Expectations
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: Kurt Hummel has a lot of expectations.
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Prompt given by complexysimplekiddo.
Short fill (short for me, anyway-3 pages!)
I don't own Glee, still, though....
Kurt Hummel has a lot of expectations.
Some of them change from when he's young, some of them don't. Some of them are random and unrealistic, some of them are sad, some of them are fantasies that might never be but that never stops him from hoping.
His Dad, at his second wedding, had said that what adults fail to tell children is how sad life can be, and this is most certainly true. Kurt's greatest and most unnoticed expectation is that his mother will be there forever.
Especially when he's small, Kurt thinks a lot more about death than most children his age. He remembers what happened when the neighbor's dog was hit by the car, how one second Lulu was fine and the next she was lying still on the ground, and there was something missing from her eyes and how his mommy tried really hard to explain how she was just gone, even though her body was still there.
Still, that sort of thing happened only to people's grandparents and pets and soldiers in the war, not to anyone's moms. Except Kurt's.
He'd expected his mom to be around forever, but that just didn't happen.
He's known who he is since he was five, but that doesn't mean he doesn't somehow expect it to change. That maybe someday, he'll look at Mercedes and all of the sudden all the air will be gone from his lungs, or looking at Rachel or Tina or Quinn or Brittany will make his heart pound faster and his palms sweat. He expects that maybe God (or whoever is up there, because he isn't sure how much he believes in God anymore) will decide, okay, this kid's had enough, and let him off the hook. He expects that maybe someday he'll look at Finn and instead of feeling all melty over the boy's obvious (but charming) idiocy, he'll just feel impatient and (maybe, if they're friends) a little fond. And yeah, that does happen eventually, but certainly not in the way he expects it too.
Another part of his brain expects him to win. For Finn to realize that he doesn't want Quinn, he doesn't want Rachel, he just wants Kurt and then they'll run off into the distance together and Finn will carry him across the threshold and-
He always sort of stops himself there because he does see the looks Finn sometimes gives him when he gets too flirty, he feels like Finn would somehow know if he ever got any further into the honeymoon than walking in the door.
He expects his Dad to never fall in love with anyone ever again, except his mom. Maybe that's unrealistic and it's maybe definitely a lot selfish, but he doesn't want to see his dad happy with anyone but his mom. But when he sees Carole for the first time (bumps into her and Finn in the grocery store, actually), he sees a bit of a kindred spirit for his dad (and it has nothing to do with the fact that he'd get to spend way more time around Finn). And things go pretty much the way he expects them to with his dad and Carole.
He expects that when he meets his dream boy, it'll be like Finn. Maybe not exactly Finn, but it'll be somebody strong (preferably a football player, although they can do soccer if they wish), with a goofy smile. Someone who towers over Kurt, who can make him feel protected. Somebody intellectually inferior to Kurt, so that they can be like his big bodyguard while Kurt is the brains of the whole operation. Someone who will serenade Kurt during Glee like Finn serenades Rachel or Quinn (depending on the week or month). Someone he knows he won't get during high school, so he sets his expectations for college, which he imagines to be a whole lot more glamorous than this.
He doesn't expect a lot of things, too.
He doesn't expect his mother's death, and that hits him like a punch to the gut, leaving him gasping for air and fumbling around for something to hold onto even as he falls. He doesn't expect his father and him to continue to live their lives in relative silence, traveling just outside each other's circles.
He doesn't expect his father to accept him completely and totally and without question, when he chokes out those two short, heavy words after his first football game ever. He doesn't expect his father to pull him into a hug and he doesn't expect his father to tell him he already knows, has known since Kurt was three.
He doesn't expect his father to build up an epic bromance or father/son bond or whatever it is with Finn. He doesn't expect to be left out as his dad takes Finn out to professional football games and hoagies and pizza drowning in Grease while Kurt sits home alone, keeping one eye on the clock as he moisturizes for the third time and pretends not to be worried that his father is a full half hour later coming home than he said he'd be.
He doesn't expect for Finn to call him that, and therefore he doesn't expect that that particular blowout will be what completely turns him off the bumbly, awkward boy who apologizes to him by putting on a dress made out of a shower curtain.
He doesn't really expect Carole and Burt to get married, although he isn't exactly surprised when it happens.
He doesn't expect to actually enjoy spending time with Finn.
He doesn't expect Santana to come out of the closet, and nearly shits a brick when she does.
He doesn't expect Pavarotti to die too, and he doesn't expect how completely heartbroken he is when Pavarotti does die.
Most of all, though, he doesn't expect Blaine Anderson.
Because Blaine Anderson is not what he imagined when he imagined his dream boy. Blaine Anderson is short, and dark haired, with thick eyebrows and serious, hazel eyes. He doesn't act like Finn or Sam- he's serious, studious. He's just as smart as Kurt, and he sometimes intimidates Kurt because of that. He's oblivious like Finn, but in a different way. And sometimes, he understands Kurt far too well for Kurt to feel comfortable. He flirts with Kurt in a way Kurt has never been flirted with before, has never even dreamed of being flirted with. He reads Vogue. He doesn't play football or soccer, but he still enjoys the sport.
Somehow, though, he still manages to sweep Kurt off his feet.
After the initial shock, Kurt expects that he will be able to anticipate Blaine. Blaine's thoughts, actions, feelings. And yet, somehow, Blaine keeps him on his toes. Blaine never does what Kurt expects him to, and Kurt gets this feeling that he (Kurt) never does what Blaine expects him to. He thinks that Blaine likes him, so Blaine absolutely blindsides him when he announces his intentions to ask out another boy- someone who Blaine has never even mentioned to him- at the Warblers meeting.
And then, in return, he blindsides Blaine, by telling him that all along he'd been expecting Blaine to ask him out instead.
Blaine never meets his expectations, and although most of the time that isn't necessarily a bad thing, sometimes it is. The evening of Rachel's party, he's resigned himself to acting as just friends with Blaine, at least for the time being. He's expecting to see Blaine act as an adorable and cuddly drunk (because that just seems like Blaine's type of drunk), and maybe he isn't disappointed in that expectation because Blaine is so cute when he's shouting at Finn about how tall he is and how cool it is that he and Kurt are brothers.
What he doesn't expect is Blaine's own inclination towards heterosexuality when he's drunk, and how much it hurts to have Blaine and Rachel sucking face two inches away from his face, even if both of them are probably the most drunk out of all of the Glee Clubbers. He doesn't expect Blaine to accept Rachel's date offer, and he doesn't expect his and Blaine's conversation about bisexuality to turn into an argument, and he doesn't expect Blaine to compare him to the one person Kurt can't stand to even share the same school with.
He doesn't expect Blaine to walk into the coffee room while Kurt is decorating the casket for the bird he didn't expect to die, and tell Kurt in a shaky voice that Kurt moves him, and he doesn't expect Blaine to lean in and press his lips to Kurt's, his breath shuddering out over Kurt's mouth, his hand solid on Kurt's face, letting Kurt know that this is real. He doesn't expect Blaine to meet him halfway for the second kiss. He doesn't expect it to feel the way it does, the fact that he's finally kissing a boy that he really, really wants to kiss.
Even after they're dating, he doesn't expect or anticipate the look on Blaine's face every time he turns to look at his boyfriend- the softness in his eyes, the warmth in his smile. The utter adoration that he knows is reflected on his own face but still can't believe he sees in Blaine's. He doesn't expect the random compliments Blaine showers him with, even though he throws them around casually several times a day.
He doesn't expect to last with Blaine past high school (based on the other couples he sees around them), but he certainly hopes to.
He doesn't expect to end up at a college less than an hour away from Blaine, but that happens and it's a wonderful and perfect coincidence.
He doesn't expect for Blaine to get down on one knee in the middle of Central Park three years after they graduate and ask him, in a shaky voice (as if he's nervous, as if there's even the remotest possibility Kurt might say no) if Kurt will marry him.
He never expected Blaine, and he never expected most of the things that came with Blaine, but he's happy he did. Because if he had expected Blaine, his life wouldn't be the wonderful, amazing, lovely surprise that it ends up being.