Scribblings from Don Juan...
The other day a girl from work told me that she and another girl were talking and they wanted to ask me why I didn't have a girlfriend. They found it weird because I'm a nice, funny, cute guy. I gave a quick response or two of how I'm too broke to have a girlfriend and that most of the girls that I seem to be attracted to end up being with a jerk or not being able to get over a jerk. She kind of laughed, then thought about it for a bit. A little bit later she came back and said, "You know, you are probably right. A lot of girls are with jerks." I know that there are exceptions to the rule, and I'm sure that I've beaten this topic to death, so I'll just kind of leave it there for now.
Even though I did give my answer, which is my usual take on the whole thing, I started to think a bit more about why I tend to find myself single at this stage of life. My last girlfriend and I didn't seem to work out mainly due to a circumstance beyond our control. Living a few thousand miles away kind of puts a damper on the entire thing. We were able to see each other a few times, talked on the phone every night, and there were plans of me moving, but sadly, the plans fell through for various reasons. We had a huge number of similarities with a few differences thrown in here and there to offer some variety. She really is a great girl and there is always some possibility that things might work out in the future if things change from what they are now.
So I guess that is a more detailed reason on why I'm currently single. I could have left it there in my head, but I just had to keep thinking about it and analyzing it. Of course the whole past issues I have had with trust, infidelity, and just general meanness played into that analysis as well. I mean, of all the people that I have dated, or had recipricated interest in, there are only two people that I have only completely trusted and was actually accepted and loved for who I am. Now I'm not saying that I have had a ton of ex's, but things just go a little harder when the person you are with is constantly trying to make you who you aren't.
And now that brought me to start pondering what I actually am. I know who I am, what I like, and all the things that go with that. I would say that it's a bit hard for me to stereotype myself into one category. Well, in all honesty, no one fits into a complete stereotype, but there are aspects of my personality that just clash within each stereotype that I try to put myself in. I would say the one that I fit most in would have to be the geek/nerd/dork stereotype. Everyone has slightly different definitions of all of those, but if you lump them together, you get a general idea of where I'm going with this. After all, I'm someone who likes math, science, and technology. I enjoy reading sci-fi books. My favorite movie is The Empire Strikes Back. I play a ton of video games. I'm looking forward to the return of Battlestar Galactica. I figure you get what I'm trying to say here.
When you look at that kind of stereotype, there are also other aspects that are thrown in with all of that. Fat, wears glasses, ugly, live in their parent's basement, speak some form of elvish, virginish, gets extremely nervous around women, and are just plain socially inept to begin with. Of those, I wear glasses, although as of late I've been wearing my contacts. I'm also pretty outgoing when it comes to talking to people, I'm charming as hell, and I don't speak any form of fictional language. Although I'm wondering, if it's truly a language, would that really make it fictional? So, I figure that I am a very well adjusted person when it comes to the world, but also have a strong liking for the outwardly lying hobbies. Although some of those things are kind of becoming a bit more mainstream, like video games.
Now take all that and try to put me into a social situation where I could potentially meet people. I don't exactly like the whole nightclub/bar scene. Sure, I'll drink sometimes, but it's a ton cheaper to do it at home. On top of that, I wouldn't be going there to find someone to just take home tonight and have my way with. Also, I don't have anyone to go to a bar with anyway. So that kind of throws that out of perspective. I have met some people through an online game before, one of those experiences being my previous girlfriend, but long distance is a bitch to work with, especially if there isn't any sort of optimism about moving to be closer together. Meeting people at work wouldn't be a bad thing. In fact, you would think that the girl that asked me about a girlfriend in the first place might be interested, but she, like a great majority of women there it seems, are taken. Plus being with someone you work with probably isn't the easiest thing to do. My job does make it easier, I would think. Also I know that I can seperate the work life and the away from work life pretty well. I've had to do that when I managed my store. I worked with quite a few friends. If you can't seperate that, it will fall apart.
Now, all that added to the fact that by and large, most of the women I do meet are involved in some sort of relationship. And here comes the blanket statement. A vast majority of them are with people that treat them like complete and total shit. I could preach and say that they are stupid for doing that, for thinking it was what they need to do and what not, but I have been in that situation more times than not. What a lot of people don't realize as well is that when I say involved, I don't necessarily mean dating/married to. I also include the complete lack of ability to let go of a jerk who has left them. It seems like I get to be the lucky rebound guy in most of my relationships. And if I'm not the rebound, then for some reason they are still hung up in some way on a douchebag. What gets me even more, and I know that I've said this a ton as well, nine times out of ten, I get left for said jerk/douchebag/abusive bastard. It really does boggle my mind and it's something that I can't say I completely understand.
Maybe most of my relationships just end when I am told that they actually end. Or possibly the fact that I'm the one that is dumped makes it that much more final in my mind. I usually do go through the whole problem of missing that person and the feelings I had with them, but when given the chance to go back to them after the way I was treated, I don't usually take it. And if I do, it's because they were a person that didn't treat me like shit and ditch me that way. But then again it could all just be do to the comfort level of knowing the person you are with. If you know that you are going to get a whuppin' then it could be a safer feeling then wondering if it will ever come. Some deep down behaviors never change in people. Sometimes they do. Are you willing to stay around long enough to see if it will change, or to wait and be patient long enough for that change to take place? I know I can't. I have my limits. It's why I got divorced.
So, because I really think I'm starting to ramble here I'll do a very quick sum up and think about this a little more, since it does pop to mind quite often.
I'm single because of circumstances outside of my control have put me in the position I'm in now. Regardless of the fact that I'm cute, funny, sweet, and just an all around nice guy, women will stick with the jerks they are with until they finally realize what's going on, or until it's too late. Also, the closest stereotype I fit into would be the geek/nerd/dork stereotype and that could play a part into why I'm single. Um... I guess that about sums it up for now. Stay tuned for more deep thought that turns into babble later.