TRAUMA!!!!!!!
Me: I have had A TRAUMA
Me: WHERE WERE MY E-MAILS???
Michael: wot? another one!
Me: A MAJOR ONE!!!!
Michael: tell me your trauma
Me: Well, you know I've been saving money on travelling for the last two weeks?
Michael: yah
Michael: you spent it
Me: I've been getting the train to Brixton - paying £2.30 to Oxford Circus and then getting the bus back for £1.20
Me: £3.50 a day
Michael: yah, go on......
Me: £17.50 a week
Michael: yah
Me: as opposed to £30.40 a week
Me: well ...
Michael: yes, get on with it
Me: today I got the train to Brixton and paid £2.30 to Oxford Circus
Me: so far so good ...
Michael: yah
Me: I'm sick of getting in at 7.30, so I sneaked out of work at 5:20
Michael:
Me: but the bus was just leaving
Michael: yah...........
Me: do yer wanna know my trauma or not???
Michael: go on...
Me: the bus was just leavin .....
Michael: yah
Me: and I couldn't be bothered waiting for another 10 minutes
Me: so I thought ...
Michael: yah
Me: "I'll treat myself to the train - I'll pay an extra £1 and pay to Brixton, and get off in Penge"
Me: now ...
Me: I got a single £2.30 ticket to Zone 2 in Oxford Circus station
Michael: oh, don't tell me.......
Michael: not a tick inspector?
Me: so far, £4.60 (WAIT! HOLD YER HORSES!!!!)
Me: ... in travel ....
Me: .... for the day
Michael: don't have any horses
Me: NOW ...
Michael: yah, vol
Me: when I was on the tube I had another dilema ...
Michael: bloody tubes
Me: "mmmmmm ...... shall I stay on until Brixton and then walk to the tube, or shall I get off in Victoria and get the train for the rest of the way???"
Me: "Hmmmmm ......."
Me: "decisions ..... decisions ...."
Michael: both is ok
Me: Well, yer'd think!
Michael: are ok, sowwy, bad grammar
Me: I decided I couldn't be bothered taking that 5 minute walk from Brixton Tube Station to Brixton Train station, so I settled on getting off in Victoria and getting the train ...
Michael:
Michael: did ya miss the stop?
Me: When I got up the escalator, I popped my card through the barrier thing ...
Me: ... as yer do ...
Michael: yah
Me: and it ATE IT!!!!!!
Me: SO ....
Michael: oh shite
Me: I was already gutted that I had to pay an extra £1.80 to continue my journey ...
Michael: thats wot happened to my card when i was late visiting you that time
Me: So .... how much had I spent travelling in my day so far?
Michael: a fair bit
Me: CALCULATE!!!!
Michael: why? my head hurts
Me: Can't you add?
Michael: hold on
Michael: am scrolling back up yer messages
Michael: nyway, you can't add
Me: £2.30 and £2.30 and £1.80
Me: makes ...
Me: £6.40 - I BEAT YER!
Me: Right .... £6.40
Michael: hello
Me: I was most displeased. Not as displeased as when I got off the train in Penge though!
Michael: uh oh
Me: There were SEVEN inspectors stopping every single person trying to get past and out!!!!!!!
Michael: they didn't fine yer did they?
Me: There was a queue of people with no tickets being forced to wait to be seen
Michael: why won't my page automatically go down when i get a new message
Me: There were about twenty in total ..... all in their 20s and 30s ... all the OAP
Me: s must have paid
Me: and there were LOTS of really loud arguments between inspectors and folk ....
Michael: wot happened when they got to you?
Me: some were saying "DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GIVE YOU ALL MY CLOTHES!!!!"
Michael: eh?
Me: some "LOOK I'VE LOST MY TICKET .... DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY AGAIN!!!!!"
Michael: my line
Michael: one of them nyway
Me: most likely everyone who was kept aside and arguing was in EXACTLY the same boat as me .....
Me: blaggin' it
Me: or TRYING to blag it
Michael: not very well
Michael: big boat
Me: Oh God when they got to me ....... WHEN THEY GOT TO ME!!!!!!!
Michael: oh dear
Me: I said "I'm sorry I can't find my ticket anywhere, I bought a return to the centre of London this morning"
Me: He said "FROM WHERE?"
Michael: and.......
Me: i said "HERE!!!"
Me: and he wasn't having any of it ..... my voice joined the same chorus as everyone else ....
Me: he said "right you are going to either have to pay £20 on the spot or you will be prosecuted"
Michael: and a beautiful sound they all did make........
Michael: dickhead
Me: I said "THAT'S NOT FAAAAAIR!!!!! I paid for a return this morning already and the train service is over-priced anyway cos it's rubbish!!!!!"
Michael: wotcha doo?
Me: he ignored me and said "£20 please"
Me: I said "NO! I've not got £20 on me!!!!"
Me: He said "Right. Have you got any ID on you luv?"
Me: No!
Me: Have you got £20
Me: NO!!
Me: "Well, you're going to be prosecuted then"
Michael: oh shoot
Me: He then produced a pad and asked for my name, address and date of birth.
Michael: they're not s'posed to do that are they?
Me: I gave a false name, the wrong door number, and a false date of birth ...
Me: (they're not supposed to take your details???)
Michael: no, i mean, you can pay later. that's wot i had to do once
Me: Yeah - if they have all your details
Michael: nyway, go on
Me: So .... I gave him all these false details .... and then he produced a phone to verify it!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael: did he fall for it?
Me: No .... because whoever was on the phone must've told him nobody of that name lived there ... SO ..... he asked me to produce ID again
Me: I said "I haven't got any"
Me: He said "you haven't got any ID in ANY of those bags????"
Michael: bugger
Me: I said "No. I've not, I've just got some shopping and my work stuff!"
Me: then he said "Let me have a look at that around your neck" (my work security pass). So I showed it to him, since it's got absolutely no details on it anyway ...
Me: He asked again "You've got NO I.D???" so I said "I've just told you I've not, what do you expect me to do???"
Michael: you're giving me an ulcer! how d'you get out of it?
Me: He said "have you got the return fare from Victoria on you??" so I said yes, thinking I'd get away with an extra £4.50 max - I still wouldn't have been happy cos I would have spent over £10 on today's travel but ....
Me: UNFORTUNATELY for me the first thing that came out of my purse was a £20 note
Me: He said "I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE £20 FINE!!!!!!!"
Michael: thought that might have happened
Me: I said "I've not .... I owe £10 to one of my housemates" (LIE!)
Michael: i've got a headache.........
Me: So he said "Right. I am going to take £10 now and you will get something in the post over the next few days and you will have to pay the other £10 within 10 days..."
Me: DON'T BE SO RUUUUUUDE!!!!!!
Me: " ..... or you'll be prosecuted"
Michael: y'know wot? when you gave that phone number, you should've given this one
Me: so I HAD to give him that £10, just to get away, knowing that I wouldn't be paying the extra £10 OR be prosecuted, as I'd given him a ficticious name, address and date of birth ......
Michael: say, you're visiting friends in Ponge
Me: I didn't give him a phone number. He phoned some work colleague who was verifying names and addresses over some computer ...
Michael: ah
Michael: wot was your cartoon name?
Me: But I've STILL ended up paying over £15 for my day's travel!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Wendy Stone -
Michael: s'not good, but i've had worse
Me: Awwwww he gave me the pad to sign my signature and THANK GOD I REMEMBERED TO SIGN IT TERRI STONE AND NOT MY OWN NAME!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael: Wendy Stone? right
Me: A mix of Wendy and Terri's names!!!!
Michael: you signed it Terri Stone?
Michael: but you're WENDY stone
Me: YES!!!! Good job I did eh?!?!?
Me: Oh no, no I signed it Wendy Stone!!!!!
Michael: phew
Michael: you coulda knicked my name
Michael: not sure they woulda fallen for it though
Michael: chupa chups
Me: Awwwww sh1t I could've said Michaela Fleming and given YOUR address and it would have got me through the gates without losing a penny!!!!
Michael: wouldn't put it past ya
Me: Over £15 for a day's travel!!!!!!
Michael: scallywag!
Me: Some saving THAT was!!!!
Michael: you're rich!
Me: WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY DID I NOT JUST GET THAT BUS AS NORMAL?!?!?!?!?!?! OF ALL THE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Oh yeah ... right ... sure I'm rich!!!!!!
Michael: coz you're silly
Michael: but how you s'posed to knoow?
Michael: you ARE rich! you got 10p
Me: What if they are there again tomorrow morning or waiting at Brixton Station?!?!?
Michael: kill em
Me: They are probably on a roll now so will keep poppin' up, catching everyone out!!!!
Michael: barstards
Michael has selected the "Chococat" IMVironment.
Michael: i'm gonna have to be careful when i visit you now!
Michael: BORING!
Me: WHY do they have to do it?!?!?
Michael: coz they're c**********ts!
Me: I thought maybe I could run past 'em but there would have been nooooo waaaaaaay
Michael: do a somersault n kick em in the bollox
Me: Just on my train alone, with people getting off in Penge they must have made well over £300!!!!!!
Michael: hmm, i should be a tick inspector then..............
Me: They weren't letting ANYBODY get away with it .... they were being REALLY harsh!!!!
Michael: they usually are!
Michael: my grubbadubdub is ready, so i go munch n chat to ye soon!
Me: Do you feel sorry for me??
Michael: no
Michael: hehe! course i does