fic: The Band Leader's Job (or, Law School Would Have Been Easier)
Title: The Band Leader's Job (or, Law School Would Have Been Easier)
Length: One-Shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Pairing/Characters: DBSK, MinChun/YooMin, JaeSu
Warnings: RPS, violence as a means to express emotion
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: Written for shinigamitabris and her prompt.
Summary: If he'd known 'band leader' meant 'baby sitter'...
~*~*~*~*~
There were two little known facts about being a band leader.
The first was that it always fell to the band leader to do all of the extraneous paper work and interviews and meetings. The managers and various staff members were always happy to help where they could, but when you got right down to it, they had their own oceans of work to wade through and adding to that bordered on cruel. No one ever completely hid this fact from potential band leaders, they just downplayed the sheer volume of work involved.
The second was that in times of great duress - or even mild duress blown out of proportion by melodramatic divas - the band one found oneself leader of would always, always, always look to said band leader to fulfill the roles of mother, father, big brother/sister, favorite aunt and uncle, manager, mentor, teacher, best friend, and sounding board all at once irregardless of any other work or activity - i.e. sleeping/eating/phoning parents/personal hygiene - that said band leader might possibly be in the process of trying to do. Again, this wasn't something hidden per se, just... glossed over with a romantic bit of enthusiastic encouragement - You'll really be there for them and they'll love you for it.
Certainly they made the position seem like the best and most desirable place to be.
There were even days when one Jung Yunho agreed and was perfectly content to have been given the honor.
Most days he wished chosen law school instead.
“Fucking Hell! That fucking hurt you asshole!”
Yunho made a face and dared looking up towards where two of his band mates were involved in a scuffle. Then he blinked and scratched his head. “Minnie... “
The youngest member of their band scowled at him. “Don't look at me like that. It's his logic.”
Then he shoved Yoochun hard enough that the other man tripped and went sprawling right into a big plush chair that then careened into the table in front of Yunho.
Yunho's reaction time just wasn't quite quick enough to stop all five bottles of water from upending over the stack of papers he'd so carefully separated out across the tabletop.
Both combatants paused for a moment, casting wary looks in his general direction. “Um... sorry.”
Yunho pressed both hands over his eyes until he saw spots then pinched the bridge of his nose. He could already feel the headache that had started creeping up on him halfway through the day threatening to blow up into a full out migraine. He forced himself to take a deep breath. Then another.
By the time he opened his eyes again, he was pretty sure he wasn't going to break one or both of their heads over his knee. “Aren't you two scheduled for mike time right now?”
Like scolded puppies, they both bobbed their heads in agreement and rushed back out of the room. The scuffling had started again before they even got out of the door. It had been weeks since they'd been in the same room peacefully without an audience to force them to behave. He'd have to get to the bottom of it soon.
Pushing that problem tot he back of his mind, Yunho eyed the ink-smeared soggy papers and sighed. “Law school would have been easier.”
~*~*~
The deep sigh made Yunho's fingers tighten around his pen, but he struggled to ignore it. The executives were expecting the paperwork to be done by morning and he'd already had to start over twice. He didn't have time.
Another sigh and Yunho grimaced before glancing across the dinner table where Changmin was sprawled out idly poking at a bowl of ramen with his spoon.
He was going to regret it, but if it made the damned sighing stop.... “You okay?”
Changmin shrugged. “Fine.”
Yunho nodded and tried to go back to his paperwork. He hadn't gotten through a full section before there was another melodramatic sigh and he paused again. “Want to talk about it?”
“Nah. I'm okay.”
Five minutes and two more sighs later and Yunho couldn't take it anymore. He set his pen and glasses to the side and focused his undivided attention on the baby of the band. “What's wrong?”
Changmin looked vaguely startled as if he'd forgotten Yunho was there. Then he sighed and shrugged again, stirring the soup that didn't look like it had been touched. “You're busy. It's not important.”
Though Yunho's jaw tightened slightly, he very carefully did not point out that his being busy hadn't stopped Changmin from being as distracting as possible. “Let me be the judge. Tell me.”
“Yoochun is an asshole.” The words fairly exploded out of Changmin and he pushed his chair back angrily to get up and pace around the table.
“Umm...” Yunho twitched slightly, trying to wrap his head around that. “No offense, but aren't you the one that's been shoving him into everything and more or less trying to beat him up at every turn?”
“Exactly!”
All Yunho could do was stare at his friend in absolute confusion. “Ok... He's an asshole because you're trying to beat him up?”
“Yes!” Changmin was nodding emphatically like that had summed everything up perfectly.
“Right...” He scratched his head and closed his eyes. Then he slowly counted backwards from ten before speaking again. “So maybe he'd be less of an asshole if you stopped beating him up?”
“But I can't!” Changmin wailed, flopping down in the chair again and looking generally devastated. “It's his own damned logic and he's too stupid to even get it!”
“So um... you're just going to keep beating him up until he gets it then?”
“Exactly. That's exactly what I have to do. You're absolutely right. I mean. He has to understand eventually right? He can't be that dumb. No one is that dumb.” There was a flicker of doubt, but overall Changmin looked more resolved to his course of action. Resolved enough, at least, to actually eat his soup.
“Right. Ok.” Yunho nodded as if any of that made the slightest bit of sense. He missed the days when Changmin had been the sane member of their band.
~*~*~*~
“You have got to do something, Yunho. Yoochun looks like a freaking checkerboard or something.”
At least Junsu got straight to the point without Yunho having to pry it out of him. Still, Yunho rather wished the other had waited until he'd actually finished the paperwork. He'd relocated to the living room couch, hoping it would be safe from band drama, but apparently not.
He set the work aside again and turned to face Junsu. Maybe here he could find some sense in the deterioration between Changmin and Yoochun. “Do you know what's wrong because what I got out of Changmin didn't make any sense at all.”
Junsu frowned and shook his head. “Not really. I mean... We were trying to set him up with Jaejoong, but if that was going to make him this mad, you'd think he'd be kicking my ass all the time too, right?” Junsu shook off the thoughts and gave Yunho an earnest look. “But really. Whatever it is, I don't think Yoochun can take anymore. I mean, emotionally he was a mess weeks ago, but he was limping around earlier. He can barely dance as it is, you know.”
Brutally honest to the end, that was Junsu. Yunho sighed. “And you can't think of anything else that will help me?”
“Nope.” Junsu grinned then and clapped Yunho on the shoulder. “But you're a great band leader. I'm sure you'll fix it all up.”
~*~*~*~
He didn't even bother taking out his pen when he realized that Yoochun was in the music room. There hardly seemed any point.
Instead he sat down next to Yoochun on the piano bench and wrapped an arm around his friend's waist. “You ok?”
Yoochun shook his head forlornly and leaned against Yunho as he tapped on a few random keys. “Changmin hates me.”
“I doubt that.” Yunho sighed. “But I'm sure he thinks he has a good reason for behaving like he has been.” Not one that made any sense to anyone but Changmin, but still... “Any ideas?”
“He's been like this sense Junsu and I tried to set him and Jaejae up.” Yoochun looked at Yunho with miserable eyes. “We just wanted them to be happy, you know? I didn't think it'd do something like this.”
“But if it was you guys setting him up, he'd be mad at both of you, right?”
“That's what Junsu says.”
“Well, I agree with him. I don't think it's the setting up that's causing this. It's Minnie, you know. For an amazingly verbose man, he tends to resort to physical means of expressing his emotions more often than not.”
That just made Yoochun tear up again. “So he really, really hates me?”
Yunho practically has to bite his tongue to keep the snide remarks at bay. He took a deep breath and kissed Yoochun's temple. “No. He shoves Jaejoongie around all the time, doesn't he? You don't think he hates Jaejoongie or you would never have tried to set them up.”
“But that's different,” Yoochun said, sniffling a little and wiping his face on Yunho's shirt. “That's 'one-touch' love. It's how he shows his affection.”
“...” Yunho opened and closed his mouth for a second, dots lining themselves up in his head. “Did you happen to say that to Changmin when you were talking to him about Jaejoongie?”
Yoochun blinked and shrugged. “Maybe?”
Yunho just nodded and hugged Yoochun tight. “He doesn't hate you, Yoochunnie. He really, really doesn't.”
“He doesn't?”
Pulling back, Yunho couldn't help but tap Yoochun's nose and grin. “Think about it. Apply your one-touch logic to the way Changmin is treating you right now.”
Yoochun wasn't usually so slow about such things. Now that it had been pointed out to him, Yunho could tell he was really thinking about it and putting it all together for himself.
He knew it was going to be okay when Yoochun smacked his own forehead. “Oh my god. How the hell did I even miss that??”
Laughing, Yunho rubbed his knuckles in Yoochun's hair and stood up. “He probably hit you in the head too many times.”
“Oh laugh it up, jackass.” But Yoochun was laughing too and sounding happy again for the first time in weeks. He hugged Yunho tight. “You really are the best, you know. Thanks.”
Yunho smiled. Maybe being the band leader wasn't so bad after all.
~*~*~*~
“Oh god. Please tell me you don't need to talk to me too?”
Jaejoong just laughed and stretched out on Yunho's bed. “Nope. I was just waiting for the kiddies to all figure it out.”
Yunho sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “And you couldn't have pointed everything out to them sooner so that I could actually get some work done?”
He wouldn't have been surprised to see feathers sticking out of the corner of Jaejoong's mouth from the look he got. “Nope. Chunnie deserves it for trying to shove the baby at me.”
“Asshole.”
“Obviously.”
Yunho rolled his eyes and shoved Jaejoong off his bed. “Move. I have work to do.”
With another laugh, Jaejoong picked himself up off the floor and made a big production of dusting himself off. “Luckily, I don't need your help to get laid.” He paused at the door and sent a wicked grin back towards Yunho. “Of course, I will be needing this room after I manage to corner Junsu.”
He was laughing as he let himself out.
Yunho groaned and buried his head in his pillow.
~*~*~
fin
Length: One-Shot
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Pairing/Characters: DBSK, MinChun/YooMin, JaeSu
Warnings: RPS, violence as a means to express emotion
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: Written for shinigamitabris and her prompt.
Summary: If he'd known 'band leader' meant 'baby sitter'...
~*~*~*~*~
There were two little known facts about being a band leader.
The first was that it always fell to the band leader to do all of the extraneous paper work and interviews and meetings. The managers and various staff members were always happy to help where they could, but when you got right down to it, they had their own oceans of work to wade through and adding to that bordered on cruel. No one ever completely hid this fact from potential band leaders, they just downplayed the sheer volume of work involved.
The second was that in times of great duress - or even mild duress blown out of proportion by melodramatic divas - the band one found oneself leader of would always, always, always look to said band leader to fulfill the roles of mother, father, big brother/sister, favorite aunt and uncle, manager, mentor, teacher, best friend, and sounding board all at once irregardless of any other work or activity - i.e. sleeping/eating/phoning parents/personal hygiene - that said band leader might possibly be in the process of trying to do. Again, this wasn't something hidden per se, just... glossed over with a romantic bit of enthusiastic encouragement - You'll really be there for them and they'll love you for it.
Certainly they made the position seem like the best and most desirable place to be.
There were even days when one Jung Yunho agreed and was perfectly content to have been given the honor.
Most days he wished chosen law school instead.
“Fucking Hell! That fucking hurt you asshole!”
Yunho made a face and dared looking up towards where two of his band mates were involved in a scuffle. Then he blinked and scratched his head. “Minnie... “
The youngest member of their band scowled at him. “Don't look at me like that. It's his logic.”
Then he shoved Yoochun hard enough that the other man tripped and went sprawling right into a big plush chair that then careened into the table in front of Yunho.
Yunho's reaction time just wasn't quite quick enough to stop all five bottles of water from upending over the stack of papers he'd so carefully separated out across the tabletop.
Both combatants paused for a moment, casting wary looks in his general direction. “Um... sorry.”
Yunho pressed both hands over his eyes until he saw spots then pinched the bridge of his nose. He could already feel the headache that had started creeping up on him halfway through the day threatening to blow up into a full out migraine. He forced himself to take a deep breath. Then another.
By the time he opened his eyes again, he was pretty sure he wasn't going to break one or both of their heads over his knee. “Aren't you two scheduled for mike time right now?”
Like scolded puppies, they both bobbed their heads in agreement and rushed back out of the room. The scuffling had started again before they even got out of the door. It had been weeks since they'd been in the same room peacefully without an audience to force them to behave. He'd have to get to the bottom of it soon.
Pushing that problem tot he back of his mind, Yunho eyed the ink-smeared soggy papers and sighed. “Law school would have been easier.”
~*~*~
The deep sigh made Yunho's fingers tighten around his pen, but he struggled to ignore it. The executives were expecting the paperwork to be done by morning and he'd already had to start over twice. He didn't have time.
Another sigh and Yunho grimaced before glancing across the dinner table where Changmin was sprawled out idly poking at a bowl of ramen with his spoon.
He was going to regret it, but if it made the damned sighing stop.... “You okay?”
Changmin shrugged. “Fine.”
Yunho nodded and tried to go back to his paperwork. He hadn't gotten through a full section before there was another melodramatic sigh and he paused again. “Want to talk about it?”
“Nah. I'm okay.”
Five minutes and two more sighs later and Yunho couldn't take it anymore. He set his pen and glasses to the side and focused his undivided attention on the baby of the band. “What's wrong?”
Changmin looked vaguely startled as if he'd forgotten Yunho was there. Then he sighed and shrugged again, stirring the soup that didn't look like it had been touched. “You're busy. It's not important.”
Though Yunho's jaw tightened slightly, he very carefully did not point out that his being busy hadn't stopped Changmin from being as distracting as possible. “Let me be the judge. Tell me.”
“Yoochun is an asshole.” The words fairly exploded out of Changmin and he pushed his chair back angrily to get up and pace around the table.
“Umm...” Yunho twitched slightly, trying to wrap his head around that. “No offense, but aren't you the one that's been shoving him into everything and more or less trying to beat him up at every turn?”
“Exactly!”
All Yunho could do was stare at his friend in absolute confusion. “Ok... He's an asshole because you're trying to beat him up?”
“Yes!” Changmin was nodding emphatically like that had summed everything up perfectly.
“Right...” He scratched his head and closed his eyes. Then he slowly counted backwards from ten before speaking again. “So maybe he'd be less of an asshole if you stopped beating him up?”
“But I can't!” Changmin wailed, flopping down in the chair again and looking generally devastated. “It's his own damned logic and he's too stupid to even get it!”
“So um... you're just going to keep beating him up until he gets it then?”
“Exactly. That's exactly what I have to do. You're absolutely right. I mean. He has to understand eventually right? He can't be that dumb. No one is that dumb.” There was a flicker of doubt, but overall Changmin looked more resolved to his course of action. Resolved enough, at least, to actually eat his soup.
“Right. Ok.” Yunho nodded as if any of that made the slightest bit of sense. He missed the days when Changmin had been the sane member of their band.
~*~*~*~
“You have got to do something, Yunho. Yoochun looks like a freaking checkerboard or something.”
At least Junsu got straight to the point without Yunho having to pry it out of him. Still, Yunho rather wished the other had waited until he'd actually finished the paperwork. He'd relocated to the living room couch, hoping it would be safe from band drama, but apparently not.
He set the work aside again and turned to face Junsu. Maybe here he could find some sense in the deterioration between Changmin and Yoochun. “Do you know what's wrong because what I got out of Changmin didn't make any sense at all.”
Junsu frowned and shook his head. “Not really. I mean... We were trying to set him up with Jaejoong, but if that was going to make him this mad, you'd think he'd be kicking my ass all the time too, right?” Junsu shook off the thoughts and gave Yunho an earnest look. “But really. Whatever it is, I don't think Yoochun can take anymore. I mean, emotionally he was a mess weeks ago, but he was limping around earlier. He can barely dance as it is, you know.”
Brutally honest to the end, that was Junsu. Yunho sighed. “And you can't think of anything else that will help me?”
“Nope.” Junsu grinned then and clapped Yunho on the shoulder. “But you're a great band leader. I'm sure you'll fix it all up.”
~*~*~*~
He didn't even bother taking out his pen when he realized that Yoochun was in the music room. There hardly seemed any point.
Instead he sat down next to Yoochun on the piano bench and wrapped an arm around his friend's waist. “You ok?”
Yoochun shook his head forlornly and leaned against Yunho as he tapped on a few random keys. “Changmin hates me.”
“I doubt that.” Yunho sighed. “But I'm sure he thinks he has a good reason for behaving like he has been.” Not one that made any sense to anyone but Changmin, but still... “Any ideas?”
“He's been like this sense Junsu and I tried to set him and Jaejae up.” Yoochun looked at Yunho with miserable eyes. “We just wanted them to be happy, you know? I didn't think it'd do something like this.”
“But if it was you guys setting him up, he'd be mad at both of you, right?”
“That's what Junsu says.”
“Well, I agree with him. I don't think it's the setting up that's causing this. It's Minnie, you know. For an amazingly verbose man, he tends to resort to physical means of expressing his emotions more often than not.”
That just made Yoochun tear up again. “So he really, really hates me?”
Yunho practically has to bite his tongue to keep the snide remarks at bay. He took a deep breath and kissed Yoochun's temple. “No. He shoves Jaejoongie around all the time, doesn't he? You don't think he hates Jaejoongie or you would never have tried to set them up.”
“But that's different,” Yoochun said, sniffling a little and wiping his face on Yunho's shirt. “That's 'one-touch' love. It's how he shows his affection.”
“...” Yunho opened and closed his mouth for a second, dots lining themselves up in his head. “Did you happen to say that to Changmin when you were talking to him about Jaejoongie?”
Yoochun blinked and shrugged. “Maybe?”
Yunho just nodded and hugged Yoochun tight. “He doesn't hate you, Yoochunnie. He really, really doesn't.”
“He doesn't?”
Pulling back, Yunho couldn't help but tap Yoochun's nose and grin. “Think about it. Apply your one-touch logic to the way Changmin is treating you right now.”
Yoochun wasn't usually so slow about such things. Now that it had been pointed out to him, Yunho could tell he was really thinking about it and putting it all together for himself.
He knew it was going to be okay when Yoochun smacked his own forehead. “Oh my god. How the hell did I even miss that??”
Laughing, Yunho rubbed his knuckles in Yoochun's hair and stood up. “He probably hit you in the head too many times.”
“Oh laugh it up, jackass.” But Yoochun was laughing too and sounding happy again for the first time in weeks. He hugged Yunho tight. “You really are the best, you know. Thanks.”
Yunho smiled. Maybe being the band leader wasn't so bad after all.
~*~*~*~
“Oh god. Please tell me you don't need to talk to me too?”
Jaejoong just laughed and stretched out on Yunho's bed. “Nope. I was just waiting for the kiddies to all figure it out.”
Yunho sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “And you couldn't have pointed everything out to them sooner so that I could actually get some work done?”
He wouldn't have been surprised to see feathers sticking out of the corner of Jaejoong's mouth from the look he got. “Nope. Chunnie deserves it for trying to shove the baby at me.”
“Asshole.”
“Obviously.”
Yunho rolled his eyes and shoved Jaejoong off his bed. “Move. I have work to do.”
With another laugh, Jaejoong picked himself up off the floor and made a big production of dusting himself off. “Luckily, I don't need your help to get laid.” He paused at the door and sent a wicked grin back towards Yunho. “Of course, I will be needing this room after I manage to corner Junsu.”
He was laughing as he let himself out.
Yunho groaned and buried his head in his pillow.
~*~*~
fin