Loss
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
-Washington Irving
This past week has been pretty rough. While I was able to see a lot of family members, it wasn’t for reasons anyone wishes for.
My uncle Sonny has left us. It was tough on everyone. He was too young.
I’m so incredibly angry at the random fate bestowed upon people.
The ex-lottery.
I don’t want to be here awake at 12:45 am typing out a blog about how dreary I’m feeling as tears stream down my face. I don’t want the only memories I have of him to be complete. I wasn’t done learning from him! I wasn’t done listening to his crude jokes and watching the food channel or sports with him. I was especially not done having anymore of his amazing food.. (mainly his tamales).
We had the funeral and ate afterwards. I didn’t eat. I was expecting to see him walking about with my other uncles and manning the food over the fire, carrying wood from one spot to another and recognizing that I wasn’t eating and then telling making me eat. I was expecting to hear him see one of the boys repeating something inappropriate he just taught them and telling them, “no no, don’t be naughty” while laughing.
My uncle was an important pillar of this amazing family… a very important pillar.. and will always be an important pillar of this amazing family.
We will always stop and reflect before any hasty actions of negativity now -at least I know I will. I will try and remember and let things be and not try and control things. He always let my boys get muddy and as dirty as they wanted and to let them be kids.
There’s so much I will remember and hold in my heart, uncle. But for now, I need to be sad because you will greatly be missed…
…but most importantly, remembered.
Oh, and happy belated birthday.
-Washington Irving
This past week has been pretty rough. While I was able to see a lot of family members, it wasn’t for reasons anyone wishes for.
My uncle Sonny has left us. It was tough on everyone. He was too young.
I’m so incredibly angry at the random fate bestowed upon people.
The ex-lottery.
I don’t want to be here awake at 12:45 am typing out a blog about how dreary I’m feeling as tears stream down my face. I don’t want the only memories I have of him to be complete. I wasn’t done learning from him! I wasn’t done listening to his crude jokes and watching the food channel or sports with him. I was especially not done having anymore of his amazing food.. (mainly his tamales).
We had the funeral and ate afterwards. I didn’t eat. I was expecting to see him walking about with my other uncles and manning the food over the fire, carrying wood from one spot to another and recognizing that I wasn’t eating and then telling making me eat. I was expecting to hear him see one of the boys repeating something inappropriate he just taught them and telling them, “no no, don’t be naughty” while laughing.
My uncle was an important pillar of this amazing family… a very important pillar.. and will always be an important pillar of this amazing family.
We will always stop and reflect before any hasty actions of negativity now -at least I know I will. I will try and remember and let things be and not try and control things. He always let my boys get muddy and as dirty as they wanted and to let them be kids.
There’s so much I will remember and hold in my heart, uncle. But for now, I need to be sad because you will greatly be missed…
…but most importantly, remembered.
Oh, and happy belated birthday.