fic for cease11
Title: The Rabbit Hole
By: happymaybe
Pairing: Akame
Word count: ~6,000
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: Shameless trope fest
Notes: cease11, I hope you’ll enjoy this. :) ♥ Thanks B for the beta.
Summary: Long-term relationships entail a lot of things. One of which is boredom; another is an unhealthy dosage of insecurity. Jin tries to deal with both, among other things (that may or may not be the real reason for such behavior).
“- the lavender one? Sure. Okay love you too bye.”
Jin hangs up and places his phone back in his pocket, all the while his eyes focussed on his food. “I’m concerned.”
His mother looks up from her bowl of rice. “That the store might run out of that fabric softener Kazuya called you to buy?” She’s not laughing but she should just do it, to get over it.
There are times he is absolutely in awe of how immeasurable the love and patience of a son for his mother can be. Jin restrains himself, closing his eyes.
“No, not really.” He says finally as he idly plays with the chicken meat on his bowl with his chopsticks. “We’re like…” He gestures vaguely, “For the lack of better term, an old married couple.” He pauses, cringing. “Don’t you think it’s sad?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” His mother laughs, standing up and gathering the plates at the table, and Jin doesn’t bother protesting when she snatches his bowl of half-eaten rice. “You’re not old. You’re just 26. I’m 43. That’s old.”
Jin looks at her for a moment. “Aren’t you distressed about this even for a bit? Your oldest son is sharing domestic bliss with another man.”
“This is getting old.” She says as she washes the dishes. “I’m telling you, you can’t make me homophobic. Nor can you make your father. What is wrong with you?”
Jin leans back his chair, balancing it on its rear legs, and stares at the ceiling. “This is wrong. I don’t know how but this is wrong.”
His mother looks back at him for a moment, pausing mid-rinse. “What is this about? Are you seriously having troubles with Kazuya or are you just bored? Because I know you, you tend to have stupid ideas when you’re bored.”
Jin drops his chair to all four legs again and stares at his hands for a moment. “I don’t honestly know, Ma.”
His mother goes back to the dishes, “Isn’t it a bit too late for this phase, Jin? You guys have been together since… I don’t know. Seven years? Give or take one year of closet time.”
Jin feels the beginning of a tension headache.
“Your father and I were only together for three weeks when you were conceived. You two could practically be grandparents now if only you have a uterus.”
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.” Jin says after a stretch of silence.
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. You moved out years ago. And yet you’re here, freeloading on my food and beer.”
“I missed you. I wasn’t here for months, Ma.” Jin says, wryly.
His mother doesn’t say anything as she dries the plates with a towel and leaves them on the rack. She then walks up to Jin and kisses his forehead. She places both her hands on his cheeks, looks at him in the eyes and smiles.
“Don’t be such a sap. Go home. Your father and I are going to have sex tonight.”
***
When Jin steps inside Kame’s apartment that night, he sees the other sitting on the floor of the living room, wearing Jin’s boxers and watching whatever drama is on while plucking his eyebrows with sheer precision.
Jin stalls in the hallway for a moment, assessing what his life has become with a dread-like sensation pooling in his stomach. But, as if the universe is all about slapping him in the face and telling him how hopelessly weak he is, Kame slowly moves to grab the remote on the coffee table, limbs stretching, and his shirt shifts and Jin’s mouth dries at the fleeting view of the strip of bare skin on Kame’s hip and stomach. He feels a belated mix of self-deprecation and arousal at that moment.
Kame blinks then smiles at him, uneven thin arches of eyebrows and all. “Hello.” He pauses. “Why are you standing there?”
Jin grunts something in response as he goes straight to kitchen and dumps the groceries on the table. “There was a sale on dishwashing liquid and tissue paper so I bought some too. This would probably last us until October.” He announces as he wanders back to the living room.
“That would probably last me until October. Not you.” Kame replies.
“Kame.” Jin says.
Kame spares him a look and shrugs, “Just saying.”
Jin doesn’t sigh; he sits on the couch instead. “Hey.” He says, bending down and methodically kissing Kame on the forehead.
“Hey.” Kame says distractedly as he studies his eyebrows on the handheld mirror. A beat later, Kame stares up to Jin. “I forgot to tell you to get some loperamide.”
“You should go to the doctor.”
Kame leans back to the bottom of the couch, sighing. “I suppose. It’s kinda green already.”
Jin shuts his eyes closed and cringes. “Yeah. You should.” He says, honestly sympathetic.
“And besides,” Kame starts, standing up, “We haven’t had sex in days,” He says, sounding put out and messing up Jin’s hair on his way to the kitchen.
Jin blows a lock of hair out his eyes. Fair enough.
***
Jin assumes they probably first met during the auditions in ‘98. They probably even exchanged idle words, quite common to restless auditioning adolescent boys. But the truth is Jin doesn’t remember Kame that day. Or even Maru. Or that day in general.
It was a day he spent convincing himself that if he would fail then he just has to suck it up and become a lawyer.
There are days he would still occasionally wonder what would have happened if he did become a lawyer.
It was only several months later when he was at the vending machine buying some drink when a kid stepped behind him and Jin glanced at him and smiled. “Hey sorry. Give me a sec, it got stuck.” He punctuated that with a kick to the machine.
Scowling, Jin kicked again and second time was the charm as his Coke rolled out. “All yours.”
The kid looked at him for a moment. “Hey. You were in the November audition, right?”
See, Jin was never into small talk simply because he didn’t posses the appropriate skill set for it, and, really, he was right about to head back to the rehearsal because the instructor had an obvious Stalin-tendency but it was that moment that he felt this strange pull by whatever magical strings fate has on him to just stop, turn back, and look at the kid again.
“I’m Kamenashi. I sat next to you during the prelims. Do you remember me?”
Truth to be told Jin doesn’t, but -
“Yeah. Yeah. I do.” He said, slowly drawing the words out.
And the way the face of this Kamenashi kid lightened at that moment made Jin realise he probably said the right thing.
Jin blinked and schooled his face carefully, resisting a smile. “Yeah. Hey. I’m Akanishi.”
***
“Akanishi?”
Jin removes his stereo headphones, draping it on his neck and looks up to see Koki by the entrance of the restaurant. “Yo.”
Koki frowns, walking to him. “Hey… what are you doing here - Does Kame know you’re here?”
“Ah. No. But it’s okay. We’re gonna go to his parents later and I’m supposed to pick him up and… well, change of scenery. Some guys are staying over my apartment so…” Jin gestures to the booth he’s currently holed up in with the stack of music sheets occupying half the table, GarageBand open on his Mac and three half-eaten plates of various pasta and chicken combo.
It’s a slow business for the family restaurant with the predictable midmorning-midweek quiet laziness creeping all over humanity. It’s a good day.
Koki lets out a small ahh, nodding and standing awkwardly beside the table.
“And you? Lost the lunch bet, I guess?” Jin asks as he bends over the table and tries feebly to put some organization into the mess on his table.
“Yeah. Buying everyone’s lunch.” Koki says. “Wouldn’t they kick you out of here? We’re gonna be there till four. It’s only eleven.”
Jin grins as he shoves the music sheets inside a clear file case. “Nah. I’m ordering iced tea every 30 minutes.”
“Don’t they have bottomless here?”
“Exactly.”
“Ahh.” Koki nods. “But still. You can come up, you know.”
“’Tis fine. I’m good here. I’m doing some work myself here anyway. I don’t want to bother you guys.”
“Suit yourself. But we’re just across the street.” Koki says that like he’s about to go and that’s the end of it but instead he sits across Jin and looks at him, somewhat expectantly.
Jin looks at him, unsure. “…What’s up?”
Koki opens his mouth but closes it again, his face blank. Jin raises his brows. “What is it?”
Koki breaks into a small smile, sighing to himself. “Nothing. Sorry man. It’s just that...” He trails off and Jin can’t decide if that’s wistfulness on his face or a facial indication of indigestion.
“You two are like the poster couple for You and Me Against the World. Like a new age happily ever after.”
Jin looks at him. “It’s eleven in the morning. I thought you’re done with the substance abuse morning routine.”
Koki laughs, his eyes crinkling. “Asshole. No, I’m just saying… this is nice. You and Kame. You know, despite everything. Kind of inspiring. Like Mother Teresa. You know her?”
“Yeah. Vaguely. But I doubt she’ll be rooting for a gay couple though… bless her,” Jin mutters under his breath. “Everything alright?” He says, a bit louder this time.
Koki grins as he grabs Jin’s Mac and starts going around, tweaking the amps and groove matching. “Of course, dude.” He says eventually, still with an unsettling shit-eating grin stretching his face, his eyes reduce to mere slits.
Jin stares at him.
“Oh fuck. No. I’m not.” Koki shoves the laptop away from him and covers his face with his hand. “Sorry, man. I did this very stupid shit and my girlfriend wants to break up and I really love her, you know. And I know this is crazy but we’ve only been together for six months but I love her so I got her a ring and shit, she freaked out. Why would she freak out? I mean c’mon, man. It was perfect until - shit I’m so fucking stupid. Am I stupid?”
Jin finishes his iced tea then flags down the waitress. “Do you serve alcohol at this hour? We need beers here. Bottomless. Thank you.”
***
It probably says something about how fucked-up or doomed their relationship is when it is actually built on a lie, given that Jin didn’t actually remember Kame from that audition day.
It’s trivial to worry about, yes Jin knew that, but it didn’t stop him from brooding over it for roughly half an hour after they finally got over their stupid nerves and sexuality issue and jumped on each other and sexed up all night. He’s half-sentimental and paranoid like that.
But when Kame shifted beside him and draped himself over Jin’s chest and murmured sleepily on his neck about promises of morning blowjobs and pancakes, Jin smiled in the darkness and whispers, “I love you,” to Kame’s hair.
One truth for one lie.
***
Kame simply wrinkles his nose.
“Well, the guy needs someone to talk to. I can be that guy sometimes, you know. The sensible one.” Jin says he wheels out of the basement parking lot.
“You have good intentions but, Jin, our lunch was three hours late. We were worried and hungry,” Kame says, tucking one leg under him, the other bent with his knee raised. Jin is distracted with the sight of Kame’s bare toes curling and with how the dark leather of the seat brings out the pink-paleness of Kame’s soles.
Jin clears his throat. “Well. The guy was a mess and won’t shut up. What would you do if you’re in my position?”
Kame hums, leaning his head back, baring his neck and shifting on his seat, his jeans accentuating the curve of his thighs.
“I’d probably say ‘suck it up, asshole’. Which I did, first thing in the morning when he came crawling in with a hangover.”
Jin changes gears. “Koki needs someone to listen to him. Not to scold him.”
Kame wrinkles his nose again. “You always side with whiners. No wonder.”
Kame’s voice is low and hoarse from the all-day recording and Jesus Fucking Christ -
“Hey. We’re running early, aren’t we? The dinner’s around eight?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Let’s stop by the apartment?”
Kame flicks his gaze to Jin. “Mmm. Yeah. Let’s do that.”
***
They didn’t manage to get out of bed that night.
They end up going to Kame’s parents house the next weekend bearing peace offerings in the form of two bottles of wine that are more expensive that Jin’s car mortgage.
“This is good wine,” Kame’s grandfather says as he hands a glass to Jin.
“One good thing that came out of that drama,” Jin replies easily, slouching on his seat and sipping on his wine like some kind of a connoisseur cockblocked by several poor life choices.
“Ah. I remember that one. That was embarrassing,” Kame’s mother comments cheerily as she walks in the room, flopping down into an armchair by the window.
“Thanks, Mom. Always a pleasure.” Kame quips from one corner; he’s playing Go with his father.
The dinner was of hearty quantity and quality and fantastic and they are all filled to their bones and feeling like lazy and pretentious gits. Let it never be forgotten that the Kamenashi household is a modern portrait of a middle class family.
“Embarrassment aside, I kinda like that drama. You always look so handsome in a suit, hon,” his mother says, finishing her flute of wine expertly.
Kame’s father grunts as he eyes that one particular vacant point adjacent to his stone. “I don’t know.” He starts, face stony and unreadable. “The boxer one was far more embarrassing for me. He’s so lanky for a boxer, regardless of the weight division. And his nipples? It was kind of distracting, son.” He makes a move, creating a chain of black stone.
Kame for a moment just stares at the board and then, perhaps finally realizing what the move entails, bristles. “Dad. Handicap here. You don’t - “ He points to the board, then stops. “I don’t even know why I bother. I give up.” He stands up and pads his way to Jin. “And please let’s not talk about my nipples,” he says, slumping down onto the couch.
“But you have very cute nipples, hon.” Kame’s mother says, nodding.
“But it’s distracting.” Both Jin and Kame’s father speak at the same time.
Kame narrows his eyes at them, looking partly offended and amused at the same time. Jin just laughs awkwardly as Kame’s father howls in one corner.
And to Jin’s further mortification, this has prompted Kame’s grandfather to start asking them genuinely curious yet highly inappropriate questions.
***
They’ve been together long enough for Jin to know when to push and not - both in sexual context and not. And just like your next-door neighbor, he learned it through experience.
But contrary to what seems to be the public consensus, there were no yelling, tears, dramatic walkouts, and threats of severing one’s genitals when Jin went solo.
In fact, it was Kame who burnt the midnight oil with Jin’s manager when they ran the Warner Music contract under their imaginary microscope, looking for flaws and signs of what they suspect is a deliberate and detailed plan of the upper management to make Jin fail spectacularly and publicly. Kame wrote his annotations at the margins with his chicken scratch using a purple fine-point sharpie.
There were days Jin appreciates this kind of paranoia about his welfare but there were some days when he just wanted to facepalm whilst looking polite and somewhat dignified.
Jin was in the US then for his concert but he was mandated to sit through the whole thing in front of his webcam as Kame and his manager explained every single letter and punctuation mark of the contract to him and then turned to discuss with each other like Jin isn’t there.
“But the legal counsel said - ”
“Bullshit, I tell you.” Kame cuts him off, sounding a lot more dejected than what Jin anticipated. “We need to look this through by ourselves. Some of my dad’s golf buddies are good lawyers. I’ll ask them to skim - ”
“We only have - ” Jin’s manager paused to look at the notebook in his hand, “Till three to fax this over to Jin to get signed.”
From his screen, he saw Kame and his manger crowding in front of Kame’s laptop in the living room, the surface of the coffee table covered with layers after layers of legal papers and hastily-written notes.
“I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer, do you know that?” Jin said, beaming.
Kame just stared at him.
Jin exhaled, “Look, maybe we should call it a night - well in my case, a day.” Jin said, noting the tension on Kame’s shoulders that was mostly reserved in dealing with trite sponsors and Jin’s mother.
Bad connection, dimly lit living room and all, Jin saw the suppressed infuriation on Kame’s carefully schooled face. “Jin, please.” It’s strained in the slightest, almost even toned and could pass as a neutral statement and nothing more. Jin’s manager didn’t even bat an eyelash and seemed to be deeply troubled with a certain clause on the Covenants section instead.
Then a phone rang somewhere and Jin’s manager scrambled to snatch it from where it had apparently fallen under the table. When he emerged on the view again, his face is colored with quiet annoyance. “I need to take this. I’ll be quick.” He quipped, standing up and he hurried away from Jin’s screen.
Now alone, Kame’s shoulder sagged as he rubbed a hand on his face. Jin stared at him. A moment of silence passed and Kame finally looked up, eyes barely seen under his fringe and Jin realized their distance and that this modern technology was simply not fucking advanced enough.
“I just want this to work out, okay,” Kame explained, and Jin wasn’t too sure if it’s directed at him.
“I know,” Jin replied, quietly.
“I want...” Kame paused, blinking, “I want this to be worth it.”
Jin felt heavy and wanted nothing but to push Kame’s hair out of his face, to close those tired eyes and there’s this apology at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said - but he knew better.
He searched for Kame’s eyes and breathed, “It will be. I promise.”
***
The moment he steps inside and closes door behind him, Jin blinks as he tries to make out the current state of his apartment. Grimacing, he kicks some empty vodka bottles and what seems to be the last remnants of a piñata on the floor and follows a trail of clothing, only to reach the living room and see two unfamiliar girls sleeping on the floor. Both Latina, Jin’s mind uselessly supplies.
He’s standing in the middle of his own living room, wide-eyed and truly and thoroughly mind fucked out when the bathroom door opens and a Japanese girl wearing a huge shirt that reaches her mid thigh steps out.
“Who are you?” she said in accented English, sluggish. “Were you with us last night?” she asks, frowning.
Jin blinks. “No - sorry, who are you - ”
“Are you burglar?” she asks suspiciously but for a person who is accusing someone a thief, she looks oddly calm.
“What? No - ”
Down the corridor a bedroom door opens, and Dominic comes padding into the living room, yawning. He’s at least wearing a decent black boxers. “Oh. Jin.”
“Dominic. Who are these people?” Jin asks, slowly. It’s too early for this.
“You know him?” the girl asks, jerking her head in Jin’s direction.
“Ah. Yeah. Sort of.”
“Sort of?!”
Dominic waves a hand at him, dismissive like he’s a puppy and Jin opens his mouth to refute it but all that comes out is a simmered down version, “Dominic.”
Dominic ignores him. “Hey, why don’t you get more sleep in there? And later, we’ll get some breakfast with your friends here, yeah?” he says to the girl, petting her head with one hand and gesturing to the room where he just came from with the other hand.
Jin’s bedroom.
“Hey,” Jin protests.
That seems to have placated her as she wordlessly pivots in the room’s direction and it’s only when she’s halfway down the corridor when she suddenly stops and turns back. “Oh.” She says in some sort of slow belated realization. “You’re Akanishi Jin.”
Jin narrows his eyes, “And you’re in my apartment - ”
“Okay okay okay. You go to the room and sleep and we,” Dominic grabs Jin’s arm, “are going to the kitchen.” And indeed, he hauls him to the kitchen.
***
“Don’t.” Dominic says immediately, cutting whatever Jin is suppoesed to scold about. “Hangover. You don’t want me throwing up on your kitchen floor, do you?” He mumbles, as he sits on the chair and plants his face on the table.
“At least have the common decency to clean the place.” He sits across the other and rests his chin on his hands. Both still conversing in English, or whatever mangled morning-after version Dominic manages to produce.
“Sorry, Jin.” Dominic says, sounding exactly like a corpse.
Jin nods to no one in particular and fishes out his phone. “Hey, babe.”
“You never call me that. Lemme guess, you are probably with someone who you haven’t come out to yet.” Kame says as a greeting, deadpan.
“I miss you too, babe. Hey, I need Mrs. Shmizu’s number?” Jin leans back on the chair.
“My cleaning lady? I told you they’d trash your place.”
“You’re heaven sent. No, you.”
He hears Kame sighs over the line. “I don’t have the number of my cleaning lady at the top of my head, Jin. I have to look for it. I’ll just send it.”
“I love you too, babe.”
“Oh. And can you please fold the laundry when you come home later?”
Jin pauses. “You’re an absolute delight. You don’t have to. But okay, I like the one with the pepperoni and four kinds of cheese? Thanks, babe. I’ll see you later.” Jin hangs up and places his phone on the table.
Dominic raises his head and opens one sleep-swollen eye. “You call Kamenashi babe?”
Jin recovers quickly. “What? No. That’s my girlfriend.”
“Don’t bother. I know, okay. No sweat.” Dominic says as he tries to stand up and balances on his feet. Dominic looks dreadfully pissed six ways from Sunday.
“I need coffee.” He says as an after thought and goes to fix himself one.
Jin simply sits there watching as Dominic bangs his head with an open cupboard and burns himself with the electric kettle.
When Dominic finally comes back to the table, he drinks down his coffee like it’s a Mojito. “You’re pale,” he says afterwards, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jin opens his mouth then closes it. Dominic scoffs. “Yamashita told me. That and you didn’t lock the drawers in your room and I’m just a human. And we humans snoop around our friends’ stuff, looking for their porn stash.”
“I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation this morning,” Jin says, weakly.
“Me too.” Dominic sighs. “I wasn’t expecting you this morning. Or even me, you know, conversing. I’m supposed to be sleeping.” He whines. “Why, why are you here?”
“I need my guitar. You didn’t wreck it did you?”
Pause. “You have a guitar in here?”
Jin shuts his eyes. “It’s on the stand in the corner of my room,” he says, slowly. “Right beside the telly.”
Dominic blinks. “Are you sure?” he asks after a few seconds of delay.
Jin still with his eyes closed, tries to mute down his heart-felt groan.
“Nah, just kidding. I hid it in the bathtub.” Dominic beams and he’s practically bouncing on his seat. That coffee is good, Jin concludes.
“Bathtub? You - ” He stops, swallows a mouthful of air and breaks into a sigh. “As long as it’s unharmed.” Jin reasons out desperately more to himself than to the other.
Dominic laughs as he stands up and starts rummaging Jin’s empty cupboards. “Of course, man. Don’t you have any food in here?”
Jin leans into the backrest of the chair and quietly observes as Dominic hunts for food and at the same time, somehow does a haphazard general cleaning of Jin’s kitchen.
Jin clears his throat, “Hey, listen - ”
“Don’t worry about it.” Dominic cuts him off. He’s on his knees now, head buried at the bottom vegetable section of the refrigerator. “What’s with you and celery, seriously?”
“They’re an excellent source of Vitamin C and fiber.” Jin supplies as he facepalms. “Dominic, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here. Please don’t make this anymore difficult than it is.”
Dominic is scratching his two-day old stubble as he tries to open a jar of orange marmalade with just one hand. “You think this one is already expired?” he asks, sniffing the jar once he finally yanks it open.
“Dominic.”
Dominic turns to him and sighs, exasperated. “Jin, I’m not making it any more difficult. You’re the only one who’s making it difficult. I’m fine with it. The whole crew is fine with it.” He pauses. “I think.”
“Everyone knows?” Jin chokes.
The other just looks at him. “It’s fine. We figured it out a long time ago. You’re not really subtle.” Dominic says and to Jin’s further chagrin, he looks completely sincere.
Jin covers his face with his hands. “Why am I not drunk? Am I drunk?”
Dominic dunks a stem of celery in the jar and then bites a whole chunk of it. “Wow.” He says, in awe. “Surprisingly, this doesn’t taste horrible like shit. Want some?”
Jin ignores him, his face still on his hands.
“Look, it’s fine.” Jin hears the other say. Jin lifts up his head, pries his eyes open.
“We don’t judge, but… ” Dominic then trails off, shrugging.
Frowning slightly, Jin asks, “But what?”
Dominic makes a face, like he finally realized that eating celery with an expired orange marmalade is a gourmet abomination. “We are your friends and we’re cool with that.” He starts, distracted with the way he mournfully eyes the celery in his hands. “You’re gonna be based in the US mostly now with that contract and all.” He finally looks up from the celery, “Are you gonna be fine with that? I mean, I’ve been meaning to ask this for sometime now…”
“Just say it.”
Dominic pushes the jar of marmalade away from him and tosses the celery over his shoulder.
“Here, everyone seems fine with it. Which is good, really. Especially your management. Which comes as a surprise, to be honest.” He babbles, hands gesturing like he’s giving a speech. “But there, and I know you know what I’m saying - we can’t be too sure. I know a couple of guys and it didn’t fare well. You get my drift, man?”
Jin doesn’t say anything.
Dominic clicks his tongue, pushing a hand through his hair. “I’m no relationship expert and don’t know a thing about you and Kamenashi and I feel like something died in my stomach right now and I’ll probably barf in a minute so I’m not sure if I’m making any sense but I saw many people around me. These things,” he waves a hand, “It puts a lot of strain on you.”
Jin flicks the silver latch of his watch open and closes it again.
“I’m sorry.” Dominic says. The supposed caffeine-induced adrenaline seems to have worn off. He looks thoroughly pissed again.
“It’s okay.” Jin touches the leather band. “Thank you.”
“Just. Just be careful. You’ve put a lot of effort for this, sacrifice a shit ton and, I was there and saw it all. It will just suck if - ”
“Dominic. It’s okay.” Jin lets out a shaky laugh. “I - I have absolutely no idea what’ll happen but I’m gonna try.” He smiles. “This is what we do, right? We just try and see if we get something worthwhile in the end.”
Dominic is looking at him softly and Jin isn’t entirely sure if that’s hangover or blinded fascination.
“And you both seem to be together for a long time now.”
Jin waits for Dominic to add something to that statement, thinking there’s probably more to it than that, for it to make sense. Dominic simply pads his way to the bathroom and Jin realizes, yeah - that is all there is.
That is all there is that matters.
***
When Jin was a kid he wanted first to be Vegeta, then a football player and lastly, with burning desire, to be a lawyer. He ended up as a popstar.
As years go by and due to various external and internal factors, his mind changed and his priorities were readjusted. Even until now, there are moments when he still doesn’t know what to do and what he wants. Sometimes, he hates himself for that.
But when he came home from the press conference with Warner, and Kame wordlessly handed him a list of international artists signed with Warner Music that he wants an autograph from and then kissed him on the cheeks before going out to buy Alpo for their dogs, Jin can’t help but think that somewhere along the way, he probably did the right thing.
***
“Jin?” Kame opens the balcony door and sneaks his head out.
“Here.” Jin says from where he’s slouching in the small corner with his back against the wall and his socked soles planted on the railings of the balcony.
Kame steps outside and walks towards him. Jin busies himself as he fumbles to get a cigarette out of his pocket.
Jin only looks up when Kame gingerly sits on his lap, his thighs bracketing Jin. Kame fishes a Zippo out of his own pants’ pocket and lights Jin’s cigarette.
Kame’s heavy and warm but him sitting on Jin’s lap with blatant disregard for personal space, seems to be nothing but the most natural thing in this world tonight.
“Is something wrong?” Kame asks him finally.
Jin leans his head back on the wall, and barely makes the outline of Kame’s face in the darkness.
“Seven years, Kame. Are you tired of me yet?” Jin asks as he exhales, courteously blowing the smoke at the side, out of Kame’s face.
He can’t see Kame but he suspects the other is frowning. Kame doesn’t say anything. He places both of his hands on Jin’s chest. Go on, I’ll listen.
“I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” Jin says, slowly dragging the cigarette from his lips.
“Of what?”
“Of this.”
He hears Kame huffs a laugh. “You promised me, remember.” He says and leans forward and kisses Jin on the lips.
Jin can feel the heat of his cigarette burning away.
***
“I come bearing sushi.” Jin announces as his mother opens the door.
His mother just looks at him, disgusted and doesn’t let him in. “Sushi?”
Jin frowns, “You don’t like sushi? You like sushi.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you.” She walks inside, leaving him there outside but she doesn’t slam the door in his face so Jin takes it that he’s expected to follow and grovel for forgiveness.
“What did I do again?” he sighs, following her to kitchen.
She whips her head and glares, “I saw Kimiko at the store the other day.”
“Kame’s mother?”
“Uh huh,” she says, tipping her chin and crossing her arms. “She said you brought them wine.” She says wine like it’s a sexually transmitted disease.
“Two bottles, actually. What of it?” Jin asks as he sits on the table.
“You dare give me sushi when you give them two bottles of wine more expensive than my pearls?”
Jin opens his mouth to rebut but his mother cuts him off. “Oh don’t even try. I know favoritism when I see it.” She hisses, “I got it right with Reio.”
“Just eat the goddamn sushi.”
“Just eat the goddamn sushi.” She mimics, making a face. “Is that what you learned in America?”
“Sit down and eat it, Ma.” Jin sighs. “ I bought these from Karaku. Don’t make me give these to the dogs.”
“That’s an empty threat and you know that.” She spits but she sits in front of him anyway and makes an irritated noise as she pries the platter’s lid off.
“There’s a lot hotategai in there. I know you like those.” Jin wiggles his brows.
His mother ignores him and surveys the platter. “I have to leave some for your father.” she says, sadly.
Jin nods, “Yes, ideally you should.”
She covers the platter again and places it in the middle of the table. “So,” she starts, studying him with raised brows, “Why are you here? Feeling guilty for being a traitorous, in-laws-loving, ungrateful son?”
“No.” Jin says and tries not to groan. He succeeds narrowly. “I have a flight to LA this weekend. I won’t be here for a month or so.”
“Ah the prodigal son is at it again.” She says as she gets up and starts setting up the table.
Jin doesn’t move to help her and just lounges there lazily. A puppy crawls under his legs, head bumps his shin then chews on the bottom of his pants with such relentless vigor. Crooning, Jin bends over and grabs the dog under his front paws. “I have to meet some people and do some recording. You know, like a jetsetting popstar.” He raises the pup in the air and makes some affectionate gurgling noise usually intended for human babies. The pup drools on his white shirt and Jin beams at the dog brightly like it just did something momentous.
His mother sighs as she opens a beer can. “Somewhere a long the way, I knew I did something wrong as a mother.”
Jin lets go of the dog and reaches for some paper towel on the counter to wipe the dog drool on his shirt. “Don’t stress about it.” He says, face solemn. “Dad did a great enough job as a father to cover all bases. Even the maternal side.”
“Alright then, spit it out.” she says, tossing him a can of beer.
“Spit what out?” he asks, blinking as she sits across him on the table.
“Oh, you’re over that petty worrying you had two weeks ago?” she’s laughing as she rests her head on her knuckles.
Jin huffs out a weak laugh, scratching his nose. “Well, yeah. Sort of.”
His mother looks at him, waiting and Jin fidgets under her gaze. He dunks his head lower. “I still don’t understand it.” He starts, unsure. “I still don’t get why… why this - why we work. And it’s stupid, I know but I’m still afraid that one day, it’ll be gone but - ”
“It doesn’t matter?” his mother supplies, smiling softly.
Jin stays quiet for a minute. “Yeah.”
“Things like this,” She says, and there’s that glint in her eyes that makes Jin feels like he’s five years old again. “things like love and life, they just happen. And most of the time, you can never make sense out of it.”
Jin doesn’t say anything for a while, until he slowly narrows his eyes. “This is very awkward.” He pauses. “But thanks, Ma.”
She cringes, “Yeah. Let’s forget I just said that.”
“You know,” Jin says as he steals the biggest hotategai piece in the platter, “you’re not that bad as a mother.” He grins as he eats the hotategai.
“Why are we even related?” she looks at him, face slack with disgust.
“I’m your favorite and you know it.”
Somewhere from the other room, the puppy barks - probably in agreement.
***
As Jin steps out of the train station, he fishes his phone out of his coat’s pocket. He navigates his way through the busy crowd as he waits for the other to pick up the line. There are two red-faced, drunken salary men on the other side of the road, laughing and singing incoherently and definitely off-key as they clumsily stagger their way against the rush of people. There are few who’re whispering to themselves and staring unapprovingly at the two. But as Jin crosses the road, he glances at them and then, briefly, he smiles just a little, and his eyes - his eyes has that strange, faraway look.
“Hey,” Jin says when Kame finally picks up. “I’m heading home. Do you need me to buy anything?”
End
By: happymaybe
Pairing: Akame
Word count: ~6,000
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: Shameless trope fest
Notes: cease11, I hope you’ll enjoy this. :) ♥ Thanks B for the beta.
Summary: Long-term relationships entail a lot of things. One of which is boredom; another is an unhealthy dosage of insecurity. Jin tries to deal with both, among other things (that may or may not be the real reason for such behavior).
“- the lavender one? Sure. Okay love you too bye.”
Jin hangs up and places his phone back in his pocket, all the while his eyes focussed on his food. “I’m concerned.”
His mother looks up from her bowl of rice. “That the store might run out of that fabric softener Kazuya called you to buy?” She’s not laughing but she should just do it, to get over it.
There are times he is absolutely in awe of how immeasurable the love and patience of a son for his mother can be. Jin restrains himself, closing his eyes.
“No, not really.” He says finally as he idly plays with the chicken meat on his bowl with his chopsticks. “We’re like…” He gestures vaguely, “For the lack of better term, an old married couple.” He pauses, cringing. “Don’t you think it’s sad?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” His mother laughs, standing up and gathering the plates at the table, and Jin doesn’t bother protesting when she snatches his bowl of half-eaten rice. “You’re not old. You’re just 26. I’m 43. That’s old.”
Jin looks at her for a moment. “Aren’t you distressed about this even for a bit? Your oldest son is sharing domestic bliss with another man.”
“This is getting old.” She says as she washes the dishes. “I’m telling you, you can’t make me homophobic. Nor can you make your father. What is wrong with you?”
Jin leans back his chair, balancing it on its rear legs, and stares at the ceiling. “This is wrong. I don’t know how but this is wrong.”
His mother looks back at him for a moment, pausing mid-rinse. “What is this about? Are you seriously having troubles with Kazuya or are you just bored? Because I know you, you tend to have stupid ideas when you’re bored.”
Jin drops his chair to all four legs again and stares at his hands for a moment. “I don’t honestly know, Ma.”
His mother goes back to the dishes, “Isn’t it a bit too late for this phase, Jin? You guys have been together since… I don’t know. Seven years? Give or take one year of closet time.”
Jin feels the beginning of a tension headache.
“Your father and I were only together for three weeks when you were conceived. You two could practically be grandparents now if only you have a uterus.”
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.” Jin says after a stretch of silence.
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. You moved out years ago. And yet you’re here, freeloading on my food and beer.”
“I missed you. I wasn’t here for months, Ma.” Jin says, wryly.
His mother doesn’t say anything as she dries the plates with a towel and leaves them on the rack. She then walks up to Jin and kisses his forehead. She places both her hands on his cheeks, looks at him in the eyes and smiles.
“Don’t be such a sap. Go home. Your father and I are going to have sex tonight.”
***
When Jin steps inside Kame’s apartment that night, he sees the other sitting on the floor of the living room, wearing Jin’s boxers and watching whatever drama is on while plucking his eyebrows with sheer precision.
Jin stalls in the hallway for a moment, assessing what his life has become with a dread-like sensation pooling in his stomach. But, as if the universe is all about slapping him in the face and telling him how hopelessly weak he is, Kame slowly moves to grab the remote on the coffee table, limbs stretching, and his shirt shifts and Jin’s mouth dries at the fleeting view of the strip of bare skin on Kame’s hip and stomach. He feels a belated mix of self-deprecation and arousal at that moment.
Kame blinks then smiles at him, uneven thin arches of eyebrows and all. “Hello.” He pauses. “Why are you standing there?”
Jin grunts something in response as he goes straight to kitchen and dumps the groceries on the table. “There was a sale on dishwashing liquid and tissue paper so I bought some too. This would probably last us until October.” He announces as he wanders back to the living room.
“That would probably last me until October. Not you.” Kame replies.
“Kame.” Jin says.
Kame spares him a look and shrugs, “Just saying.”
Jin doesn’t sigh; he sits on the couch instead. “Hey.” He says, bending down and methodically kissing Kame on the forehead.
“Hey.” Kame says distractedly as he studies his eyebrows on the handheld mirror. A beat later, Kame stares up to Jin. “I forgot to tell you to get some loperamide.”
“You should go to the doctor.”
Kame leans back to the bottom of the couch, sighing. “I suppose. It’s kinda green already.”
Jin shuts his eyes closed and cringes. “Yeah. You should.” He says, honestly sympathetic.
“And besides,” Kame starts, standing up, “We haven’t had sex in days,” He says, sounding put out and messing up Jin’s hair on his way to the kitchen.
Jin blows a lock of hair out his eyes. Fair enough.
***
Jin assumes they probably first met during the auditions in ‘98. They probably even exchanged idle words, quite common to restless auditioning adolescent boys. But the truth is Jin doesn’t remember Kame that day. Or even Maru. Or that day in general.
It was a day he spent convincing himself that if he would fail then he just has to suck it up and become a lawyer.
There are days he would still occasionally wonder what would have happened if he did become a lawyer.
It was only several months later when he was at the vending machine buying some drink when a kid stepped behind him and Jin glanced at him and smiled. “Hey sorry. Give me a sec, it got stuck.” He punctuated that with a kick to the machine.
Scowling, Jin kicked again and second time was the charm as his Coke rolled out. “All yours.”
The kid looked at him for a moment. “Hey. You were in the November audition, right?”
See, Jin was never into small talk simply because he didn’t posses the appropriate skill set for it, and, really, he was right about to head back to the rehearsal because the instructor had an obvious Stalin-tendency but it was that moment that he felt this strange pull by whatever magical strings fate has on him to just stop, turn back, and look at the kid again.
“I’m Kamenashi. I sat next to you during the prelims. Do you remember me?”
Truth to be told Jin doesn’t, but -
“Yeah. Yeah. I do.” He said, slowly drawing the words out.
And the way the face of this Kamenashi kid lightened at that moment made Jin realise he probably said the right thing.
Jin blinked and schooled his face carefully, resisting a smile. “Yeah. Hey. I’m Akanishi.”
***
“Akanishi?”
Jin removes his stereo headphones, draping it on his neck and looks up to see Koki by the entrance of the restaurant. “Yo.”
Koki frowns, walking to him. “Hey… what are you doing here - Does Kame know you’re here?”
“Ah. No. But it’s okay. We’re gonna go to his parents later and I’m supposed to pick him up and… well, change of scenery. Some guys are staying over my apartment so…” Jin gestures to the booth he’s currently holed up in with the stack of music sheets occupying half the table, GarageBand open on his Mac and three half-eaten plates of various pasta and chicken combo.
It’s a slow business for the family restaurant with the predictable midmorning-midweek quiet laziness creeping all over humanity. It’s a good day.
Koki lets out a small ahh, nodding and standing awkwardly beside the table.
“And you? Lost the lunch bet, I guess?” Jin asks as he bends over the table and tries feebly to put some organization into the mess on his table.
“Yeah. Buying everyone’s lunch.” Koki says. “Wouldn’t they kick you out of here? We’re gonna be there till four. It’s only eleven.”
Jin grins as he shoves the music sheets inside a clear file case. “Nah. I’m ordering iced tea every 30 minutes.”
“Don’t they have bottomless here?”
“Exactly.”
“Ahh.” Koki nods. “But still. You can come up, you know.”
“’Tis fine. I’m good here. I’m doing some work myself here anyway. I don’t want to bother you guys.”
“Suit yourself. But we’re just across the street.” Koki says that like he’s about to go and that’s the end of it but instead he sits across Jin and looks at him, somewhat expectantly.
Jin looks at him, unsure. “…What’s up?”
Koki opens his mouth but closes it again, his face blank. Jin raises his brows. “What is it?”
Koki breaks into a small smile, sighing to himself. “Nothing. Sorry man. It’s just that...” He trails off and Jin can’t decide if that’s wistfulness on his face or a facial indication of indigestion.
“You two are like the poster couple for You and Me Against the World. Like a new age happily ever after.”
Jin looks at him. “It’s eleven in the morning. I thought you’re done with the substance abuse morning routine.”
Koki laughs, his eyes crinkling. “Asshole. No, I’m just saying… this is nice. You and Kame. You know, despite everything. Kind of inspiring. Like Mother Teresa. You know her?”
“Yeah. Vaguely. But I doubt she’ll be rooting for a gay couple though… bless her,” Jin mutters under his breath. “Everything alright?” He says, a bit louder this time.
Koki grins as he grabs Jin’s Mac and starts going around, tweaking the amps and groove matching. “Of course, dude.” He says eventually, still with an unsettling shit-eating grin stretching his face, his eyes reduce to mere slits.
Jin stares at him.
“Oh fuck. No. I’m not.” Koki shoves the laptop away from him and covers his face with his hand. “Sorry, man. I did this very stupid shit and my girlfriend wants to break up and I really love her, you know. And I know this is crazy but we’ve only been together for six months but I love her so I got her a ring and shit, she freaked out. Why would she freak out? I mean c’mon, man. It was perfect until - shit I’m so fucking stupid. Am I stupid?”
Jin finishes his iced tea then flags down the waitress. “Do you serve alcohol at this hour? We need beers here. Bottomless. Thank you.”
***
It probably says something about how fucked-up or doomed their relationship is when it is actually built on a lie, given that Jin didn’t actually remember Kame from that audition day.
It’s trivial to worry about, yes Jin knew that, but it didn’t stop him from brooding over it for roughly half an hour after they finally got over their stupid nerves and sexuality issue and jumped on each other and sexed up all night. He’s half-sentimental and paranoid like that.
But when Kame shifted beside him and draped himself over Jin’s chest and murmured sleepily on his neck about promises of morning blowjobs and pancakes, Jin smiled in the darkness and whispers, “I love you,” to Kame’s hair.
One truth for one lie.
***
Kame simply wrinkles his nose.
“Well, the guy needs someone to talk to. I can be that guy sometimes, you know. The sensible one.” Jin says he wheels out of the basement parking lot.
“You have good intentions but, Jin, our lunch was three hours late. We were worried and hungry,” Kame says, tucking one leg under him, the other bent with his knee raised. Jin is distracted with the sight of Kame’s bare toes curling and with how the dark leather of the seat brings out the pink-paleness of Kame’s soles.
Jin clears his throat. “Well. The guy was a mess and won’t shut up. What would you do if you’re in my position?”
Kame hums, leaning his head back, baring his neck and shifting on his seat, his jeans accentuating the curve of his thighs.
“I’d probably say ‘suck it up, asshole’. Which I did, first thing in the morning when he came crawling in with a hangover.”
Jin changes gears. “Koki needs someone to listen to him. Not to scold him.”
Kame wrinkles his nose again. “You always side with whiners. No wonder.”
Kame’s voice is low and hoarse from the all-day recording and Jesus Fucking Christ -
“Hey. We’re running early, aren’t we? The dinner’s around eight?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Let’s stop by the apartment?”
Kame flicks his gaze to Jin. “Mmm. Yeah. Let’s do that.”
***
They didn’t manage to get out of bed that night.
They end up going to Kame’s parents house the next weekend bearing peace offerings in the form of two bottles of wine that are more expensive that Jin’s car mortgage.
“This is good wine,” Kame’s grandfather says as he hands a glass to Jin.
“One good thing that came out of that drama,” Jin replies easily, slouching on his seat and sipping on his wine like some kind of a connoisseur cockblocked by several poor life choices.
“Ah. I remember that one. That was embarrassing,” Kame’s mother comments cheerily as she walks in the room, flopping down into an armchair by the window.
“Thanks, Mom. Always a pleasure.” Kame quips from one corner; he’s playing Go with his father.
The dinner was of hearty quantity and quality and fantastic and they are all filled to their bones and feeling like lazy and pretentious gits. Let it never be forgotten that the Kamenashi household is a modern portrait of a middle class family.
“Embarrassment aside, I kinda like that drama. You always look so handsome in a suit, hon,” his mother says, finishing her flute of wine expertly.
Kame’s father grunts as he eyes that one particular vacant point adjacent to his stone. “I don’t know.” He starts, face stony and unreadable. “The boxer one was far more embarrassing for me. He’s so lanky for a boxer, regardless of the weight division. And his nipples? It was kind of distracting, son.” He makes a move, creating a chain of black stone.
Kame for a moment just stares at the board and then, perhaps finally realizing what the move entails, bristles. “Dad. Handicap here. You don’t - “ He points to the board, then stops. “I don’t even know why I bother. I give up.” He stands up and pads his way to Jin. “And please let’s not talk about my nipples,” he says, slumping down onto the couch.
“But you have very cute nipples, hon.” Kame’s mother says, nodding.
“But it’s distracting.” Both Jin and Kame’s father speak at the same time.
Kame narrows his eyes at them, looking partly offended and amused at the same time. Jin just laughs awkwardly as Kame’s father howls in one corner.
And to Jin’s further mortification, this has prompted Kame’s grandfather to start asking them genuinely curious yet highly inappropriate questions.
***
They’ve been together long enough for Jin to know when to push and not - both in sexual context and not. And just like your next-door neighbor, he learned it through experience.
But contrary to what seems to be the public consensus, there were no yelling, tears, dramatic walkouts, and threats of severing one’s genitals when Jin went solo.
In fact, it was Kame who burnt the midnight oil with Jin’s manager when they ran the Warner Music contract under their imaginary microscope, looking for flaws and signs of what they suspect is a deliberate and detailed plan of the upper management to make Jin fail spectacularly and publicly. Kame wrote his annotations at the margins with his chicken scratch using a purple fine-point sharpie.
There were days Jin appreciates this kind of paranoia about his welfare but there were some days when he just wanted to facepalm whilst looking polite and somewhat dignified.
Jin was in the US then for his concert but he was mandated to sit through the whole thing in front of his webcam as Kame and his manager explained every single letter and punctuation mark of the contract to him and then turned to discuss with each other like Jin isn’t there.
“But the legal counsel said - ”
“Bullshit, I tell you.” Kame cuts him off, sounding a lot more dejected than what Jin anticipated. “We need to look this through by ourselves. Some of my dad’s golf buddies are good lawyers. I’ll ask them to skim - ”
“We only have - ” Jin’s manager paused to look at the notebook in his hand, “Till three to fax this over to Jin to get signed.”
From his screen, he saw Kame and his manger crowding in front of Kame’s laptop in the living room, the surface of the coffee table covered with layers after layers of legal papers and hastily-written notes.
“I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer, do you know that?” Jin said, beaming.
Kame just stared at him.
Jin exhaled, “Look, maybe we should call it a night - well in my case, a day.” Jin said, noting the tension on Kame’s shoulders that was mostly reserved in dealing with trite sponsors and Jin’s mother.
Bad connection, dimly lit living room and all, Jin saw the suppressed infuriation on Kame’s carefully schooled face. “Jin, please.” It’s strained in the slightest, almost even toned and could pass as a neutral statement and nothing more. Jin’s manager didn’t even bat an eyelash and seemed to be deeply troubled with a certain clause on the Covenants section instead.
Then a phone rang somewhere and Jin’s manager scrambled to snatch it from where it had apparently fallen under the table. When he emerged on the view again, his face is colored with quiet annoyance. “I need to take this. I’ll be quick.” He quipped, standing up and he hurried away from Jin’s screen.
Now alone, Kame’s shoulder sagged as he rubbed a hand on his face. Jin stared at him. A moment of silence passed and Kame finally looked up, eyes barely seen under his fringe and Jin realized their distance and that this modern technology was simply not fucking advanced enough.
“I just want this to work out, okay,” Kame explained, and Jin wasn’t too sure if it’s directed at him.
“I know,” Jin replied, quietly.
“I want...” Kame paused, blinking, “I want this to be worth it.”
Jin felt heavy and wanted nothing but to push Kame’s hair out of his face, to close those tired eyes and there’s this apology at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said - but he knew better.
He searched for Kame’s eyes and breathed, “It will be. I promise.”
***
The moment he steps inside and closes door behind him, Jin blinks as he tries to make out the current state of his apartment. Grimacing, he kicks some empty vodka bottles and what seems to be the last remnants of a piñata on the floor and follows a trail of clothing, only to reach the living room and see two unfamiliar girls sleeping on the floor. Both Latina, Jin’s mind uselessly supplies.
He’s standing in the middle of his own living room, wide-eyed and truly and thoroughly mind fucked out when the bathroom door opens and a Japanese girl wearing a huge shirt that reaches her mid thigh steps out.
“Who are you?” she said in accented English, sluggish. “Were you with us last night?” she asks, frowning.
Jin blinks. “No - sorry, who are you - ”
“Are you burglar?” she asks suspiciously but for a person who is accusing someone a thief, she looks oddly calm.
“What? No - ”
Down the corridor a bedroom door opens, and Dominic comes padding into the living room, yawning. He’s at least wearing a decent black boxers. “Oh. Jin.”
“Dominic. Who are these people?” Jin asks, slowly. It’s too early for this.
“You know him?” the girl asks, jerking her head in Jin’s direction.
“Ah. Yeah. Sort of.”
“Sort of?!”
Dominic waves a hand at him, dismissive like he’s a puppy and Jin opens his mouth to refute it but all that comes out is a simmered down version, “Dominic.”
Dominic ignores him. “Hey, why don’t you get more sleep in there? And later, we’ll get some breakfast with your friends here, yeah?” he says to the girl, petting her head with one hand and gesturing to the room where he just came from with the other hand.
Jin’s bedroom.
“Hey,” Jin protests.
That seems to have placated her as she wordlessly pivots in the room’s direction and it’s only when she’s halfway down the corridor when she suddenly stops and turns back. “Oh.” She says in some sort of slow belated realization. “You’re Akanishi Jin.”
Jin narrows his eyes, “And you’re in my apartment - ”
“Okay okay okay. You go to the room and sleep and we,” Dominic grabs Jin’s arm, “are going to the kitchen.” And indeed, he hauls him to the kitchen.
***
“Don’t.” Dominic says immediately, cutting whatever Jin is suppoesed to scold about. “Hangover. You don’t want me throwing up on your kitchen floor, do you?” He mumbles, as he sits on the chair and plants his face on the table.
“At least have the common decency to clean the place.” He sits across the other and rests his chin on his hands. Both still conversing in English, or whatever mangled morning-after version Dominic manages to produce.
“Sorry, Jin.” Dominic says, sounding exactly like a corpse.
Jin nods to no one in particular and fishes out his phone. “Hey, babe.”
“You never call me that. Lemme guess, you are probably with someone who you haven’t come out to yet.” Kame says as a greeting, deadpan.
“I miss you too, babe. Hey, I need Mrs. Shmizu’s number?” Jin leans back on the chair.
“My cleaning lady? I told you they’d trash your place.”
“You’re heaven sent. No, you.”
He hears Kame sighs over the line. “I don’t have the number of my cleaning lady at the top of my head, Jin. I have to look for it. I’ll just send it.”
“I love you too, babe.”
“Oh. And can you please fold the laundry when you come home later?”
Jin pauses. “You’re an absolute delight. You don’t have to. But okay, I like the one with the pepperoni and four kinds of cheese? Thanks, babe. I’ll see you later.” Jin hangs up and places his phone on the table.
Dominic raises his head and opens one sleep-swollen eye. “You call Kamenashi babe?”
Jin recovers quickly. “What? No. That’s my girlfriend.”
“Don’t bother. I know, okay. No sweat.” Dominic says as he tries to stand up and balances on his feet. Dominic looks dreadfully pissed six ways from Sunday.
“I need coffee.” He says as an after thought and goes to fix himself one.
Jin simply sits there watching as Dominic bangs his head with an open cupboard and burns himself with the electric kettle.
When Dominic finally comes back to the table, he drinks down his coffee like it’s a Mojito. “You’re pale,” he says afterwards, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jin opens his mouth then closes it. Dominic scoffs. “Yamashita told me. That and you didn’t lock the drawers in your room and I’m just a human. And we humans snoop around our friends’ stuff, looking for their porn stash.”
“I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation this morning,” Jin says, weakly.
“Me too.” Dominic sighs. “I wasn’t expecting you this morning. Or even me, you know, conversing. I’m supposed to be sleeping.” He whines. “Why, why are you here?”
“I need my guitar. You didn’t wreck it did you?”
Pause. “You have a guitar in here?”
Jin shuts his eyes. “It’s on the stand in the corner of my room,” he says, slowly. “Right beside the telly.”
Dominic blinks. “Are you sure?” he asks after a few seconds of delay.
Jin still with his eyes closed, tries to mute down his heart-felt groan.
“Nah, just kidding. I hid it in the bathtub.” Dominic beams and he’s practically bouncing on his seat. That coffee is good, Jin concludes.
“Bathtub? You - ” He stops, swallows a mouthful of air and breaks into a sigh. “As long as it’s unharmed.” Jin reasons out desperately more to himself than to the other.
Dominic laughs as he stands up and starts rummaging Jin’s empty cupboards. “Of course, man. Don’t you have any food in here?”
Jin leans into the backrest of the chair and quietly observes as Dominic hunts for food and at the same time, somehow does a haphazard general cleaning of Jin’s kitchen.
Jin clears his throat, “Hey, listen - ”
“Don’t worry about it.” Dominic cuts him off. He’s on his knees now, head buried at the bottom vegetable section of the refrigerator. “What’s with you and celery, seriously?”
“They’re an excellent source of Vitamin C and fiber.” Jin supplies as he facepalms. “Dominic, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here. Please don’t make this anymore difficult than it is.”
Dominic is scratching his two-day old stubble as he tries to open a jar of orange marmalade with just one hand. “You think this one is already expired?” he asks, sniffing the jar once he finally yanks it open.
“Dominic.”
Dominic turns to him and sighs, exasperated. “Jin, I’m not making it any more difficult. You’re the only one who’s making it difficult. I’m fine with it. The whole crew is fine with it.” He pauses. “I think.”
“Everyone knows?” Jin chokes.
The other just looks at him. “It’s fine. We figured it out a long time ago. You’re not really subtle.” Dominic says and to Jin’s further chagrin, he looks completely sincere.
Jin covers his face with his hands. “Why am I not drunk? Am I drunk?”
Dominic dunks a stem of celery in the jar and then bites a whole chunk of it. “Wow.” He says, in awe. “Surprisingly, this doesn’t taste horrible like shit. Want some?”
Jin ignores him, his face still on his hands.
“Look, it’s fine.” Jin hears the other say. Jin lifts up his head, pries his eyes open.
“We don’t judge, but… ” Dominic then trails off, shrugging.
Frowning slightly, Jin asks, “But what?”
Dominic makes a face, like he finally realized that eating celery with an expired orange marmalade is a gourmet abomination. “We are your friends and we’re cool with that.” He starts, distracted with the way he mournfully eyes the celery in his hands. “You’re gonna be based in the US mostly now with that contract and all.” He finally looks up from the celery, “Are you gonna be fine with that? I mean, I’ve been meaning to ask this for sometime now…”
“Just say it.”
Dominic pushes the jar of marmalade away from him and tosses the celery over his shoulder.
“Here, everyone seems fine with it. Which is good, really. Especially your management. Which comes as a surprise, to be honest.” He babbles, hands gesturing like he’s giving a speech. “But there, and I know you know what I’m saying - we can’t be too sure. I know a couple of guys and it didn’t fare well. You get my drift, man?”
Jin doesn’t say anything.
Dominic clicks his tongue, pushing a hand through his hair. “I’m no relationship expert and don’t know a thing about you and Kamenashi and I feel like something died in my stomach right now and I’ll probably barf in a minute so I’m not sure if I’m making any sense but I saw many people around me. These things,” he waves a hand, “It puts a lot of strain on you.”
Jin flicks the silver latch of his watch open and closes it again.
“I’m sorry.” Dominic says. The supposed caffeine-induced adrenaline seems to have worn off. He looks thoroughly pissed again.
“It’s okay.” Jin touches the leather band. “Thank you.”
“Just. Just be careful. You’ve put a lot of effort for this, sacrifice a shit ton and, I was there and saw it all. It will just suck if - ”
“Dominic. It’s okay.” Jin lets out a shaky laugh. “I - I have absolutely no idea what’ll happen but I’m gonna try.” He smiles. “This is what we do, right? We just try and see if we get something worthwhile in the end.”
Dominic is looking at him softly and Jin isn’t entirely sure if that’s hangover or blinded fascination.
“And you both seem to be together for a long time now.”
Jin waits for Dominic to add something to that statement, thinking there’s probably more to it than that, for it to make sense. Dominic simply pads his way to the bathroom and Jin realizes, yeah - that is all there is.
That is all there is that matters.
***
When Jin was a kid he wanted first to be Vegeta, then a football player and lastly, with burning desire, to be a lawyer. He ended up as a popstar.
As years go by and due to various external and internal factors, his mind changed and his priorities were readjusted. Even until now, there are moments when he still doesn’t know what to do and what he wants. Sometimes, he hates himself for that.
But when he came home from the press conference with Warner, and Kame wordlessly handed him a list of international artists signed with Warner Music that he wants an autograph from and then kissed him on the cheeks before going out to buy Alpo for their dogs, Jin can’t help but think that somewhere along the way, he probably did the right thing.
***
“Jin?” Kame opens the balcony door and sneaks his head out.
“Here.” Jin says from where he’s slouching in the small corner with his back against the wall and his socked soles planted on the railings of the balcony.
Kame steps outside and walks towards him. Jin busies himself as he fumbles to get a cigarette out of his pocket.
Jin only looks up when Kame gingerly sits on his lap, his thighs bracketing Jin. Kame fishes a Zippo out of his own pants’ pocket and lights Jin’s cigarette.
Kame’s heavy and warm but him sitting on Jin’s lap with blatant disregard for personal space, seems to be nothing but the most natural thing in this world tonight.
“Is something wrong?” Kame asks him finally.
Jin leans his head back on the wall, and barely makes the outline of Kame’s face in the darkness.
“Seven years, Kame. Are you tired of me yet?” Jin asks as he exhales, courteously blowing the smoke at the side, out of Kame’s face.
He can’t see Kame but he suspects the other is frowning. Kame doesn’t say anything. He places both of his hands on Jin’s chest. Go on, I’ll listen.
“I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” Jin says, slowly dragging the cigarette from his lips.
“Of what?”
“Of this.”
He hears Kame huffs a laugh. “You promised me, remember.” He says and leans forward and kisses Jin on the lips.
Jin can feel the heat of his cigarette burning away.
***
“I come bearing sushi.” Jin announces as his mother opens the door.
His mother just looks at him, disgusted and doesn’t let him in. “Sushi?”
Jin frowns, “You don’t like sushi? You like sushi.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you.” She walks inside, leaving him there outside but she doesn’t slam the door in his face so Jin takes it that he’s expected to follow and grovel for forgiveness.
“What did I do again?” he sighs, following her to kitchen.
She whips her head and glares, “I saw Kimiko at the store the other day.”
“Kame’s mother?”
“Uh huh,” she says, tipping her chin and crossing her arms. “She said you brought them wine.” She says wine like it’s a sexually transmitted disease.
“Two bottles, actually. What of it?” Jin asks as he sits on the table.
“You dare give me sushi when you give them two bottles of wine more expensive than my pearls?”
Jin opens his mouth to rebut but his mother cuts him off. “Oh don’t even try. I know favoritism when I see it.” She hisses, “I got it right with Reio.”
“Just eat the goddamn sushi.”
“Just eat the goddamn sushi.” She mimics, making a face. “Is that what you learned in America?”
“Sit down and eat it, Ma.” Jin sighs. “ I bought these from Karaku. Don’t make me give these to the dogs.”
“That’s an empty threat and you know that.” She spits but she sits in front of him anyway and makes an irritated noise as she pries the platter’s lid off.
“There’s a lot hotategai in there. I know you like those.” Jin wiggles his brows.
His mother ignores him and surveys the platter. “I have to leave some for your father.” she says, sadly.
Jin nods, “Yes, ideally you should.”
She covers the platter again and places it in the middle of the table. “So,” she starts, studying him with raised brows, “Why are you here? Feeling guilty for being a traitorous, in-laws-loving, ungrateful son?”
“No.” Jin says and tries not to groan. He succeeds narrowly. “I have a flight to LA this weekend. I won’t be here for a month or so.”
“Ah the prodigal son is at it again.” She says as she gets up and starts setting up the table.
Jin doesn’t move to help her and just lounges there lazily. A puppy crawls under his legs, head bumps his shin then chews on the bottom of his pants with such relentless vigor. Crooning, Jin bends over and grabs the dog under his front paws. “I have to meet some people and do some recording. You know, like a jetsetting popstar.” He raises the pup in the air and makes some affectionate gurgling noise usually intended for human babies. The pup drools on his white shirt and Jin beams at the dog brightly like it just did something momentous.
His mother sighs as she opens a beer can. “Somewhere a long the way, I knew I did something wrong as a mother.”
Jin lets go of the dog and reaches for some paper towel on the counter to wipe the dog drool on his shirt. “Don’t stress about it.” He says, face solemn. “Dad did a great enough job as a father to cover all bases. Even the maternal side.”
“Alright then, spit it out.” she says, tossing him a can of beer.
“Spit what out?” he asks, blinking as she sits across him on the table.
“Oh, you’re over that petty worrying you had two weeks ago?” she’s laughing as she rests her head on her knuckles.
Jin huffs out a weak laugh, scratching his nose. “Well, yeah. Sort of.”
His mother looks at him, waiting and Jin fidgets under her gaze. He dunks his head lower. “I still don’t understand it.” He starts, unsure. “I still don’t get why… why this - why we work. And it’s stupid, I know but I’m still afraid that one day, it’ll be gone but - ”
“It doesn’t matter?” his mother supplies, smiling softly.
Jin stays quiet for a minute. “Yeah.”
“Things like this,” She says, and there’s that glint in her eyes that makes Jin feels like he’s five years old again. “things like love and life, they just happen. And most of the time, you can never make sense out of it.”
Jin doesn’t say anything for a while, until he slowly narrows his eyes. “This is very awkward.” He pauses. “But thanks, Ma.”
She cringes, “Yeah. Let’s forget I just said that.”
“You know,” Jin says as he steals the biggest hotategai piece in the platter, “you’re not that bad as a mother.” He grins as he eats the hotategai.
“Why are we even related?” she looks at him, face slack with disgust.
“I’m your favorite and you know it.”
Somewhere from the other room, the puppy barks - probably in agreement.
***
As Jin steps out of the train station, he fishes his phone out of his coat’s pocket. He navigates his way through the busy crowd as he waits for the other to pick up the line. There are two red-faced, drunken salary men on the other side of the road, laughing and singing incoherently and definitely off-key as they clumsily stagger their way against the rush of people. There are few who’re whispering to themselves and staring unapprovingly at the two. But as Jin crosses the road, he glances at them and then, briefly, he smiles just a little, and his eyes - his eyes has that strange, faraway look.
“Hey,” Jin says when Kame finally picks up. “I’m heading home. Do you need me to buy anything?”
End