Late
Title : Late
Author : kiyazawa
Pairing : Yunjae (Jaejoong-centric)
Genre : angst
Rating : PG
Length : Oneshot
Warning : unrequited love
Summary : After what he did, Jaejoong still hold a hope for them. But, it was to late…
**
“Yunho-yah… Im sorry I can’t.”
That’s what I said to him on that faithfull day, when he said that he was inlove with me since our high school, until that second, even after almost nine years after. I was so oblivious about his feelings, he never that close friend of mine back then, we just a mere classmates who chatted, talked, joked and lazing around in class. After our graduation, I barely heard about him, what did he do, what collage he took, or anything.
And when suddenly his text reach me, I couldn’t feel anything but happy because I meet a long lost friend. And we are getting closer since then. There wasn’t a day without his text or call, and I started to enjoy his present in my life. He was a kind, well manner, and a good man. I’m so happy I could meet him again after so long.
When one day he said that he loves me, I can’t say anything. It felt like God took every word I had so I couldn’t do anything but shut my mouth off in surprised. And he said that he was serious about this, and he wanted us to be together, forever, in the sacred of bound, marriage.
My heart was in chaos, he needed my answer soon, yet I’m pretty surprised with all that happen that I couldn’t think properly. He offered the longlife commitment to me when I wasn’t thinking about it at that moment. To think that I’m not ready for a commitment was one of the reason why it was hard thing to do at the moment.
And it was harder when I have to answer, yes… or no. Because honestly, I don’t know if I like him or not. For all this time I just thought that we are just friends, but this sudden confession made me think about it over and over. The truth that I was still hoping for my crush to love me back was one of the selfish thing that made me chosed the wrong decision in my life.
Then, that’s it. I turned him down.
**
Even after my rejection, he is still frequently checking on me, asking how I had been doing, and taking care of me. As if that there’s really nothing happen to us. But I know that deep inside him, he was so hurt by my rejection. It’s clearly seen in his eyes and his words he said to me after that day. But he promised to himself and me, that he would survived and he would respect my decision.
Yes, his constant messege and call lessen a bit, but we still in touch. And that’s when I started to thing that maybe, just maybe I missed his massive attention and cared like it used to be.
**
I’ve barely heard anything about him. His messeges ended, and no more night call from him just to ask what I was doing or saying a good night and have a nice dream. Maybe he was giving up on me.
It was my senior that matching me up with his friend. He said that it was a waste that I spent my life in this 25th year all alone. Another good and kind man. He was a smart young man with an open mind thinking. Actually I already knew him before, and since the first time I met him till that day he never did something that make me think bad about him. So, he was in my good book list.
I don’t know what was I thinking when I agreed to give it a try. Maybe I started to think that yes, I need someone to talk everything to, to lean on when I had hard times, to cherish the happy time and sharing the pain in the bad time with. And my friend’s trick to set me up with that guy really got me.
That was when suddenly he came again. Jung Yunho. With just a simple text of how I was doing and whatnot, I came back to the world I was once in, the world when a man named Jung Yunho in it. And yeah, we started to talk more like it used to be.
I don’t know what was this feelings, but I just felt glad and thankful when he came. And I thought that it was complete when he was here. I couldn’t feel anything but happy.
And when another one fateful night, he came and asked me for the second chance. I’m all blown out. I felt so happy as if my hearts could burst. I didn’t know when I started to wait this day to come but what I knew was that maybe, just maybe I started to love him. I almost sure about it.
But reality shot me, there was a good guy I’m currently with. Oh God, what am I suppose to do? It was a cruel of me if I just told him that I already had someone and shattered his heart for the second time. Yet, it would be cruel too if I ended up my relationship with that man, when it was me who chosed to be with him. I couldn’t just tell him to cut our relationship because I love someone else, could I?
That’s why then, with a heavy heart, I made another wrong choice. I turned him down, for the second time.
**
It took him days to cope up with my second rejection (even I didn’t want to, but I still did it anyway). I knew that he was hurting so much more than before, because it hurts me too. It was like you couldn’t get your much needed toys even when you have a money to buy it (I think this is the worst example I could give).
So yes, even after the rejection we kept in touch. And still with his attention and care he gave me. It gave me more regret. I really really didn’t want to do this, yet I had to. And it pains me the most when I knew that he was hurting because of me. And he was still here, beside me.
It didn’t need a long time for me to finally ended up my relationship with the poor guy. He was so good to me, but I thought that I couldn’t do this anymore when my heart didn’t go for him. It was like denying myself to be with him, when the truth is I didn’t have the same feelings to him. It wasn’t good for him to, if the person who was going out with him thinking over another man. Yes, I finally made a choice to end it.
**
I thought it wasn’t wrong when we have a hope in anything, or something, or someone to come back to us. That’s what I was thinking.
I do hope that I could make up for him for all I did. Yunho. I wish that he wouldn’t give up on me and give me another chance. Because it was the reason why I chosed to ended up my previous relationship. My hopes high up when he still taking care of me, pouring me with the attention and the call and text that blow my mind. Ah, he still loves me… (that’s what I thought).
And I think it was me who have to make a move this time and tell him that now I’m ready to be with him.
Yet even before I started doing it, came his text that crushed my heart away.
“Jaejoong-ah… We are long friends, so I want to tell you this first, because you are my friend. I met a good guy a few days ago, he’s my friend’s tutor. He’s older than me. He’s so kind and mature. And I think I have something for him already. I want to make a move on him, but I have no confidence at all. Because you know, I’ve already failed a few times before in this kind of things. What should I do?”
It was as if the world stumbling over me, and left it shattered. My heart hurts and pains shot through my every single veins. I didn’t know what to say, moreover, I didn’t know to answer his text. It took me a damn long time to answer his text with my aching heart.
“Don’t be like that. If you’re sure about it, you have to do it. Don’t worry to much, sometimes it took more than one or two tries to get what you wanted. So, don’t give up first…”
Yes, it took more than one or two tries to get what you wanted, Yunho-yah. So, just give me another chance and do your third try and I would gladly embracing you…
That last two sentences just stuck in my head.
That was the foolist and craziest text I’ve ever wrote. But I couldn’t just say to him to just give up on the guy and persuading me for the third time instead. I couldn’t do this. Because I’ve already hurt him too much, and I want him to be happy. If this could make him happy, then so be it. Maybe I don’t have to be beside him to make him happy, maybe it’s someone else places to be with him.
“Thank you, Jaejoong-ah. Now, I have this confident in me. I would do my best, and I have no doubt this time.”
And it was my fault after all, it was me who turned him down before. So, I didn’t deserve a second chance.
“Good luck… I wish the best for you…”
And I didn’t realized when a single tear flowed down my cheek, followed by another and another more.
It was late after all...
Author : kiyazawa
Pairing : Yunjae (Jaejoong-centric)
Genre : angst
Rating : PG
Length : Oneshot
Warning : unrequited love
Summary : After what he did, Jaejoong still hold a hope for them. But, it was to late…
**
“Yunho-yah… Im sorry I can’t.”
That’s what I said to him on that faithfull day, when he said that he was inlove with me since our high school, until that second, even after almost nine years after. I was so oblivious about his feelings, he never that close friend of mine back then, we just a mere classmates who chatted, talked, joked and lazing around in class. After our graduation, I barely heard about him, what did he do, what collage he took, or anything.
And when suddenly his text reach me, I couldn’t feel anything but happy because I meet a long lost friend. And we are getting closer since then. There wasn’t a day without his text or call, and I started to enjoy his present in my life. He was a kind, well manner, and a good man. I’m so happy I could meet him again after so long.
When one day he said that he loves me, I can’t say anything. It felt like God took every word I had so I couldn’t do anything but shut my mouth off in surprised. And he said that he was serious about this, and he wanted us to be together, forever, in the sacred of bound, marriage.
My heart was in chaos, he needed my answer soon, yet I’m pretty surprised with all that happen that I couldn’t think properly. He offered the longlife commitment to me when I wasn’t thinking about it at that moment. To think that I’m not ready for a commitment was one of the reason why it was hard thing to do at the moment.
And it was harder when I have to answer, yes… or no. Because honestly, I don’t know if I like him or not. For all this time I just thought that we are just friends, but this sudden confession made me think about it over and over. The truth that I was still hoping for my crush to love me back was one of the selfish thing that made me chosed the wrong decision in my life.
Then, that’s it. I turned him down.
**
Even after my rejection, he is still frequently checking on me, asking how I had been doing, and taking care of me. As if that there’s really nothing happen to us. But I know that deep inside him, he was so hurt by my rejection. It’s clearly seen in his eyes and his words he said to me after that day. But he promised to himself and me, that he would survived and he would respect my decision.
Yes, his constant messege and call lessen a bit, but we still in touch. And that’s when I started to thing that maybe, just maybe I missed his massive attention and cared like it used to be.
**
I’ve barely heard anything about him. His messeges ended, and no more night call from him just to ask what I was doing or saying a good night and have a nice dream. Maybe he was giving up on me.
It was my senior that matching me up with his friend. He said that it was a waste that I spent my life in this 25th year all alone. Another good and kind man. He was a smart young man with an open mind thinking. Actually I already knew him before, and since the first time I met him till that day he never did something that make me think bad about him. So, he was in my good book list.
I don’t know what was I thinking when I agreed to give it a try. Maybe I started to think that yes, I need someone to talk everything to, to lean on when I had hard times, to cherish the happy time and sharing the pain in the bad time with. And my friend’s trick to set me up with that guy really got me.
That was when suddenly he came again. Jung Yunho. With just a simple text of how I was doing and whatnot, I came back to the world I was once in, the world when a man named Jung Yunho in it. And yeah, we started to talk more like it used to be.
I don’t know what was this feelings, but I just felt glad and thankful when he came. And I thought that it was complete when he was here. I couldn’t feel anything but happy.
And when another one fateful night, he came and asked me for the second chance. I’m all blown out. I felt so happy as if my hearts could burst. I didn’t know when I started to wait this day to come but what I knew was that maybe, just maybe I started to love him. I almost sure about it.
But reality shot me, there was a good guy I’m currently with. Oh God, what am I suppose to do? It was a cruel of me if I just told him that I already had someone and shattered his heart for the second time. Yet, it would be cruel too if I ended up my relationship with that man, when it was me who chosed to be with him. I couldn’t just tell him to cut our relationship because I love someone else, could I?
That’s why then, with a heavy heart, I made another wrong choice. I turned him down, for the second time.
**
It took him days to cope up with my second rejection (even I didn’t want to, but I still did it anyway). I knew that he was hurting so much more than before, because it hurts me too. It was like you couldn’t get your much needed toys even when you have a money to buy it (I think this is the worst example I could give).
So yes, even after the rejection we kept in touch. And still with his attention and care he gave me. It gave me more regret. I really really didn’t want to do this, yet I had to. And it pains me the most when I knew that he was hurting because of me. And he was still here, beside me.
It didn’t need a long time for me to finally ended up my relationship with the poor guy. He was so good to me, but I thought that I couldn’t do this anymore when my heart didn’t go for him. It was like denying myself to be with him, when the truth is I didn’t have the same feelings to him. It wasn’t good for him to, if the person who was going out with him thinking over another man. Yes, I finally made a choice to end it.
**
I thought it wasn’t wrong when we have a hope in anything, or something, or someone to come back to us. That’s what I was thinking.
I do hope that I could make up for him for all I did. Yunho. I wish that he wouldn’t give up on me and give me another chance. Because it was the reason why I chosed to ended up my previous relationship. My hopes high up when he still taking care of me, pouring me with the attention and the call and text that blow my mind. Ah, he still loves me… (that’s what I thought).
And I think it was me who have to make a move this time and tell him that now I’m ready to be with him.
Yet even before I started doing it, came his text that crushed my heart away.
“Jaejoong-ah… We are long friends, so I want to tell you this first, because you are my friend. I met a good guy a few days ago, he’s my friend’s tutor. He’s older than me. He’s so kind and mature. And I think I have something for him already. I want to make a move on him, but I have no confidence at all. Because you know, I’ve already failed a few times before in this kind of things. What should I do?”
It was as if the world stumbling over me, and left it shattered. My heart hurts and pains shot through my every single veins. I didn’t know what to say, moreover, I didn’t know to answer his text. It took me a damn long time to answer his text with my aching heart.
“Don’t be like that. If you’re sure about it, you have to do it. Don’t worry to much, sometimes it took more than one or two tries to get what you wanted. So, don’t give up first…”
Yes, it took more than one or two tries to get what you wanted, Yunho-yah. So, just give me another chance and do your third try and I would gladly embracing you…
That last two sentences just stuck in my head.
That was the foolist and craziest text I’ve ever wrote. But I couldn’t just say to him to just give up on the guy and persuading me for the third time instead. I couldn’t do this. Because I’ve already hurt him too much, and I want him to be happy. If this could make him happy, then so be it. Maybe I don’t have to be beside him to make him happy, maybe it’s someone else places to be with him.
“Thank you, Jaejoong-ah. Now, I have this confident in me. I would do my best, and I have no doubt this time.”
And it was my fault after all, it was me who turned him down before. So, I didn’t deserve a second chance.
“Good luck… I wish the best for you…”
And I didn’t realized when a single tear flowed down my cheek, followed by another and another more.
It was late after all...