Tomorrow Comes
I've been going through old entries, cleaning out my journal, and I found stuff I wrote about Betsy. It makes me mad, the way I let her push me around. >.>
<*throws door open, walks into room and rants miscellaneously*> Dammit why is everything my fault! (Sorry I've been doing a lot of conversations lately, it just seems to work better this way)
Me: I have to leave in 15 min.
Betsy: why
Me: violin lessons
Betsy: but your gonna be at tennis right?
Me: No, I can't go to tennis on mondays and wednesdays. Dibble [the coach] knows that
Betsy: Bitch! we have our challenge game today!
Me: TODAY?!?!?!?!
Betsy: He told us yesterday!!!!!
Me: He told us TODAY?! He knows I can't be there on Wedensdays!!!!
Betsy: Great, so now what am I gonna do?
Me: I don't know! I can't exactly get out of this, my mom's already paid for the lesson and we can't get a hold of my teacher
Betsy: So what do I tell the other three ppl your effecting?
Me: I don't know! I'm sorry! I didn't hear the 'wednesday' part!!!
Betsy: i'm just kinda pissed because now i have to explain to everybody why YOU let us down
Me: It's not totally my fault! I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!
Betsy: You should know that Dibble doesn't remember jak squat
Me: Well I didn't
Betsy: whateva <*signs off*>
I realize that this is partly my fault, but if she holds this against me, I don't know if she's that great of a friend. Nothing this minor should tear it in two. I have to punch a pillow, pardon me please.
<*walks out with smoke fuming from her ears*>
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I'm pissed. Yesterday at tennis, Betsy was making fun of Shawn and Aliya by impersonating them playing tennis. I glared at her and she just smiled back. She does it all the time and it drives me insane. NOt only that, she makes fun of Mandee, Abby, called Bonner a whore and she thinks I'm stupid for even looking at Nolley. I always tell her if she thinks that way to tell it to someone else, and she never listens. Yesterday just totally made me blow. I don't even want to hear her name until Monday. She totally rips on my friends and then today, she wants me to go to a movie with her. God, I'm so pissed I don't even know what to think. I don't know if it's even worth being friends with her anymore.
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I"m bored. I'm depressed. All I can think about is how I'm going to deal with Betsy. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't care what I think, but I also don't want to lose her as a friend. This sucks a lot. I'm going to take a nap or something.
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Well, Betsy's definetly mad at me. She said 3 whole words to me today. I think it's because, mostly, she called me on Saturday wanting to go to a movie with Allison and me. I told her that I didn't tell my dad that I was going anywhere and that I wasn't planning on going anywhere that day. She hung up.
Today she just smiled in a sort of fake way and said "hi" once and "Oh, hi," the second time. This really tears me up inside. Losing friends always hurts I guess. Especially when she's your doubles parnter....>.<;;;; maybe I'll just play singles from now on...Man, I really want to talk to her, but what do I say to her? "I'm sorry I didn't go to the movie with you but I was pissed at you?" GRRR!!! I wish my mom was home. She always has good advice.
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Well, I attempted to talk to Betsy most of yesterday. Like 10 minutes before school I went up to her locker and told her that we needed to talk. She walked right by and said "Not right now,". After 2nd, I waited for her outside her class. She just stood there. I can't tell if it was to avoid me or if she wanted to talk to the teacher, but it got on my nerves nonetheless.
After school, I'd forgotten where we were supposed to have tennis and I tried to call Nikki but she wasn't home so I called Betsy. When she answered "Hello!" it sounded so cheerful and when I told her it was me she said "Oh," in a monotone voice. I told her that we had to talk and she said "Well, I'm getting ready for tennis right now, so I can't," Okay, I know Betsy. I've talked to her on the phone while she's been getting dressed before. So I asked her where tennis was and it was at the school.
At tennis, she came over and played with me, Kim, and Lizzie. She didn't direct any comments to me and I was going insane, so I said, for the THIRD STINKIN' TIME: "Betsy, we have to talk,"
Betsy: I don't wanna talk right now.
Me: Okay, so we're losing our friendship over a movie?
Betsy: I'm not pissed that you didn't come, I'm pissed that you lied to me.
Me: Lied to you? What the hell? When did I lie?
Betsy: Your mom said you could go to the movie and then when I called you, you told me that you hadn't told your dad so you couldn't go!
Me: Okay, number one, we've had a humongous misunderstanding: You didn't call me Friday or anything so I didn't know when I'd be leaving WHICH I had to know before my dad left on Saturday AND I was a little pissed at you for making fun of Shawn!
Betsy: Making fun of Shawn?
Me: On Friday you were doing impressions of him on the court after I've told you a zillion times you can make fun of my friends away from me!
Betsy: I wasn't making fun of Shawn in paticular, and besides, it's called a joke!
((Okay, so maybe she didn't mean Shawn, but he's the only gay guy I know that acts that way, so that's what I assumed))
Me: Well, it sure as hell looked like Shawn, that's what I thought you were doing.
Betsy: You still lied.
Me: Lied about what?!
((I never said I'd go!!! My mom said I could!! They're two incredibly different things!))
Betsy: I don't want to talk to you.
Me: How are we going to fix this if we don't talk?
Betsy: Oh, you can go ahead and talk, but I'm not going to listen.
Me: I thought we were better friends than this! What did I do?!?!
Betsy: <*starts talking to some other people and walks away*>
God, this is so stupid. Ya know what? This remindes me an aweful lot of some past arguments I've had with an unnamed someone...<*cough ERIKA cough*>. Thanks to that unnamed person <*ahem*> I've learned that she just wants me to apologize and figures that I know what I did--which I don't. So, I wrote her an email, told her my side, and I'm not going to talk to her. I'm not apologizing for lying, because I didn't lie! This is so retarded. Our friendship is crumbling to peices and I don't know why.
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Betsy emailed me. She kinda avoided the subject. Here's what she said:
((I'm not exactly sure I'm sorry. I don't want this to go any further either, but I think this has made us both look at our friendship a little bit closer. In fact, looking at the situation, I honestly don't give a fuck what happened. THat's easy to resolve. What really got me so pissy was the series of happenings that go on. YOu get very touchy at any joke, about any one. If I wanna make fun of someone to hurt them or try to demean them, I'll always feel comfortable doing it to their face. Always. I don't go around people's back like that. I think my other point is, that I know I can't choose who else you hang out with, and if I tried that would be totally wrong of me, but I seriously DISLIKE with a passion Mandy. SHe pisses me off, and to have a fairly close friend go hanging around with her is like a slap in my face. I dunno, it may just be my thing, but if, say, I went around dating (let's see, who do you hate the most?) BRent how would you feel? THat's all))
Okay, #1: Dating Brent would not be a slap in the face to me, I'd wonder what he did to seduce her.
#2: I"m not choosing between her and Mandee. Betsy does not understand what Mandee's going through right now (and I can't exactly make this public) and I don't see how this could be a slap in the face to Betsy. I was friends with Mandee way before Betsy knew her, I don't know how I could have known about her not liking Mandee.
#3: The only reason I'm touchy about making fun of people is because I know what it's like being the butt of a joke. I don't wish it on anyone. Betsy's probably never dealt with that because she's been homeschooled her whole life.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it....<*sigh*>
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Betsy has gone and puzzled the hell out of me. She calls me and just acts like nothing ever happened when in fact, she wouldn't talk to me durning school. It pisses me off. She's off at swimming camp in Kansas and when she's got nobody to talk to, she calls me. Oh, and when I told her about Madrigal "That's great! Except, don't turn into a snob on me, okay?" great friend I got, huh?
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I've had a frustrating day, due to people who are stupid. -.-;
First period: I was talking to Betsy about TWIRP. I asked her if she was going and she said that she might, and she might have a date (O.o;;). So I said then I prolly wasn't going because most of my friends who are going all have dates. So Betsy said that I am going with her, date or no. And if I don't have a date and she does, she'll set me up with someone O.O;;; NOOOO! No setting up by Betsy, NOOO going to TWIRP with Betsy!!! I'll be nice to her, but I don't feel like spending time with her, not after the way she treated me last year. Normally, I wouldn't spaz about it, but she's being serious. Which is a first.
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Does Betsy actually believe that she can get away with stuff because she's funny or is she just ignorant? I swear!! Today in Physics:
Me: Hey, have you heard anything about the Columbia [we had been talking about it in class earlier, but not much]
Betsy: No, not a lot. Why?
Me: well, we can't watch it in our house because it makes Marya uncomfortable...[and I explained Marya's anxiety disorder thing]
Betsy: <*chuckles and watches movie a little more*>
Something came on the movie we were watchin about a magnetic storm over Quebec in '89.
Betsy: Don't tell your sister, she'll throw up! <*laughs*>
AYE CARUMBA AND A HALF. What a bitch! My sister has an anxiety disorder. Meaning that when she's afraid of something (no matter how trivial it is to anyone else), it seems very real to her. I honestly don't know why she was uncomfortable about the Columbia, but Betsy had no fucking right to make fun of her for it. I don't give a shit whether or not my family drives me nuts. When you insult them, it's personal.
Especially when you nearly pass out from fear blubbering on the ground from seeing a spider yourself.
Excuse me while I work off my fustrations. <*screams as many four-letter words as she can*> There. <*fake smile*>
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Yeah. I'm dwelling on it. But mostly because I let her walk all over me. I'm annoyed at her, of course (not so much over the things I've just copied and pasted - other things at the moment), but even more annoyed at myself for being so dependent. GRR. Couldn't I see? What the hell was my problem!?
But, thankfully, I know better know, and I can deal with it. I'm over this stupid "friendship".
I wrote like an idiot. And that was only a few years ago. I even wrote stuff in my journal that wasn't true. What the fuck was I on? Good God, was my life not interesting or something?! Bah.
I hope I don't sound as stupid now as I did then ^^;;;
<*throws door open, walks into room and rants miscellaneously*> Dammit why is everything my fault! (Sorry I've been doing a lot of conversations lately, it just seems to work better this way)
Me: I have to leave in 15 min.
Betsy: why
Me: violin lessons
Betsy: but your gonna be at tennis right?
Me: No, I can't go to tennis on mondays and wednesdays. Dibble [the coach] knows that
Betsy: Bitch! we have our challenge game today!
Me: TODAY?!?!?!?!
Betsy: He told us yesterday!!!!!
Me: He told us TODAY?! He knows I can't be there on Wedensdays!!!!
Betsy: Great, so now what am I gonna do?
Me: I don't know! I can't exactly get out of this, my mom's already paid for the lesson and we can't get a hold of my teacher
Betsy: So what do I tell the other three ppl your effecting?
Me: I don't know! I'm sorry! I didn't hear the 'wednesday' part!!!
Betsy: i'm just kinda pissed because now i have to explain to everybody why YOU let us down
Me: It's not totally my fault! I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!
Betsy: You should know that Dibble doesn't remember jak squat
Me: Well I didn't
Betsy: whateva <*signs off*>
I realize that this is partly my fault, but if she holds this against me, I don't know if she's that great of a friend. Nothing this minor should tear it in two. I have to punch a pillow, pardon me please.
<*walks out with smoke fuming from her ears*>
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I'm pissed. Yesterday at tennis, Betsy was making fun of Shawn and Aliya by impersonating them playing tennis. I glared at her and she just smiled back. She does it all the time and it drives me insane. NOt only that, she makes fun of Mandee, Abby, called Bonner a whore and she thinks I'm stupid for even looking at Nolley. I always tell her if she thinks that way to tell it to someone else, and she never listens. Yesterday just totally made me blow. I don't even want to hear her name until Monday. She totally rips on my friends and then today, she wants me to go to a movie with her. God, I'm so pissed I don't even know what to think. I don't know if it's even worth being friends with her anymore.
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I"m bored. I'm depressed. All I can think about is how I'm going to deal with Betsy. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't care what I think, but I also don't want to lose her as a friend. This sucks a lot. I'm going to take a nap or something.
------------
Well, Betsy's definetly mad at me. She said 3 whole words to me today. I think it's because, mostly, she called me on Saturday wanting to go to a movie with Allison and me. I told her that I didn't tell my dad that I was going anywhere and that I wasn't planning on going anywhere that day. She hung up.
Today she just smiled in a sort of fake way and said "hi" once and "Oh, hi," the second time. This really tears me up inside. Losing friends always hurts I guess. Especially when she's your doubles parnter....>.<;;;; maybe I'll just play singles from now on...Man, I really want to talk to her, but what do I say to her? "I'm sorry I didn't go to the movie with you but I was pissed at you?" GRRR!!! I wish my mom was home. She always has good advice.
-------------
Well, I attempted to talk to Betsy most of yesterday. Like 10 minutes before school I went up to her locker and told her that we needed to talk. She walked right by and said "Not right now,". After 2nd, I waited for her outside her class. She just stood there. I can't tell if it was to avoid me or if she wanted to talk to the teacher, but it got on my nerves nonetheless.
After school, I'd forgotten where we were supposed to have tennis and I tried to call Nikki but she wasn't home so I called Betsy. When she answered "Hello!" it sounded so cheerful and when I told her it was me she said "Oh," in a monotone voice. I told her that we had to talk and she said "Well, I'm getting ready for tennis right now, so I can't," Okay, I know Betsy. I've talked to her on the phone while she's been getting dressed before. So I asked her where tennis was and it was at the school.
At tennis, she came over and played with me, Kim, and Lizzie. She didn't direct any comments to me and I was going insane, so I said, for the THIRD STINKIN' TIME: "Betsy, we have to talk,"
Betsy: I don't wanna talk right now.
Me: Okay, so we're losing our friendship over a movie?
Betsy: I'm not pissed that you didn't come, I'm pissed that you lied to me.
Me: Lied to you? What the hell? When did I lie?
Betsy: Your mom said you could go to the movie and then when I called you, you told me that you hadn't told your dad so you couldn't go!
Me: Okay, number one, we've had a humongous misunderstanding: You didn't call me Friday or anything so I didn't know when I'd be leaving WHICH I had to know before my dad left on Saturday AND I was a little pissed at you for making fun of Shawn!
Betsy: Making fun of Shawn?
Me: On Friday you were doing impressions of him on the court after I've told you a zillion times you can make fun of my friends away from me!
Betsy: I wasn't making fun of Shawn in paticular, and besides, it's called a joke!
((Okay, so maybe she didn't mean Shawn, but he's the only gay guy I know that acts that way, so that's what I assumed))
Me: Well, it sure as hell looked like Shawn, that's what I thought you were doing.
Betsy: You still lied.
Me: Lied about what?!
((I never said I'd go!!! My mom said I could!! They're two incredibly different things!))
Betsy: I don't want to talk to you.
Me: How are we going to fix this if we don't talk?
Betsy: Oh, you can go ahead and talk, but I'm not going to listen.
Me: I thought we were better friends than this! What did I do?!?!
Betsy: <*starts talking to some other people and walks away*>
God, this is so stupid. Ya know what? This remindes me an aweful lot of some past arguments I've had with an unnamed someone...<*cough ERIKA cough*>. Thanks to that unnamed person <*ahem*> I've learned that she just wants me to apologize and figures that I know what I did--which I don't. So, I wrote her an email, told her my side, and I'm not going to talk to her. I'm not apologizing for lying, because I didn't lie! This is so retarded. Our friendship is crumbling to peices and I don't know why.
------------
Betsy emailed me. She kinda avoided the subject. Here's what she said:
((I'm not exactly sure I'm sorry. I don't want this to go any further either, but I think this has made us both look at our friendship a little bit closer. In fact, looking at the situation, I honestly don't give a fuck what happened. THat's easy to resolve. What really got me so pissy was the series of happenings that go on. YOu get very touchy at any joke, about any one. If I wanna make fun of someone to hurt them or try to demean them, I'll always feel comfortable doing it to their face. Always. I don't go around people's back like that. I think my other point is, that I know I can't choose who else you hang out with, and if I tried that would be totally wrong of me, but I seriously DISLIKE with a passion Mandy. SHe pisses me off, and to have a fairly close friend go hanging around with her is like a slap in my face. I dunno, it may just be my thing, but if, say, I went around dating (let's see, who do you hate the most?) BRent how would you feel? THat's all))
Okay, #1: Dating Brent would not be a slap in the face to me, I'd wonder what he did to seduce her.
#2: I"m not choosing between her and Mandee. Betsy does not understand what Mandee's going through right now (and I can't exactly make this public) and I don't see how this could be a slap in the face to Betsy. I was friends with Mandee way before Betsy knew her, I don't know how I could have known about her not liking Mandee.
#3: The only reason I'm touchy about making fun of people is because I know what it's like being the butt of a joke. I don't wish it on anyone. Betsy's probably never dealt with that because she's been homeschooled her whole life.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it....<*sigh*>
--------------
Betsy has gone and puzzled the hell out of me. She calls me and just acts like nothing ever happened when in fact, she wouldn't talk to me durning school. It pisses me off. She's off at swimming camp in Kansas and when she's got nobody to talk to, she calls me. Oh, and when I told her about Madrigal "That's great! Except, don't turn into a snob on me, okay?" great friend I got, huh?
-----------
I've had a frustrating day, due to people who are stupid. -.-;
First period: I was talking to Betsy about TWIRP. I asked her if she was going and she said that she might, and she might have a date (O.o;;). So I said then I prolly wasn't going because most of my friends who are going all have dates. So Betsy said that I am going with her, date or no. And if I don't have a date and she does, she'll set me up with someone O.O;;; NOOOO! No setting up by Betsy, NOOO going to TWIRP with Betsy!!! I'll be nice to her, but I don't feel like spending time with her, not after the way she treated me last year. Normally, I wouldn't spaz about it, but she's being serious. Which is a first.
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Does Betsy actually believe that she can get away with stuff because she's funny or is she just ignorant? I swear!! Today in Physics:
Me: Hey, have you heard anything about the Columbia [we had been talking about it in class earlier, but not much]
Betsy: No, not a lot. Why?
Me: well, we can't watch it in our house because it makes Marya uncomfortable...[and I explained Marya's anxiety disorder thing]
Betsy: <*chuckles and watches movie a little more*>
Something came on the movie we were watchin about a magnetic storm over Quebec in '89.
Betsy: Don't tell your sister, she'll throw up! <*laughs*>
AYE CARUMBA AND A HALF. What a bitch! My sister has an anxiety disorder. Meaning that when she's afraid of something (no matter how trivial it is to anyone else), it seems very real to her. I honestly don't know why she was uncomfortable about the Columbia, but Betsy had no fucking right to make fun of her for it. I don't give a shit whether or not my family drives me nuts. When you insult them, it's personal.
Especially when you nearly pass out from fear blubbering on the ground from seeing a spider yourself.
Excuse me while I work off my fustrations. <*screams as many four-letter words as she can*> There. <*fake smile*>
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Yeah. I'm dwelling on it. But mostly because I let her walk all over me. I'm annoyed at her, of course (not so much over the things I've just copied and pasted - other things at the moment), but even more annoyed at myself for being so dependent. GRR. Couldn't I see? What the hell was my problem!?
But, thankfully, I know better know, and I can deal with it. I'm over this stupid "friendship".
I wrote like an idiot. And that was only a few years ago. I even wrote stuff in my journal that wasn't true. What the fuck was I on? Good God, was my life not interesting or something?! Bah.
I hope I don't sound as stupid now as I did then ^^;;;