All this time you were chasing dreams without knowing what you wanted them to mean
The post as best reconstructed. :( FUCK YOU LJ I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASLEEP LIKE 2 HOURS AGO
He has this dream that wakes him, Aiba's face leaning over his and an expression he's never seen on his face; an unsettling mix of his "ne, MatsuJun, are you really mad at me?", "this week's animal didn't like me/bit me/caused me to sneeze uncontrollably", "the experiment failed" and the extremely rare "i'm so tired i don't even have the energy to flirt anymore". If it were anyone other than Aiba, Jun would have called it a heartbroken look. His hands feel too heavy as he tries to brush the look away with his fingertips, he arches to lick the melancholic twist from his lips and Aiba laughs into his mouth. "Will you know you've been deceived?" He whispers, cupping Jun's cheek and he bolts awake.
"used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that"
"bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath"
"park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me"
"sugar we're going down"
"on the night you left I came over"
"and I knew your heart I couldn't win"
"different now, where a step is like a mile"
"Last time I saw you, you were on stage
Your hair was wild, your eyes were red
You were in a rage
You were swinging your guitar around.
Cause they wanted to hear that sound
That you didn’t want to play.
I don’t blame you.
I don’t blame you.
Been around the world, in many situations
Been inside many heads in different positions
But you never wanted them that way.
What a cruel price you thought that you had to pay.
And that for all that shit on stage.
But it never made sense to them anyway,
Could you imagine when they turned their backs
They were only scratching their heads.
Cause you simply deserve the best.
And I don’t blame you
They said you were the best,
But then they were only kids
Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
Just because they knew your name,
Doesn’t mean they know from where you came
What a sad trick you thought that you had to play.
But I don’t blame you
They never owned it
And you never owed it to them anyway.
I don’t blame you."
I blame waxrose for this as I do many other things and I sorta stole her plot bunny and made it awful but referenced something she wrote 'cause her's is awesome and then LOST IT and rewrote what came back and I'm sooorrrrryyyyyyy :(
You can't remember when you first realised there were cracks in your relationship. Maybe it was the first night Sho shrugged off both your company, excusing himself with a "I'm just really tired and my parent's are coming up next week" or the day after practice when Nino smacked your hand away when you tried to convince him
"Jun, please stop," the words are accompanied with a gentle touch to the back of his wrist and Jun marvels at how such a simple touch can drag up such a wealth of memories like the first time he kissed Nino and meant more than simple affection it was dark and it was raining outside and they sat cuddled together on the couch like a secret, Nino muttered sullenly how he hated this weather and it made his wrists ache and made it uncomfortable to play the DS and his hands twitched in his lap as if they were lost and Jun could think of no better way to distract him than with kisses until the storm had passed and he did or when Sho revealed to him he had caught sight of Nino and Jun months later he had stayed at Sho's that night because Sho had been strangely quiet over the course of the week and he noticed but it was Aiba who whispered in his ear, ne, MatsuJun, doesn't Sho look so sad and please please MatsuJun help him, Arashi is Arashi and Sho would do the same for you if it was you that was sad and he was helping Ohno out for one of Leader's new artistic enterprises and oh please be kind. He hit Aiba a good solid thump on the shoulder but knew he was right and so left with him after filming. He caught every one of the sad, soft, distressed looks Sho gave him when he thought he wasn't watching like as he prepared dinner or when he touched up his nails or as they watched their soaps together and fretted and fell asleep uneasy and woke up, fretting again until he left and was most of the way out the door when Sho touched the back of his wrist and in a sudden quiet rush, confessed seeing Nino and Jun in the changing room and fell quiet again, looking miserable and suddenly Jun thought that Aiba had popped up from nowhere, leaping onto his back because there was this sudden weight on his shoulders and infusing it's way into his chest and Sho looked so and oh that's why - oh oh
This touch, this touch however is not like those touches, it's please don't leave, please listen and I never meant this to happen, i want you and it's oh what if he's mad at us all wrapped into three simple points of pressure on his skin and Jun turns back and the touch falls away easily like their clothing between songs on tour and leaves a sensation of burning in it's wake; he wants to scratch it but resists the urge like the well-trained little Johnny's boy he is and Nino can't keep his eyes on Jun's face, instead worrying at the skin around his nails anxiously Jun absently memorising the shade on his nails for when he retouched them tomorrow while Sho looks like he's crumpled in on himself, rubbing his fingertips as if trying to rub the last traces of Jun's skin away and he wants to grab him, shake him and tell him he can't, he's just as much a part of Sho's skin as he is Aiba's and Nino's and Leader's but he doesn't, instead he scratches and scratches and scratches.
He has this dream that wakes him, Aiba's face leaning over his and an expression he's never seen on his face; an unsettling mix of his "ne, MatsuJun, are you really mad at me?", "this week's animal didn't like me/bit me/caused me to sneeze uncontrollably", "the experiment failed" and the extremely rare "i'm so tired i don't even have the energy to flirt anymore". If it were anyone other than Aiba, Jun would have called it a heartbroken look. His hands feel too heavy as he tries to brush the look away with his fingertips, he arches to lick the melancholic twist from his lips and Aiba laughs into his mouth. "Will you know you've been deceived?" He whispers, cupping Jun's cheek and he bolts awake.
"used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that"
"bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath"
"park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me"
"sugar we're going down"
"on the night you left I came over"
"and I knew your heart I couldn't win"
"different now, where a step is like a mile"
"Last time I saw you, you were on stage
Your hair was wild, your eyes were red
You were in a rage
You were swinging your guitar around.
Cause they wanted to hear that sound
That you didn’t want to play.
I don’t blame you.
I don’t blame you.
Been around the world, in many situations
Been inside many heads in different positions
But you never wanted them that way.
What a cruel price you thought that you had to pay.
And that for all that shit on stage.
But it never made sense to them anyway,
Could you imagine when they turned their backs
They were only scratching their heads.
Cause you simply deserve the best.
And I don’t blame you
They said you were the best,
But then they were only kids
Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
Just because they knew your name,
Doesn’t mean they know from where you came
What a sad trick you thought that you had to play.
But I don’t blame you
They never owned it
And you never owed it to them anyway.
I don’t blame you."
I blame waxrose for this as I do many other things and I sorta stole her plot bunny and made it awful but referenced something she wrote 'cause her's is awesome and then LOST IT and rewrote what came back and I'm sooorrrrryyyyyyy :(
You can't remember when you first realised there were cracks in your relationship. Maybe it was the first night Sho shrugged off both your company, excusing himself with a "I'm just really tired and my parent's are coming up next week" or the day after practice when Nino smacked your hand away when you tried to convince him
"Jun, please stop," the words are accompanied with a gentle touch to the back of his wrist and Jun marvels at how such a simple touch can drag up such a wealth of memories like the first time he kissed Nino and meant more than simple affection it was dark and it was raining outside and they sat cuddled together on the couch like a secret, Nino muttered sullenly how he hated this weather and it made his wrists ache and made it uncomfortable to play the DS and his hands twitched in his lap as if they were lost and Jun could think of no better way to distract him than with kisses until the storm had passed and he did or when Sho revealed to him he had caught sight of Nino and Jun months later he had stayed at Sho's that night because Sho had been strangely quiet over the course of the week and he noticed but it was Aiba who whispered in his ear, ne, MatsuJun, doesn't Sho look so sad and please please MatsuJun help him, Arashi is Arashi and Sho would do the same for you if it was you that was sad and he was helping Ohno out for one of Leader's new artistic enterprises and oh please be kind. He hit Aiba a good solid thump on the shoulder but knew he was right and so left with him after filming. He caught every one of the sad, soft, distressed looks Sho gave him when he thought he wasn't watching like as he prepared dinner or when he touched up his nails or as they watched their soaps together and fretted and fell asleep uneasy and woke up, fretting again until he left and was most of the way out the door when Sho touched the back of his wrist and in a sudden quiet rush, confessed seeing Nino and Jun in the changing room and fell quiet again, looking miserable and suddenly Jun thought that Aiba had popped up from nowhere, leaping onto his back because there was this sudden weight on his shoulders and infusing it's way into his chest and Sho looked so and oh that's why - oh oh
This touch, this touch however is not like those touches, it's please don't leave, please listen and I never meant this to happen, i want you and it's oh what if he's mad at us all wrapped into three simple points of pressure on his skin and Jun turns back and the touch falls away easily like their clothing between songs on tour and leaves a sensation of burning in it's wake; he wants to scratch it but resists the urge like the well-trained little Johnny's boy he is and Nino can't keep his eyes on Jun's face, instead worrying at the skin around his nails anxiously Jun absently memorising the shade on his nails for when he retouched them tomorrow while Sho looks like he's crumpled in on himself, rubbing his fingertips as if trying to rub the last traces of Jun's skin away and he wants to grab him, shake him and tell him he can't, he's just as much a part of Sho's skin as he is Aiba's and Nino's and Leader's but he doesn't, instead he scratches and scratches and scratches.