Every day, everything sucks.
That is, of course, hyperbole. It is also how I feel, unfortunately. I dodged a bullet recently. I almost had to go off my meds cold turkey, not something recommended with anti-depressants. As it is, I'm good for a while, but I'll probably ween myself off them once the current supply of refills runs dry, unless I suddenly get a better job with insurance and enough pay to allow me to see a doctor and therapist.
I feel trapped and worthless. I spend my days at work fantasizing about running away from everyone and everything, and/or killing myself. So, ya know, about the same as the past decade or so.
In some good news, I get the keys to my place today. It will allow me a much greater measure of privacy and solace, as well as opening up a greater range of cuisine, as I won't feel like avoiding the kitchen. There won't be any shitheads waiting to talk to me about stupid-ass bullshit, after all.
I listen to my Zune at work, and I often get stuck listening to music that resonates with my mood. Assemblage 23 and VNV Nation are very popular choices, and if you like darker electronic stuff, I suggest you check them out. The Akira soundtrack, especially the four long tracks, are also favorites. The chanting, relentless percussion and full, gorgeous organs make for any occasion, though.
The real standout is Michelle Freakin' Branch, though. I don't get it, but I absolutely love Michelle Branch's music. Often times, it reflects what I feel, or others, what I wish I had someone to feel for me? It's odd. It depresses me. I like it, in a weird way.
Also, the year I decide to move up here, we get more snow than they've seen in ages. Of course. Le sigh. I don't live far from work, and I drive slow. My new place is downtown, though. Wish me luck with that.
I feel like I'm struggling against... I dunno. It feels like I'm struggling for my own sanity. My anxiety spikes to incredible levels at time, and my depression is always worse afterward. I wonder if my mind can take much more. The sad thing is, of course I can. I can always take more. I have little choice. I just dream and hope that I'll snap, that I'll become catatonic or totally irrational. If my mind convinces me of some fantasy existence, then who cares about the real world?
Well, another day. Time to go get started, I suppose. I'll end this with another "funny picture," I think. I love it when someone ruins a "serious" picture.
I feel trapped and worthless. I spend my days at work fantasizing about running away from everyone and everything, and/or killing myself. So, ya know, about the same as the past decade or so.
In some good news, I get the keys to my place today. It will allow me a much greater measure of privacy and solace, as well as opening up a greater range of cuisine, as I won't feel like avoiding the kitchen. There won't be any shitheads waiting to talk to me about stupid-ass bullshit, after all.
I listen to my Zune at work, and I often get stuck listening to music that resonates with my mood. Assemblage 23 and VNV Nation are very popular choices, and if you like darker electronic stuff, I suggest you check them out. The Akira soundtrack, especially the four long tracks, are also favorites. The chanting, relentless percussion and full, gorgeous organs make for any occasion, though.
The real standout is Michelle Freakin' Branch, though. I don't get it, but I absolutely love Michelle Branch's music. Often times, it reflects what I feel, or others, what I wish I had someone to feel for me? It's odd. It depresses me. I like it, in a weird way.
Also, the year I decide to move up here, we get more snow than they've seen in ages. Of course. Le sigh. I don't live far from work, and I drive slow. My new place is downtown, though. Wish me luck with that.
I feel like I'm struggling against... I dunno. It feels like I'm struggling for my own sanity. My anxiety spikes to incredible levels at time, and my depression is always worse afterward. I wonder if my mind can take much more. The sad thing is, of course I can. I can always take more. I have little choice. I just dream and hope that I'll snap, that I'll become catatonic or totally irrational. If my mind convinces me of some fantasy existence, then who cares about the real world?
Well, another day. Time to go get started, I suppose. I'll end this with another "funny picture," I think. I love it when someone ruins a "serious" picture.