Things to share to the public
I'm sick of having to defend myself. I've had a huge wound since 2011 and everytime it starts to scab over and heal, someone or something picks at this wound and it's back to bleeding.. hurting.
"Get over it."
"Let yourself heal."
"Don't let it bother you so much."
These are just some of things I hear on a regular basis when I fend for myself and blast shit to the public.
I will heal and only heal when my boys aren't at the brunt of all this bullshit. When my sons aren't affected whatsoever 100%, sure.. I'd be more than happy to close this chapter of my life and 'get over it'.
That's not really the case, is it?
I feel as if I'm being pushed into a corner at times by certain ex-loved ones.
Yet, as soon as I say anything (the harsh truth reality) then I get the whole, "no one thinks that.. " spiel.
Uhh.. yes. Yes, you did think that which is why I had to fucking defend myself.
I mean, don't get me wrong.. it was a year ago but the sting of it doesn't hurt any less. I also have a love/hate with people sharing their findings. =/ That image mixed with Rob's most recent text filled with excuses sent me out to battle doning my sword and shield. It happens.
I'm tired of the excuses. Be there or don't. If you don't, then at least be decent enough not to have your child support garnished. Furthermore, I didn't 'take' rights or visitation away. I have tried relentlessly to have this person around on a consistent basis and it NEVER works. I stick up for my boys and all the reasons why I shouldn't have to explain how parenting works because the idiot is older than I am and should know and he contends that we speak 'in circles'. Absolutely we do because I bat for my kids and he does everything to avoid talking about them as if they're property and not human beings.
My kids and I also have had no qualms about keeping the deadbeat's family apart of ours. HOWEVER.... if you keep harping to the boys and myself about what an amazing son you have and how tough this is on him.. or how he's thinking of them, we DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. I would expect a grown ass man to pick up the phone, laptop, pen, pencil.. WHATEVER and express his own feelings to his OWN children on his OWN. The boys hurt and they don't need to be reminded of this person's ineptitude of basic human feelings every time they talk to their grandpa. Don't make your special time with them about your guilt over the shitty things your son does and keeps doing.
Furthermore, I have not and I will not ever be the kind of person who refuses or alienates my children from their family. It hurt to see that. Especially since I traveled on a plane for 5 hours, by myself, with my three sons to YOUR house for a lengthy visit. Can you honestly say I'm that callous? If the shoes were on the other feet, would Rob take the kids to see my family? -Wouldn't matter because I could not and would not ever walk away from the lives I created, my loves, my entire universe. How someone could ever is beyond my comprehension which is why I will always be so mad and why "I let it bother me so much". I sat and held each son after giving birth to them alongside their father who sat right next to me and held each of these boys with a huge smile. How you let that kind of love for your children go... I'll never know.