I am poor company for myself
So Anne has been on the Appalachian trail for about a week now. She'll be there for a couple of months. I miss our phone conversations. The next few months are going to be a lot of empty weeknights where I come home from work exhausted and don't say a word to anyone.
In random news, the major duties that Temp #2 and I were doing at work got a lot easier. Temp #2 has been doing most of it while I've been training for more things. I'm becoming more of an auditor of other people's work than anything else. I'm already fixing a lot of things that other people screw up.
I'm working 9 hour days while we catch up on things, and with the long commute, a lot of which is walking, I'm fucking worn out. I look forward to the weekend as a time to recharge. When it gets here, I remember that I always come face to face with the meaninglessness of my own existence during this time of the week. If I don't have Tomorrow's Bullshit to focus on, my mind has time to question why I'm bothering with any of this shit.
And, ya know, I'd like to get back into counseling. I'd like to go to a good doctor and see if they recommend getting back on meds. But I don't have health insurance, and I am far too exhausted and depressed (which kills my motivation) to bother looking into "cheap" alternatives. The only cheap I can or want to afford right now is free, and seriously, that costs time which, with the 9 hour days and hour-plus commutes, is a precious commodity for me. Weeknights, I barely have time to eat, run the dish washer and get ready for bed.
And that's it. That's my life. And I can't even really think of any good alternatives to it. I'm fucking sick of trying to get a job in the insurance industry. I'm not really good at anything that anyone's willing to pay for. I don't enjoy doing anything that one could make a living at.
sigh With no doctor and no meds, is it any wonder so many members of my family self-medicate? Why the fuck did I choose to be so resolved about that??
In random news, the major duties that Temp #2 and I were doing at work got a lot easier. Temp #2 has been doing most of it while I've been training for more things. I'm becoming more of an auditor of other people's work than anything else. I'm already fixing a lot of things that other people screw up.
I'm working 9 hour days while we catch up on things, and with the long commute, a lot of which is walking, I'm fucking worn out. I look forward to the weekend as a time to recharge. When it gets here, I remember that I always come face to face with the meaninglessness of my own existence during this time of the week. If I don't have Tomorrow's Bullshit to focus on, my mind has time to question why I'm bothering with any of this shit.
And, ya know, I'd like to get back into counseling. I'd like to go to a good doctor and see if they recommend getting back on meds. But I don't have health insurance, and I am far too exhausted and depressed (which kills my motivation) to bother looking into "cheap" alternatives. The only cheap I can or want to afford right now is free, and seriously, that costs time which, with the 9 hour days and hour-plus commutes, is a precious commodity for me. Weeknights, I barely have time to eat, run the dish washer and get ready for bed.
And that's it. That's my life. And I can't even really think of any good alternatives to it. I'm fucking sick of trying to get a job in the insurance industry. I'm not really good at anything that anyone's willing to pay for. I don't enjoy doing anything that one could make a living at.
sigh With no doctor and no meds, is it any wonder so many members of my family self-medicate? Why the fuck did I choose to be so resolved about that??