I wish we could just stop
Title: I wish we could just stop
Pairing: Cristiano Ronaldo/Kaka
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,318
Disclaimer: Not true. Just my dark twisted imagination.
Warning: angst, swearing(just a little bit)
Type: slash, one shot
A/N: I can make it 'two-shot" if you'd like. Just comment and I'll write the second part.
I just want to fuck his brains out, run my hands over his body to remember each inch of the caramel skin, explore all the curves and bones and then just leave him like that. Just leave my feelings on his doorstep, so I would be albe to pack my bags, buy a ticket and just leave my past and move to Milan. I wish I just could do that. Without all those tears rolling down my cheeks, sobbing and the guilt reminding me that I treated him like a cheap whore.
Sometimes I wish that one day he would just slap me when he saw me at his door, but he always lets me in and lets me do whatever I want to do with him. Why wouldn't he just kick me in the balls and scream at me that I have no honour, no morality? I want him to throw my stuff out of his bedroom, so I had no excuse to come back. I need him to stop this, because I simply can't.
I didn't recognise the moment when Cristiano and I became something more that friends. For the first time we ended up in bed was when Barcelona were celebrating its victory in La Liga 2012/13. The whole team got so wasted in the club, that none of us don't actually remember what happened that night. Me and Cris weren't exceptions. I woke up smelling cum and sweat all over the sheets and when I opened my eyes, Cris' sleepy ones had just opened too. We were too shocked and too embarrassed to talk. I just collected the pieces of clothing from the floor and put them whilst running. When I came back, Caroline didn't ask any questions, she just gave me a warm cup of tea and wrapped me in a fluffy blanket. I was so thankful for her blessed ignorance.
The next day I drove to Cris' place, I had a huge lump in my throat and I had a stomach-ache. Cris opened the door with slight fear written over his face, but asked me inside. When I felt the smell of his cologne, I had to close my eyes, because memories hit me like stones. We hadn't said a word for an hour, just sat in silence drilling through our ears. I collected the rests of my courage to start the tough conversation. We both agreed this incident wasn't supposed to happen and that we have to admit it was just the alcohol and the bitter taste of loss. Cris wasn't speaking. He just nodded his head everytime the situation made him do this.
It was pitch black when I stood up from Cris' sofa. He almost jumped at my movement and stood up like woken up from a trance. His face hadn't changed through the whole situation, it had been like this since I had arrived. It was still so neutral, like he was keeping sobbing, crying or screaming inside himself, so I wouldn't know what he feels for real. We walked slowly to his door, our footsteps echoing through the hall. When we reached the door, I decided to look Cris in the eyes for the last time, say goodbye and leave. Maybe we could just go through this awkwardness without ruining our friendship? I bit my lip and turned to my friend. There was something strange and unknown creeping in his eyes, but somewhere, in the back of my mind, a quiet voice whispered to me that I know that glance. My thoughts were interrupted by Cris' raspy voice:
"Ricky..."
He pressed his lips against mine in a painful way, almost desperatly. My soul was screaming that God would punish me in the worst way possible. Maybe he already did, giving me Cristiano Ronaldo as a temptation? Cristiano's hand groped at the hem of my shirt, while the other hand hold on my neck to bring me closer. Guilt mixed with pleasure in my mind and I couldn't believe how fast my brain decided to switch off and chose pleasure. My own body betrayed me. My hands moved to Cristiano's back and ran up and down the twitching muscles there. Cris gasped and pulled away to look me in the eyes.
"We can't, right? We have to stop..." he whispered innocently, looking at my swollen lips while lust grew on his face. I nodded earnestly and trapped the last word with my lips in Cris' mouth.
"We can't continue. It's wrong." I murmured nipping and licking the warm skin of Cris' neck. I felt the fingers lock in my hair and I couldn't believe how addicted I have become. I wasn't sure if I would be albe to leave him when the time would come. But then, my conscience made me take my hands off of him and take two steps back.
We were both gasping for air, flushed and embarrassed by this moment of need, but we couldn't rip our eyes off each other and I saw that Cris still craved for more.
"No, Cris, I beg you, you have to let me go. We are not allowed to do this." I whispered causing even more intense look from Cris. I started to fix my clothes and button my jacket, when tanned fingers wrapped around mine and unbottoned it fast, warm lips kissed mine again. Cris' hands roamed around my body and I don't know how or when I wrapped myself around his torso, letting him drag me to his bedroom with a satisfied murmur.
I woke up and gasped when Caroline wasn't the person who I was lying in bed with. Cristiano turned around and cuddled with me, still being asleep. I was amazed when he laid his head in the crook of my neck with trust. My stomach twisted and my brain started to work again. I had to go, leave Cris' house and go back to my wife, explain everything to her. I knew she would be furious and I was already afraid she would take the kids and go to her mother after two nights alone, probably wondering where I was and why I disappeared without a word. But I just couldn't say that I slept at Cristiano's. I was furrowing my brows and biting my lip when Cristiano woke up and looked at me, waiting for a kiss. I shook his hands off of me and started to dress myself. He just sat there with wide eyes and opened mouth.
"So you're going to leave now?" he asked after a long moment of silence.
"I have to go back to my wife and kids. Explain everything to her." my voice cracked, panick rushed through my body and my voice was stumbling every few words.
Cris still looked confused while he got off bed and he soon reached the place where I was. He placed his palm under my chin and made me look into chocolate coloured eyes. His sight was demanding. He demanded an answer, a promise, anything that will make sure I will come back to him. But I was silent, still ashamed of what I have done.
"Will you come back?" Cris asked softly, eyes filled with childlish hope.
"No." Just a quiet whisper left my mouth as I ran out of his house. Again.
I couldn't even start the engine in my car, because my hands were trembling like I had an important speech. In some kind of way, I would have. What I was going to say to Carol? "I'm sorry I didn't call you, I was busy sucking Cristiano Ronaldo's dick"? I blushed at the memory and then scold myself because it couldn't happen. We couldn't happen. While I was driving down the empty roads of Madrid (it was still middle of the night), I had Cris' eyes in my mind and his words: "Will you come back?" I still couldn't believe he wanted something more. Especially from me. He had a beautiful girlfriend, a model. She was all nice and sweet to him, but she was always absent. Cris whined sometimes about that, when players were talking about their private lives in the locker room, but never said a word about leaving her or looking for someone better than she was. They broke up when they realised it made no sense and since then Cris really needed someone to love and to be loved by. But why did he choose me? And why couldn't he just make me go away? He could have everybody, man or woman, but instead of someone who will give him happiness, he would rather take a married man who couldn't resist him. Maybe it was the key? I couldn't resist him, so he knew I would always come back, always. He needs someone to pet his ego. How could I become such a selfish person?! He needs and I, who cheated on my wife, try to explain myself by making Cris some kind of rapist. I'm hopeless. I shouldn't look for an explanation of Cris' affection towards me, but rather think about an explanation to Caroline.
When I parked the car in front of my house I noticed the movementof courtains in the bedroom. She was waiting. I didn't even manage to reach for a door knob when the door flew open. Caroline's face was expressing both release and anger.
"Are you drunk?" she asked, her emotions and facial expressions completly in control. I just shook my head and she let me in. "Where the hell have you been, huh? My mother was invited for the dinner and I had to lie to her that you just had an extra practise you couldn't miss. Do you even realise how I felt?" she gritted through her teeth, so she wouldn't wake Luca and Isabel up.
"I-I... I'm sorry. Can we talk tomorrow?" I asked.
"Tell me you're kidding me." she looked at me with disbelief in her eyes. "You come back home after two nights out and you expect me to let you go to sleep? I didn't say a word when you came home drunk yesterday. I know it's a bad time for you, but I haven't married a man who kept me awake, wondering where he is at midnight, when he's not with me! Did you drive after you drink alcohol?" she asked calmer.
"I didn't drink anything." I said quietly. She was completly right. I should call her and explain. But I had no power to apologise to her, not tonight. "Please, let me go to sleep..." She closed her eyes not to start crying and shouting and went to the kitchen, leaving me standing sheepishly in the hall. I went straight to our bed and the smell of Caroline brought new waves of pain to me.
When I went to the breakfast next morning, Carol was silent. She just sat there and prepared sandwiches for kids. I heard my own stomach demanding a proper meal and I realised I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday's dinner. We all sat in silence, only Isabel making childlish noises while playing with her bottle. I was hungry, but I couldn't choke any food without unimagainable effort. When I finished eating, I put my palm on Caroline's and asked if we could talk. She grabbed Isabel and sat her on the sofa with some toys around. Luka ran just behind her to play with his little sister. She came back and sat in front of me. She looked at me with an awaiting gaze and when I didn't speak, she started:
"Where were you last night?" the question was simple, but the asnwer wasn't simple ina ny kind of way.
"I can't tell you where I was, but baby, you know you can trust me." I tried to calm her, but she went even angrier.
"So what can you tell me?" sha shouted.
"I can tell you that I didn't drink even a droplet of alcohol and that I'm sorry about this thing with your mother. I failed and you have to know I'm terribly sorry."
"Have you been cheating on me?" sha asked sharply, but with no anger on her face.
"N'no I haven't." I tried to control the shaking in my voice but I failed. She looked down, at her lap and when her gaze came back to my face, her eyes were wet with tears and her body was trembling. I couldn't do anything to stop her.
"Carol, please. Don't cry. I would never cheat on you."
Liar. A liar and an egoist. That's exactly what I became. I feel ashamed and dirty, confused with my own thoughts and feelings. I need someone to hug me, but all the people I could ask to do this remind me of all the wrong things I've done. I feel like someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. I need my portion of drug, but I would give all I have to stop myself from hurting the ones I love. I need Cristiano, his smile,his voice, his embrace, him, but I love Caroline like nobody else. She was my everything. She's my beautiful wife who is always there for me. I can't hurt her, but I do this all the time and it causes my soul to squirm in pain and guilt. I cant' just live like that. I have to leave Cristiano. At least try to do this.
"Carol, I have to go now." I said softly, not to cause more pain to my already hurt wife. She just closes her eyes and a single tear rolls down her cheek. "It's the last time. I promise. I'll be back in a while."
I went to the car, not even bothering to wait for her permission. I turned the negine on and drove straight to Cristiano's house. Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind while I tried to focus on th road. I drove as fast as I could, I knew that if police would catch me, I lost my driving licence. When I reached Cristiano's house I walked to his door and pushed the door knob. For my surprise, the door was opened. Cristiano appeared in the hall. The smell of pancakes filling the air. When Cris saw me he took his apron off and walked to me.
"You came back." he said amazed.
"I came to tell you it's over. We're over. You don't deserve what I gave you and I apologise that I treated you like a toy. All these things could mean something more to you but for me it was just lust. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm leaving Madrid, so I won't stay on your way. Goodbye, Cristiano."
I smashed the slight smile off Cristiano's beautiful face. He looked shocked and frightened. His mouth opened, but no words left it. He looked like a fish taken out of the water. I couldn't look at him, he seemed lost and I felt even worse when I admitted that it's becuase of me, I made him so confused and lost. I had to leave. Not even bothering to hug him or kiss him goodbye, I walked to my car, waiting for the feeling of a release coming to my mind. It didn't come. It didn't come even when I arrived at Bernabeu and opened the door to Mou's office. I met his questioning eyes and told him without a second thought:
"I want to, no, I need to leave Madrid."
I've always liked Mourinho for his possibility to adjust to new situations in a blink of an eye. It wasn't different this time. We didn't talk long, but we agreed for the bestsolutions for me and the club. He was going to call Milan's president the next day and they'll make a transfer. I left Santiago with no relief.
While I was driving home, heavy rain started to pour down from heaven. The sky went dark and clouds covered the sun. The storm was coming and I waited for it to bring the new chapter to my life. A bright, simple and reasonable phase, so different from the past. I talked to Caroline about my transfer and she understood it in her own way. She thought it was all about my confidence, which actually disappered, and the ability to play in the first squad. She asked only few simple questions like what we were going to do with the house after we went back to Milan. I told her that I couldn't handle a day more in Madrid and that I have to leave today. She told me she would pack all our things and come to Milan when everything will be done in here. I thank God every day for that woman. She's my blessing.
I didn't think and ran upstairs, and threw only necessary things into my sports bag. I grabbed my phone to book a ticket for the plane to Milan. "As fast as possible!" I told the woman at the office. I felt panic building up in my mind. I was afraid that if I stay a second more, I'll get back to Cristiano an we'll spend the third night in row in his bed doing things we really shouldn't do. I grabbed the bay, kissed Caroline, hugged the kids and ran, I didn't walk, I just ran to my car and dove to the airport. My heart shattered when I drove past the way which leaded to Cris' house. I told myself that I didn't enjoy anything he had done to me and with a heavy heart I hit the gas pedal even harder.
There were only ten minutes left. My ticket was already so creased I was afraid they wouldn't let me on the plane. I was clicking with my fingernails on a metal surface of chair and narrowing my eyes to notice a plane being ready to take me away from this temptation.
"The plane number 2234 is delayed for about 10 minutes. We're thankful for you patience." a machine voice informed.
I tried to calm myself down and find something to do before I would go crazy. Then, I heard a message signal in my moblie phone. I took it in my hand and unlocked. It was from Cris. My hands were shaking so much I couldn't press the 'open' button. The message said 'come back to me, please'. I had to take a deep breath not to start crying and run to him. When my tears made my vision blur, I heard the message ringtone again. I opened it and the were only two words: 'turn around'. I whipped away my tears and turned around to see Cris standing behind a thick glass wall. I walked straight to him, dropping my bag in front of the wall. He was pressing his palm to the glass, so I did the same with mine. From the movement of his lips I read he whispered: "Come back, Ricky. I love you." I had no power to say it, so I grabbed my phone, clicked few buttons and send him a message: "One of us has to be responsible. Today it will be me. You'll always mean a lot to me Cris." When the man on the other side of the wall read it, tears rolled down his cheeks and he pressed his palm even harder, like he wanted to break the surface.
"Passangers for the flight 2234 are asked to start the boarding."
I kissed my palm and pressed it once again to his. Our eyes locked for the last time. I wish we could just end it.
I hope there are no typos, because I was rewriting it as a post when my computer refused to copy it. I stayed at night and I have to get up early tomorrow so I hope it was worth my effort.
Pairing: Cristiano Ronaldo/Kaka
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3,318
Disclaimer: Not true. Just my dark twisted imagination.
Warning: angst, swearing(just a little bit)
Type: slash, one shot
A/N: I can make it 'two-shot" if you'd like. Just comment and I'll write the second part.
I just want to fuck his brains out, run my hands over his body to remember each inch of the caramel skin, explore all the curves and bones and then just leave him like that. Just leave my feelings on his doorstep, so I would be albe to pack my bags, buy a ticket and just leave my past and move to Milan. I wish I just could do that. Without all those tears rolling down my cheeks, sobbing and the guilt reminding me that I treated him like a cheap whore.
Sometimes I wish that one day he would just slap me when he saw me at his door, but he always lets me in and lets me do whatever I want to do with him. Why wouldn't he just kick me in the balls and scream at me that I have no honour, no morality? I want him to throw my stuff out of his bedroom, so I had no excuse to come back. I need him to stop this, because I simply can't.
I didn't recognise the moment when Cristiano and I became something more that friends. For the first time we ended up in bed was when Barcelona were celebrating its victory in La Liga 2012/13. The whole team got so wasted in the club, that none of us don't actually remember what happened that night. Me and Cris weren't exceptions. I woke up smelling cum and sweat all over the sheets and when I opened my eyes, Cris' sleepy ones had just opened too. We were too shocked and too embarrassed to talk. I just collected the pieces of clothing from the floor and put them whilst running. When I came back, Caroline didn't ask any questions, she just gave me a warm cup of tea and wrapped me in a fluffy blanket. I was so thankful for her blessed ignorance.
The next day I drove to Cris' place, I had a huge lump in my throat and I had a stomach-ache. Cris opened the door with slight fear written over his face, but asked me inside. When I felt the smell of his cologne, I had to close my eyes, because memories hit me like stones. We hadn't said a word for an hour, just sat in silence drilling through our ears. I collected the rests of my courage to start the tough conversation. We both agreed this incident wasn't supposed to happen and that we have to admit it was just the alcohol and the bitter taste of loss. Cris wasn't speaking. He just nodded his head everytime the situation made him do this.
It was pitch black when I stood up from Cris' sofa. He almost jumped at my movement and stood up like woken up from a trance. His face hadn't changed through the whole situation, it had been like this since I had arrived. It was still so neutral, like he was keeping sobbing, crying or screaming inside himself, so I wouldn't know what he feels for real. We walked slowly to his door, our footsteps echoing through the hall. When we reached the door, I decided to look Cris in the eyes for the last time, say goodbye and leave. Maybe we could just go through this awkwardness without ruining our friendship? I bit my lip and turned to my friend. There was something strange and unknown creeping in his eyes, but somewhere, in the back of my mind, a quiet voice whispered to me that I know that glance. My thoughts were interrupted by Cris' raspy voice:
"Ricky..."
He pressed his lips against mine in a painful way, almost desperatly. My soul was screaming that God would punish me in the worst way possible. Maybe he already did, giving me Cristiano Ronaldo as a temptation? Cristiano's hand groped at the hem of my shirt, while the other hand hold on my neck to bring me closer. Guilt mixed with pleasure in my mind and I couldn't believe how fast my brain decided to switch off and chose pleasure. My own body betrayed me. My hands moved to Cristiano's back and ran up and down the twitching muscles there. Cris gasped and pulled away to look me in the eyes.
"We can't, right? We have to stop..." he whispered innocently, looking at my swollen lips while lust grew on his face. I nodded earnestly and trapped the last word with my lips in Cris' mouth.
"We can't continue. It's wrong." I murmured nipping and licking the warm skin of Cris' neck. I felt the fingers lock in my hair and I couldn't believe how addicted I have become. I wasn't sure if I would be albe to leave him when the time would come. But then, my conscience made me take my hands off of him and take two steps back.
We were both gasping for air, flushed and embarrassed by this moment of need, but we couldn't rip our eyes off each other and I saw that Cris still craved for more.
"No, Cris, I beg you, you have to let me go. We are not allowed to do this." I whispered causing even more intense look from Cris. I started to fix my clothes and button my jacket, when tanned fingers wrapped around mine and unbottoned it fast, warm lips kissed mine again. Cris' hands roamed around my body and I don't know how or when I wrapped myself around his torso, letting him drag me to his bedroom with a satisfied murmur.
I woke up and gasped when Caroline wasn't the person who I was lying in bed with. Cristiano turned around and cuddled with me, still being asleep. I was amazed when he laid his head in the crook of my neck with trust. My stomach twisted and my brain started to work again. I had to go, leave Cris' house and go back to my wife, explain everything to her. I knew she would be furious and I was already afraid she would take the kids and go to her mother after two nights alone, probably wondering where I was and why I disappeared without a word. But I just couldn't say that I slept at Cristiano's. I was furrowing my brows and biting my lip when Cristiano woke up and looked at me, waiting for a kiss. I shook his hands off of me and started to dress myself. He just sat there with wide eyes and opened mouth.
"So you're going to leave now?" he asked after a long moment of silence.
"I have to go back to my wife and kids. Explain everything to her." my voice cracked, panick rushed through my body and my voice was stumbling every few words.
Cris still looked confused while he got off bed and he soon reached the place where I was. He placed his palm under my chin and made me look into chocolate coloured eyes. His sight was demanding. He demanded an answer, a promise, anything that will make sure I will come back to him. But I was silent, still ashamed of what I have done.
"Will you come back?" Cris asked softly, eyes filled with childlish hope.
"No." Just a quiet whisper left my mouth as I ran out of his house. Again.
I couldn't even start the engine in my car, because my hands were trembling like I had an important speech. In some kind of way, I would have. What I was going to say to Carol? "I'm sorry I didn't call you, I was busy sucking Cristiano Ronaldo's dick"? I blushed at the memory and then scold myself because it couldn't happen. We couldn't happen. While I was driving down the empty roads of Madrid (it was still middle of the night), I had Cris' eyes in my mind and his words: "Will you come back?" I still couldn't believe he wanted something more. Especially from me. He had a beautiful girlfriend, a model. She was all nice and sweet to him, but she was always absent. Cris whined sometimes about that, when players were talking about their private lives in the locker room, but never said a word about leaving her or looking for someone better than she was. They broke up when they realised it made no sense and since then Cris really needed someone to love and to be loved by. But why did he choose me? And why couldn't he just make me go away? He could have everybody, man or woman, but instead of someone who will give him happiness, he would rather take a married man who couldn't resist him. Maybe it was the key? I couldn't resist him, so he knew I would always come back, always. He needs someone to pet his ego. How could I become such a selfish person?! He needs and I, who cheated on my wife, try to explain myself by making Cris some kind of rapist. I'm hopeless. I shouldn't look for an explanation of Cris' affection towards me, but rather think about an explanation to Caroline.
When I parked the car in front of my house I noticed the movementof courtains in the bedroom. She was waiting. I didn't even manage to reach for a door knob when the door flew open. Caroline's face was expressing both release and anger.
"Are you drunk?" she asked, her emotions and facial expressions completly in control. I just shook my head and she let me in. "Where the hell have you been, huh? My mother was invited for the dinner and I had to lie to her that you just had an extra practise you couldn't miss. Do you even realise how I felt?" she gritted through her teeth, so she wouldn't wake Luca and Isabel up.
"I-I... I'm sorry. Can we talk tomorrow?" I asked.
"Tell me you're kidding me." she looked at me with disbelief in her eyes. "You come back home after two nights out and you expect me to let you go to sleep? I didn't say a word when you came home drunk yesterday. I know it's a bad time for you, but I haven't married a man who kept me awake, wondering where he is at midnight, when he's not with me! Did you drive after you drink alcohol?" she asked calmer.
"I didn't drink anything." I said quietly. She was completly right. I should call her and explain. But I had no power to apologise to her, not tonight. "Please, let me go to sleep..." She closed her eyes not to start crying and shouting and went to the kitchen, leaving me standing sheepishly in the hall. I went straight to our bed and the smell of Caroline brought new waves of pain to me.
When I went to the breakfast next morning, Carol was silent. She just sat there and prepared sandwiches for kids. I heard my own stomach demanding a proper meal and I realised I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday's dinner. We all sat in silence, only Isabel making childlish noises while playing with her bottle. I was hungry, but I couldn't choke any food without unimagainable effort. When I finished eating, I put my palm on Caroline's and asked if we could talk. She grabbed Isabel and sat her on the sofa with some toys around. Luka ran just behind her to play with his little sister. She came back and sat in front of me. She looked at me with an awaiting gaze and when I didn't speak, she started:
"Where were you last night?" the question was simple, but the asnwer wasn't simple ina ny kind of way.
"I can't tell you where I was, but baby, you know you can trust me." I tried to calm her, but she went even angrier.
"So what can you tell me?" sha shouted.
"I can tell you that I didn't drink even a droplet of alcohol and that I'm sorry about this thing with your mother. I failed and you have to know I'm terribly sorry."
"Have you been cheating on me?" sha asked sharply, but with no anger on her face.
"N'no I haven't." I tried to control the shaking in my voice but I failed. She looked down, at her lap and when her gaze came back to my face, her eyes were wet with tears and her body was trembling. I couldn't do anything to stop her.
"Carol, please. Don't cry. I would never cheat on you."
Liar. A liar and an egoist. That's exactly what I became. I feel ashamed and dirty, confused with my own thoughts and feelings. I need someone to hug me, but all the people I could ask to do this remind me of all the wrong things I've done. I feel like someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. I need my portion of drug, but I would give all I have to stop myself from hurting the ones I love. I need Cristiano, his smile,his voice, his embrace, him, but I love Caroline like nobody else. She was my everything. She's my beautiful wife who is always there for me. I can't hurt her, but I do this all the time and it causes my soul to squirm in pain and guilt. I cant' just live like that. I have to leave Cristiano. At least try to do this.
"Carol, I have to go now." I said softly, not to cause more pain to my already hurt wife. She just closes her eyes and a single tear rolls down her cheek. "It's the last time. I promise. I'll be back in a while."
I went to the car, not even bothering to wait for her permission. I turned the negine on and drove straight to Cristiano's house. Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind while I tried to focus on th road. I drove as fast as I could, I knew that if police would catch me, I lost my driving licence. When I reached Cristiano's house I walked to his door and pushed the door knob. For my surprise, the door was opened. Cristiano appeared in the hall. The smell of pancakes filling the air. When Cris saw me he took his apron off and walked to me.
"You came back." he said amazed.
"I came to tell you it's over. We're over. You don't deserve what I gave you and I apologise that I treated you like a toy. All these things could mean something more to you but for me it was just lust. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm leaving Madrid, so I won't stay on your way. Goodbye, Cristiano."
I smashed the slight smile off Cristiano's beautiful face. He looked shocked and frightened. His mouth opened, but no words left it. He looked like a fish taken out of the water. I couldn't look at him, he seemed lost and I felt even worse when I admitted that it's becuase of me, I made him so confused and lost. I had to leave. Not even bothering to hug him or kiss him goodbye, I walked to my car, waiting for the feeling of a release coming to my mind. It didn't come. It didn't come even when I arrived at Bernabeu and opened the door to Mou's office. I met his questioning eyes and told him without a second thought:
"I want to, no, I need to leave Madrid."
I've always liked Mourinho for his possibility to adjust to new situations in a blink of an eye. It wasn't different this time. We didn't talk long, but we agreed for the bestsolutions for me and the club. He was going to call Milan's president the next day and they'll make a transfer. I left Santiago with no relief.
While I was driving home, heavy rain started to pour down from heaven. The sky went dark and clouds covered the sun. The storm was coming and I waited for it to bring the new chapter to my life. A bright, simple and reasonable phase, so different from the past. I talked to Caroline about my transfer and she understood it in her own way. She thought it was all about my confidence, which actually disappered, and the ability to play in the first squad. She asked only few simple questions like what we were going to do with the house after we went back to Milan. I told her that I couldn't handle a day more in Madrid and that I have to leave today. She told me she would pack all our things and come to Milan when everything will be done in here. I thank God every day for that woman. She's my blessing.
I didn't think and ran upstairs, and threw only necessary things into my sports bag. I grabbed my phone to book a ticket for the plane to Milan. "As fast as possible!" I told the woman at the office. I felt panic building up in my mind. I was afraid that if I stay a second more, I'll get back to Cristiano an we'll spend the third night in row in his bed doing things we really shouldn't do. I grabbed the bay, kissed Caroline, hugged the kids and ran, I didn't walk, I just ran to my car and dove to the airport. My heart shattered when I drove past the way which leaded to Cris' house. I told myself that I didn't enjoy anything he had done to me and with a heavy heart I hit the gas pedal even harder.
There were only ten minutes left. My ticket was already so creased I was afraid they wouldn't let me on the plane. I was clicking with my fingernails on a metal surface of chair and narrowing my eyes to notice a plane being ready to take me away from this temptation.
"The plane number 2234 is delayed for about 10 minutes. We're thankful for you patience." a machine voice informed.
I tried to calm myself down and find something to do before I would go crazy. Then, I heard a message signal in my moblie phone. I took it in my hand and unlocked. It was from Cris. My hands were shaking so much I couldn't press the 'open' button. The message said 'come back to me, please'. I had to take a deep breath not to start crying and run to him. When my tears made my vision blur, I heard the message ringtone again. I opened it and the were only two words: 'turn around'. I whipped away my tears and turned around to see Cris standing behind a thick glass wall. I walked straight to him, dropping my bag in front of the wall. He was pressing his palm to the glass, so I did the same with mine. From the movement of his lips I read he whispered: "Come back, Ricky. I love you." I had no power to say it, so I grabbed my phone, clicked few buttons and send him a message: "One of us has to be responsible. Today it will be me. You'll always mean a lot to me Cris." When the man on the other side of the wall read it, tears rolled down his cheeks and he pressed his palm even harder, like he wanted to break the surface.
"Passangers for the flight 2234 are asked to start the boarding."
I kissed my palm and pressed it once again to his. Our eyes locked for the last time. I wish we could just end it.
I hope there are no typos, because I was rewriting it as a post when my computer refused to copy it. I stayed at night and I have to get up early tomorrow so I hope it was worth my effort.