Bathroom - Ashes to Ashes fanfic
Title: Bathroom
Author: kiwifashionista
Pairings: slight Galex but v.small
Rating: PG
Words: 11200
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters etc etc.
Notes: About 45min ago I found a frog in the toilet so…
There was a loud, piercing scream from the girl’s bathroom. Ray and Chris exchanged ‘did-you-hear-that-what-the-hell’ looks and Gene looked up lazily from his ‘paperwork’. Shaz ran from her desk to where the scream came from, followed slowly by the boys. Shaz looked around the corridor, trying to find the location of the noise and found herself going into the girl’s bathroom to find Alex cowering over a sink.
“Ma’am! Ma’am, is everythin’ alrigh’?” she asked, running over to Alex, putting an arm around her.
The boys, meanwhile, were standing outside the bathroom door, debating whether to go in or not. Chris started quoting Shaz on female rights and privacy, Ray called him a nonce and Gene just charged his way in. By this time, Alex had told Shaz what had happened and Shaz was gradually making her way to one of the cubicles. Chris and Ray stood back as Gene went over to Alex.
“What is it, Bolls? Someone come in?” he was pissed off enough as it is with Keats and his ‘I’m bringing you down’ crap that he was laying on even more than usual today, he didn’t want to investigate into a possible violation of one of his police officers. Especially Alex.
“No, no, nothing like that, it just scared me…” Alex said, shaking her head.
“What? What scared you?” Gene asked as Shaz jumped from the cubicle, pulling a face.
“There’s a frog in the toilet!” she exclaimed, pointing at the middle cubicle. Gene blinked as he tried to process this. Ray burst out laughing and ran to the cubicle as Chris stood there not knowing whether to laugh and look or ask Shaz if she was alright.
“I’m sorry, ‘ave I gone mad?” Gene slightly shouted as he felt he was being played. “Did you say there’s a frog in the toilet?” Shaz nodded, pulling another ‘grossed-out’ face. Ray started laughing in the cubicle.
“THERE IS! There’s a frog in the toilet!” Chris ran in, but got shoved out the way by Gene. The boys all crowded round the toilet as Alex and Shaz started smiling at each other.
“How the bloody hell did a frog get in there?!” Gene exclaimed, sounding shocked and a little amused.
“Ma’am, were you sitting on it when you saw it?” Chris asked, trying to be sensitive but his huge cheeky grin failed him. Alex suddenly turned a little pink and started fiddling with her jumper/top/thing.
“Well, yes, but-”
“HAHA! Drake, did you give birth to a frog?!” Ray said, wandering out of the cubicle, laughing hysterically. Gene came out too, and was actually grinning.
“Did you pee on him, Bolly?” Gene’s mood suddenly lifted and he was now really enjoying himself. Alex was now tugging at her red and black jumper/top/thing, her checks as red as the stripes on it.
“I- it just- I didn’t know till-”
“You did! You peed on the frog!” Gene snickered and looked back at the toilet. “That poor creature…” Alex glared at him whilst still incredibly embarrassed. Shaz let a smile appear for a moment on her face but quickly turned it to concern as she asked;
“What are we gonna do with it?” Ray’s face suddenly lit up and he went over to The Guv.
“Guv, I know what we should do…”
“What?”
“Get Keats to get it out of the toilet and not tell him Drake peed on it.” Gene’s smile was a mixture of a grin and a smirk [and was quite sexy >.<] and his eyes had a mischievous glint to them.
“I knew there was a reason you were still on the team. Chris, go and-” but he was interrupted, once again, by Alex.
“No, no, I won’t let you do that to him.” She may dislike Keats but that was a bit cruel. Not that she was admitting she peed on the frog. Because she didn’t. Obviously… Gene’s face fell and he walked over to her.
“You owe me for what you did last night…” There was a slight look of lust in Gene’s eyes that burnt into Alex’s as she, for the millionth time, mentally slapped herself for leaving Gene. She sighed and nodded and before anyone could ask what they did last night, Gene yelled “Right, Christopher, go and fetch Jimbo. Don’t tell him that Drake peed on him though.”
“I didn’t pee on the damn frog!” Alex screamed at Gene but he put a finger to her lips and then on his own and showed it to everyone else as a signal to shut the hell up. Ray was grinning and chuckling like a mad man and walked over to the other side of the bathroom so he can get a good view of where Keats was to get the frog. Gene joined him, smiling as he did so. It may be a childish revenge but it was revenge. Alex rolled her eyes as Shaz tried to stop smiling too. They waited in silence [well, as silent as you can be with Ray shoving his fist down his throat to stop himself laughing] till they could hear rising voices of Chris and Keats.
“So… y’know, that’s why we’re askin’ you… ‘cause we don’t want to…” Chris said, as they enetered. He quickly walked over to the Guv and Ray, grinning as he did so. Keats looked around, suspiciously. Ray had managed to keep a straight face. Keats looked at Alex who suddenly found her shoes very interesting.
“What cubicle?” he asked Alex. She nodded at the middle one, feeling bad for leading Keats into the trap but also finding amusing as well. Keats now looked at Gene who looked at him back with a look of loathing. “What doesn’t the great Gene Hunt get it?” Gene’s eyes narrowed at Keat’s mockering.
“Because it’s a girl’s toilet… I’m not puttin’ my ‘and in a girl’s toilet.” Keats rolled his eyes, walked into the cubicle, picked the frog up and walked out. As soon as he was out of ear shot, Gene, Chris, Ray and Shaz burst out laughing, even Alex started grinning.
“Oh Lord, I didn’t think he’d actually do it!” said Ray, clutching his sides. Alex looked at the boys disapprovingly but also still smiling. The laughing was dying down and Gene shrugged his shoulders, grinning.
“I don’t care what you say, Bolls, that has made me day, I feel so much happier now. But I wish I could say the same for the frog.” And the laughter started up again, even Alex gave a little chuckle.