Memento 3/3
°16 June 2015
Awake. Where am I?
The sun is saying his goodbye.
It stinks.
Mino is inside a car. A truck? A van?
He hears an engine in the distance, a car approaching from the left side. Mino ducks by instinct.
The street lamps are flickering on, one by one. Mino looks at the crumpled note in his hand.
Ah . . .
He remembers now.
The area of Gura-ri. The slumps. He followed Joon Gook to his house.
Someone told him to.
Gain.
°13 hours ago
Mino met Gain, they ate at Helios Bar and went to Gain's apartment.
A dizzying sensation fell over Mino as he stepped inside the house. He made a beeline to the balcony to get some air, Gain seemed oblivious to his uneasiness.
"It's shameful," Gain said.
Mino looked at her. Gain looked down sadly. Mino found himself agreeing. He doesn't know why.
"Did you know that there was a country called Verona?" Gain asked. She has her gaze on the little white potted lilies placed in a small makeshift garden in the balcony.
Mino shook his head. "Never heard of it."
"It's one of the countries where you can see the Northern Lights, and that's just one of the many gems the place has to offer." Gain started, a smile painted in her face. "I lived and worked in Florida for nine years. I left a special person here by himself. I promised him that I will come back and we'll live in a home in that country. I thought he would like the Auroras. But he said no. Why do you think that is?"
Mino said the first thing that came to his mind. "He found someone else."
"That's right," Gain grinned. "He found his other half."
Gain plucked three lilies and went inside the room.
Time quietly passed. Mino found himself leaning in a railing, a lit cigarette in his hand.
"You okay?" Mino heard someone say behind him. "I wanted to show you something."
Mino walked inside and trailed his eyes to what the woman was pointing at.
"A pendulum?"
The woman chuckled. "No. Look further."
There were little cherubs, a vintage clock and a small photo frame. The photo inside it has frayed edges. Mino reached for it.
The photo included a woman. She was wearing a white coat over casual clothing. She was smiling, bashful and warm. Both of the woman's arms are draped over two younger boys. On the woman's left was a boy who looked like a younger male version of her. Smooth white skin, black hair, a charming smile. He was beautiful, Mino thought. Mino saw that the boy has a chipped tooth. The image caused a tug in his chest, his breathing came out shorter. Mino thinks he knows him. His mind is fogged up, but he does know the boy. But before Mino gives the thought more focus, his eyes moved to the other boy at the right side of the woman. The boy's black hair has long strands on the middle part, while the sides were cropped. His look was assertive but had this carefree boyish grin on his face.
It was him.
The boy on the right . . . is him! And the woman, Gain! Then the boy . . .
Mino rubbed his temples. His head is aching.
"The first time I met you, Seungyoon introduced you to me. I filed a week vacation and visited during fall. The next time I met you, you were gone. Well, not literally."
Gain took in a long breath. "Mino, a few days ago I told you things that you chose to forgot. But I'm going to tell them again. And this time, I'm not letting you go. Find a pen, write this down. . . You are lost."
"What kind of bullshit is that?"
"You don't know who you are."
"What the fuck? My name is Song Mino, I'm from Daegu."
"That's who you were, that's not what you've become."
Gain never actually believed that there is someone above who listens, but she did murmur a prayer in hopes of making Mino hear her out. Once, just this once is all she asks.
"You see," Gain said. "I have nothing to gain in telling you these things. I wasn't able to save him," Gain glanced at the picture frame, "but I made him a promise. And that is to not lose you. Don't make me lose you too."
Everything was silent after that.
"I know you're angry. Confused. And practically lost again. But don't be dumb Mino. You didn't care who Joon Gook was, you didn't care what his motives were. But it's time that you have to."
Mino moved as if he were on the verge of saying something, but then he looked at his watch and went for the door.
Before Mino can close it, Gain spoke. "I saw you at the bridge. Let him have his peace, Mino. And let yourself find yours."
°February 2011
"Mistletoe berries," Mino pointed above Seungyoon as he got out from the room.
Seungyoon was sitting on the stone wall as he waited for Mino. "Huh?" He looked up. There was the mistletoe right on top of his head. Apparently, they were decorated on every stone arch window at the campus, put up for the holidays until early March.
Seungyoon didn't notice that Mino crept up to him while he got distracted.
"Mistletoe berries," Mino repeated, his breath ghosting across Seungyoon's cheek. "Technically, that means anyone can kiss you right now."
"Do you think anyone would dare to try?" Seungyoon asked mockingly.
Mino frowned and touched Seungyoon's cheek lightly, Seungyoon noticed that Mino wore the hand warmers he gave him last week, but even the thick fabric can't stop the seeping heat that gave warmth to his face.
"I'd choke anyone brave enough to try. I'm not sharing my man."
"So I guess I have to get down on my knees and beg for Seunghoon's forgiveness and approval, huh?"
Mino laughed, "He understands puppy."
"How does he exactly understand?" Seungyoon asked and tilted his head.
"I'm his best friend, there ain't no other person in Korea that knows everything that's going on in my life, not to mention my deepest, darkest secrets but Seunghoon alone . . .err and maybe Irene too, you know how he can't say no to her."
Seungyoon chuckled. He found their state really cute and he was happy. He felt contented.
Mino hugged him . . . tight, almost crushing his bones. "I just can't get enough of you, do you know that? . . . Come with me Seungyoon. Stay with me. I cannot give you the world but I can give you everything that myself can offer. Everything that I am is yours and I would be fucking happy I could die, if you'd say that you’d want to be mine as well."
Seungyoon looked at Mino's eyes and looked for signs if he was messing with him. But the honesty reflected in them showed that he was serious.
Seungyoon felt himself falling all over again. Hard. So hard, he doesn't think he can climb back up to the edge anymore. Mino was his, and it would only take a simple yes to make Mino know that he owns everything of Seungyoon as well. But even if Seungyoon didn't speak, he knows that Mino already knew. Mino felt what he feels.
Seungyoon loves him.
Seungyoon loves him so much.
He really does.
And Mino loves him the same way too.
°16 June 2015
The house is an old, small, single story building. The walls had somehow turned black and the tiled roof was so worn out with age that the corners had turned white.
Don't linger, don't touch anything. Take photos, make notes, go home. Compare them all to the files I've sent to you and see for yourself. Those were Gain's exact words, now scribbled on the crumpled paper he was holding. Mino surveys the room, fists clenched and does what Gain instructed.
Why he was doing what she exactly wanted, Mino doesn’t know. But it was like his body is moving by itself.
He went back to the hotel with no regards to the speed limit. Mino brings out his notes, his polaroids, and listed the tattoos on his skin. The doorbell rings, the man on the front desk handed him a thick envelope.
Mino opens a folder with the police logo encrypted on the front. The file was a case classified as assault and homicide. The house was raided, things were taken, 2 bodies found dead, 2 survived. One was admitted at the hospital and died a year after. The other was confined at a different facility to undergo therapy but the boy went missing.
There were pictures stapled in the papers, everything came as a shock, if he wasn’t so enraged, he was sure he could pass out from all the mixed emotions he was feeling. Seunghoon . . . Irene . . . Seungyoon . . . his friends, his lover, his life. There were a dozen more photos, but one caught his attention.
It was a picture of Joon Gook. Dressed like the attackers.
Even an idiot is capable to put two and two together.
That motherfucker!
…
Mino takes Joon Gook's polaroid, he writes something at the back and smiles. He then takes his briefcase and went out to the rooftop.
God forbid what he’s about to do. Or fuck it all since he’s about to forget why he’s going to do it anyways.
Mino burns the contents, rings Joon Gook to meet him at the train station tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon and hangs up.
Then he let his memory fade.
…
Awake. Where am I?
Mino awakes lightheaded. He reaches out, hands grasping blindly over his surroundings. Mino finds himself at the edge of the bed, inches from falling.
He stands up and goes to the bathroom, his clothes smells like smoke. Mino takes them off. He looks at his reflection on the big mirror, tattoos in full display. Mino traces the broadest one in his chest with his forefinger.
TAEWOON KILLED SEUNGYOON
Below it was the text 2 sizes smaller,
REVENGE
Mino's gaze darkened. He crouches on the sink and splashes his face with cold water. He walks out from the room and saw a polaroid and a note by the table.
HE IS THE ONE. HE IS TAEWOON.
KILL HIM.
°June 2015
"Hey, does he like any hobby in particular? Apart from playing the guitar?" The caller suddenly asked Mino from the other line.
"Hmmm . . . He played balls."
"I don't exactly know how to react with the nasty innuendo and I wouldn't like to keep you hanging."
Mino chuckled. "Billiards. He's like a fucking hustler on the floor."
"Ah, I’m sure he was able to snatch your bills away,” the caller laughed knowingly. “It could've been great if I had the chance to see you guys play."
"Yeah"
"Hey, I gotta go to work soon. It was nice talking with you."
"Sure, ring me back soon.
"No, sweetie. I'll see you again soon."
With that the caller hanged up and Mino leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes.
…
°March 2011
"I don't know how you find that nasty goreng thing delicious at all. I don't think I can eat Asian food for the next few weeks. Hoonie, you need to buy me a treadmill, I need to burn off all the calories I've gained with the food Yoonie is feeding me," Irene groaned.
"You know that Yoonie loves his Nasi goreng more than he loves you. You still look hot babe, and I'm still going to love you even if you turn into a whale." That earned Seunghoon a smack from Irene.
"Mino!" Seunghoon called loudly as they trudged down the narrow stairs with Seungyoon. They are spending their Saturday night on a wide basement that's been turned into an arcade station. Mino was hanging out with a few friends from school by the billiard table.
"You made it, man!" Mino and Seunghoon gave each other their usual fist bump and bro hug. "Puppy! You're here!" Mino said and wrapped his arms around Seungyoon's waist, his left hand slowly went southwards to squeeze Seungyoon's butt.
"I didn't come here so you can molest me."
"But I miss you," Mino grinned.
"How long have you been here?" Irene asked.
"About half an hour, I've been cleaning their pockets," Mino said and motioned his head over to the group of boys he was with earlier.
"Poor souls," Irene mused.
"You play?" Seungyoon asked Mino.
"Yeah, Hoon and I spend most of our time here during freshman year, do you know how to play pup?"
Seungyoon pursed his lips and caught Irene glancing at him. She winked. Instead of giving a reply, Seungyoon reached for the stick on the table and gave Mino his most innocent smile."
"Ahg! You're so cute! Pair up with me, I'll teach you," Mino pinched Seungyoon's cheeks and kissed the tip of his nose.
Mino and Seungyoon went against Seunghoon and Irene.
…
"Seungyoon's a fast learner man!" Seunghoon commented on the side as Seungyoon sank the 5th ball in.
"You're making me proud baby," Mino kissed Seungyoon's temple.
"Those that cannot do, teach" Seunghoon snickered.
"Very funny asshole"
…
2 set of innings in a row.
Irene was laughing her ass off when Seunghoon protested and wanted out of the game.
"I can't believe you know how to play pool!" Mino faced Seungyoon, unbelief in his eyes.
"I can't believe you made a bet against us!" Seungyoon replied, eyes narrowed.
"I asked if you know how to"
"And I perfectly remember I didn't say no"
"This is unbelievable! 200 bucks!" Mino doubled over, laughing.
Irene snorted, "Have you ever heard of the phrase, don't judge a book by its cover?" Mino looked at Irene then at Seungyoon.
"Seungyoon played pro at fourteen. We were on our second year in high school when he won in a national competition and then became the city representative."
"Holy shit!" Seunghoon exclaimed.
"That was unfair pup," Mino pulled Seungyoon to him and buried his face at Seungyoon's neck "but you know what, you look so fucking hot in my eyes right now, I can't wait to go back to the apartment and eat you."
That earned Mino a smack from Seungyoon.
°17 June 2015
Awake. Where am I?
The loud chatter from the nearby group of people brought Mino into consciousness.
Confusingly, he looks around and takes notice of the note in his hand.
Ah . . .
He remembers now.
Where is he? A train station.
Mino is standing in front of a closed stall at the Daegok Metro Center, he notes each passing pedestrian, all busy for whatever reason.
"Mino! Hey! Kid! Over here!" A man was shouting his name while waving his hand wildly. It made Mino's eye twitch. He definitely didn't like his name called in public, but he maintained a straight face as he goes over, accepting the handshake the man offered.
The note in his hand indicated the man's name was Joon Gook and Mino is to meet him at exactly 3pm. One of the giant LED clocks that hung like chandeliers in various places of the terminal read 02:57 in bright, blinking red lights.
Together, they walked to the ticket booth. It was a Sunday afternoon but there were students, boyscouts? And a couple of men and women in business attires bustling around the area.
Joon Gook offered to buy their tickets. The man is wearing khaki pants and a button up shirt covered by an aviator jacket, in the distance, you can easily mistake him as a police officer.
Mino on the other hand wore faded pair of jeans and a dark, long sleeved shirt, a New York Yankees cap hung low on his head.
Mino's notes indicated a place far outside the residential areas. An abandoned factory at the most Southern part of Goryeong.
"The person who called me last night seemed to be well connected with the Minhyuk guy, he mentioned your name too," Mino mentioned and caused Joon Gook to flinch, a dark gleam flashed in his eyes. Joon Gook's smile is sour when he asks, "That's why we're going to wherever were headed? That bastard Minhyuk sure is a pain in the ass even from 6 feet below the ground."
"I have a spare car to use by the station we'll arrive at," Mino abruptly changes the topic that seems to flatten Joon Gook's frown lines.
Mino doesn't like public transportations, but today, he really had no other choice.
Just for today.
"Let's go kid, we have to hurry, I want to finish this fast," Joon Gook hissed and made his way to the train cars in wait. Mino followed suit, looking from left to right before boarding on.
They got off at the last station at Bongsan-ri and walked along the rock wall that led them in front of a lone house built in the barren expanse of land. There was an old, light blue truck next to the entrance road.
Mino opens the door of the driver's seat, blasting the A/C. Joon Gook chose to stay outside, leaning on the passenger door as Mino works on the engine. Joon Gook lights up a cigarette and Mino uses the moment to look over his notes again. A polaroid of Joon Gook, his name written below and the words,
DO NOT TRUST HIS LIES
HE IS THE ONE. HE IS TAEWOON.
KILL HIM.
is written at the back. He wants to finish this fast too. He managed to hold up the entire hour of the trip, he can't afford to fuck up. He tucks everything into his shirt pocket.
With a sudden revving sound, the truck begins to vibrate and the revving became a low hum. Mino calls out, "C'mon!"
Mino steered the wheel and turned the truck around, onto the u paved entrance road.
"Damn it," Joon Gook cursed and looks at Mino, "Who the fuck was that caller? Do you know who he is?"
Mino shakes his head and said a curt, "No."
The truck descended and passed by seemingly uninhabited houses. They entered a road equally wide, but paved this time. Mino slowed the truck down and continued forward, the longitudinal abandoned building in view.
Mino turned the wheel and stops by the side of the road, the truck's engine idling.
They walk towards the back of the building that was facing the sea. With Joon Gook's back in front of Mino, he looks down to a tattoo in his right forearm, the wordrevenge in bold, black letters.
Actually, the 'someone calling him' bullshit was a lie, he just needed a reason to lure Joon Gook out.
…
Mino casually pulls out a Smith & Wesson revolver and utters, "I've found you, Taewoon," and shoots Joon Gook on the back of his head.
Bang!
Joon Gook's body bends over, a lit cigarette falls from his mouth.
Bang!
There was Joon Gook with the orange light of the setting sun as a background. A red dot is perfectly centered in his nape. He immediately fell and crashed onto the ground, face first. The skin of his face peeled away against the rough pavement. But this no longer mattered, Joon Gook is a dead man anyway.
Mino walks in front of Joon Gook, stepping over the glowing smoke, crushing it. He points the gun at Joon Gook's head and pulled the trigger.
Bang!
Joon Gook's head flinched only once.
°March 2011
Brrrrr
Seungyoon flinched as he felt his phone vibrate.
‘Flight got cancelled. They gave us tickets for tomorrow but I pulled out the tantrums over the counter and guess what, it worked! I’m taking the midnight plane. See you in the morning. Can't wait to see you.’
"She's arriving tomorrow," Seungyoon sighed.
Mino in turn breathed relief, he felt agitated the whole day with the thought of meeting Seungyoon's sister.
"What's your sister like?"
"Uhh, she's pretty, and smart and likes to kill herself with work and nags on me a lot on the phone, but she's cool. I really love her. It's been so long since she went to Florida and shouldered everything by herself, I just can't wait to see her."
"Do you think she'll like me?"
"Really Mino?" Seungyoon laughed. "I'm sure she will, don't worry and stop pouting, you look ugly when you pout."
Mino glared playfully at Seungyoon.
"Gain already adores you over the phone and during skype calls. What's there to be worried about? Just don't insult Prada in front of her, it hurts her ego."
"I'm just nervous. I never got to meeting-the-family stage in my wonderful years of dating experiences."
"It's because those 'experiences' are all one night stands, idiot."
"Shut up"
…
A woman wearing a white coat came out of the sliding doors. With her youthful looks, anyone could mistake her as Seungyoon's twin. Except that her presence screamed so much authority, Mino can barely speak as she approached them.
"Yoonie! How's my baby brother? God, I've missed you! Why are you so tall?" Gain grabbed Seungyoon's face, squished his cheeks and pampered him with kisses.
Mino thought Seungyoon would push her away or complain, but he didn't. He just let her be, not even bothered by the lipstick stains all over his face.
"I missed you, noona," Seungyoon smiled at her sister warmly, she returned the gesture.
Gain then turned her face to Mino which made him freeze. "Finally, I got to meet the boyfriend. So you're Mino, huh? Nice taste sweetheart." Gain nudged Seungyoon and winked at Mino. Seungyoon sighed. "This calls for a celebratory picture! I need to replace the one at my desk at Florida with the additional family member." Gain mused then talked to someone waiting by the rails, asking if they could take our picture.
Hearing what Gain said of being an additional family member, Mino felt pure joy and hugged Seungyoon.
Gain returned and moved in between them, her arms around both of their shoulders. "I'm happy for you two," she whispered.
Mino and Seungyoon took a glance from each other.
The man holding the camera started to count.
3 . . .2. . . 1 . . .
"Smile boys!"
°20 June 2015
Going out from the entrance of the hotel, Mino rigidly walks to his car by the roadside, a classic 1964 Ford Falcon Sprint. He throws his duffel bags at the back seat. He goes inside and puts the keys in ignition. The car doesn't start though, as Mino ducks his head, hand reaching to his temples as a thumping throb hits him. A full minute later, he blinks off the pain and the spots in his vision. Mino stares at his reflection on the rear-view mirror.
Awake. Where am I?
Car horns and indiscernible chatters buzzes in his hears.
Mino sees a tattoo of a small, black arrow on the tail of his right eyebrow, it was pointing downwards.
Instinctively, he looks down, and sees a crosswise pad on his lap with written notes on it.
Ah . . .
He remembers now.
He drives to the riverbank. His phone rings as the car engine came to life.
"So where are you?" the caller asked.
"On my way."
…
"Gain, stop it. I don't want to hear bullshits anymore."
"Bullshit? Mino it's the truth! You created a puzzle you can never solve. A race you can never finish! Do you know how many Taewoon you have created just so you can satisfy the rage inside you?! . . . I mean . . . God, Mino!" Gain ran her hands through her hair, obviously frustrated. "You've been running in a cycle of your own lies, too intent on looking for someone who is already dead!"
"I'm not lying!"
"The fuck you are!"
"Those bastards killed Seungy-"
"Seungyoon was depressed!"
"Seungyoon wasn't depressed! He was fucking murdered! We were happy!"
"No, he wasn't Mino. Seungyoon survived the attack, both of you did. And both of you suffered the effects.” Gain pulled an envelope from her messenger bag with papers . . . pictures . . . hospital records. “Seungyoon gave out, the events of the attack haunted him, he needed you . . . but you . . . You were clueless of what to do that time, you were so lost after waking up with amnesia. And Seungyoon, Seungyoon couldn't face the prospect of life with a memory-less Mino. He wanted his lover. He wanted the old Mino. But how can he see the old Mino when the Mino after the incident doesn’t even know himself? I didn’t really think he would do it sweetie, but he did. Seungyoon killed himself."
Gain sobbed, she holds out a polaroid of a man's chest with the blood writing, ‘I've done it.’ And in his stomach were additional words, Taewoon is dead. "You created this bubble where you chose to lie to yourself to be happy. To cope up with the pain. But this has to stop, Mino. I can follow you for as long as I can and we will have this conversation over and over again, no matter how many times, I don't care! Until you give up, until you accept the truth. It's time to let go sweetheart. I promised Seungyoon . . . I promised my little brother that I would bring you back. Come home with me Mino." Gain extended her hand. “Let me help you.”
The April breeze blew in, mixed in with the stench from the river.
Mino took one step backward.
Two.
Three.
"Sweetie, please. Enough of this." Gain took a step forward, "It's the weekend and the bar is closed, but I got permission to use it, I will wait for you there. I already got tickets prepared, were going to fly to Florida, we will have you treated there Mino. You can start a new life."
Gain reached out her hand again, "Let's go home." but Mino turned his back and ran.
He drives off, to nowhere in particular.
…
Mino stops in front of a building, there was a poorly painted sign in red paint, DO NOT ENTER, PRIVATE PROPERTY.
Mino takes a notepad from the small compartment in the dashboard along with a polaroid. After writing something, he looks up. Mino sees that there is an intersection up front. The left lane leads back to the river where Gain still probably is and the right lane leads to the district where the tattoo parlour is located.
Mino looks at the rear-view mirror and asks himself, "Do I lie to myself to be happy?"
He admits he does and if he wants to find another Taewoon, he will.
Mino then allows himself to forget everything Gain told him, about Seungyoon, about himself, about the fucking incident. He gains consciousness a minute later and sees the note and photograph on his lap. He drives along the intersection and makes a sharp right turn.
Gain's fate is sealed.
Mino goes inside the tattoo parlour, identifying a license plate to an old man who greets him with a smile.
°November 2011
The November wind was cold, blowing rubbish, packets, and pages of newspapers along the pavement as Mino ran across the bridge. He held the three stems of daisies he plucked on the way close to his chest.
When he reached the other side, he stood still, his breathing hitched, his heart thumping as if it would jump out of his rib cage any moment now. To an onlooker, he would've looked like a weird gaping idiot by the sidewalk. But they wouldn't know until they see what's-who he's staring at.
A fairly tall boy in his 20s stood by the riverbank. He was wearing jeans, folded twice at the bottom, brown fluffy boots that his best friend, Irene, had got him for half-off during the weekend sale, and a white cashmere top, the same one he wore the first time Mino saw him in The Inner Circle. His black, fluffy hair with its curled tips and his dumpling cheeks made him look like an adorable puppy.
Mino's steps slowed as he trudged down the stairs of the bridge, leading to a wide pedestrian lane lined with benches and couples in roller skates. The city was alive with noises-traffic, honking cars, ringing of phones, buzzing chatters, but the atmosphere still came off as peaceful.
Mino glanced down at the watch on his wrist, a vintage Heuer Carrera he got as a birthday gift.
Quarter to five.
Mino was fifteen minutes too early, but it didn't matter, for when Mino looked at him, the boy he has fallen in love with, it's like he's trapped in a happy bubble. Let the sky rain potatoes! Fuck the world! For all he cares, as long as he have Seungyoon.
They talked, and talked and talked a little more as they sat on an old bench. Seungyoon would lean his head on Mino's shoulder from time to time and they would just stare at the river, watching tourist boats chug by.
When the hands on Mino's watch struck 8, Seungyoon stood up on the raised pavement in front of Mino, smiling shyly, his left hand in the pocket of his jeans, while his right held the flowers Mino gave him.
Mino couldn't tear his eyes away from Seungyoon. He had always thought Seungyoon was beautiful.
Seungyoon held out his hands.
"Let's go home."
∞
Photographs are evidences of a time that once existed, but is now forever gone. But in Mino's case, they will always be new and true within a matter of minutes. They are timeless to him. There is no difference between the past and the present.
Mino is shaking a polaroid in order for it to develop, the action causing it to lose its color, instead of gaining.
A photograph of Gain.
Dead.
Just like his memory.
Mino drives off from Helios Bar.
̊ End