her - as well as how unforgivably she'd invaded his personal space without even asking first - her face flushed bright red and she jerked up and back as fast as she could.
And almost went off the side of the bed backward as a result.
Well, that couldn't possibly have gone over worse.
But there wasn't really any time to think of all the other ways he could've potentially not screwed this one up. Because Tifa was about to topple backward off the edge of the mattress and for some reason his lightning quick reflexes chose only just then to kick back in. Shooting upright alongside her, Cloud reached out to catch her again by the shoulder to drag her back before she could go plummeting to the tacky carpet below.
Not exactly a life or death situation, but Tifa had already suffered embarrassment enough, hadn't she? Cloud certainly wasn't about to judge her for such a simple mistake (especially not one she'd made while totally unconscious), either way, but from the look (and color) on her face, she wasn't so sure of that.
It would definitely be best to just play it off as casually as possible. Yeah.
"...You okay?"
Before she could react to try to keep herself from falling, Cloud was already there, catching her back to safety before she had full registered the threat. Not that falling off the bed was a huge threat but it wouldn't have been a pleasant way to finish waking up. Her fingers curled around his arm instinctively and she made a soft sound. Her cheeks stayed pink though.
She didn't snuggle men. Marlene - yes. And sometimes Aerith or Yuffie in a puppy pile kind of thing for comfort or warmth. And... all right. Maybe Red once or twice when he 'happened' to by lying nearby in the middle of the night and it was cold and a buried Sector Seven was too fresh in her dreams.
But not guys.
Except apparently, now Cloud.
- who had been warm and nice to snuggle against...
"Yeah. Thanks."
The best thing to do was be casual and hope he didn't think snuggling nearby men in her sleep was something she did regularly. Self-conscious, she smoothed down her hair - and then had to smile, albeit, a bit hesitantly at him. Light, she reached out and touched his chin. Speaking of snuggling guys...
"It's good to see you back. Though the desk clerk is going to be disappointed if he's still on shift."
Those would've been some pretty lofty assumptions, but luckily Cloud wasn't all that adept at jumping to totally ridiculous conclusions. (Sure, he had his moments, but...) He was more concerned with her taking away the wrong idea about him, as it was, and not with wondering whether or not she tended to cling to just anybody, in her sleep. Yesterday had been a mess, and they'd both had to let down their guard more than either of them might've been strictly comfortable with. He wouldn't accuse her of vulnerability, but maybe there had been something like it...
But then she smiled again, and he was pretty sure things were going to be okay. That was, at least until she mentioned-
(Oh crap.)
A self-conscious hand went to the back of his neck as he pulled a face.
"I totally forgot about that guy... No chance you saw a back door out of this place, last night, did you?" A pause. "Though- On the other hand, you really think he's even gonna notice me?"
"We could go out the window?" Maybe... just a little... she was teasing him. But it was okay because that meant they didn't have to focus on being awkward about waking up together and she approved of that. She didn't want -
she didn't want him to be awkward about touching her.
So to emphasize that everything was all right between them, she pressed the tip of a slim finger to the top of his nose and shook her head before letting her hand drop.
Maybe she should tease him about his obliviousness to being a stunning, leggy blond in a short skirt last night... but she couldn't bring herself to do that to him. Instead, she just hummed a thoughtful sound.
"I'm sure his shift is long over by now. And his replacement won't know any better. We can drop off the key and no one will be the wiser."
As further distraction and not entirely for distraction alone either, she added hopefully: "Do you think we could stop and get something warm for breakfast too? ... something with chocolate?"
"Nah, better not go out the window. If anybody saw us, they'd probably think we were trying to skip out on a bill."
And the last thing they needed was more grief, this early in the morning. If the same clerk was still on duty, and they both ended up dragged back in through the lobby's front doors... Yeah, no chance.
Sighing, he shook his own head - almost in time with hers - and turned to stretch his legs over the other side of the bed (pretending not to have realized the dorky way he'd crossed his own eyes at her playful poke in the nose).
Now that sounded like a plan: getting out of this inn just as quick as they could and to a decent meal. And then back on the road, of course. With a half-stifled yawn, he dragged his hands back through his hair before looking back over his shoulder again.
"Sure. Whatever you want. I do kind of feel like celebrating, not being... You know... Anymore."
This adorable thing of his was really dangerous. And it kept getting worse the more they traveled together and he forgot to be that careless mercenary she was seeing less and less of. Closer... she was closer to figuring out what was really going on with him...
If the moments of sheer adorkable or knee weakening male didn't kill her first.
"Me too!"
She didn't even try to hold in the grin at that as she scrambled off the bed. Celebrating sounded wonderful, even if it was just with something as blissfully simple as a hot, delicious breakfast together with Cloud that she didn't have to cook herself.
- and this time, if the clerk dropped a pencil, she'd let Cloud lean down and pick it up.
Author/artist: TamLin and Ves
Setting: OG
Rating: T
Summary: a tandem story written with Ves writing for Cloud. Tifa realizes that there just might be such a thing as a little too much understanding.
Awkwardly aware of the flush across her cheeks after giving her advice, Tifa went back to her meal, concentrating on it to give him the privacy to deal with the new information. She only let herself cringe after he left and then she hurriedly finished her dinner, setting his pointedly on the nighttable next to the bed before rinsing off her own dishes in the sink.
Then she dug out her pajamas and toothbrush. She debated leaving the top for him but decided not to push the issue. She turned down the covers on their beds... and finally shook her head at herself with a frown for stalling and headed to the bathroom for her shower. It was time to deal with the situation.
It was good advice. Concise. Practical.
And completely horrifying.
Cloud's only saving grace was that his back was already turned when she'd said it (keep your knees together), as he most certainly did not wait until he was on the other side of the door to grimace. He could feel the heat rising just under his skin and was probably miserably beet red the whole, shameful walk down and out through the inn's lobby. If the man at the front desk called anything out to him in passing, he didn't hear it, fortunate, for once, to have a one-track mind. Checking in with the others was the only thing he wanted to think about - finishing the evening's last errand, and then trying to sleep this whole mess off.
Outside, the streets were mercifully deserted, and he could almost breathe easy where he slumped back against the inn's outer wall, hidden in the shadows just around the corner. Even if there was no one around, he couldn't help being just a little paranoid. (It was totally justified.)
Just one phone call, and then both of their consciences would be clear. ...Except it ended up being two awkward calls, to check in with two separate factions - both of which asked entirely too many questions of the simple, straightforward cover story Tifa had concocted for them.
(It hadn't helped that Yuffie and Cait Sith had both been chattering away eagerly on the other end of each call, both as nosy as ever. Not to mention Aerith's polite worrying and Barret's personal offense at the two of them taking off together.)
With a sigh that was far wearier than it had any right to be, coming from a man his age, Cloud went to stuff the PHS back into his pocket... Before belatedly realizing that he didn't have any pockets, there, anymore. For the second time that night, he hoped Tifa was handling the situation at least a little better than he was - though this time, maybe, it wasn't entirely without a touch of (dry, self-deprecating) amusement. Yeah, he'd definitely started to lose it.
Shaking his head dismissively at some hopeful-sounding invitation from the clerk (again, not listening, the poor man), he cut back through the lobby and made his way back up to the room. He was quiet, coming back in, not looking to startle Tifa, if she was still busy in the other room.
Maybe heading to bed without saying much more would be for the best...
Tifa had braced herself for this but catching sight of herself in the mirror over the sink as she closed the bathroom door had her stomach dropping unpleasantly. Hesitant, as if Cloud's boots weighed more than they did, she moved over to the mirror and stared at the face in it. The hugely horrified eyes were the same - and nothing else was. Careful, almost afraid, she touched her nose. Her chin. Pushed almost forcefully at her cheek. They were hers. The sense of feeling told her so. But the cheek and the fingers refused to look the way they should. Her throat went tight and her eyes stung but she swallowed and pushed away from the sink, dropping down without her usual grace to sit on the lid of the toilet. Concentrating as if it would save her life, she began unzipping Cloud's boots.
She could do this. She could do this. It was only for a little while longer and falling apart wasn't going to help any. Blinking hard and sniffing to clear her nose, she gently set Cloud's boots down near the sink, socks neatly folded on top and tried to distract herself.
If she'd had a brother, is this what he would look like? She'd always wanted a brother or a sister. Especially after mama had died. It had been lonely in that big, usually empty house.
If she'd - if she'd been born male was this what she would have looked like? She stripped off her gloves and set them neatly on the lip of the sink. The armlet with its materia stayed on. Even showering she never took it off. Would she have left town like the rest of the boys if she'd been a guy?
Would she have gone with Cloud to join SOLDIER?
The leather arm sleeves came off next as well as the elbow guard. Absent her hand traced over the fabric of her shirt, following a scar it hid that she'd always thought she was the only one that knew about.
Would she have been strong enough to stop Sephiroth - if she'd been a guy...?
she'd been so useless that night...
The shirt came off and the scar was still there even if she didn't recognize the chest it was marking. Male or female, she'd only been fifteen.
But fifteen year olds had fought in the Wutai war. Cloud had been SOLDIER at sixteen. Or so he said. Her teeth worked at her lower lip and she let the old worry distract her while she stood up and tried not to think about it as she unfastened the pants and slipped them off. Except Cloud hadn't been in Nibelheim. He hadn't been one of the SOLDIER to come. She knew. She knew. Because she remembered how heartbroken she'd been.
So how did he know about it? The details that no one alive but her should know? Even Zangan hadn't been there for some of the things Cloud remembered. Only someone that had been there would know.
The speculation got her all the way to the part where she was naked and standing in the shower with the water running. Then it failed her entirely and left her with nothing but herself. Against her better judgment, she looked down.
Huge, her eyes snapped back up and red washed all the way down to her chest. This was the closest she'd ever been to an education about a man's body and she was pretty sure tonight's lesson was over. Grabbing the soap, she went with the 'make enough suds to trickle down and handle places I don't want to reach' theory. Washing her chest felt strange enough and leaning down to get her feet she wondered how Cloud -
NO! No she was not going to let her mind wander to thoughts of Cloud in his normal body and washing habits. The tips of her ears were already burning and, brows down, she focused hard on washing out her hair. Hoping she'd rinsed off well enough, she was out of the shower in record time, dealing with the logistics of drying what she didn't want to touch and in the pajamas that fit awkwardly in no time flat. Teeth brushed and a towel over her shoulder as she stepped out of the room with their collected gear, she hoped she wasn't too red in the face. Concentrating on what was in her arms, she held out his pants, aware of Cloud without having to look. Her voice was still a sincere murmur:
"Thank you."
The shower must've been worse for her than it'd been for him.
And why shouldn't it have been? his rational mind asked. As weird as it was dealing with his own unwanted additions, personal experience dictated that hers was undoubtedly the far more difficult to adjust to. She couldn't just... And whenever she had to...
No, no no no, he didn't want to think about that. Not anymore than Tifa did, herself, he was certain. So he took his pants back, nodding to that impossibly meek little thanks as he did, and decided (probably not for the last time, even yet) just not to ask. The last leg of the night was liable to be the worst, still, but once the lights were out and he was alone with his miserable thoughts, there'd be no more unexpected unpleasantness.
He hoped.
"The others are all right." An abrupt, clumsy conversation starter, as he went to sit on the edge of the bed nearest to him. He could pull on his pants under her borrowed skirt, and then return it to her, no fuss, he thought. (Though he still sat facing away, for propriety's sake, anyway.) "...Energetic as usual. But I don't think they'll give us any grief."
Clumsy it might have been but it was a lifeline to her and Tifa caught his topic of conversation desperately. She hadn't expected anyone else to have gotten into trouble but the reassurance that things were fine still had her pulling in an easier breath than she realized she had before.
There was also no way, if they'd run into the same effect she and Cloud had, that the rest of the team wouldn't have known what was going on with them. Cloud's lack of mention of that meant they were in the clear.
Just as long as no one else ran into one of those creatures and got turned.
Deciding to worry about that when and if it happened and not before she scooted over to the bed next to Cloud's and set her gear down next to her pack. Cloud's boots got gently set next to his bed and she keep her eyes on what she was doing while he changed despite the mattress in between them and probably only his back and hair being visible. Digging out her hairbrush to being the soothing routine of brushing out her hair as she sat on the edge of her own bed, she hummed a soft sound. Pausing a beat, she offered:
"Vincent is usually pretty excitable at this time of the night."
The unexpected snort of laughter her casual comment startled out of him caught even Cloud by surprise, and the skirt caught up around his ankles. Once he'd freed himself, his head shaking still in that same muted amusement, he tossed the offending article onto the bed behind him, feeling almost comfortable, back in his own, familiar uniform.
"Sure. I bet he's just bouncing off the walls."
Maybe a few minutes of just not dwelling on it wouldn't hurt, before they both settled in to what would surely be a fitful sleep. While Tifa brushed her hair carefully out, Cloud just combed his fingers through his own a few times, letting it fall back into its usual disarray as he hoisted himself up only to flop over onto his back on his bed.
A casual enough move, but one he regretted almost immediately - it felt strange, in this body, especially with his hands behind his head. But he wouldn't start moving around and draw further attention to himself, with that last, infinitesimal sliver of leftover pride he was still clinging to at stake.
In the little mental tally Tifa kept in her head, she chalked up another one of those golden, delighted points at the sound Cloud made and her own lips curved in pleasure, quietly pleased with herself. Maybe it was just a silly little conversation but she hoarded it away in her memories.
Things weren't all bad.
Finishing brushing her hair out, she left it loose around her, feeling better both from the brushing and the humor. Shaking her head as she made a 'tsk'ing sound, she shifted over on her own bed, crawling under the covers and curling on her side to face him, pillow as much something she was hugging as resting her head on.
"It's the sugar," her voice was a soft murmur. "They really shouldn't let him have sugar this close to bedtime."
"Right, right. "
Despite his best efforts to the contrary, it was impossible to quell the slightest sliver of a smile, there and gone, where he lie patiently facing the ceiling, still. A disastrous day was finally ending, and in the morning, all of this would be one unpleasant, inconsequential memory. He closed his eyes, almost willing himself to drift off right then and there. Not that it would ever be that easy...
When she spoke like that, he could almost hear her real voice in it, could relax just a fraction and imagine her as she was supposed to be, lying in her own bed, just across from him. Not a bad thought.
"I almost feel sorry for Barret. Without you around to keep everyone in line, it's probably chaos."
Even lumpy in the wrong places, it was still reassuring to be able to watch him on the bed nearby. Cloud was Cloud - and she just found it easier to deal with things when he was nearby. So she caught the barely there smile just before it vanished and it made her own lips soften and curve in response. With a soft sound, she burrowed her chin a little more into the pillow, wine colored eyes watching him over the top of it.
Would it be easier if she turned off the lamp though? Maybe not being able to see themselves in the dark would make it easier to pretend they weren't changed, make it easier to fall asleep. Except - she wasn't sure the dark wouldn't just magnify things instead, the way laying there in the dark so often seemed to. At least this way, all she had to do was open her eyes to know that she wasn't alone. She decided that if Cloud wanted the light off, he'd take care of it himself and until than she got to start to relax like this. Emotionally, she was ready for sleep.
"I'm sure he's fine. And tomorrow when we get back, I'll sit on Yuffie so that you can get all our materia back from her."
He made no qualm about the light; but being able to see as well as he could in the dark, it wouldn't have made much difference to him, one way or the other. Not to mention he'd the innate ability to sleep just about anywhere, under just about any condition - but a little bit of military service went a long way, in that regard. You either learned to get rest where and when you could, or you went without.
Besides - any unnecessary motion would only serve to remind him of the sorry state they were both in, and as it was, Cloud fully intended to stay perfectly still until morning. He'd managed the feat once or twice in the past, at any rate.
"You don't think she'll take off with all of it again, do you? I thought we were past that..."
Her lips curved again and she shut her eyes for a moment. Even if the situation was terrible it was kind of nice to be able to be like this, just the two of them. He was her childhood friend but so much more than that, on this journey, he'd simply become her friend. All the other emotions she had tangled up around him...? That he was her friend was the singular unconfusing part. And it was nice to be able to be here with him and not having to pretend. The sound she made was voiceless.
"No. She'll stay. But she wouldn't be Yuffie if she didn't take advantage of materia when it was available. She knows she'll get caught but that's not the point."
Slow, her eyes opened and she looked at him again over the top of her pillow. She'd watched him often enough to know even he didn't usually lay that still. Quiet, she offered:
"I can hit you with Sleepel if you want. There's no reason you should have to stay awake all night long."
"That's okay." Automatically, he shook his head, reaching up a second later to brush his bangs out of his face. As tempting as the offer of instant unconsciousness might have been, he didn't want to take the risk of being caught totally unaware by any precipitant weirdness to their current situation. Especially not when it was just the two of them, no instant backup with the others camping out for the night.
The risk wouldn't have been worth it, just to be knocked out for a while. He was tired enough that he thought he could catch at least a few decent hours, on his own, anyway.
"What about you? Are you gonna be able to fall asleep..." He shifted where he lay, as if trying to relax a little further, cracking open his eyes but not looking around. "...Like that?"
She made a noise as she buried her face in the pillow that might have been a snort. Or a choke. Either way, her voice came back muffled.
"The sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I can wake up looking like me again."
There was a sigh as she readjusted her head, and her hold, on the pillow. As substitutes went, the pillow was trying its hardest. She suddenly missed being able to snuggle her back against one of the other girls or Red though. After a minute, one eye peering over the white mound, she admitted as if she was worried it would sound offensive:
"I don't think I like me being a guy."
"It's just... Weird, because we're not used to it."
Though even an earnest attempt to dismiss her concern came out sounding faulty, when what he really wanted to do was just to agree. Cloud couldn't say he cared much for himself as a girl, either - certain misadventures in the not-quite-past-enough past had made him sure of that well before her cautious profession, now.
But he wasn't going to start reminiscing about that, now, as hard as he'd avoided making any comparisons, yet, today. Casting a sidelong glance at the wrong-shaped Tifa in the periphery of his vision, Cloud frowned in a way that felt more awkward than stoic, even just to him.
"I dunno. You'd probably make an okay guy..."
Under the blankets her shoulders hunched and she buried her face a bit more in the pillow again, eyes closing. Having half a sneaking suspicion that Cloud saw her as 'one of the guys' anyway, she really didn't like this only serving to drive the point home. And she really didn't like not being able to shift her legs without being reminded of just how much of a guy's body she was stuck with at the moment. Sleep - and tomorrow - couldn't come fast enough and if she was still male then...
no. No, she didn't think she could think about that right now and not end up miserable.
And maybe a little panicky.
So instead she shifted her focus to Cloud and him being a girl. A much prettier girl than he'd been the last time he'd tried. At least this time his chest didn't make crinkling noises when he moved wrong... the thought had her lips twitching in the pillow and she made a soft sound before lifting her head enough to look at him, only her eyes visible over the pillow.
"Well, you make a terrible girl," she muttered. "You trudge everywhere.
"H-Hey-!"
Cloud sat up abruptly, shooting her an offended look - one that wilted as soon as he realized what he was doing. Maybe his pride had been even more deeply wounded than he'd thought, if he'd seriously considered that point one worth arguing.
It was true, anyway. Thinking back, he'd been pretty rough on her borrowed boots, probably stomping the whole way to the inn without noticing. Trying to look casual walking in a totally unfamiliar body had been chore enough, alone, though. He couldn't be expected to moderate the force with which he did so, as well, now could he?
"Well, whatever." Dropping back to the mattress with a frown that was only slightly exaggerated, he sighed and shut his eyes (perhaps a tad defensively) again. "I won't be one for much longer, with any luck."
It was stifled, both by the pillow and by the fact that Tifa usually tried to stifle it anyway - and it was a little broken - but there was no mistaking the very rare sound of Tifa. Giggling.
It didn't last long but even when it was done the bubbles of it were still in her eyes. Feeling more comfortable than she had since this had all started, she gathered up her pillow, slipped out of her bed and padded on bare feet over to his. She wouldn't have tried it if things had been normal - but they weren't normal and right now she just wanted to be close to the comfort of his familiarity.
"Scoot over?"
"Huh?"
Still pretty sore from the sound of her snickering at him (much as he thought he wouldn't mind hearing that laugh more often, he didn't want to be the one being laughed at), if took him a moment to realize what she was asking. Of course, sitting up and opening his eyes once more to see that she was standing at the edge of his bed helped run the point home, in that respect, considerably.
Before he could stop to give her request any real thought, he found himself simply agreeing, instead-
"Oh. Yeah. "
-and making a graceless sideways shuffle across the rumpled comforter to the other side of the bed.
"Thank you." She whispered it as she crawled onto the bed next to him and lay down on her back, pillow wrapped in her arms over her chest. Even if her body didn't fit right, old habit still had her head at about where his shoulder height had been when he'd been laying down. Closing her eyes and exhaling she found that - finally - things felt right. Not entirely but it was easier to ignore what was wrong at least. After a moment, as if in apology for either giggling or perhaps for invading his space, she softly confessed:
"I always liked being a girl when I was growing up. I liked wearing dresses and pretty hats. I liked being the only girl. Until you left. That was when I realized that boys got to go have adventures and girls got left behind."
Wrapping her arms a little more around the pillow she pressed down into the mattress a bit more.
"That's why I trained with Master Zangan. So I'd never have to be left behind again."
For a long while (the sort that always felt far longer than it actually was), Cloud was silent, turning those words over in his mind. He'd never once thought- No, he'd had a head too full of his own childish ambitions to have considered for one second what it might've meant to anyone else that he had just up and left town - just like the rest of them, he'd already been imagining himself in an ideal future, leaving the present and all those still hopelessly trapped in it in the dust.
He'd just wanted to be someone, to make something of himself so desperately...
Like every other time he'd tried to think too hard on the past, lately, the effort only left him feeling empty and headachey all over again, and he had to throw in the towel before he started to upset her further. He really would be up all night, if he pushed it - and then where would they be?
Sliding a hand under the back of his neck, he glanced down at her from where he lay, propped up just slightly by his own pillow. From this angle it was awkward, talking down to the top of her head, but still he managed to sound as sincere as he felt when he said:
"...Sorry."
(For everything that's happened since then...)
"But... We're all in this together, now. Nobody gets left behind, anymore."
She didn't mind the silence with Cloud, comfortable in it, and she was already starting to breathe deeper when he spoke again. Her eyes flickered open and she tried to tip her head to look at him. The angle was awkward though so she rolled over onto her side facing him instead, still careful not to crowd him or take up any of his space as she cuddled back into the pillow, knees tucking up slightly. She only grimaced a little when she did that. And she shook her head.
"Don't be sorry. I wouldn't have started to dream for myself if you hadn't dreamed first and shared it with me."
Careful of the new curves on his body, her own hand went searching for his free one, curling carefully when she found it. He'd had to leave. She'd known that. And she'd been proud. And sad. And a hundred other things. But if he hadn't gone... if he hadn't gone he might have been one of those sliced open or burning corpses she still saw in her dreams at night sometimes. So she was glad he'd been away.
Except he said he hadn't. And she still didn't understand how he knew what he did about that night...
Eyes lifted to his under her bangs and the smile she gave him was soft but it filled her eyes too. Soothing, her thumb rubbed over the back of his hand.
"That's right. We're a team." For just a moment, the edge of her lips quirked upward and her eyes crinkled at their edges. "And we always come back to each other, even if sometimes some of us have to sneak away for a bit because of cosmetic problems."
She was always much better with words than he'd ever been - so maybe it was a good thing she didn't mind his silence, so often as he was left struck to differing degrees of speechlessness by something she'd said. Whether it was guilty or embarrassed or just plain dumbfounded, she only rarely ever seemed irritated with him for being so quiet. Just entirely too patient.
With everything about him, actually. His faulty memory, his bad attitude, the whole mess he'd managed somehow to sweep the lot of them into... With a little more self-awareness, he could have been properly embarrassed. But as he was, it was simply baffling.
As she wrapped her hand around his, Cloud returned the gesture just as carefully, thinking only of the well-meaning behind it - and not the weird way it felt to have a hand smaller, narrower than hers. (Well, okay, he just didn't think about that too much.)
"Right. ...Completely legitimate cosmetic problems."
"Mm." She gave a small nod against her pillow, lips still smiling at their edges and closed her eyes again. It had been a long day before they'd run into their sex changing nemesis and for the first time Tifa felt safe and relaxed enough to feel it catching up to her. Once again, out of everyone this could have happened to her with, she was glad it was Cloud. He made her feel safe. Hand still safely twined with his, she nestled down deeper into the pillow with a quiet sound, more than willing to let the sleep come now. She was ready to be a girl again.
And yet... she was glad this had happened. Selfish and feeling guilty for it, she was still glad for this time alone with Cloud, glad to have him all to herself for just a little while...
"Tomorrow," she murmured it. "I'm going to buy the girliest dress I can find." A long, drowsy exhale later, common sense had her amending. "Or a new hair ribbon."
"Hmph..."
Nothing but a distantly amused huff of breath came in response. Even had he not been feeling the soft pressure of real drowsiness behind his own eyes as he leaned back, resting silently once again, he might've been wise enough to keep his mouth shut on that point, though. Whether or not they turned up in their proper forms in the morning, they had already made plans to visit the shops first thing - he wouldn't protest.
And it was with this thought in mind that he drifted off, falling into a sleep he'd expected to find it nigh impossible to catch, with the way things were. Not to mention the added edge of anxiety in Tifa sharing half the bed, in knowing she was there, even though it was completely innocent. Maybe it wasn't the first time they'd ended up sleeping in close confines, but every other time, he'd slept tense, too, cautious even in unconsciousness.
By some miracle, however, that light, fitful rest lasted on into daylight, when Cloud woke reluctantly, shaking his head to dispel that groggy feeling... And then taking a nasty start when those precious few seconds of worry-free thoughtlessness left him behind, and he remembered just where he was and what was up.
His eyes flew open and his hands went straight to his chest - and an instant, impossible wave of relief crashed over him as he found it mercifully flat, perfectly ordinary. He wanted to jump up out of bed and run to wake-
(Oh. Right.)
There was something weighing him down, yet. He winced as he lifted his head to look, seeing himself in his own body, and...
"...Tifa?"
"Mnh." The sound was mumbled. During the night Tifa's body had shifted just the way Cloud's had, returning to its natural softer curves and slimmer limbs. Even asleep she'd lost the tension she'd been holding once it had happened. Now, soft and relaxed, she hid her face and snuggled down, slender fingers tangling in the fabric covering her pillow. A pillow she'd apparently upgraded to during the night because the down one she'd been hugging earlier was on the floor and she now had her face pressed into the fabric of Cloud's shirt just about at rib level, hand curled in the fabric over the flat planes of his stomach. And from the way her breathing immediately deepened again after her single muffled noise, she was very content to sleep the rest of the morning away that way too. Lacking a blanket, she'd found her warmth a different way and, sound asleep, apparently considered it satisfactory.
(Oh, man.)
She wasn't waking up. In fact, she didn't appear to have been disturbed by his movement at all, which brought about a new dilemma. Did he make another attempt to wake her deliberately? Or try to make it look unintentional? Or would it have been better just to wait this out?
There definitely wasn't any precedent for handling this type of situation in his (admittedly limited) recollection; much as he didn't want to upset her by going about this in the most awkward fashion imaginable, though, he didn't want to embarrass her that badly, either. And letting it go on too long definitely had the potential to get embarrassing.
There, that decided it, then. It was obviously just an unconscious mistake - anybody could've made it (a thought he immediately regretted having, as it prompted a nice little imaginary slideshow in his mind of alternate possibilities and that kind of thing wasn't helping).
Reaching out to take hold of her shoulder, he gave her one very gentle shake.
"Hey, uh- Tifa?"
Usually Tifa was a quick riser. Whether it was up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast or in the dead of night for a watch, if she didn't wake up on her own all it took was the whisper of her name to have her shaking herself awake.
Usually.
Usually she wasn't curled up in the perfect spot, right where she let herself sometime pretend she was to help her fall asleep on particularly bad nights. Usually she wasn't the perfect degree of warm and surrounded so completely by a smell she associated with safety and belonging and need. Usually she was subconsciously aware of other people, and one girl in particular, being nearby.
This morning was not usually.
But it was Cloud calling her and even asleep she couldn't not answer when he called for her. So her 'pillow' got a nuzzle and her body tucked in closer against it but Cloud's voice got the hazy response of:
"Mm?"
This was just gonna keep getting worse for him, wasn't it? Cloud dropped back to the bed in an only mildly frustrated huff; she was... kind of cute like that, too, even if it was a little inconvenient. There were worse ways to end up stuck-
But that wasn't any kind of excuse to drag this out. Steeling himself once again, he lifted the same hand, reached for her shoulder - hesitated, and then found the resolve somewhere to give her another cautious shake.
"...Tifa, hey. Wake up. We're, y'know... Normal, again."
(And you're kinda on top of me.)
She inhaled, the first sign that she was going to relinquish the very pleasant sleep she'd been tucked into and turned her face into the pillow completely, fingers kneading against fabric in unconscious preparation for the day.
Normal.
They were... normal. Again.
Mind not fond of giving her bad news first thing in the morning, it took a while for why that meant anything to penetrate the gray haze over her thought process. When it did though, it jerked her awake, a literal twitch through her body as it registered.
They were normal again.
Her head came up, sleep tousled hair over one of her eyes and that single wine colored point focused on the face in front of her.
Cloud...
It pulled out the slightly hazy, soft smile even before she registered that he was, indeed, wearing the male version of his face again, complete with stubborn chin and pale, stubborn eyebrows. Eyebrows that were doing something funny over his eyes at the moment...
Her own eyes narrowed in response to try to figure out what was going -
And that was when she realized she was looking at him up the length of his flat chest. Which meant that wasn't a pillow she was half on.
Almost experimentally, her fingers pulled at the fabric under them the littlest bit.
Yes. Yes, that was definitely Cloud's shirt.
And that was definitely his very solid, nicely warm and comfortable body she was snuggled in against.
... he felt really good to wake up snuggled into...
Her breath dragged into her with a sudden stutter as everything finally came together at the same time in her mind and her eyes went huge. The sound she made wasn't a squeak because Tifa didn't squeak - but it sounded suspiciously like one. Flooded with both the thought of what being so physically familiar with him must make him think of her - as well as how unforgivably she'd invaded his personal space without even asking first - her face flushed bright red and she jerked up and back as fast as she could.
And almost went off the side of the bed backward as a result.
Well, that couldn't possibly have gone over worse.
But there wasn't really any time to think of all the other ways he could've potentially not screwed this one up. Because Tifa was about to topple backward off the edge of the mattress and for some reason his lightning quick reflexes chose only just then to kick back in. Shooting upright alongside her, Cloud reached out to catch her again by the shoulder to drag her back before she could go plummeting to the tacky carpet below.
Not exactly a life or death situation, but Tifa had already suffered embarrassment enough, hadn't she? Cloud certainly wasn't about to judge her for such a simple mistake (especially not one she'd made while totally unconscious), either way, but from the look (and color) on her face, she wasn't so sure of that.
It would definitely be best to just play it off as casually as possible. Yeah.
"...You okay?"
Before she could react to try to keep herself from falling, Cloud was already there, catching her back to safety before she had full registered the threat. Not that falling off the bed was a huge threat but it wouldn't have been a pleasant way to finish waking up. Her fingers curled around his arm instinctively and she made a soft sound. Her cheeks stayed pink though.
She didn't snuggle men. Marlene - yes. And sometimes Aerith or Yuffie in a puppy pile kind of thing for comfort or warmth. And... all right. Maybe Red once or twice when he 'happened' to by lying nearby in the middle of the night and it was cold and a buried Sector Seven was too fresh in her dreams.
But not guys.
Except apparently, now Cloud.
- who had been warm and nice to snuggle against...
"Yeah. Thanks."
The best thing to do was be casual and hope he didn't think snuggling nearby men in her sleep was something she did regularly. Self-conscious, she smoothed down her hair - and then had to smile, albeit, a bit hesitantly at him. Light, she reached out and touched his chin. Speaking of snuggling guys...
"It's good to see you back. Though the desk clerk is going to be disappointed if he's still on shift."
Those would've been some pretty lofty assumptions, but luckily Cloud wasn't all that adept at jumping to totally ridiculous conclusions. (Sure, he had his moments, but...) He was more concerned with her taking away the wrong idea about him, as it was, and not with wondering whether or not she tended to cling to just anybody, in her sleep. Yesterday had been a mess, and they'd both had to let down their guard more than either of them might've been strictly comfortable with. He wouldn't accuse her of vulnerability, but maybe there had been something like it...
But then she smiled again, and he was pretty sure things were going to be okay. That was, at least until she mentioned-
(Oh crap.)
A self-conscious hand went to the back of his neck as he pulled a face.
"I totally forgot about that guy... No chance you saw a back door out of this place, last night, did you?" A pause. "Though- On the other hand, you really think he's even gonna notice me?"
"We could go out the window?" Maybe... just a little... she was teasing him. But it was okay because that meant they didn't have to focus on being awkward about waking up together and she approved of that. She didn't want -
she didn't want him to be awkward about touching her.
So to emphasize that everything was all right between them, she pressed the tip of a slim finger to the top of his nose and shook her head before letting her hand drop.
Maybe she should tease him about his obliviousness to being a stunning, leggy blond in a short skirt last night... but she couldn't bring herself to do that to him. Instead, she just hummed a thoughtful sound.
"I'm sure his shift is long over by now. And his replacement won't know any better. We can drop off the key and no one will be the wiser."
As further distraction and not entirely for distraction alone either, she added hopefully: "Do you think we could stop and get something warm for breakfast too? ... something with chocolate?"
"Nah, better not go out the window. If anybody saw us, they'd probably think we were trying to skip out on a bill."
And the last thing they needed was more grief, this early in the morning. If the same clerk was still on duty, and they both ended up dragged back in through the lobby's front doors... Yeah, no chance.
Sighing, he shook his own head - almost in time with hers - and turned to stretch his legs over the other side of the bed (pretending not to have realized the dorky way he'd crossed his own eyes at her playful poke in the nose).
Now that sounded like a plan: getting out of this inn just as quick as they could and to a decent meal. And then back on the road, of course. With a half-stifled yawn, he dragged his hands back through his hair before looking back over his shoulder again.
"Sure. Whatever you want. I do kind of feel like celebrating, not being... You know... Anymore."
This adorable thing of his was really dangerous. And it kept getting worse the more they traveled together and he forgot to be that careless mercenary she was seeing less and less of. Closer... she was closer to figuring out what was really going on with him...
If the moments of sheer adorkable or knee weakening male didn't kill her first.
"Me too!"
She didn't even try to hold in the grin at that as she scrambled off the bed. Celebrating sounded wonderful, even if it was just with something as blissfully simple as a hot, delicious breakfast together with Cloud that she didn't have to cook herself.
- and this time, if the clerk dropped a pencil, she'd let Cloud lean down and pick it up.