fic: Fit {Beast, Hyunseung-centric}
Title: Fit
Series: The Formative Years
Length: one-shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: pg
Genre: bandfic
Pairing/Characters: Hyunseung-centric (Dooseob, hinted Gikwang/Hyunsueng)
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is for my dongsaeng! ^^ She wanted pre-debut Junhyung, Hyunseung friendship/shyness for her birthday.
Summary: Sometimes you just need to find the right fit.
~*~*~
When he’d decided to chase his dreams of being a dancer, Hyunseung had thought a lot about the possibility of failure. He’d spent a lot of sleepless nights worrying about not being good enough, about not being attractive enough. He’d fretted about his voice and his moves and despaired when teenage hormones had given him nightmares of a pockmarked, misshapen face.
He’d never once considered that it would be his personality that would hold him back.
No one had told him that being outgoing was just as important to success as talent.
It didn’t seem very fair to him. He’d worked as hard as one person possibly could and he was good. He knew that.
Too bad being good wasn’t enough.
Sometimes when he was feeling particularly masochistic, he’d search the internet for news and performances of the band he’d almost been a part of and watch with an ache in his chest. He was happy for them, he really, really was, but it was a bittersweet happiness at best.
They had what he’d struggled so hard and long for.
When talk started surfacing of shuffling together a new group, Hyunseung was leery of accepting the idea.
He knew the others, had worked with them before off and on, had trained with them since he’d come to CUBE. But he also felt separate from them. They’d been friends for years, had grown together as dancers and musicians.
He felt awkward and uncomfortable with them.
It didn’t help that they all had the bright distinctive personalities that seemed to be called for in show business.
It made him afraid that his own painfully shy self would be eclipsed yet again.
If he gave in and embraced this new unit and then he failed again….
Hyunseung wasn’t sure he had the heart to keep pressing forward.
His life wouldn’t be over - that was far too melodramatic and unrealistic - but he doubted he could keep holding on to the dream if it kept slipping away from him. He’d have to duck his head down and go back home to face his failure in the disappointed looks of his parents who’d been quietly cheering him on.
These were the sorts of thoughts that were circling around his mind when he stopped outside the small dressing room that ‘AJ and co’ had taken over for their own use. Even though he was technically part of that ‘and co’, he doubted he’d ever really be able to make the mental jump to include himself in the thought.
The door was cracked open as usual and he rolled his eyes slightly. Yoseob refused to let anyone close the doors all the way, laughing and babbling something about quick getaways. He hadn’t been with them for long before he’d realized that Yoseob and Gikwang were engaged in a long standing prank war that occasionally spilled out onto everyone else. They needed easy access to exits so they could escape each other and whomever else got caught in the crossfire.
Honestly, it was the reason why they’d managed to maintain the dressing room as their own for as long as they had. Most of the other trainees lived in terror of being caught by a prank meant to hit one or the other.
Hyunseung himself had ended up covered in the foulest smelling bucket of ooze that he’d ever had the misfortune to come across once. Both boys had been beside themselves with apology - which, Hyunseung supposed, was more than most other trainees ever received. Most of the time, the pair found just as much hilarity in it when the pranks hit an innocent bystander as when they the intended target.
He hesitated with his fingers above the handle, his eyes automatically going up suspiciously. They’d promised there’d be no more buckets waiting above the doors but he wasn’t quite ready to trust in that yet.
Nothing waited there that he could see, though, and he sighed in relief.
“So Hyunseung is definitely going to be with us?”
He hesitated again at the sound of his name.
“Yup. The four of us, Hyunseung, and they’re doing auditions to see if there’s anyone else that might fit.”
Eavesdropping was rude.
But so was talking about someone when they weren’t there. He bit his lip and edged closer to peek through the crack in the door.
Doojoon was sitting in one of the chairs, flipping through a sheaf of papers. Yoseob was on the floor between his spread legs, attention largely focused on the DS in his hands.
The other two were harder to see from the angle, but after a moment, Hyunseung found a reflective surface that let him see that Junhyung was settled in another chair with his feet pulled up under him. He had a book in hand and glasses perched on his nose.
The only part of Gikwang that Hyunseung could actually see was his feet, but the huffing, grunting noises coming from behind Junhyung’s chair was as good as an actual visual. It seemed to Hyunseung that Gikwang was always working out, striving to improve an already impressive physique
“S’good, right?” There was a shuffling and then Gikwang popped up over Junhyung’s shoulder, wiping his forehead on the back of the chair.
“That’s so gross. Use a towel.”
Yoseob snagged one with his foot and kicked it in Gikwang’s general direction, his fingers never leaving his game controls. “It’s good that they’re showing definite interest in us, but I don’t know why we can’t be a four member band.”
“Four is a weird number for a band,” Doojoon said, batting Yoseob in the head with the papers. “Five is more common.”
“You have something against Hyunseung?” Junhyung asked quietly, looking over the rims of his glasses.
“Nah, he’s okay,” Yoseob waved a hand dismissively. “He’s just so quiet.”
Doojoon laughed, leaning over to hug Yoseob awkwardly. “As if anyone can really get a word in edgewise with you around.”
It only took a moment for the hug to turn into tickling.
The younger boy squawked and flailed, his DS flying away from him as he tried to get away. “Dooojoooonie! Yah! Stop!”
Laughing, Gikwang scooped up the DS, fiddling with it for a moment before shutting it down and dropping it back into Yoseob’s lap once Doojoon had ceased with the tickle torture and slid down to settle on the floor wrapped around Yoseob.
Yoseob huffed in annoyance, but relaxed into Doojoon’s embrace regardless. “I’m just saying that I feel like we’re talking around him most of the time… Like he’s only sort of there.”
“So make more effort to include him.” Junhyung said it matter of factly as he turned back to his book. “He doesn’t know you that well, Seobie. He probably doesn’t realize that he’ll have to force the issue if he wants to be heard.”
Yoseob stuck out his tongue, but didn’t deny the charge. He sighed and stretched before wrapping his arms around Doojoon’s neck. “He is a good dancer.”
“Better than us,” Doojoon added, nuzzling Yoseob’s ear. He paused and looked up at Junhyung with a grin. “Well… Better than most of us, anyways.”
“Hmm… He moves like…” Yoseob twirled a finger in the air, searching for the word he wanted.
“Poetry,” Junhyung supplied without an ounce of embarrassment at the almost flowery compliment.
Yoseob hummed happily. “Yeah. Poetry. That’s it. He moves like poetry.”
“I think he’s pretty,” Gikwang declared, flopping back onto the sofa to stare up at the ceiling with a dreamy look.
Hyunseung flushed, embarrassed and yet also a little pleased at the compliment. It wasn’t the first time he’d been called attractive, but it didn’t often come in such simplistic, matter of fact appreciation from someone who was used to girls falling at his feet and didn’t expect something from Hyunseung in return for it.
“Awww~ Kiki has a crush~” Yoseob howled with laughter, wiggling away from Doojoon and crawling over to poke at Gikwang’s sides. “You are so fucking gay!”
The younger boy shoved Yoseob with a foot. “Says the guy who really does have a cock in his mouth every night.”
“You only wish-”
“What is or isn’t in Seobie’s mouth every night is no one’s business but his and Doojoon’s.” Junhyung stood up and stretched. “I’m going to go see if I can’t hustle up something to eat. Any requests?”
He neatly stepped sideways as Gikwang rolled off the couch, intent on getting Yoseob into a headlock. Doojoon jerked his own legs out of the way as the pair nearly caught him up in their impromptu wrestling match.
“Nah, whatever is fine.”
“All right, I’ll be right back.”
Hyunseung stood frozen for a moment too long.
Junhyung stared at him with a raised brow.
“Umm….”
There was silence between them as Junhyung pulled the door completely closed behind him. It lingered for a moment as they stared at each other, Junhyung calm and waiting, Hyunseung wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.
Finally Junhyung sighed and motioned for Hyunseung to join him.
His feet had Hyunseung following before his brain actually caught up.
“You could have come in,” Junhyung said quietly. “You have as much right to be there as the rest of us. You’re a part of us now.”
Hyunseung shrugged, glancing away as he followed Junhyung out the building and across the street to the small hole in the wall noodle shop that most of the trainees ducked into whenever they were hungry. The owners apparently didn’t mind when the occasionally large groups of friends descended upon them. Hyunseung had never been inside it before, though he’d eaten the food when someone brought it into the studio.
He was always somewhat separate from the groups.
Junhyung let the lack of response go as he turned to the server and ordered. It wasn’t until they were sitting to the side, waiting, that he broached the subject again. “You don’t want to be a part of us?”
“It’s not…” Hyunseung looked away, rubbing his arms uncomfortably. “I didn’t say that.”
“Is it Doojoon and Seobie?” Junhyung asked, watching Hyunseung carefully.
“What? Why would-”
“Some of the other trainees aren’t comfortable with them. Especially since neither of them are exactly… discreet.”
Understanding what Junhyung meant finally, Hyunseung shook his head. “No. They’re cute.”
He was jealous, sometimes, watching them. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty damned amazing for a pair of teenaged boys who’d been together for years through the kinds of obstacles and resistance that they’d had to face. Hyunseung only wished he might some day find someone to share something like that.
“Then it’s… Gikwang and Seobie? I know they can be a bit much sometimes…” Junhyung grimaced. “That whole thing with the bucket of rotten-”
“Please.” Hyunseung held up a hand and shuddered. “I’d rather not know what it was. And no… They both apologized. And Gikwang stopped me from walking into… whatever prank he’d set up for Yoseob yesterday.”
The younger boy winced and shook his head. “Yeah, be glad. One of the younger girls has been traumatized for life. I think there were haz-mat suits involved in the clean up.”
They both snorted in amusement.
After a moment, Hyunseung sighed and leaned forward, hands on the table, chin on his hands. “It’s not you guys…. I’m just not…” He trailed off, giving Junhyung a helpless look. “I just don’t fit. Just like I didn’t fit with Big Bang.”
Junhyung watched him for a moment before sighing and leaning. “Hyunseung… Did you ever stop to consider that maybe instead of you not being the right fit for Big Bang… maybe Big Bang just wasn’t the right fit for you?”
“…” Hyunseung could only gape at the other boy.
Junhyung seemed to take it as invitation to continue. “Xing, 2PM, Big Bang… Even AJ… None of them were right - not for any of us. Maybe this is where we’re all supposed to be.”
“Maybe it’s still not right.”
“And that’s a risk we all have to take,” Junhyung conceded, nodding. Then he reached over to nudge Hyunseung’s shoulder. “But I think the five of us… I think we can be right. Gikwang and Yoseob don’t apologize to just anyone, you know.”
They shared a smile before Hyunseung sighed again. “But you’re all so…. And I’m just… Me.”
“This isn’t YG or SM… or hell… Even JYP. Being a little quiet and shy isn’t a death nell to your career.” Junhyung tapped his chin with one finger, looking thoughtful. “I’m hardly the most outgoing person in CUBE, myself.”
“But you’re so cool!” Hyunseung protested, sitting up.
Junhyung huffed with laughter. “Thank you. But the point is that I don’t have to be loud and in everyone’s face and neither do you. We have Seobie and Gikwang for that. We get to be the cool, mysterious ones.”
Hyunseung bit his lip and glanced away for a moment before looking back at Junhyung. “I’m not really good with people…”
“You don’t have to be. Seobie and Gikwang do most of the work. You just have to not look so much like you’re tuning them out.”
“I’m not!” Hyunseung denied, shaking his head. “I just… I never know what to say to them.”
He was really, really bad with people.
“Half the time Doojoon doesn’t know what to say to them, and no one in the world knows Seobie as well as he does.” Junhyung nudged him again. “You think too hard about it. Just… stop worrying so much and go with the flow more. They don’t bite… most of the time.”
The waitress called their order before Hyunseung could reply, but it was just as well. He wasn’t sure what he could really say to that. He turned it over in his mind as Junhyung thanked the woman and then followed the other boy silently back to the dressing room.
Gikwang had gone back to exercising - sit ups, this time - and the others were too involved in each other to notice their arrival.
“Hey, get a room,” Junhyung said, rolling his eyes as he chucked a plastic spoon in their direction. “Some of us want to eat in peace.”
Yoseob flipped him off, but took his time getting off of Doojoon.
“Hi, Hyunseung.”
“Hyunseung?” Gikwang pushed himself up to peer over the arm of the chair, his eyes wide and searching. “Hi!”
He managed a tiny wave and smile which seemed more than enough for Gikwang. The younger boy beamed at him, making Hyunseung blush slightly with the supposed ‘crush’ still fresh in his mind. He kind of hoped it was true.
Yoseob looked like he was about to say something, but Doojoon wrapped a hand around his mouth before he could. “Food?”
“Food.” Junhyung set the bags on the low center table and began spreading things out. As each take out container got shoved in front of each person, Hyunseung realized that the order had not been at all random. Junhyung had been with each long enough to know exactly what to get even when no one had specified anything.
Before Hyunseung could start to depress himself about it, a box was dropped into his hands as well.
He looked up in askance, but Junhyung was already past him, trying to rescue a bowl of extra kimchi from Yoseob. “That isn’t for you, you little thief. You have your own.”
“But hyuuuung~”
“I’m not Doojoonie. I’m immune to your whining.”
As they bickered good naturedly, Hyunseung opened the box and stared down at the contents. His hands shook slightly and he knew that if he tried to speak, he wouldn’t be able to get anything past the lump in his throat. He preferred junk food as a rule, but when he was eating real, actual meals… These were all his favorites.
“Oh! They didn’t give you enough chicken!”
A few more pieces of chicken were quickly transferred from Gikwang’s plate to his own and Hyunseung glanced up, confused.
Gikwang just grinned. “You always ask for the extra chicken bits right?”
He did. Any time food was ordered in the building and he was included in the meal, he haunted around the take out boxes, hoping for a few extra pieces. They never put enough into any single order for his tastes.
He did it without even thinking most of the time and definitely hadn’t realized that anyone else had noticed.
“Oh! Can I have your onions?” Yoseob asked, leaning over hopefully.
Numb, Hyunseung offered his plate up so that Yoseob could scoop the offending things out of his food, wondering when exactly the others had started paying enough attention to him to notice what he liked and what he didn’t. He couldn’t remember anyone ever caring enough to notice those sorts of things before.
He thought about Junhyung’s words and wondered if maybe he wasn’t right.
Maybe this time everything would fit together just right.
Maybe he could put himself out there just one more time and throw his lot in with this group of boys who understood the bitter taste that failure could leave in your mouth just as well as he did.
He hesitated for a moment before sitting his plate back down and leaning forward. “So what’s this I hear about haz-mat suits and girls?”
Across the table, Junhyung smiled.
~*~*~
fin
Series: The Formative Years
Length: one-shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: pg
Genre: bandfic
Pairing/Characters: Hyunseung-centric (Dooseob, hinted Gikwang/Hyunsueng)
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is for my dongsaeng! ^^ She wanted pre-debut Junhyung, Hyunseung friendship/shyness for her birthday.
Summary: Sometimes you just need to find the right fit.
~*~*~
When he’d decided to chase his dreams of being a dancer, Hyunseung had thought a lot about the possibility of failure. He’d spent a lot of sleepless nights worrying about not being good enough, about not being attractive enough. He’d fretted about his voice and his moves and despaired when teenage hormones had given him nightmares of a pockmarked, misshapen face.
He’d never once considered that it would be his personality that would hold him back.
No one had told him that being outgoing was just as important to success as talent.
It didn’t seem very fair to him. He’d worked as hard as one person possibly could and he was good. He knew that.
Too bad being good wasn’t enough.
Sometimes when he was feeling particularly masochistic, he’d search the internet for news and performances of the band he’d almost been a part of and watch with an ache in his chest. He was happy for them, he really, really was, but it was a bittersweet happiness at best.
They had what he’d struggled so hard and long for.
When talk started surfacing of shuffling together a new group, Hyunseung was leery of accepting the idea.
He knew the others, had worked with them before off and on, had trained with them since he’d come to CUBE. But he also felt separate from them. They’d been friends for years, had grown together as dancers and musicians.
He felt awkward and uncomfortable with them.
It didn’t help that they all had the bright distinctive personalities that seemed to be called for in show business.
It made him afraid that his own painfully shy self would be eclipsed yet again.
If he gave in and embraced this new unit and then he failed again….
Hyunseung wasn’t sure he had the heart to keep pressing forward.
His life wouldn’t be over - that was far too melodramatic and unrealistic - but he doubted he could keep holding on to the dream if it kept slipping away from him. He’d have to duck his head down and go back home to face his failure in the disappointed looks of his parents who’d been quietly cheering him on.
These were the sorts of thoughts that were circling around his mind when he stopped outside the small dressing room that ‘AJ and co’ had taken over for their own use. Even though he was technically part of that ‘and co’, he doubted he’d ever really be able to make the mental jump to include himself in the thought.
The door was cracked open as usual and he rolled his eyes slightly. Yoseob refused to let anyone close the doors all the way, laughing and babbling something about quick getaways. He hadn’t been with them for long before he’d realized that Yoseob and Gikwang were engaged in a long standing prank war that occasionally spilled out onto everyone else. They needed easy access to exits so they could escape each other and whomever else got caught in the crossfire.
Honestly, it was the reason why they’d managed to maintain the dressing room as their own for as long as they had. Most of the other trainees lived in terror of being caught by a prank meant to hit one or the other.
Hyunseung himself had ended up covered in the foulest smelling bucket of ooze that he’d ever had the misfortune to come across once. Both boys had been beside themselves with apology - which, Hyunseung supposed, was more than most other trainees ever received. Most of the time, the pair found just as much hilarity in it when the pranks hit an innocent bystander as when they the intended target.
He hesitated with his fingers above the handle, his eyes automatically going up suspiciously. They’d promised there’d be no more buckets waiting above the doors but he wasn’t quite ready to trust in that yet.
Nothing waited there that he could see, though, and he sighed in relief.
“So Hyunseung is definitely going to be with us?”
He hesitated again at the sound of his name.
“Yup. The four of us, Hyunseung, and they’re doing auditions to see if there’s anyone else that might fit.”
Eavesdropping was rude.
But so was talking about someone when they weren’t there. He bit his lip and edged closer to peek through the crack in the door.
Doojoon was sitting in one of the chairs, flipping through a sheaf of papers. Yoseob was on the floor between his spread legs, attention largely focused on the DS in his hands.
The other two were harder to see from the angle, but after a moment, Hyunseung found a reflective surface that let him see that Junhyung was settled in another chair with his feet pulled up under him. He had a book in hand and glasses perched on his nose.
The only part of Gikwang that Hyunseung could actually see was his feet, but the huffing, grunting noises coming from behind Junhyung’s chair was as good as an actual visual. It seemed to Hyunseung that Gikwang was always working out, striving to improve an already impressive physique
“S’good, right?” There was a shuffling and then Gikwang popped up over Junhyung’s shoulder, wiping his forehead on the back of the chair.
“That’s so gross. Use a towel.”
Yoseob snagged one with his foot and kicked it in Gikwang’s general direction, his fingers never leaving his game controls. “It’s good that they’re showing definite interest in us, but I don’t know why we can’t be a four member band.”
“Four is a weird number for a band,” Doojoon said, batting Yoseob in the head with the papers. “Five is more common.”
“You have something against Hyunseung?” Junhyung asked quietly, looking over the rims of his glasses.
“Nah, he’s okay,” Yoseob waved a hand dismissively. “He’s just so quiet.”
Doojoon laughed, leaning over to hug Yoseob awkwardly. “As if anyone can really get a word in edgewise with you around.”
It only took a moment for the hug to turn into tickling.
The younger boy squawked and flailed, his DS flying away from him as he tried to get away. “Dooojoooonie! Yah! Stop!”
Laughing, Gikwang scooped up the DS, fiddling with it for a moment before shutting it down and dropping it back into Yoseob’s lap once Doojoon had ceased with the tickle torture and slid down to settle on the floor wrapped around Yoseob.
Yoseob huffed in annoyance, but relaxed into Doojoon’s embrace regardless. “I’m just saying that I feel like we’re talking around him most of the time… Like he’s only sort of there.”
“So make more effort to include him.” Junhyung said it matter of factly as he turned back to his book. “He doesn’t know you that well, Seobie. He probably doesn’t realize that he’ll have to force the issue if he wants to be heard.”
Yoseob stuck out his tongue, but didn’t deny the charge. He sighed and stretched before wrapping his arms around Doojoon’s neck. “He is a good dancer.”
“Better than us,” Doojoon added, nuzzling Yoseob’s ear. He paused and looked up at Junhyung with a grin. “Well… Better than most of us, anyways.”
“Hmm… He moves like…” Yoseob twirled a finger in the air, searching for the word he wanted.
“Poetry,” Junhyung supplied without an ounce of embarrassment at the almost flowery compliment.
Yoseob hummed happily. “Yeah. Poetry. That’s it. He moves like poetry.”
“I think he’s pretty,” Gikwang declared, flopping back onto the sofa to stare up at the ceiling with a dreamy look.
Hyunseung flushed, embarrassed and yet also a little pleased at the compliment. It wasn’t the first time he’d been called attractive, but it didn’t often come in such simplistic, matter of fact appreciation from someone who was used to girls falling at his feet and didn’t expect something from Hyunseung in return for it.
“Awww~ Kiki has a crush~” Yoseob howled with laughter, wiggling away from Doojoon and crawling over to poke at Gikwang’s sides. “You are so fucking gay!”
The younger boy shoved Yoseob with a foot. “Says the guy who really does have a cock in his mouth every night.”
“You only wish-”
“What is or isn’t in Seobie’s mouth every night is no one’s business but his and Doojoon’s.” Junhyung stood up and stretched. “I’m going to go see if I can’t hustle up something to eat. Any requests?”
He neatly stepped sideways as Gikwang rolled off the couch, intent on getting Yoseob into a headlock. Doojoon jerked his own legs out of the way as the pair nearly caught him up in their impromptu wrestling match.
“Nah, whatever is fine.”
“All right, I’ll be right back.”
Hyunseung stood frozen for a moment too long.
Junhyung stared at him with a raised brow.
“Umm….”
There was silence between them as Junhyung pulled the door completely closed behind him. It lingered for a moment as they stared at each other, Junhyung calm and waiting, Hyunseung wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.
Finally Junhyung sighed and motioned for Hyunseung to join him.
His feet had Hyunseung following before his brain actually caught up.
“You could have come in,” Junhyung said quietly. “You have as much right to be there as the rest of us. You’re a part of us now.”
Hyunseung shrugged, glancing away as he followed Junhyung out the building and across the street to the small hole in the wall noodle shop that most of the trainees ducked into whenever they were hungry. The owners apparently didn’t mind when the occasionally large groups of friends descended upon them. Hyunseung had never been inside it before, though he’d eaten the food when someone brought it into the studio.
He was always somewhat separate from the groups.
Junhyung let the lack of response go as he turned to the server and ordered. It wasn’t until they were sitting to the side, waiting, that he broached the subject again. “You don’t want to be a part of us?”
“It’s not…” Hyunseung looked away, rubbing his arms uncomfortably. “I didn’t say that.”
“Is it Doojoon and Seobie?” Junhyung asked, watching Hyunseung carefully.
“What? Why would-”
“Some of the other trainees aren’t comfortable with them. Especially since neither of them are exactly… discreet.”
Understanding what Junhyung meant finally, Hyunseung shook his head. “No. They’re cute.”
He was jealous, sometimes, watching them. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty damned amazing for a pair of teenaged boys who’d been together for years through the kinds of obstacles and resistance that they’d had to face. Hyunseung only wished he might some day find someone to share something like that.
“Then it’s… Gikwang and Seobie? I know they can be a bit much sometimes…” Junhyung grimaced. “That whole thing with the bucket of rotten-”
“Please.” Hyunseung held up a hand and shuddered. “I’d rather not know what it was. And no… They both apologized. And Gikwang stopped me from walking into… whatever prank he’d set up for Yoseob yesterday.”
The younger boy winced and shook his head. “Yeah, be glad. One of the younger girls has been traumatized for life. I think there were haz-mat suits involved in the clean up.”
They both snorted in amusement.
After a moment, Hyunseung sighed and leaned forward, hands on the table, chin on his hands. “It’s not you guys…. I’m just not…” He trailed off, giving Junhyung a helpless look. “I just don’t fit. Just like I didn’t fit with Big Bang.”
Junhyung watched him for a moment before sighing and leaning. “Hyunseung… Did you ever stop to consider that maybe instead of you not being the right fit for Big Bang… maybe Big Bang just wasn’t the right fit for you?”
“…” Hyunseung could only gape at the other boy.
Junhyung seemed to take it as invitation to continue. “Xing, 2PM, Big Bang… Even AJ… None of them were right - not for any of us. Maybe this is where we’re all supposed to be.”
“Maybe it’s still not right.”
“And that’s a risk we all have to take,” Junhyung conceded, nodding. Then he reached over to nudge Hyunseung’s shoulder. “But I think the five of us… I think we can be right. Gikwang and Yoseob don’t apologize to just anyone, you know.”
They shared a smile before Hyunseung sighed again. “But you’re all so…. And I’m just… Me.”
“This isn’t YG or SM… or hell… Even JYP. Being a little quiet and shy isn’t a death nell to your career.” Junhyung tapped his chin with one finger, looking thoughtful. “I’m hardly the most outgoing person in CUBE, myself.”
“But you’re so cool!” Hyunseung protested, sitting up.
Junhyung huffed with laughter. “Thank you. But the point is that I don’t have to be loud and in everyone’s face and neither do you. We have Seobie and Gikwang for that. We get to be the cool, mysterious ones.”
Hyunseung bit his lip and glanced away for a moment before looking back at Junhyung. “I’m not really good with people…”
“You don’t have to be. Seobie and Gikwang do most of the work. You just have to not look so much like you’re tuning them out.”
“I’m not!” Hyunseung denied, shaking his head. “I just… I never know what to say to them.”
He was really, really bad with people.
“Half the time Doojoon doesn’t know what to say to them, and no one in the world knows Seobie as well as he does.” Junhyung nudged him again. “You think too hard about it. Just… stop worrying so much and go with the flow more. They don’t bite… most of the time.”
The waitress called their order before Hyunseung could reply, but it was just as well. He wasn’t sure what he could really say to that. He turned it over in his mind as Junhyung thanked the woman and then followed the other boy silently back to the dressing room.
Gikwang had gone back to exercising - sit ups, this time - and the others were too involved in each other to notice their arrival.
“Hey, get a room,” Junhyung said, rolling his eyes as he chucked a plastic spoon in their direction. “Some of us want to eat in peace.”
Yoseob flipped him off, but took his time getting off of Doojoon.
“Hi, Hyunseung.”
“Hyunseung?” Gikwang pushed himself up to peer over the arm of the chair, his eyes wide and searching. “Hi!”
He managed a tiny wave and smile which seemed more than enough for Gikwang. The younger boy beamed at him, making Hyunseung blush slightly with the supposed ‘crush’ still fresh in his mind. He kind of hoped it was true.
Yoseob looked like he was about to say something, but Doojoon wrapped a hand around his mouth before he could. “Food?”
“Food.” Junhyung set the bags on the low center table and began spreading things out. As each take out container got shoved in front of each person, Hyunseung realized that the order had not been at all random. Junhyung had been with each long enough to know exactly what to get even when no one had specified anything.
Before Hyunseung could start to depress himself about it, a box was dropped into his hands as well.
He looked up in askance, but Junhyung was already past him, trying to rescue a bowl of extra kimchi from Yoseob. “That isn’t for you, you little thief. You have your own.”
“But hyuuuung~”
“I’m not Doojoonie. I’m immune to your whining.”
As they bickered good naturedly, Hyunseung opened the box and stared down at the contents. His hands shook slightly and he knew that if he tried to speak, he wouldn’t be able to get anything past the lump in his throat. He preferred junk food as a rule, but when he was eating real, actual meals… These were all his favorites.
“Oh! They didn’t give you enough chicken!”
A few more pieces of chicken were quickly transferred from Gikwang’s plate to his own and Hyunseung glanced up, confused.
Gikwang just grinned. “You always ask for the extra chicken bits right?”
He did. Any time food was ordered in the building and he was included in the meal, he haunted around the take out boxes, hoping for a few extra pieces. They never put enough into any single order for his tastes.
He did it without even thinking most of the time and definitely hadn’t realized that anyone else had noticed.
“Oh! Can I have your onions?” Yoseob asked, leaning over hopefully.
Numb, Hyunseung offered his plate up so that Yoseob could scoop the offending things out of his food, wondering when exactly the others had started paying enough attention to him to notice what he liked and what he didn’t. He couldn’t remember anyone ever caring enough to notice those sorts of things before.
He thought about Junhyung’s words and wondered if maybe he wasn’t right.
Maybe this time everything would fit together just right.
Maybe he could put himself out there just one more time and throw his lot in with this group of boys who understood the bitter taste that failure could leave in your mouth just as well as he did.
He hesitated for a moment before sitting his plate back down and leaning forward. “So what’s this I hear about haz-mat suits and girls?”
Across the table, Junhyung smiled.
~*~*~
fin