I'm surprised this post isn't longer.
So I went to the Japanese Consulate today and put in my Visa application. They said I can pick up my passport and CESR on Friday, but I'm not sure if I'll actually have my visa by then. They said processing takes about a week, but I've never done this before so lalala we'll see how everything goes. |D I already have my plane ticket ($1000 for a nonstop; not too bad) and I know which dorm I'll be staying in. Not the one I wanted, but still one of the cheaper options compared to the campus apartments. I'll have about $900 a month to pay for everything after tuition expenses (and that's even with the assumption that tuition costs could rise 20% for next year, which they were talking about doing for in-state residents) and I figure a little more than half of that will go towards paying for my room. I know I want to buy a cellphone over there and I have to pay for my own internet. Then I'll just have to figure out how much I'll have for a weekly basis and try to ration that out for food costs.
My parents keep telling me not to worry about money at all, but I can't help it. It's not like my family is living out on the streets or anything; we live comfortably! But I know we're in a lot of debt because of my sister's school loans she can't pay back and a lot of various medical bills. Some days we don't even answer the phone because it feels like a bill collector is calling every other hour. Last week, a man came to our door asking if this was the ______ residence, and my mom just shook her head and waited for him to leave; she said it was probably one of the collection agencies trying to serve us.
I know my parents will do whatever they have to for me, to support what I want to do, but I don't want them to have to. They're already doing so much for me. I feel like asking for anything more would just be selfish. And it's not just that either. I feel like the more I have to ask them to help, the more they're going to expect out of me in the future. My sister was the one who was going to make it in life. She knew she wanted to be a pediatrition since she was a little girl. She used to tell me: "My pride won't let me do anything less than become a doctor." But then she dropped ot of college, spent a few years doing her own thing, and now she has the baby and a dedicated boyfriend/fiancee. In my parents eyes, the first grandchild makes up for the fact that she's not going to be the one who will be wealthy and successful and can support them in their old years.
That probably sounds kind of weird. I remember growing up, my mom would always talk about how me and Michelle would be the most successful of our cousins and we'd go on to be rich and famous and have enough to take care of her and dad when they get old. Sometimes we'd joke about what we'd include for them in their rooms in our mansions. When I was still little, I honestly believed that was what was expected of us when we got older, and that I'd somehow be able to achieve that someday. Maybe some of that is still in-gained in me, especially now that the economy isn't doing too well and my dad had been unemployed for so long. Technically speaking, he'll never retire from the job he has now; he's my brother's caretaker. It's essentially a for-life position since he's just paid to do what he's been doing for the past 18 years: take care of my brother. Danny's definitely on the high-functioning spectrum of autism, but he'll still always live at home. This job is the only reason we're doing better than we had been; my mom has a good job and it's pretty much recession-proof, but it's not enough to cover everything.
Or maybe I do just worry too much. I know I worry a lot, but to be fair, I've hit a lot of road blocks to get this far. I feel like every step in this study abroad thing has hit some kind of issue; nothing has gone smoothly. First it was learning I only had two weeks to apply instead of two months. Then it was not getting into the program I really wanted (the one I'm in isn't for people who want to learn Japanese, even though that's basically my only academic reason for going). Then it was learning I only had two weeks to get two full letters of recommendation. I had to meet one professor at their apartment right after they got home from a business trip! Then it was the university randomly not accepting financial aid, even though they had in the past. Then not getting into the cheapest dorm option I had been really counting on. At this point, I feel like I'm just waiting for the next disaster. I can already predict I'm going to get lost getting to my dorm from the airport. Just how lost is the question.
Ughhhh if I keep stressing about this, I'll never sleep tonight, so I'm just gonna stop myself here.
My parents keep telling me not to worry about money at all, but I can't help it. It's not like my family is living out on the streets or anything; we live comfortably! But I know we're in a lot of debt because of my sister's school loans she can't pay back and a lot of various medical bills. Some days we don't even answer the phone because it feels like a bill collector is calling every other hour. Last week, a man came to our door asking if this was the ______ residence, and my mom just shook her head and waited for him to leave; she said it was probably one of the collection agencies trying to serve us.
I know my parents will do whatever they have to for me, to support what I want to do, but I don't want them to have to. They're already doing so much for me. I feel like asking for anything more would just be selfish. And it's not just that either. I feel like the more I have to ask them to help, the more they're going to expect out of me in the future. My sister was the one who was going to make it in life. She knew she wanted to be a pediatrition since she was a little girl. She used to tell me: "My pride won't let me do anything less than become a doctor." But then she dropped ot of college, spent a few years doing her own thing, and now she has the baby and a dedicated boyfriend/fiancee. In my parents eyes, the first grandchild makes up for the fact that she's not going to be the one who will be wealthy and successful and can support them in their old years.
That probably sounds kind of weird. I remember growing up, my mom would always talk about how me and Michelle would be the most successful of our cousins and we'd go on to be rich and famous and have enough to take care of her and dad when they get old. Sometimes we'd joke about what we'd include for them in their rooms in our mansions. When I was still little, I honestly believed that was what was expected of us when we got older, and that I'd somehow be able to achieve that someday. Maybe some of that is still in-gained in me, especially now that the economy isn't doing too well and my dad had been unemployed for so long. Technically speaking, he'll never retire from the job he has now; he's my brother's caretaker. It's essentially a for-life position since he's just paid to do what he's been doing for the past 18 years: take care of my brother. Danny's definitely on the high-functioning spectrum of autism, but he'll still always live at home. This job is the only reason we're doing better than we had been; my mom has a good job and it's pretty much recession-proof, but it's not enough to cover everything.
Or maybe I do just worry too much. I know I worry a lot, but to be fair, I've hit a lot of road blocks to get this far. I feel like every step in this study abroad thing has hit some kind of issue; nothing has gone smoothly. First it was learning I only had two weeks to apply instead of two months. Then it was not getting into the program I really wanted (the one I'm in isn't for people who want to learn Japanese, even though that's basically my only academic reason for going). Then it was learning I only had two weeks to get two full letters of recommendation. I had to meet one professor at their apartment right after they got home from a business trip! Then it was the university randomly not accepting financial aid, even though they had in the past. Then not getting into the cheapest dorm option I had been really counting on. At this point, I feel like I'm just waiting for the next disaster. I can already predict I'm going to get lost getting to my dorm from the airport. Just how lost is the question.
Ughhhh if I keep stressing about this, I'll never sleep tonight, so I'm just gonna stop myself here.