fic: Til I Fell in Love {101 SideShot}
Title: Til I Fell in Love
Length: side-shot of 101
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG
Genre: AU
Pairing/Characters: Yoseob, Soonlee, Junhyung/Gayoon
Warnings: references to past thoughts of suicide, OC of the little girl type
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is one of only two side-shots that will be pre-Doojoon and despite the title, there is nothing of a romantic nature going on. :x I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated anything 101 related. But hopefully I'll be doing better in the future! ^_^
Previously: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Side Shots: Second Chances | Guardian | Aftermath
Summary: Sometimes you have to have someone to live for.
~*~*~
Yoseob sighed and rubbed his eyes, trying to will away the blinding headache that had been building steadily over the last hour. He did his best to avoid spending long periods staring at a computer screen, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. There was only so much research he could delegate to Gayoon before he had to take over. She was smart and had a good grasp of the generalities of what he needed for a standard job, but she’d never been a soldier and she certainly wasn’t a killer.
And helping out with his chosen field wasn’t exactly her first priority.
“Hey, Seobie, you all right?”
He blinked up at the man leaning in the doorway and nodded, hoping he didn’t look as bad as he felt. “Yeah. Just a headache. What’s up?”
Junhyung didn’t quite have enough control to keep from letting his gaze slide up to the dark red scar above Yoseob’s eye. At least Junhyung kept his worried-hen clucking to a minimum. Nana and Gayoon were much worse.
Yoseob didn’t like the attention, but he forced himself to endure it.
His physical therapy and rehabilitation had been just as hard on them as it had been on him. It was only to be expected that they were concerned. His decision to return to the sort of work that had gotten him shot in the first place had only made that worse. Even Hyunseung fretted in his own peculiar way and it had been his idea in the first place.
“You left your cell phone in Soonlee’s room.” Junhyung handed it over with a small smile as Yoseob squirmed a little uncomfortably. He was still getting used to the little girl’s existence, never quite sure if he should even try or if it’d be better for everyone if he just absented himself from her life. She already had a perfectly respectable set of parents, after all. Junhyung and Gayoon made a good match and Yoseob was happy for them.
His own presence just made things harder.
Gayoon was insistent that Yoseob ‘man up’, in her words, and take responsibility for the consequences of his actions, flatly refusing to listen to Yoseob’s protests that he’d just screw up all their hard work. And if Junhyung had any objections to having Yoseob included in Soonlee’s life as more than simple sperm donor, he never voiced them.
He’d tried, more than once, to make them understand that he wasn’t fit to be anyone’s parent.
When he’d been at his lowest point, weak from therapy, snarling at anyone who came close, sure that it would have been better for everyone if he’d just died out there on that foreign field, there’d been no doubt in his mind that they should keep Soonlee as far away from him as they could. She was too small, too precious to be entrusted to a broken monster like himself. Junhyung had found him curled up in the corner of his room staring at his hands in bleak fascination as if the answers were all written there if he could just figure out how to decipher them. He’d pressed the tiny toddler into Yoseob’s arms and curled up next to them as Soonlee had stared up at Yoseob with big sleepy eyes and smiled sweetly before snuggling closer and falling to sleep, completely comfortable against him. See, Seobie… she likes you.
He’d fallen in love that day.
And as each day passed and Soonlee grew, he fell deeper and deeper in love. She was a perfect, precious miracle sent to save him from himself.
Which didn’t make things any less difficult. If anything, he wanted to protect her even more. He couldn’t be what she needed, but he’d decided that day, holding her in his arms, remembering the choking pain of his own parents’ deaths, that he would do whatever he could. He never, ever wanted her to feel like he had when he'd gotten old enough to understand the truth of his father’s murder and his mother’s subsequent suicide.
He never wanted her to feel like she wasn’t enough.
Gayoon and Junhyung weren’t content to leave him with title of ‘uncle’, so he had to push through and live. He had to get better, to be better. To be worthy of being Soonlee’s father.
Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly low, he sat by her bedside watching her sleep and reminding himself that there was a reason he was still alive.
“Thanks,” he offered Junhyung with a small smile as he glanced over the call display. There were two missed phone calls. One was from Hyunseung, but he didn’t recognize the other. “Did it wake her?”
Junhyung shook his head, returning the smile. “Nah. That little girl sleeps deeper than anyone else I’ve ever seen. But the second call came in while I was in there. I recognized your work ringtone, figured it might be important.”
“Okay.” He started to hit the call back button before pausing. “Do you mind finishing this up? I’m going to take this call and grab some aspirin, but I need the rest of the intel downloaded and sorted before the weekend. Seungie’s expecting me to show up by Friday.”
And if Hyunseung was left undercover for too long, he tended to take matters into his own hands which had the potential to make things messier than they needed to be.
The older man gave a knowing smirk and clapped Yoseob on the back before urging him out of the chair. “Yeah, I got it. Maybe you should take a nap after your phone call because you really look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.” Yoseob just rolled his eyes as he got up. “I don’t need a nap. I’m not five.”
Junhyung snagged his hand before he could move away and all the concern he’d been trying to hide was written all over his face. “Seriously, Seobie. I think you’ve been pushing too hard lately. It’s okay to rest occasionally. Soonlee asked me why you look so tired all the time.”
Hesitating, Yoseob gave a small nod. He didn’t want to worry anyone at all, but he especially didn’t want to worry Soonlee. He knew Junhyung was using his weaknesses to manipulate him, but that didn’t make the words any less true. “I’ll get more rest, I promise.”
“That’s all I ask,” Junhyung replied with a smile. “We already lost you once, Seobie. No one wants to go through that again. And I know you don’t want Soonlee to go through it.”
The words could have been an accusation, but they weren’t. They were just Junhyung’s own gentle reminder to take better care of himself, so Yoseob nodded again, more firmly this time. “I promise, Junhyungie. I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening.”
“I know.” Junhyung’s hand tightened slightly before letting go. “Now get out of here.” He made shoo’ing noises before settling in Yoseob’s abandoned chair and turning to the computer.
Yoseob lingered for another moment, watching and thankful that he still had friends willing to stand beside him no matter what. Then he shook himself and left.
The message from Hyunseung was short and a little confusing. Something about maybe rescuing a servant while they were dealing with the crime boss they’d been asked to dispose of. Hyunseung wasn’t really the sort to get himself involved in extracurricular activities during a mission, so Yoseob had to wonder why he was bothering, but he supposed he’d have to assess the situation once he was inside himself.
The other was even more confusing and when Yoseob wandered back into Soonlee’s room, he was musing on what he could have done to merit a summons from Kim Heechul.
All thoughts of work faded away, though, as he sank back into his chair beside her bedside. He stroked the back of her hand and smiled when it turned and her fingers curled around his. To him, she still seemed so tiny even though Gayoon always looked at him with incredulity whenever he mentioned it. Apparently she wasn’t any smaller than any little girl her age should be, maybe even a little on the big side.
He curled in the chair towards the bed and let himself drift off, his promise to Junhyung, to all of them, but especially to Soonlee, firm in his mind.
He would be there for as long as she needed him, if he had to defy death itself to do it.
He loved her too much to do anything else.
~*~
fin
Length: side-shot of 101
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG
Genre: AU
Pairing/Characters: Yoseob, Soonlee, Junhyung/Gayoon
Warnings: references to past thoughts of suicide, OC of the little girl type
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is one of only two side-shots that will be pre-Doojoon and despite the title, there is nothing of a romantic nature going on. :x I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated anything 101 related. But hopefully I'll be doing better in the future! ^_^
Previously: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9
Side Shots: Second Chances | Guardian | Aftermath
Summary: Sometimes you have to have someone to live for.
~*~*~
Yoseob sighed and rubbed his eyes, trying to will away the blinding headache that had been building steadily over the last hour. He did his best to avoid spending long periods staring at a computer screen, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. There was only so much research he could delegate to Gayoon before he had to take over. She was smart and had a good grasp of the generalities of what he needed for a standard job, but she’d never been a soldier and she certainly wasn’t a killer.
And helping out with his chosen field wasn’t exactly her first priority.
“Hey, Seobie, you all right?”
He blinked up at the man leaning in the doorway and nodded, hoping he didn’t look as bad as he felt. “Yeah. Just a headache. What’s up?”
Junhyung didn’t quite have enough control to keep from letting his gaze slide up to the dark red scar above Yoseob’s eye. At least Junhyung kept his worried-hen clucking to a minimum. Nana and Gayoon were much worse.
Yoseob didn’t like the attention, but he forced himself to endure it.
His physical therapy and rehabilitation had been just as hard on them as it had been on him. It was only to be expected that they were concerned. His decision to return to the sort of work that had gotten him shot in the first place had only made that worse. Even Hyunseung fretted in his own peculiar way and it had been his idea in the first place.
“You left your cell phone in Soonlee’s room.” Junhyung handed it over with a small smile as Yoseob squirmed a little uncomfortably. He was still getting used to the little girl’s existence, never quite sure if he should even try or if it’d be better for everyone if he just absented himself from her life. She already had a perfectly respectable set of parents, after all. Junhyung and Gayoon made a good match and Yoseob was happy for them.
His own presence just made things harder.
Gayoon was insistent that Yoseob ‘man up’, in her words, and take responsibility for the consequences of his actions, flatly refusing to listen to Yoseob’s protests that he’d just screw up all their hard work. And if Junhyung had any objections to having Yoseob included in Soonlee’s life as more than simple sperm donor, he never voiced them.
He’d tried, more than once, to make them understand that he wasn’t fit to be anyone’s parent.
When he’d been at his lowest point, weak from therapy, snarling at anyone who came close, sure that it would have been better for everyone if he’d just died out there on that foreign field, there’d been no doubt in his mind that they should keep Soonlee as far away from him as they could. She was too small, too precious to be entrusted to a broken monster like himself. Junhyung had found him curled up in the corner of his room staring at his hands in bleak fascination as if the answers were all written there if he could just figure out how to decipher them. He’d pressed the tiny toddler into Yoseob’s arms and curled up next to them as Soonlee had stared up at Yoseob with big sleepy eyes and smiled sweetly before snuggling closer and falling to sleep, completely comfortable against him. See, Seobie… she likes you.
He’d fallen in love that day.
And as each day passed and Soonlee grew, he fell deeper and deeper in love. She was a perfect, precious miracle sent to save him from himself.
Which didn’t make things any less difficult. If anything, he wanted to protect her even more. He couldn’t be what she needed, but he’d decided that day, holding her in his arms, remembering the choking pain of his own parents’ deaths, that he would do whatever he could. He never, ever wanted her to feel like he had when he'd gotten old enough to understand the truth of his father’s murder and his mother’s subsequent suicide.
He never wanted her to feel like she wasn’t enough.
Gayoon and Junhyung weren’t content to leave him with title of ‘uncle’, so he had to push through and live. He had to get better, to be better. To be worthy of being Soonlee’s father.
Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly low, he sat by her bedside watching her sleep and reminding himself that there was a reason he was still alive.
“Thanks,” he offered Junhyung with a small smile as he glanced over the call display. There were two missed phone calls. One was from Hyunseung, but he didn’t recognize the other. “Did it wake her?”
Junhyung shook his head, returning the smile. “Nah. That little girl sleeps deeper than anyone else I’ve ever seen. But the second call came in while I was in there. I recognized your work ringtone, figured it might be important.”
“Okay.” He started to hit the call back button before pausing. “Do you mind finishing this up? I’m going to take this call and grab some aspirin, but I need the rest of the intel downloaded and sorted before the weekend. Seungie’s expecting me to show up by Friday.”
And if Hyunseung was left undercover for too long, he tended to take matters into his own hands which had the potential to make things messier than they needed to be.
The older man gave a knowing smirk and clapped Yoseob on the back before urging him out of the chair. “Yeah, I got it. Maybe you should take a nap after your phone call because you really look like shit.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.” Yoseob just rolled his eyes as he got up. “I don’t need a nap. I’m not five.”
Junhyung snagged his hand before he could move away and all the concern he’d been trying to hide was written all over his face. “Seriously, Seobie. I think you’ve been pushing too hard lately. It’s okay to rest occasionally. Soonlee asked me why you look so tired all the time.”
Hesitating, Yoseob gave a small nod. He didn’t want to worry anyone at all, but he especially didn’t want to worry Soonlee. He knew Junhyung was using his weaknesses to manipulate him, but that didn’t make the words any less true. “I’ll get more rest, I promise.”
“That’s all I ask,” Junhyung replied with a smile. “We already lost you once, Seobie. No one wants to go through that again. And I know you don’t want Soonlee to go through it.”
The words could have been an accusation, but they weren’t. They were just Junhyung’s own gentle reminder to take better care of himself, so Yoseob nodded again, more firmly this time. “I promise, Junhyungie. I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening.”
“I know.” Junhyung’s hand tightened slightly before letting go. “Now get out of here.” He made shoo’ing noises before settling in Yoseob’s abandoned chair and turning to the computer.
Yoseob lingered for another moment, watching and thankful that he still had friends willing to stand beside him no matter what. Then he shook himself and left.
The message from Hyunseung was short and a little confusing. Something about maybe rescuing a servant while they were dealing with the crime boss they’d been asked to dispose of. Hyunseung wasn’t really the sort to get himself involved in extracurricular activities during a mission, so Yoseob had to wonder why he was bothering, but he supposed he’d have to assess the situation once he was inside himself.
The other was even more confusing and when Yoseob wandered back into Soonlee’s room, he was musing on what he could have done to merit a summons from Kim Heechul.
All thoughts of work faded away, though, as he sank back into his chair beside her bedside. He stroked the back of her hand and smiled when it turned and her fingers curled around his. To him, she still seemed so tiny even though Gayoon always looked at him with incredulity whenever he mentioned it. Apparently she wasn’t any smaller than any little girl her age should be, maybe even a little on the big side.
He curled in the chair towards the bed and let himself drift off, his promise to Junhyung, to all of them, but especially to Soonlee, firm in his mind.
He would be there for as long as she needed him, if he had to defy death itself to do it.
He loved her too much to do anything else.
~*~
fin